Chapter 2

Gavin deposits me on the couch and wraps my fingers around an icy bottle of beer. I down half the bottle in one go. The cold brew sliding down my throat should feel refreshing, but I barely feel anything at all. Everything is numb. Well, no, not everything. There's a throbbing emptiness in the middle of my chest, a hole where my heart used to be.

Gavin drops into the armchair across from me with his own bottle. His curly hair is so frazzled, it looks like a halo around his head. His cheeks are gaunt and his eyes are sunken. He looks like he's lost several pounds since the last time I saw him.

"You look like shit."

He huffs a chuckle before taking a long swig of his beer. "Look who's talking."

My half-hearted attempt at a smile ends up more like a cringe. "It hasn't been a great year." If I'm honest, I can't remember the last time things were even remotely good. The yelling, the slammed doors, the storming out of the house. Lucy and I couldn't be in the same room without one or both of us turning the screws on the other. "It's official. Signed the papers this morning." And then hopped on the first train to New York.

"Christ. Sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not."

Gavin drops his gaze and looks off to the side, but he doesn't say anything. I wouldn't blame him if he does. He tried to warn me back then and I didn't listen. Swept away by young love. Ha, right. More like caving under expectations to marry a nice girl, buy a house I can't afford, and start popping out the next generation of Pattersons. I thought that was what I wanted… until I got it and realized it wasn't what I wanted at all.

I drain the rest of my beer and Gavin wordlessly goes to get me a fresh bottle.

"So what now?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Figured I'd sleep on your couch for a while."

"What about your job at the gym?"

"You mean the gym owned by Lucy's brother?"

Gavin winces. "Right. Forgot that part."

"Maybe I'll run away and start a new life in New York." If it's worked so well for Gavin, then it could work for me.

Gavin's gaze snaps to me, surprise and hurt flashing in his eyes.

"Fuck." I drag my hand down my face. "Sorry, dude. I just…" have gotten used to lashing out with passive-aggressive comments that hit too close to home.

"That's okay."

But I can still hear the wariness in Gavin's voice. He doesn't deserve that from me. He's never been anything but supportive and in my corner—even when he had to watch me drive my life into the ground.

"No, it's not okay." I shift forward to rest my elbows on my knees. "My head's been all messed up for too long. I need to get away and reset, you know?"

"Yeah, I do know." Gavin pushes himself to his feet and comes over to clap me on the shoulder.

I put my hand on top of his and some of the antsy restlessness that's plagued me for months on end seems to melt away. "Thanks, dude."

He squeezes my shoulder. "Anytime. Let me get some sheets for the couch."

When his hand slides out from under mine, a part of me wants to snatch it back and hold it against my cheek. I shake my head. God, I really am a fucking mess, so desperate for something that feels real and good and safe that I want to nuzzle Gavin's hand.

I run my palm down my thigh and curl my fingers around my knee so I don't reach for him. This clinginess will pass. I just need some time to straighten my brain out. Then I can figure out what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of my life.