Chapter Five

A lady should never indulge in things that will show her in a scandalous light.

December 19, 1817

Gold Acorn Posting Inn

Lydia yawned, for it had been another long day on the road, and traveling had been slowed by more rain and muddy thoroughfares. Conversation had been light. Jackson and his daughter had napped on and off, and when they were awake, she’d done the same. Which had been fine by her; that meant no one was delving into her past and history. It also meant a surcease of the strong awareness she had of him, but as soon as she woke, there it was again, and it made her long for something she didn’t understand nor have any right to.

By the time they’d arrived at the posting inn, the temperatures were dropping, which didn’t bode well for the next day. It could either switch to ice or, if they were more fortunate, snow.

It didn’t matter now. They were safe, and wonder of wonders, there had been two private rooms available since this stretch of road didn’t see many travelers. It was certainly a boon, for last night, with all three of them in one room, had been interesting. The earl had slept on the floor, but he had a tendency to snore, and Elsbeth muttered in her sleep. That made fitful slumber for her, and would continue to do so until she became acclimated to her new roommates and traveling companions.

She could escape being in his all-consuming company and at the mercy of his intense eyes that urged her to give up all her secrets for good or for ill.

Barely had she the appetite for dinner, but she’d eaten because it was required to keep up her strength. Shortly afterward, she announced she would like to retire to the room she’d share with Elsbeth.

The girl shot to her feet as well. “I’ll go with you. Papa can be by himself for a bit, as is his custom.” There was an intensity to her eyes that reminded Lydia of her father. “Besides, we haven’t truly talked yet on this trip, and I think it’s time. Don’t you?”

“Well, I…” She glanced at the earl, who shrugged with a grin flirting at his lips.

In short order, they removed upstairs to a rather spartan room, but it had the essentials needed to rest and refresh, and that was all she could ask for. By the time they’d both changed into nightdresses, the young lady seemed ready to droop.

“Do you enjoy being the headmistress of a finishing school?”

The question took Lydia by surprise. She paused in the task of finger combing her hair, since her drivers had stolen her silver-backed toilette set. “I suppose. It is something to fill my time, and I do honestly adore my students.”

“Papa says my friends aren’t truly my friends. Do you…” She moistened her lips. “Do you think that you might introduce me to a few of the girls? I might wish to cultivate better friends who might be more acceptable to my father.”

Lydia’s eyebrows rose with her surprise. “When we are both returned to London and term comes back in session, I would be delighted to introduce you to some of the girls. And it’s wise that you are learning the difference between who is good for you and who is not.” Quickly, she braided her hair. “I struggled with that too at your age and beyond.”

“Did you eventually find who you were looking for?”

That all depended on the viewpoint. “Yes and no, but everything will work out for you, and you’ll inherently know what path is for you.”

The girl nodded. She slipped beneath the bedclothes. “Have you ever been in love?”

Drat. Another difficult question. “I was once. A long time ago. I’m afraid it wasn’t true love, for the relationship didn’t last and there was no happy ending.” That was as much as she dared to say for fear of discovery. Then a new thought occurred to her. “Do you fancy a young man, then?”

A blush spread over Elsbeth’s cheek. “No, of course not! I’m not about to ruin my life for a man just yet. I was merely curious.”

That prompted a smile on Lydia’s part. “Good. There is plenty of time for all that. Your life is just getting started and you have the world at your feet.” She huffed out a breath. “I wish I’d had someone in my life to tell me the same. Perhaps things would have turned out differently.”

Except, if they’d had, she wouldn’t be here now spending time with an earl and his curious daughter.

“You are an interesting person, Lydia. I’m glad we met.” Elsbeth offered a genuine smile. “And it is ever so lovely having a woman about to talk with. Papa is sweet, of course, but he doesn’t give advice like a woman.”

“Right again.” This time, her smile was wider as she tied off the end of her braid with a ribbon. “I’m going to wash my face then I’ll settle in for slumber. Do you need anything else before then?”

“No, except…” The girl heaved a sigh that sounded as if it had come from her toes. “Do you think Mama remembers me if she is in heaven?”

Oh, dear. “I believe that a mother’s love transcends the bounds of time and space. Wherever your mama is, I know she remembers you and she is watching you with pride.”

That came from the heart, for she would never forget her own child that she never got to hold or be a mother to.

