Chapter 19

We take showers—separately because I don't want to risk pushing Beau's newfound sexual revelations too far—then meet back on the couch, both dressed in pajamas.

"So…" Beau taps his fingers on his knee.

I almost wish we smoked. That must be why people did that back in the day, right? To cut through this unbearable awkwardness?

"So," I echo him, equally at a loss for what to do now.

"Time for bed?" Beau raises his brows in a hesitantly hopeful expression.

Bed. Right. He must want me to get lost so he can process what we did. Or maybe freak out about it. Either would be fair.

I jump to my feet. "Yes, time for bed. I'll see you in the morning. Good night." I turn for my bedroom and make it two steps before I realize he's following me.

"What?" he asks when I turn to cast him a questioning look.

"Were you… did you…?" I point toward the bedroom, not really sure what I'm trying to ask.

"Time for bed, right? We're going to bed."

We'regoing to bed. As in, the same bed. My eyebrows shoot up. Beau wants to spend the night with me?

It's not that we've never slept in the same bed before. We have. But never after we traded orgasms. This is different.

"Unless you don't want me to…" He takes a step backward. "I can stay out here if you want. Sorry, I didn't mean?—"

"No! You can!" I grab his arm before he can back away anymore. "I mean, yes, I want you…" I swallow down the sudden panic rising in my throat, "… with me. That is, if you want… to be."

The smile Beau gives me melts all the awkward embarrassment away. I love that smile. It's so innocent and pure without a single ounce of guile. It's Beau at his most unguarded, most honest, and I cherish it every time he graces me with it.

"I want to be," he says. He slips his hand into mine the way he did on the subway, our fingers intertwined, and I lead the way into the bedroom.

I go to the right side of the bed. He goes to the left. A thought occurs to me. "Is that the side you normally sleep on?"

Beau studies the bed for a moment before he chuckles. "Yeah, it is."

It doesn't mean anything. And yet, my heart swells with how well we fit, even in this minuscule, insignificant way. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, whether Beau's freak out is waiting for the light of day. I don't know what we'll become, or whether our friendship will survive this. But I don't care. For now, in these few hours we have left of the night, I'm going to take what I've always wanted. I'm going to take Beau and not think about the consequences.

We climb into bed and wordlessly turn toward each other. Beau drags me into his side until my head is pillowed on his shoulder. I wrap my arm around his waist and hook an ankle over his. I want to stay awake forever and savor being held by him. I want to imprint every second onto my memory in case this is all I'll ever get. But despite myself, my eyes grow heavy and start drifting shut.

I'm inches away from unconsciousness, in that place where everything feels like a dream. I feel Beau's lips press against my forehead and his arms tighten around me. I hear him whisper, "Goodnight, Gavin," and there's something in his voice that I'm not alert enough to identify. I try to say goodnight back, but it comes out as a mumble. That's okay, I'll remember to tell him tomorrow.