2. Jamie

2

JAMIE

For the first time in three years, I had no idea how to act around Isaac.

I’d spent the better part of the last hour lying in bed and reliving last night, trying to understand what the hell happened and how everything had gone sideways.

After I’d worked myself up into a panic, I’d gotten my ass out of bed and gone out into the living room to see where Isaac’s head was at and how much of the night he remembered.

That conversation was the most uncomfortable one we’d ever had, and the more we talked, the more I couldn’t shake the fear that we’d irrevocably changed things between us with a stupid mistake.

We’d never had trouble talking to each other, not once in all our years of friendship and being roommates. Even the first time we met hadn’t been full of the usual awkward small talk or polite pauses as we felt each other out.

We’d spent over an hour talking about our backgrounds, hockey, and even sensitive topics like world events and politics before we’d even finished hashing out the details of a roommate arrangement.

Isaac was a master at conversation. He was charismatic and witty and radiated confidence. And he had a unique talent for making someone feel like the most important person in the world when he focused on you, like there was no one he’d rather be talking with and you were the center of his universe.

To some, he came across as fake or even manipulative, but that was only because they didn’t understand why he was like that. Isaac didn’t turn on the charm to get his way or because he was covering up his real emotions or anything like that. It was just the way he was and how he’d been raised.

Isaac could hide his emotions and feelings when he wanted, but he only did that with people he didn’t know well or people he didn’t trust.

I knew him better than I knew myself most days, and this morning was the first time he’d ever hidden himself from me.

And the first time he lied to me.

I knew he hadn’t been drunk last night. I’d spent hours watching him babysit our impromptu guests, and the only thing he’d had to drink in all that time was some water and a sports drink I’d shoved into his hand soon after we’d gotten home.

I’d also stopped drinking when he did, not feeling the party vibe as a bunch of strangers converged on our apartment and treated it like an Airbnb they’d rented out.

Isaac was very particular about his personal space. He didn’t like when people he didn’t know were in the apartment, and he hated it when people messed with his things. Part of it was growing up an only child and not having to deal with siblings fucking with his stuff, but it also stemmed from his need to be in control of his environment so he felt safe enough to relax.

Watching him spiral for hours, knowing that any attempt on my part to mitigate things would only lead to more tension, had been hell. I’d wanted to kick everyone out within five minutes of getting home, but I wasn’t like Isaac.

I’d always had trouble standing up to people, especially my friends. And they exploited that whenever it suited them. Telling people to get out of our house or stop eating all our food gave me anxiety and letting myself get worked up would have just made Isaac’s mood—and stress levels—worse.

The night had already been a clusterfuck when April and a few of her girlfriends showed up. I still didn’t know who invited them and had no idea she was even in town.

I liked April, and we’d known each other since we were kids, but we’d barely talked in the past three years. Catching up with her was fine, but her obvious attempts at trying to start up our old arrangement had made me more than a little uncomfortable, especially since she also kept hinting that she wanted to hook up with Isaac again in the same breath.

But because of my inability to confront people and not wanting to hurt her feelings by rebuffing her too harshly, I’d spent most of our conversation only half-listening and wishing everyone would just get the fuck out and leave us alone.

Just as I was about to lose my mind and cause a scene, Isaac declared the party over and kicked everyone out.

April didn’t leave with her friends, and I was too frazzled to do anything other than keep sitting with her and hoping she’d get bored now that everyone else was gone and I wasn’t making any moves to reciprocate her advances.

That was when things went off the rails, setting in motion the threesome that never should have happened.

The whole April situation was complicated as fuck. We’d had a thing for a bit in high school, and we hooked up a few times when I came home for visits during college, but it had been about sex and only sex. April was like me in that sense. She didn’t do relationships and never shied away from going after what she wanted.

Her confidence—and the fact that she was one of the only girls who’d ever pursued me instead of waiting for me to be the aggressor and chase her—was the reason we’d hooked up in the first place. Our compatibility and agreement that neither of us wanted more than sex was why it lasted as long as it did.

Finding out she’d hooked up with Isaac had been enough to sour me on our arrangement, and I’d been relieved when she announced she was moving a few months later.

Knowing that she’d fucked Isaac bothered me, and I wasn’t really sure why.

Dating multiple people within my friend’s group wasn’t uncommon, so it wasn’t even the first time a friend of mine had hooked up with the same girl as me. It never bothered me in the past, but it sure as hell bothered me when that friend was Isaac.

Maybe because he was one of the few friends I had who was just mine and wasn’t someone I’d grown up with or spent years playing hockey with.

He was my friend because he wanted to be, and he wasn’t close to anyone in my friend group. He was friendly with them, but he only knew them because of me, and sharing him with anyone, even with April, who I respected and liked as a person, made me feel stabby.

When she suggested the threesome, I’d been so shocked that I looked to Isaac for guidance instead of shutting her down immediately.

