Chapter 46

I pace the house again, the way I have been doing most of the morning. It’s become a route, from the lobby through the halls to the ballroom, out onto the terrace, down into the kitchen and back. There’s no point sitting still, I can’t settle long enough to do anything. Rafe is arriving very soon.

Last night we talked on the phone for a long time, longer than we have since he had to return to England. Afterwards, I had the best night’s sleep I’ve had since he left. This morning, I cooked some empanadas for him, the first meal I’ve prepared that hasn’t been just heating something out of a tin. But now, as the time inches closer to when he’s due to arrive, I’m like a nervous horse, skittish and jumping at my own shadow.

My heart constricts when I hear a car on the driveway, and then suddenly he appears like a golden vision. I almost knock him over as I leap at him, and he drops his bags to clasp me tight .

I kiss him long and hard, tears of relief and joy running down my face.

“Nino de oro,” I breathe when our lips part. “I thought you weren’t coming back.” I kiss each part of his face between every word, and still, it’s not enough.

“Flo, baby,” he whispers. “I’m sorry. I won’t leave again.”

“Baby?” I noticed this has slipped in a few times.

“Well, you call me nino, and I’m older than you, so surely you must be baby. . . but in truth, I like it,” he says, a smile lighting up his face.

“I love it,” I say, tucking my head into his shoulder. “I’ve never been anyone’s baby before.”

He holds me tight in his arms, and my world, which has been spinning out of control, finally starts to slow enough for the nausea to subside, but it’s still off-kilter.

I allow Rafe enough time to get to his room and start unpacking before I bring up the elephant in the room—or rather, who definitely isn’t in the room.

I sit on his bed and hold a pillow to me, hugging it for comfort.

“What are we going to do about Con?”

He pauses in his unpacking. “Still nothing from him?”

“No. Why didn’t he want us?” It comes out as a wail.

Something twists in his face, and he looks like he’s about to crumble. Rafe climbs onto the bed and lies next to me. His eyes are wet, which accentuates the gold flecks in them, lending them a fragile beauty. He looks up at me.

“Flo, I don’t understand it,” he says. I let go of the pillow and lay beside him. He reaches out and traces my face with his fingers.

“I love you, Flo, in all the ways Con described and more. I hated every minute of being away from you. But while half my heart is full like a meadow of blooming flowers, the other half feels empty and desolate.” He pauses, and I catch his hand in mine. Turning it over, I press a kiss on his wrist. He loves me , he loves me, rings through my brain.

“I remember the exact moment I discovered I was in love with you,” I whisper, trailing kisses across the palm of his hand. “That day in Park Güell, the realisation hit me so hard I nearly fell over.”

“I thought you just stumbled.” He smiles at the memory.

“That was me falling for you,” I murmur, leaning down to kiss his beautiful lips.

“I’m sorry,” he says when I release him. “This is all my fault. I wanted to taste everything, sample the world. If I hadn’t?—”

“No.” I stop him. “At first, I might have been reluctant to want to share you. I won’t lie about that.” I see his brow crease slightly that he might have caused me pain, and I want to kiss it away. “But I liked Con, a lot. So it was my decision to let him in. That grew in a different way. There was no arrow to the heart, but it was more like a nurtured plant. And now... and now ...” I gulp, trying to stop the tears that have never been far from the surface all week. If I let them go, it’s going to be ugly. “Now it feels like I’m missing a limb. And all the time, I keep thinking I should have told him how I felt—like I should’ve told you. Maybe then he wouldn’t have left.” I press my eyes shut and lie on my side. Rafe shifts slightly to lie facing me. As I open my eyes, he touches his forehead to mine. We just look at each other, our sadness mingling in a combined grief. Neither of us moves, not willing to break this moment, not knowing what to do next, or how to move past this.

Then Rafe blinks. “Do you hear something?” he whispers.

I strain, listening carefully, and hear the unmistakable sound of a guitar and a voice I’d recognise anywhere.

We sit up, trying to work out where it’s coming from. Rafe makes it out of the door a fraction before me, but it’s neck and neck down the stairs as we race through the house and wrench the front door open.

Constantin is standing there with his guitar, singing Enrique Iglesias’s “Somebody’s Me.”

He finishes the song and takes a deep breath. His face is creased like he’s in pain.

“That was my apology song. I’m ... I’m so sorry. You two are so good together and I thought... you would be better off without me. That you don’t need me. But I need you and if it’s not too late...”

Rafe goes to move, but I catch hold of his arm. Anger mixes with the relief that Constantin wants to come back.

“You’re going to make me beg, aren’t you?” Constantin asks.

“It’s very tempting, but it’s not about that, Con. Right at the start of this relationship, we agreed to communicate. So we didn’t get hurt. That wasn’t just about who could kiss or fuck who, it was about everything. And you hurt us, Con, in here.” I thump my chest for emphasis. “You should’ve talked to us. If you had doubts, you should’ve said something instead of running away.”

“Yes, Wis said I stuck my head up my arse.”

“Well, he’s right. You hurt us all. I don’t know, Con. I don’t know if I can go through that again.”

His face drops as he takes in what I’m saying. But if he wants to come back, he has to fight for this. For us .

“I’m so sorry. I fell into an old pattern. I know that’s not good enough. I can see that now. Please let me back. Please. I promise you both it won’t happen again.”

