7. Isaac

7

ISAAC

“Another?” Zander held up the pitcher he’d just poured a drink from.

I nodded. “Thanks.”

“Where’s your other half?” Jesse asked, looking around the bar. “I swear you need to put an AirTag on him or something.”

“Or one of those ‘If lost, return to’ stickers,” Luka added.

I smiled and picked up the beer Zander poured me. “That’s not a bad idea, actually. The AirTags. The sticker is just asking for me to put something ridiculous on it like ‘If found, please return to god,’ and then I’d have to walk around with a god nametag.”

Asa toyed with the chain necklace he wore when he wasn’t working. “Didn’t you guys do that at that church open house you went to a few months ago? You put ‘God’ on your nametag and Jamie put ‘Jesus’ on his?”

“Maybe.”

“I forgot about that,” Jesse said with a laugh. “How’d that work out for you?”

“Amazing.” I shot him a grin.

“You’re such a shit-disturber. I love it.” Asa held up his glass for me to clink.

“If you’re going to knock on my door at seven a.m. on a Saturday and keep knocking until I drag my ass outta bed so you can give me a pamphlet advertising your church’s open house, you’re gonna get some retribution.” I shrugged. “They fucked around and found out.”

“Seven a.m.?” Luka grimaced. “Who canvasses for anything that early?”

“People with no boundaries. It wasn’t the first time they bugged us at some ungodly hour to push their church on us. They used to shove a picture of Jesus with their church service times on the back under our door every morning after we had people over. Didn’t matter if it was a party or just a few of us chilling quietly. Apparently we weren’t the only ones. They finally stopped when the building manager stepped in.”

Zander ran his finger over the rim of his glass. “Sounds like the church I grew up in.”

We all swung our gazes to him.

I’d known Zander for three years but didn’t really know much about him. He was incredibly private and never talked about his personal life.

“They’re all about recruiting. Going out and spreading the good word and all that.” He ran his hand through his long hair, his eyes on the table. “Like they can annoy or guilt people into converting.”

“Thank fuck I didn’t have to deal with any of that,” Jesse said when Zander didn’t continue.

“Same,” I said. “My parents are terrible, but at least they didn’t force that shit on me.”

Luka nodded, sipping his beer and darting a quick glance at Zander.

A little niggle of awareness tickled my consciousness. Instinctively, I looked toward the dartboards. My eyes landed on Jamie and the two blondes he was talking to.

Jealousy, dark and angry, curled in my gut.

Something hard connected with my shin. “Ow.” I jumped, shifting my attention to Asa. “What the hell?”

“You’re as subtle as a wrecking ball.” He rolled his eyes.

“Huh?” I rubbed my shin. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re so clueless it’s cute.” He patted my shoulder condescendingly.

“Clueless?” I blinked at him. “I’m so confused.”

“What else is new?” Jesse quipped.

“Whatever.” I returned my gaze to Jamie.

He lifted his head, like he sensed I was looking at him, and our eyes locked.

Time, and my vision, did a weird thing where it kind of narrowed and slowed down for a second before snapping back to normal.

Before I could question what the hell that was, Jamie said a few words to the blondes, his smile polite and not the friendly one from earlier.

A second later, he broke away from them and strode toward our table.

“Sorry about that.” He slid into the seat next to me. “Got sidelined for a second there.”

“Anything interesting?” Luka asked innocently.

He shrugged. “Not really.” He slid his gaze to Zander. “But the one in pink was asking after you. I told her you’re taken.”

“Thanks,” Zander said.

He wasn’t seeing anyone as far as we knew, but that was our standard answer if anyone ever asked about him when we were out. He wasn’t a fan of picking up at bars and preferred to just hang out with the guys.

I snuck a look at Jamie. He shot me a reassuring smile.

Feeling better, I sipped my beer as everyone started talking about what superpowers they wanted and what they’d do with them.

I tried to stay engaged with everyone, but my mind kept wandering, and I found myself sneaking glances at Jamie without meaning to.

He was allowed to talk to whomever he wanted. I needed to get over myself and stop getting jealous every time he smiled at a woman before he realized how messed up I still was over everything.

Something connected with my foot under the table, hard enough to make me jump.

I glared at Asa.

He shot me a pointed look, then glanced at Jamie.

