Chapter 17

In gym on Monday morning, I found Hunter leaning against the bleacher wall with his arms folded. I headed toward him, and when I was halfway across the gym, his gaze lifted to meet mine. The side of his mouth curled into a smirk, and even though I thought I'd gotten used to the bruising, his face was still shocking.

"Alice." It was becoming a habit of his to say my name in greeting, and it made my heart stop for the briefest moment before resuming at full speed as if trying to make up for the lost blood flow.

Despite our numerous conversations, my sudden shyness was suffocating. "How are you?"

He crossed his ankles as he shifted beside me. "Peachy keen. You?"

"Yeah, same." We both surveyed the gymnasium, leaning shoulder to shoulder against the folded bleachers. "What'd you do the rest of the weekend?"

He shrugged. "I played some basketball, studied for a test, nothing too interesting. You?"

I'd spent most of my weekend trying not to text Hunter, but that wasn't something a normal person shared in conversation. "My brother was super hungover all weekend, so we mostly binge-watched Netflix."

Chris had woken to a screaming headache on Saturday morning that reportedly lasted all weekend. True to his word, he didn't forget my dorky smile, so I also spent half of my weekend dodging his questions and teasing.

Hunter stiffened, and I followed his dark gaze. Scott bounded toward us from the locker room. We both fell silent, and Scott beamed in response. "Don't stop talking on my account."

Hunter inspected him the same way Chris had inspected a dead squirrel we'd found in our shed last summer. "Do you need something?"

"What? I can't say hey to my own brother?" Scott stretched one arm toward Hunter in what appeared to be a friendly gesture, but Hunter's murderous expression stopped him.

"If you're going to touch me, you better wait until you have three of your friends here to help you defend yourself." Hunter's voice was calm, but I didn't blame Scott for dropping his hand. I almost stepped back myself.

Scott's eyes flashed with hatred, his smile gone, but instead of keeping his gaze on Hunter, his eyes landed on me. "I'm concerned about you, Alice."

I froze, staring at him, but Hunter rolled his eyes. "Don't you have anything better to do? Like go shine your lacrosse stick or some shit?"

Several people milled around the attendance line while others took turns shooting a basketball. We attracted lingering glances of interest from all corners of the gym.

Scott waved his hand toward Hunter in dismissal, his gaze on me. "Do me a favor and give us a moment."

Hunter let out a hollow laugh, remaining right where he was. "And why the fuck would I do that?"

"Fine, your funeral. This might get awkward." Scott turned toward me, attempting to block Hunter from the conversation with one shoulder. "Listen, Alice. I know you're going through some kind of phase, or whatever this is." His eyes traveled down the length of me in distaste. "But your friends are concerned, and as Margo's boyfriend, I should tell you—you shouldn't have to lower yourself to suicidal schizos just because you're trying to make a statement."

He turned back to Hunter, eyes wide with apology. "Sorry you have to hear this. I know your deluded brain probably thinks she might actually be into you."

Hunter's gaze had been fixated on us for the duration of the performance, and at this point in the conversation, he tipped his head back and burst into loud laughter, the harshness of it almost grating.

"See what I mean," Scott said, speaking to me. "Fucking demented."

"Would you go away?" I was not nearly as entertained as Hunter.

Scott's face darkened, but he shrugged as though he was the messenger rather than the one orchestrating the attack. "I'm just looking out for you. I know him better than anyone, and let me tell you, he's not going to fucking spin class two days a week after school or taking a handful of goddamn multivitamins every morning. You have to watch out for yourself, Alice."

"Are you done?" Hunter gritted out, no longer amused, and I bit the inside of my cheek, drawing out the metallic taste of blood to ease the rage coursing through me.

"For now." Scott winked at me before he strode off. When he was far enough away, I looked at Hunter, but his face was blank, all the angles sharp and contemplative.

"I have to go to therapy two times a week from when I tried to off myself." He stared straight ahead, and the cutting edge of his jaw turned the lightest shade of pink. "One time individually and one time as a group thing."

"I wasn't wondering," I said, still gazing up at him. When his eyes met mine, a small smile touched his lips, but it was gone in a flash.

Mr. Downs blew his whistle, and we both jolted forward. My face heated as I pulled my gaze from Hunter's. We made our way to the attendance line, sneaking glances at each other as we waited. Mr. Downs took attendance as though it was our fault he had to come to work, then instructed us to warm up. A few people grabbed basketballs from a mesh bag in the corner of the gym.

"Want to be my partner?" Hunter asked.

I smiled. "I'd be honored."

While he followed the others to retrieve a ball, I pretended to stretch my triceps, because it felt too awkward to do nothing at all.

"I don't know why you always have to be so difficult," Scott said from behind me, his breath hot and teasing in my ear. "Why you insist on provoking me."

I jerked away from him and scanned the gym for Hunter, but his back was to us as he sifted through the bag of basketballs.

"You're the one who's delusional if you think I do anything with you in mind at all," I snapped. I tried to wedge a sliver of space between us. My head was dizzy, but it wasn't the same stomach-flipping dizziness I felt standing close to Hunter. My body buzzed with rage.

He chuckled, deep and appreciative. "See, that's exactly what I mean." He stepped even closer, his lips almost brushing my skin. "You know I like games as well as anyone, Alice, but you're playing a dangerous one."

Then he stepped away. He dribbled his basketball before tossing it to Josh. Hunter walked back toward me, but I didn't miss the way his gaze flickered between Scott and me even though Scott was already halfway across the gymnasium.

* * *

Scott's warningwasn't the worst thing to happen that day. I thought I'd slip into the seat across from Hunter at lunch and the two of us would go unnoticed. I'd been desperate for my social extinction for years. I figured the world of popularity would simply drift behind me, and I'd become an ancient memory to my old lunch table, but I was wrong.

