35. Mikhail

As soon as Viviana stretches an arm over her head and strokes her fingers through her golden blonde hair, I regret every morning I've ever slipped out before sunrise.

This is a little slice of the cabin I can keep. Even with a war raging just outside the gates, I can wake up next to my wife every morning.

Her lips purse and she rolls onto her side, facing me. Her eyes are still closed, but I see them shifting beneath her lids.

I lay my hand softly over her cheek.

Suddenly, her eyes snap open. She jerks away so hard she almost falls off the bed. She would have, except I loop an arm around her waist and haul her against me.

Her heart is thundering. "You scared me," she breathes when she comes back to her senses. Every muscle in her body is tense. Her eyes are wide, pupils dilated. She's in fight-or-flight mode in her own bed.

"I didn't know sleeping next to my wife would be so shocking."

"Only recently." As soon as she says it, her mouth curves into a frown. "I'm sorry. I know you've been busy."

I flatten my hand on her lower back. Her tank top is twisted around her ribs and I can feel her sleep-warm skin against my bare chest. It's been too long since we've been this close and my cock is standing up and taking notice.

"I have been busy, but I shouldn't take it out on you."

She peeks up at me beneath long lashes. "You're talking about last night?"

"I had a bad day." I press a kiss to her neck, where the early morning light is painting her gold. I can see her pulse fluttering. "Instead of letting you make it better, I decided to be on my own. I can tell you right now that it was the wrong choice. This is where I should have been."

Her hand wraps lightly around the back of my neck, but she's still rigid. Her body is as stiff as a board underneath me. Even when I kiss the hollow of her throat again, she seems to pull back.

I lift up on my elbows, eyebrow arched. "You're mad."

"No. I'm not. I'm really not. I'm—" Her teeth sink into her lower lip, pulling at it. "I'm just tired."

I nip at her collarbone. "Let me wake you up. Make it up to you."

Her shirt slides higher and I band my hands around her ribcage. I trace my thumbs underneath the soft swell of her breasts, working over the point of her nipples. Viviana shivers, but her jaw is still set.

"You're going to make me work for it, huh?" I almost have to force her stiff legs apart with my knee before I can settle between them.

"It's not that."

I work my fingers up her legs, trying to stroke some warmth into her. Goosebumps trail my touch. When my hands slide under the short hem of her shorts, the front of her panties is soaked.

"I know it's not a question of whether you want it." I smirk, but she won't even look at me. Her eyes are fixed on the ceiling.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, alarm bells are ringing. But I don't pay them any attention. I can't. Not when she's bare and wet beneath me like this.

"Let's play a game," I whisper, kissing my way up her thigh. "Let's see how long you can stay mad at me while you're screaming my name."

On instinct almost, her legs shift open. I manage to flick my thumbs under the thin material of her panties before she snaps them closed.

"I need to shower."

"What a coincidence," I growl, looping my arms beneath her back and lifting her against my chest. "Me, too."

She laughs, but it's strangled, hesitant. "I think I'm just… out of it this morning. I'll shower and then?—"

I circle my mouth around her breast, wetting the thin material of her shirt until it clings to her pebbled skin. She moans, arching into me even as she presses on my shoulders.

"I'll shower and then we can t-talk," she rasps, already breathless.

"It'll be hard to talk with my tongue buried inside of you," I murmur, lavishing her other breast with the same attention. "Even harder when you're screaming for mercy and begging me for more."

She whimpers. "Mikhail… you're making this hard."

"Hard… like this?" I lower her against my jutting erection, sliding along her perfect ass until she buries her fingers in my back. Finally, she's warm and languid in my arms. "I'm going to fuck you just like this if you don't stop me, Viviana."

She nuzzles her face into my neck, breathing heavily. She doesn't say anything, but she doesn"t need to. The way her body sinks against me says more than enough.

"Good girl." I shift her panties to the side. "It's better we do this before your shower, anyway. I don't want the doctor to see the mess I'm going to make of you."