I shrugged minutely, not understanding him.

Rolling his eyes, he pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked it.

Still not sure what was going on, I watched him type something. A moment later, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

Covertly, I slipped it free and checked my texts.

Asa : you’re being obvious

I shot him a confused look. Obvious? What did he mean by that?

He typed out another text.

Asa : rein in the resting bitch face

Asa : unless you want everyone to know about you guys

I almost dropped my phone. He knew? How the fuck had he figured it out?

Asa smiled serenely and tucked his phone away.

“You look like you’re catching flies.” Jamie punched me in the shoulder. “Is Asa ruining your childhood again and pointing out all the flaws in your favorite movies?” he teased.

“You know me, I’m the ruiner of all good things.” Asa rolled one shoulder in a delicate shrug. “It’s a gift.”

I chuckled, or at least tried to. It came out sounding more like an old lawnmower engine puttering out than anything close to a laugh.

I was still stuck on Asa figuring out something happened between Jamie and me.

He was observant and usually figured shit out way before anyone else, but how the hell had he done it that quick?

I hadn’t said anything at work, barely talking about Jamie at all this past week. I’d been a bit off, still confused as fuck as to what was going on with me and Jamie, but I’d hidden it from everyone.

At least I thought I did.

But Asa knew.

Did I care?

Not really.

I still had no idea how to label myself. Straight didn’t feel right, not after having my entire world rocked while getting off with my best friend. But bi didn’t really fit either. At least I didn’t think it did.

Either way, people calling me bi—or assuming I was—didn’t bother me. The thought of them knowing Jamie and I messed around did.

As adventurous as Jamie was when it came to sex and hooking up, he was an incredibly private person and hated when people talked about his sex life.

I didn’t really give a shit what people said about me or if they wanted to talk about how I was in bed, but anything that hurt Jamie hurt me. I couldn’t risk anyone else finding out. Not until I knew what the hell was going on and that Jamie and I were okay.

Asa wasn’t a gossip, and I trusted him to keep this to himself, but it would only be a matter of time until other people figured it out too. We needed to find a way to fix our friendship and go back to the way we were.

I sipped my beer, my head swimming with a crush of thoughts.

We hadn’t talked about the kiss or hooking up, and Jamie had been so jumpy around me that any thoughts I’d had about doing it again had flown right out the proverbial window.

I’d thought about it more times than I’d ever admit, but Jamie obviously hadn’t, and I refused to put him on the spot or make things even weirder between us by pushing things.

We just needed to get over it, put it behind us, and move on.

I’d done everything I could to do just that, acting the fool and going overboard in my attempts to be “normal.”

It hadn’t helped, and we were still stuck in that weird place where we pretended like everything was fine when it felt like the world was crumbling down around us and we were becoming strangers.

I missed my best friend, and I was terrified that we wouldn’t be able to come back from this.

The next few hours were a test of patience and my acting skills as I tried to pretend like I wasn’t having an internal crisis, and I was mentally exhausted by the time we were back at the apartment.

“What’s going on with you?” Jamie asked, tossing his keys on the coffee table.

I scooped them up and walked over to the little hooks by the door to hang them up. Things tended to get lost in our apartment if they didn’t go where they were supposed to. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” he asked incredulously. “You expect me to believe that?”

“Believe whatever you want,” I said tiredly, kicking off my shoes.

“Are you going to kick me out?”

I spun toward him. He looked like he was bracing for a fight. “What?”

“Are you going to kick me out?” He wrung his hands in front of him.

“Why would I kick you out?” I asked dumbly. Where the hell had that come from?

“Because I’m a pervert who keeps fantasizing about my best friend sucking my dick.” His eyes went wide, his mouth falling open in a little O of surprise, like he hadn’t meant to say any of that out loud.

I stood stock-still, his words echoing in my ears.

He’d thought about me sucking his dick?

“Forget I said that.” He started to turn around, like he was about to run away.

“Wait,” I croaked.

He froze, his back to me.

“Jamie,” I managed to get out in a normal voice. “Look at me.”

He did, his expression eerily blank.

“You’ve thought about that?” I asked softly. My head was spinning for an entirely different reason now.

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Would it help if I said I’ve thought about it too?” I asked cautiously.