Our school was divided into three classes. The first was my old lunch table. The second was the middle-of-the-road type. You had to fall into that category if you truly wanted to be ignored. Those kids kept to themselves and went to their own parties, maybe Scott's on occasion, and for the most part, no one bothered with them. They were the majority of the school.

And then there was Hunter's class. He was beyond unpopular, so much so that he received nearly as much attention as the people seated in the middle of the cafeteria. The popularity chart was like a bell curve; people paid attention to you when you fell into either extreme. Hunter and I were on people's radar as much as Scott Henderson was. But while he basked in the attention at the center of the cafeteria, our attention was different. I hadn't merely declared myself unpopular; I'd become a traitor. And it turns out, nothing enrages people more than rejection.

After lunch, I was tucked inside a bubblegum-pink stall in the third-floor bathroom when a group of girls came in, their heels clicking across the linoleum. There was a shuffle near the sinks, followed by whispering.

"Did you guys hear what Brian was saying at lunch today?" Margo's voice echoed off the tiles. I tried not to sigh, afraid I'd give myself away, causing a stakeout as they waited for me to emerge.

"The only reason he dated Alice was because they looked somewhat decent together," Margo went on, "but he said kissing her was like kissing a corpse. If anyone ever describes me like that, just shoot me. I mean, can it get any more mortifying?"

I stiffened. I couldn't believe he'd say something so cruel to a table full of people who had once pretended to be my friends. Maybe I didn't know him at all. Maybe I never did.

There was a tinkling of laughter, and I peeked under the stall, counting six pairs of shoes. I knew which high heels were Margo's, and I could picture her fixing her lip gloss in the mirror while Casey pivoted back and forth, smoothing out a nonexistent stomach. If I were with them instead of inside the stall, I'd be hovering somewhere in between. Not saying shit, but standing there anyway as they winked at each other and pointed to the occupied stall. I guess I deserved it.

"If Brian ever kissed me, I might just lie there too," someone said. It sounded like Erica. "He is so freaking hot. I'd probably go into shock."

"I don't get why all the hot guys like her. It so isn't fair."

"It makes no sense. She isn't even that pretty," came Margo's voice again. "I've never understood the obsession. Her hair is decent, but besides that, she isn't anything special, and her personality is about as appealing as a dry piece of toast."

Margo had been my best friend since kindergarten, so I knew her streak of wickedness better than anyone, but I couldn't pretend that one didn't feel like a sucker punch.

"And the clothes," Suzanne added. "Just hideous."

"Her body is nice. She couldn't put on weight if she tried," Erica said.

"Eugh. She's too thin," Suzanne quipped back. "Like a decaying skeleton."

"She isn't too thin." I could picture Erica's eye roll. "If Alice Matthews doesn't have good genes, then I must be a freaking troll."

"Whatever," Margo snapped, regaining control of the conversation. The bathroom grew quiet for a moment, and I sat perfectly still.

There were shifting footsteps, moving closer to the mirror. "Maybe Alice just didn't like Brian. She wasn't always a prude. Remember when she took off her shirt at that party freshman year? Brian sure as hell wasn't acting like she was a corpse then."

Margo's fake laughter filled the air around us. "Oh my god, I totally forgot about that. Three shots in and the shirt came right off."

I froze. We'd been playing truth or dare; it wasn't as though I'd dared myself.

"What was that upperclassman's name? Was it Derek?"

"Yes! Derek! They literally made out in front of everyone. That was super disgusting, actually," Margo said.

His name was Darren, and we were in drama club together. I'm not sure if he was more obsessed with Chris or me, but it was me he pressed his lips against. He played the Cat in the Hat in Seussical, but the next year he played Danny Zuko, and every single girl in the audience wished they had made out with him at a party once too.

"Wow ... I've gotten so used to her saintly getups I forgot she actually used to be kind of a slut."

Tears sprang to my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

There was more ringing laughter. "I don't know. Maybe you have it wrong, Margo. Maybe Hunter's the nun compared to Alice."

Margo snorted. "Maybe."

One of them giggled. "I bet he's still a virgin."

"Of course he's still a virgin," Margo said, her mouth forming the word as if it was herpes instead of abstinence. "Who the hell would have sex with him? I'd be afraid he'd murder me halfway through."

"I mean, he's super hot, so—"

"I doubt he's ever even kissed a girl before," Margo interrupted. "Although ..." She hesitated, building the anticipation before she delivered her next line. "If he's sleeping with anyone, it's definitely Melody Cartwright."

"You think?" came a gasp, and then Erica, dubious again.

"She's always talking about her boyfriend in ceramics, and it definitely isn't Hunter."

"So he's a virgin then," Margo said, her voice low and conspiratorial. "If he hasn't banged her, he definitely hasn't banged anyone. I wonder if he knows Alice used to be such a slut." I knew the curling smirk she wore as she delivered blow after blow. "I bet he has a pathetic fantasy where they lose their virginity to each other or something. He's going to be in for a rude awakening when he realizes his little girlfriend isn't nearly as pure as he thought."

The sink had been running, but it was turned off as the paper towel dispenser buzzed with a new sheet. Their heels began to tick across the floor again as they headed for the door, stumbling and joyous as they continued laughing about Hunter's apparent lack of a sex life.

"Isn't she a virgin too, though?" Erica asked as the door was pulled open.

I heard them spill out into the hallway, and when the bathroom was empty, Margo's low voice carried through it, echoing off the walls as if she was speaking only to me before the door closed with a swoosh behind her.

"Depends who you ask."