All at once, she's rigid again. She jerks back, falling on her ass on the mattress and staring up at me with wide eyes. "What doctor?"

She's so close to the bulge in the front of my sweats that I can't look at her without imagining her mouth wrapped around me. Maybe that's why I initially miss how pale she is. The dark circles under her eyes. The fear burning just under the surface.

I fist her hair and tip her head back. "I made you an appointment with the best OB-GYN in the state."

I'm seeing the world through a sex-crazed haze. It's the only explanation for how Viviana is able to dart away from me and make it to the bathroom before my now-empty hand even falls to my side.

She streaks across the room, and there isn"t enough blood going to my brain for me to do anything other than follow her stupidly.

Viviana is leaning over the sink. Her knuckles are white on the edge of the countertop and she's taking deep, slow breaths.

"Is the morning sickness back?" I grab the trashcan under the sink and place it next to her.

"No."

"But you're sick," I guess. That"s the only thing that makes sense. The only reason she"d throw herself out of bed rather than let me touch her.

"No." Her voice wavers. Dimples appear in her chin as her lower lip wobbles.

She's about to cry and I'm standing here with a fucking erection. I ignore the throbbing below my waist and grab Viviana's chin. I gently tilt her face so she's looking at me. "Talk to me."

"I'm not pregnant," she blurts.

The words bounce off my brain and skitter away. They're there and then gone again, impossible to grasp. I don't even try. I'm still holding Viviana's face in my hands, staring down at her blankly.

She turns towards me, reaching for me for the first time since she woke up. Her cold fingers loop around my wrists. "I'm so sorry, Mikhail. I should have told you?—"

"Told me what?" I ask.

I misunderstood.

She misspoke.

That's all. Something here is wrong and I'm going to figure out what it is.

Her face falls. As she pulls away—dropping my wrists, turning her face away from my grip—some of the initial rush of words come rolling back.

"You're not pregnant." It's not a question or a statement; it's some in-between thing I can't name just yet.

Everything in my life is up in the air at the moment. The only thing that makes any fucking sense to me is this woman and our son and the family we're building.

And now…?

"I should have told you sooner, but I didn't know how." Tears roll down her cheeks, but I don't even know if they're real.

Viviana lied to me. Again.

She kept something from me. Again.

And I didn"t notice.

Again.

"You tell me by fucking telling me," I snarl.

She flinches and I back away from her. For the first time in my life, I'm worried I'll hurt her.

Hours and hours of conversations play back in my head. I search through every word, trying to understand how we ended up here.

"Mikhail, I?—"

"Is that what the cabin was about?" I snap.

It makes sense now. Of course there was some dark underbelly. No moment in my life can exist without one. Dante almost drowning wasn"t enough, apparently. There had to be more. There had to be worse.

She blinks at me, softly shaking her head. "The cabin was—No! I don't even know what that means. The cabin was just… us. It was perfect."

"It was the perfect cover for you to get pregnant if you weren't already." I hate the words the moment they're out of my mouth, but I can't reel them back now. It's too late. "Is that what happened? You lied to me about being pregnant. When it worked, you decided to make it real. You needed a baby to keep me close."

She clutches at her chest like I hit her. In a way, I did. "Mikhail!" she gasps. "No! I didn"t. I wouldn't." She looks horrified at the suggestion, but it wouldn't be the first time her acting had me fooled.

"You did. And now, you're realizing it didn't work and you have to come clean," I continue numbly. My throat burns like I'm spewing acid. It might as well be, based on the way Viviana stumbles back.

"You really think I'd do that to you?" she asks with a quiet kind of horror.

I don't know what to think. About anything.

"I'll cancel the appointment."

"Mikhail…" She reaches for me, but I'm already out of the bathroom. I'm already pushing through the door of our bedroom.

Our family was the one thing I thought I got right.

Now, I don't even have that.