Some of his stoic demeanor slipped away. “You have?”

I nodded.

His cheeks went a little ruddy as he swallowed, his throat working.

“I have no idea what to say right now,” I confessed.

“Me either.” He raked his hand through his hair, messing up the carefully styled strands. “I’m going crazy here, Z.”

Seeing him so distressed was killing me. I wanted to run over and wrap him up in a hug, but I kept still, giving him a chance to keep talking if he needed to.

“I’m so confused.” He sighed wearily. “So fucking confused. I don’t understand any of what I’m feeling. It doesn’t matter how many times I go over it in my head. None of it makes any sense.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much me too.”

He shot me a little smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Coulda fooled me. I thought you were over it.”

I shrugged helplessly. “I’m not over it, not even close, but I didn’t know what else to do. I thought you wanted to forget about it, so I was trying to pretend like it didn’t happen.”

“I can’t forget about it.” He dragged his tongue over his bottom lip.

My body tightened. How could such a simple move affect me so much?

“I don’t want to,” I said honestly.

“Me either.” He paused. “Are you bi?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been trying to figure that out, but I’m not sure. Are you?”

“I don’t know.” He bit his lip. “Maybe?”

“You liked it? What we did?” My voice hitched on the last word.

He nodded. “Did you?”

I nodded.

Why was it so hard to talk about this? Jamie and I could spend hours, days even, discussing stupid shit, but we couldn’t have a two-minute conversation about what we were going through?

“I don’t know what to do,” he repeated, his words coming out in a rush. “I don’t want to fuck things up between us, but I can’t keep pretending like that didn’t affect me.” He let out a shrill laugh. “And by affect me, I mean completely send my life into a tailspin and make me question everything I ever thought about myself.” He shook his head, his breaths coming in quick gasps.

He was panicking.

“Jamie.” Unable to just stand there while he was hurting, I crossed the room and gripped his arms. “Look at me.”

He lifted his eyes to mine.

“Good. Now breathe.”

He sucked in a breath.

Something in my gut shifted, almost flip-flopped. Even when he was on the brink of a panic attack, he still trusted me enough to do what I said without question.

“Again,” I coached. “One more.”

He blew out the breath, his body relaxing.

“Better?”

“Marginally.” He shot me a wobbly smile. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“That’s not going to happen,” I insisted.

“How do you know that?”

“Because it won’t. I won’t let it.”

“You say that like you can just make it true.”

“Can’t I?” I asked. “You’re my best friend. You will always be my best friend.”

He chewed the corner of his lips.

“Where is this coming from?” I asked, hoping to break his spiral before it got too bad.

“I don’t know.” He huffed out a defeated sigh, his shoulders sagging. “I’m just so confused.”

“You said you think you might be bi,” I said carefully. Hopefully I wasn’t about to send him back into that spiral.

“I have no idea. I keep thinking about all these moments that are kinda murky. Like maybe I felt something for a guy, but I honestly don’t know.”

“Like what?” Letting go of his arms, I dropped my hands.

“Just some things that happened with Tim.”

“Your hockey buddy? The one you went to camp with every summer?” I asked, trying to place the name.

He nodded.

“You think you felt something for him?”

I didn’t particularly want to hear about Jamie’s maybe dude-crush, but my friendship brain was thankfully overriding my jealous asshole brain.

Jamie hadn’t seen Tim in almost ten years. It wasn’t like he was some existential threat to our friendship.

“I’m not sure. It’s not obvious or anything, but like, there was this time when we were hanging out in our room after morning skate and he was showing me some videos on his phone. We were just sitting next to each other, but I was really aware of him.”

“Aware?”

“Yeah. Like I noticed all these little things about him that I never did before. Like how big and solid he was, and how warm. And how his leg hair kind of tickled my skin. Stuff like that.” He shrugged. “But I was fifteen. A strong wind could get me hard, and I didn’t even get hard then. I just noticed stuff about him.”

“That is kind of ambiguous,” I said unhelpfully.

“And the last year we went to camp together, I was really excited to see him, like really excited.” He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip hard enough that his skin went white from the pressure. “We’d always been tight, but that summer was different. We were inseparable. If Tim was doing something, I was right there with him. Kinda like…”

“Us?” I offered softly.

