Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Some things were inevitable, like when someone said spider you jumped around like a lunatic hoping you got it off you, or how when you found out your best friend married your nemesis, it was only natural to scream. I was sitting in Rusty’s truck, good ol’ Bow, unusually quiet. Every time I opened my mouth, I closed it, not knowing how to approach the subject. Dex and Emma had to talk me down from marching out of the store and bitching out Rusty as soon as he came to pick me up. They reminded me that who he married was none of my business.

I knew it wasn’t, but it still kind of was.

So there I sat with my mouth closed as Rusty talked about all the things I missed while I waited for him to tell me he married Jana Moore.

Excuse me, Jana Hayward.

“What’s wrong, Gabby? No need to be nervous. ”

Oh, my quietness wasn’t nerviness. Fury maybe, but not nerves. I bit my lip to stop myself from saying something out of line. I already knew where we were heading. Rusty’s grandad had purchased land back when an acre didn’t cost an arm and a leg, and he always said it was for Rusty to build his home. I’d been on that land. Heck, we partied on that land. Since it was Rusty’s property, no one could say shit unless we got caught drinking; then that was another different story. Biting my lip only worked for so long. When I saw the lovely two-story house with a wraparound porch, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I would not win friend of the year any time in the next ten years. I was sure of it.

“Jana Moore, you married Jana?”

To my surprise, Rusty laughed. It made me want to slap him. Maybe he was having a come to Jesus and realizing that he picked wrong.

God, I was such a bitch, wasn’t I?

“I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out. I figured Eugene told you.”

“So, it’s like for real, for real, like you legitimately married Jana Moore?”

Rusty sighed as he parked the truck and turned to look at me, his face serious. “I love her, Freya. And if you want back in my life, then you better get behind it because that girl isn’t who you think she is. Just like you aren’t who she thought you were. Give her a chance, okay?”

It was safe to say I would have to get behind it. I got chills just at the thought of losing Rusty again, and if him being in my life meant I had to give his wife a chance, then I had to give Jana a chance. I was already friendly with Maximilian Dunnett. Being friendly with Jana should be easy-peasy compared to that.

“Relax,” Rusty said as he patted my back. Easy for him to say. Girls loved him. Jana loved him. Me, not so much.

“Oh God, Jana is having your baby,” I blurted as an image of Jana with a round belly waiting in the deli section came to mind.

“That’s what happens when you have sex, Gabby.”

I gagged, not because Rusty had sex with Jana, but talking sex with Rusty was gross.

“Dude, TMI,” I said as I braved it and passed the threshold on his beautiful, cozy home. Jana had good taste, but that wasn’t what made their home feel cozy and homey. Sure, it’s nicely decorated, but that wasn’t what made their home look loved. It was the personal touches, the random knickknacks that made two individuals become one. It made me think of the cushy loft Ashton and I shared. We had nice things, a lot of expensive things, but it always felt so… cold. Come to think of it, we never spent too much time at home relaxing and watching movies. Must have been hard chilling at home with your girlfriend when you fucked half the bay area on the couch. I was his show-and-tell girl to parade around town.

How did I not notice things between Ashton and me change? How could I have been blind to it all? I wished I had seen it sooner. There was no excuse for how stupid I had been. I had been loved, I knew how it felt like to be treated like a queen, and I stayed blind to all of it .

When I heard Jana’s voice, I put on a brave face and hoped Rusty was right, and we both had changed.

“Freya, you made it.” Jana smiled at me as she joined us in the living room. I was trying to decide if she was being mean or sarcastic. Old habits, you know? “I wasn’t sure you would come once you figured out I married Rus.” She seemed almost embarrassed, and it made me feel bad. Now my encounters with her made sense.

“We are not who we were in high school,” I replied, earning a smile from Rusty. I wasn’t going to lie and say it was fine from there on, because there was too much history between the three of us to make us forget everything, but we were adults, so we made it work.

At first, dinner was somewhatuncomfortable, despite Jana’s being a great cook. I had many skills, but cooking was not one.

“Do you guys know what you’re having?” I asked. As icebreakers went, this was a good option. When Jana smiled and turned to look at Rusty, I could see how much she loved him. At that moment, it was like every part of her was so attuned to him it shined through.

“A girl.” She beamed.

“God, she will be the cutest little thing ever,” I said with raw honesty. “Do you have ultrasound pictures?”

Jana did me one better; she not only brought me ultrasound pictures, but she busted out their wedding album.

My hands shook as I grabbed the big white book.

“I’m going to check something in the garage. Be right back,” Rusty said. Both Jana and I knew it was just an excuse for him to leave us alone. I sat the book down and looked at it with a little sadness. I would never see my best friend get married, and that made my chest ache.

“He missed you,” Jana said. “I’m not going to lie and say I understood your friendship, because I was still harboring ill feeling toward you and I was also a little jealous of you. It made me hate youa bit.” I stared at Jana in shock. “I hope you don’t mind, but Russell explained your childhood, about your mom. He loves you like a sister, and I can tell you love him. You’re his family. On our wedding day, he still looked for you despite him not inviting you.”

“Why didn’t he invite me?” The answer scared me, but I needed it.

“Open the book, Freya,” was her reply. With shaky hands, I turned over the cover page, and my eyes watered with every page turned. Jana looked stunning; even through the pictures, I could see that it was the happiest day of her life. When I got to the bridal party photos, I was surprised to see Max in them. Max was Rusty’s best man. God, he looked so handsome, so put together, smiling and sharing with Rusty what was the happiest day of his life. Max was standing where I should have been standing by his side. Max was there for Rusty when I was halfway across the country.

A tear slid down my face. “He chose Max over me.”

“Oh God no,” Jana replied. “He had a decision to make. He wanted you there, but Max had just gotten to a good place in his life, and having you back—well, having you back would have jeopardized it. ”

“What do you mean Max had just gotten to a good place?” I was shaking a bitas I asked.

“He completelylost it after you left. He got a DUI, and his parents had to keep throwing out money for him not to end up in jail. Then he left for college and his playboy ways reached the ears of all of us here.” Hearing Jana explain the fruit of my labor made me feel cold inside; it numbed me. I turned Max into something he never was. It made me sick to think he used sex to forget about what we shared.

“I didn’t know,” I whispered.

“Is it hard now thatyou’re back?”

“He said what we shared wasn’t anything special, that we were children back then.” There was such heartbreak in that sentence, and I didn’t care to look pathetic in front of Jana.

“It will get better, Freya,” Jana said, and I hoped she was right.