He must have been as conflicted as me because he just stared at me, his expression unreadable. That worried me, and I’d gotten distracted trying to break through his stony facade and figure out what he really thought of everything.

I saw a flicker of interest in his gaze, and April started teasing us and issuing challenges about our skills in bed, using our innate competitiveness against us until we agreed.

Most of the actual threesome was a blur, even though I’d been sober for hours at that point. I’d done my best to act like I was into it so I didn’t ruin things for Isaac and April, but I spent the majority of the time feeling awkward and waiting to be told what to do.

Then we ended up facing each other, and everything from that moment on was crystal clear and burned into my mind like a core memory. And it had nothing to do with the threesome and everything to do with Isaac.

I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off him.

I’d seen him naked plenty of times, and I’d accidentally interrupted him having sex or enjoying some solo time on multiple occasions, so it wasn’t like I’d never seen him hard, but last night was completely different than getting a few accidental peeps of him having sex or sharing some casual nudity.

I hadn’t just been distracted by his incredible body and sensual moves; I’d been captivated by them. But what had really done me in was how he hadn’t looked away from me either.

Our eyes locked like we were in some sort of mind meld. I could feel his pleasure like we shared a brain. His pleasure fueled mine, and his desire ratcheted up my own until all I could focus on, all I could think about, was him.

His stare had been so intense, so commanding, that I was powerless to break free. And more than that, I didn’t want to. I loved having his attention on me, seeing the heat in his eyes and the appreciation in his stare. Knowing that he only had eyes for me when we had an insanely hot girl between us was heady as fuck, and instead of freaking me out, it made me want more.

Then he came, his eyes never leaving mine as he shuddered and moaned, his face a mask of pleasure as he gave in to his release.

That was enough to tip me over the edge, and we came at nearly the same time.

But instead of thinking about how hot it was to have a threesome with my best friend, I’d pretended it was just the two of us. That we were jerking off for each other for no reason other than we wanted to.

That was the part of the night that was fucking with me the most.

Isaac wasn’t just my best friend; he was the person who mattered most. The one I could lean on no matter what, and the only person I’d ever been comfortable enough to fully be myself around.

And I’d gone and fucked everything up by making what should have been a fun sexual experience between buddies into something that could destroy the best friendship I’d ever had.

The scrape of furniture legs against the wood floors startled me back to reality, and I blinked a few times to clear my vision. I’d zoned out while standing at the sink, a can of some sort of cooler in one hand as I held it upside down to empty it.

My cheeks flushed hot as I put the cooler down and picked up a beer bottle.

How long had I stood like that, staring at an empty can while my mind spun? Thank god Isaac was still in the living room. I wouldn’t survive another stilted conversation like the last one.

Another scrape of furniture moving over the floor was enough to reset my brain and break me free from my spiral.

I’d already spent hours freaking out over this, and it hadn’t helped. Isaac was obviously hiding things from me, and I had no idea why. I could speculate and guess, but I wouldn’t know the truth until he told me.

Maybe his weirdness had nothing to do with me and he was dealing with his own issues surrounding the threesome. I could tell he’d been as distracted as me for most of it, and he’d probably only agreed because he thought I wanted it.

Maybe he was pretending like he didn’t remember it because he hadn’t enjoyed it? Or maybe he was trying to spare me from having to talk about it because he knew I was struggling and didn’t want to stress me out even more?

My chest tightened. Isaac was always looking out for me. He was the best friend I could have ever asked for, and I wasn’t about to let one mistake ruin things between us.

Fuck that.

Squaring my shoulders, I put the now-empty beer bottle down and headed into the living room to help him move the furniture back into place.

“You’re never going to get your security deposit back if you scratch up the floors,” I said, coming up behind him as he dragged the heavy couch across the room.

He tossed me a smirk over his shoulder. “Pretty sure I’ve forfeited that a half dozen times already. Are we forgetting when I had to fix that basketball-sized hole in the wall two weeks after you moved in?”

Some of my nerves faded, and a relieved smile spread over my lips. This was the Isaac I knew.

“How could I forget? Especially since it was my back you bounced the ball off before it made that hole.” I bent to grab the other end of the couch, but he tugged it out of reach with a laugh. “How about you pause for a second so I can help you?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” He grinned and stood still so I could pick up the other end. “And it was your butt, not your back, the ball bounced off. In fact,” he continued as we carried the couch over to its original place. “It’s your butt’s fault, not mine.”

“Kinda like how it’s my fault we broke that picture frame because you threw a shoe at me and I deflected it into the frame?” We put the couch down on the floor.

“It wasn’t a shoe. It was a Croc. And I didn’t throw it at you. I tossed it in your general direction as you just happened to walk into its path.”

His grin was wide, and his eyes were bright with humor as he used his foot to nudge the couch into the right spot.

The last of the tension in my shoulders melted away. Isaac was okay, and he was back to his usual self.

Now I just needed to get over my issues so we could forget it ever happened and go back to the way things were.