He nodded. “But some random awareness and being excited to see my friend isn’t the same as dry humping you on the couch.”

My cock pulsed at the mention of our couch time.

“And we never did anything, me and Tim. I don’t even know how I would have reacted if he had tried to start something.” He shot me a pleading look. “Please tell me I’m not the only one obsessing like this.”

“You’re not,” I assured him. “I’ve done the same thing. Gone over all sorts of scenarios, tried to figure out if maybe I missed something.”

“And?” he asked hopefully.

I shook my head.

“Awesome.” His shoulders fell again.

“There’s no one moment that stands out for me, not until that night with April.”

His cheeks went ruddy, but he didn’t look away.

“I think we can both stop pretending like we don’t remember it,” I said pointedly. “I was sober.”

“I was too,” he muttered.

“And I don’t think we’re going to figure out what we are just by talking about it or trying to figure out if we missed the signs all these years.”

“Probably not,” he conceded.

“So I guess what we have to do now is decide what we want to do about all this.”

“What do you mean?” His expression was hopeful, but his eyes were guarded.

“It happened. We can agree on that, right?”

He nodded.

“We both enjoyed it, and neither of us regrets it. Right?”

“Right.” He nodded again.

“So, do you want to just put it behind us and try to move on?”

He hesitated.

“Or do you want to try and figure stuff out together?”

“What do you mean?” His tone was careful, but I didn’t miss the flash of heat in his eyes.

“We’re both trying to figure out if we’re into guys, right?”

He nodded again.

“The easiest way to do that would be to go pick up some guys and see if we like hooking up with them.”

His eyes narrowed into a glare. “I don’t like that idea.”

“Me either,” I smiled. The possessive caveman thing was kinda hot. “It makes more sense to experiment together.”

His glare melted away and was replaced by a look of pure hunger as he looked me up and down elevator-style.

My chest and neck flushed hot. Jesus, that look was doing things to me it had no business doing.

“You want to?”

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

This was either the best idea I’d ever had or the worst.

I meant it when I said he’d always be my best friend. The real question was if he’d still want me to be his when this was all over.

“Yeah.” He gently cleared his throat. “Okay.”

We stared at each other for a few beats, then burst out laughing.

“This is so weird,” he said, curbing his laughter.

“So weird,” I agreed with a grin.

“I have no idea how to do this.” Jamie shot me a crooked smile. “I feel like I’m sixteen again and trying to figure out how to kiss my homecoming date.”

“I can show you what I did to get my date to kiss me,” I said, tossing a smirk at him. “See if it works on you.”

“Okay.” He squared his shoulders like he was prepping for a duel. “Show me teenage Isaac’s moves.”

I stepped right up to him, stopping when our chests were almost close enough to touch, but not quite.

His breath caught.

Slowly, I lifted my hand and tipped his chin up the slightest bit, tilting it ever so gently to the side, like I was lining him up for a kiss. Leaning in, I stopped when our lips were a few inches apart.

“There,” I said, my voice husky and a bit rough as I traced my gaze over his lips before looking into his eyes. “That’s perfect.”

“Perfect?” he asked, his cheeks flushing pink.

“This is how you’re going to look when I kiss you later,” I murmured. “And you look perfect.”

“Jesus.” Jamie blinked a few times. “How the fuck were you so suave at sixteen? I once asked a girl if she liked cheese because I couldn’t think of a better icebreaker.”

I huffed out a laugh. “Cheese? How did that work out for ya?”

“Not great.” He grinned. “She was lactose intolerant.”

“Of course she was.” My eyes fell to his mouth again. “My homecoming date threw herself into my arms after that line, FYI.”

With a wicked grin, Jamie closed the distance between us, his lips pressing against mine in a hot kiss.

It was so different from the first time he kissed me, and his confidence, not to mention his skill, had me moaning into his mouth in no time.

“I definitely like kissing you,” he mumbled between kisses.

Fisting my hands in his shirt, I yanked him against me. “Yeah?”

He nodded, then sealed his mouth over mine again in another blistering kiss.

I’d never kissed anyone like this before. The passion and intensity were new, but it was how rough we were being, how he wasn’t careful as he crushed me against him, that made my head spin.