“You’ll talk to us first?”

“Absolutely.”

I don’t know if I want to kiss him or hit him for what he’s put us through, but he looks so forlorn that I just go to him and put my arms around him. Rafe joins me and clings to us both.

“Con,” I say against his chest. “You know I hate you right now. I love you, but I also hate you.”

His answer is to wrap his warm, strong arms around us both and say, “I hate me too right now.”

My heart is pounding in my ribcage, the swell of emotions too much. It’s like a buildup of electricity that needs discharging, the same way lightning needs to strike the ground. Constantin explained his actions, and whilst I understand them, I’m still not ready to forgive him, not just yet. I expected to feel whole again, but I’m too keyed up. I look over at Rafe and he still wears a slightly bewildered expression, like he’s still processing.

“Con, I think you need to apologise more.”

“I—” he starts, and I place my fingers against his lips.

“Not like that.”

He tilts his head at me, and I see his eyes darken as he catches my meaning. He grabs my hand and one of Rafe’s and leads us inside, kicking the door shut and pulling us up the stairs with him. I direct them into my room.

I shut the door, and he pushes me up against it.

“I’m sorry,” he utters in a low, gravelly voice before he kisses me. Then he lines Rafe up next to me, muttering the same words before he kisses him as well.

When he draws back, he frowns slightly, swinging his head between us.

“See, this is the problem. How can I choose? ”

“You never have to,” I say, dropping to my knees and taking the decision out of his hands.

I unbuckle his belt and pull down his jeans to release his cock, watching it bob in front of me. “I thought I was apologising,” he chuckles slightly.

“You will,” I say before taking as much as I can into my mouth in one go. He returns to kissing Rafe as I ply my tongue to him, enjoying the little twitches his pelvis makes under my touch.

I pop off him and stand, knowing exactly what I want. I peel off my T-shirt and instruct Constantin to finish getting undressed. I kiss Rafe and then explain it to him, checking in with him that he’s all right with it.

“Fuck yeah, I want to try that,” he says, pulling his own T-shirt off and undressing.

I find some lube and condoms and toss them onto the coverlet.

Then I lead Rafe to the bed and ask him to kneel up. I kneel in front of him, and we kiss. I grab his arse and pull us closer, so we’re pressed chest to chest, our cocks grinding against each other. I know I’m doing this mostly to give Constantin a show to prove to him just what he’d be missing. I hear him groan, and look over at him fisting his own cock. I smirk at him, and he gives me a dark, lustful look. He gets the message that he understands, but as punishments go, it could be a lot worse. I return to kissing Rafe senseless, enjoying him trying to find some friction against me.

I lie back on the bed and pull Rafe on top of me. He kisses down my chest, but he doesn’t waste too much time, feeling the urge as much as I do.

He gives my cock a couple of long, slow sucks before sitting back on his heels.

He turns his head to flash a smile at Constantin, who comes over and kneels behind him, kissing the back of his neck.

Rafe picks up the condoms and passes one to Constantin. I see him murmur against Rafe’s neck, who nods. I love how he cares and checks in with Rafe—consent is sexy.

Constantin runs his hand down Rafe’s back and pushes him forward, so he leans over me on all fours. I take the condom packet off him and open it, sheathing him as Constantin does the same to himself. I pop open the lube, squirting some into my hand before taking Rafe’s cock and slowly running it down, up, and down, watching him relax as Constantin lubes his fingers and gently preps him. I enjoy seeing how much he loves this, and he’s soon thrusting into my hand before pushing back onto Constantin’s fingers. Constantin withdraws and coats himself with more lube before lining up with Rafe’s hole.

“You ready, precioso ?” Constantin murmurs and Rafe nods. Constantin presses forward slowly and a smile forms on Rafe’s face.

“Wow, that feels good,” he whispers, and I smile with him as I know exactly what he means. Constantin bottoms out and stops for a minute, letting Rafe get used to the feel of him before gripping his hips and giving a few slow thrusts.

I lean up and give Rafe a quick kiss before I get on my knees and back up to him. Feeling his cock against my entrance, I push back, taking all of him in one go.

“ Unnngh ,” Rafe lets out, and I huff a laugh. Then Constantin starts to move, and I feel the power of his thrusts transfer through Rafe and into me. I brace my forearms and let them pound into me. It’s glorious and I give in to the motion. Feeling the delicious way he nudges my gland elicits a deep moan. Rafe pecks kisses across my back and a warmth builds in me. Only now does my brain settle, and my body feel grounded and wholly connected to those I love. I turn my head to see Rafe twist his body to kiss Constantin, then he leans down to capture my lips too.

Rafe shudders as he comes first. The force of it as he pegs my prostate once more forces me over the edge and I nearly collapse in ecstasy. Constantin holds on to us both for a couple more thrusts before he plasters himself to Rafe’s back—also spent.

He withdraws from Rafe, as I slide off him and crumple onto the bed. Rafe crashes down beside me, panting.

“Holy fuck, that was incredible.” He laughs and whoops with joy. I catch his euphoria and laugh with him. Constantin cleans us up and crawls up the middle of the bed. We both snuggle into him as he puts an arm round each of us.

“Am I forgiven yet?” he whispers into my hair.

I look at him with a sly smile. “Maybe.”