I’d never been that aggressive when it came to sex. I was usually the one who started things and had no problem making the first move, but I wasn’t that guy who tossed girls around or left them breathless from my kisses.

But with Jamie, it was completely different. His strength was a massive turn-on, so was being manhandled by him.

Everything about the kiss was perfect, and I didn’t bother tempering my moans or reactions. I wanted him to know how much I was enjoying it. How much I wanted him.

“Z,” he whispered against my lips, pausing the onslaught of kisses.

I was about to ask if he was okay when he pressed the palm of his hand against my stomach.

I froze, waiting to see what he would do next.

Slowly, he slid his hand down until the bottom of his palm brushed against my cock.

That feather-light touch sent a jolt of electricity through me, lighting me up from the inside.

“Jamie,” I said on a low moan.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah. You can do whatever you want to me.”

“Whatever I want?” He smirk-smiled.

I nodded.

“What if I want to do this?” He slid his hand lower and pressed his palm against my length.

I bucked into his touch, my entire body on fire.

Holy shit. Jamie was touching my dick.

“That’s good,” I managed, my voice as wrecked as I felt.

“What about this?” He gripped me, squeezing gently.

The zing of pleasure that shot through me was so strong it felt like I’d been hit with a cattle prod. “Jesus. Yeah. That’s good too.”

He chuckled, the sound throaty and affectionate. “This isn’t weird.”

“That’s good.” I resisted the urge to drag my cock through his fist. “’Cause it feels fucking amazing.”

“Yeah?” He smiled like I just told him he’d done a good job on his homework. “How does this feel?”

He stroked me a few times. It was awkward trying to do it over my clothes, but the contact was incredible—and not nearly enough.

“You like that.” He stroked me again.

“Remember how you said you fantasized about me sucking your dick?” I asked, or rather, rasped, through my dry throat.

His pupils dilated. “You want to hear about that?”

“Oh yeah.” I pressed against his hand, unable to help it.

He squeezed my length. “The first time it happened was when I was in the shower.”

The first time? I tucked that away for future reference. “Yeah?” I prompted.

“It was the night we went to the bar. When I wore the shirt.”

I kept my expression neutral, even as my mind reeled. He’d thought about it that night?

“I was jerking off, and I was trying to keep my mind blank and not think about anything.” He didn’t look away, but I could see he was embarrassed. “But just before I came, I saw you on your knees for me.”

Gently, I pushed his hand away from my dick.

He shot me a surprised look, but before he could get in his head about things, I sank to my knees. “Like this?”

“Z?” He stared down at me, his expression an adorable mix of hopeful and shy.

“Is this what you saw?”

He nodded.

I’d thought being on my knees might feel weird. Not because of power dynamics or anything like that, but because I’d never been on this side of a blowjob before.

It wasn’t, and looking up at Jamie from this position was hot.

“I never thought I’d say this, but can I suck your dick?”

He huffed out a laugh. “If you want to.”

“I want to.” I lifted my hands but paused a few inches from his fly. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

He carded his fingers through my hair and stroked them through the strands. “Is it weird to say that I kinda love that?”

“Being my first guy?”

He nodded.

“No. I feel the same with you.” Carefully, I pulled the button on his jeans free. “Hopefully I don’t suck at this.”

“Sucking is kinda the point.” He chuckled affectionately.

“Then here’s hoping I don’t suck at sucking.”

This also wasn’t like me. I wasn’t the banter during sex type. I wasn’t silent or anything, but I wasn’t a talker, and I definitely didn’t make jokes or tease like I was with Jamie.

“You don’t have to.”

I pulled the zipper of his fly down, being careful not to snag it on anything. “I told you I’ve thought about this. I want to.”

It should be weird to be chatting and pulling his dick out, but it wasn’t. It felt strange and new, but at the same time, completely normal.

Gripping the V of his fly, I pulled the material apart to reveal his dark red boxer briefs.

My mouth watered when I saw the outline of his cock, thick and hard and ready for me, under the silky material.

That answered the question of whether I actually wanted to put his dick in my mouth. A part of me had worried it might be too much for my second dude-on-dude experience, but now that I was literally face to…er, face, with Jamie’s dick, I wanted it.

“You haven’t even touched me yet, and I’m already getting close.” He let out a breathy chuckle.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”