Slowly, Elsbeth nodded. “Thank you. That is helpful.” Then she snuggled into the bedding while Lydia blew out the candle at the bedside.

“Goodnight, Elsbeth. Dream well.”

“Goodnight. I hope your dreams are equally sweet.”

After Lydia finished with the necessary and washing her face and chest, she returned to bed, but Elsbeth was completely lost to slumber. For a few seconds, she considered lighting the candle once more so she could read, but then a slight knocking at the door scattered those thoughts. The floor was cold on her bare feet as she crossed the room, and cracking the panel open, she softly gasped to find the earl standing in the corridor.

Immediately, worry tightened her chest. In a whisper, she asked, “Your Lordship. Is all well?”

“Yes, yes.” He put a finger to his lips. “Is Elsbeth settled?”

She nodded. “Already asleep.”

“Good. Come with me.”

Lydia frowned. “Where?”

“My room, across the hall.” Dressed in his breeches and fine lawn shirt rolled up to the elbows, clearly he’d been in the process of readying to retire.

A gasp escaped her even as anticipation climbed her spine. “Why?”

One of his dark eyebrows rose as if in challenge. “To talk where we won’t disturb my daughter? Perhaps indulge in a kiss or two?”

Heat filled her cheeks, for she wasn’t about to deny the heated connection between them, but she also needed to remain wary. Was it folly to go with him? Perhaps, but she was curious, and the kiss they’d already shared had ignited something deep inside her that her husband had never managed to fire. “All right.” With one last look at Elsbeth, who hadn’t moved since she’d fallen asleep, Lydia moved quietly into the narrow corridor and closed the door softly behind her. “Why did you…?”

In silence, he tugged on her hand, brought her into his room across the corridor, and no sooner had he closed the door which plunged the room into darkness for he hadn’t lit a candle, he took her into his arms, trapping her between the wooden panel and the hard wall of his chest. The kiss he gave her was as intense as the man himself, and it made her want things she had no idea how to ask for.

And she knew she shouldn’t to begin with, but then nothing mattered as her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt.

When he eased away, she could breathe again. “I have wanted to do that since the first one we shared.”

“To be honest, so have I.” But why? She hadn’t felt anything remotely like that with her husband. Perhaps she’d been blinded by infatuation, for she’d been young, but there was none of this insane throbbing deep within her body to know the touch of a man.

This man.

“Good. It is somewhat comforting to know I’m not alone in this madness.” Once more, he took her hand, pulled her over to the bed, and then gently encouraged her to sit on the mattress tick. “While I do wish to converse, we have ample time to do that over the next day or so, so I want to communicate in a different way if you are of the same mind.”

“Are you saying you wish to…” It was unfathomable that a man would want her. Hadn’t her husband told her time out of hand she was ugly and that no one would bed her, that she should be grateful for him?

“I want to kiss you, explore your body and see where that takes us, but only with your permission.” As he spoke, his eyes darkened with the same spiking desire that had turned the blood in her veins to molten need. “I can assure you I’m not a deviant; I just haven’t been able to evict you from my mind since I found you on the road. And I want to know why.”

“I can understand that.” And having forced proximity had only enhanced that relentless need. “You are quite like a knight of old.”

“Be that as it may, I don’t want you in this capacity out of gratitude. I want you to want me too.”

That was different than anything she’d been given from her husband. “I do.” At least it was the truth. Then he was on the bench beside her; when had he even moved? His hand was in her hair, wrapping her braid about it, and he dragged her roughly to him, claimed her lips in a kiss designed to tease, to tell her he was in command.

Lydia didn’t mind, for she liked that he wasn’t afraid to take the lead; oddly enough, it made her feel safe. When her husband wanted attention, he swaggered in drunk with fumbles and slobbering. This embrace from the earl? It exceeded her wildest fantasies, the ones she’d told herself in her lonely bed after she was finally away from the horror of her marriage. As her fingers curled into his shirt once more, she returned his kisses as best she could while inwardly shivering with the effort of removing the images of her husband from her mind.

“Bloody hell.” As the earl wrenched away, his breathing was as ragged as hers. His eyes were as dark as midnight, the blue irises a deep sapphire in the weak moonlight coming in through the window, but there was a certain hunger in those depths that made her breathless. “Will you let me do wicked things to you?” Unidentified emotion graveled his words as he kneeled on the floor before her.

This was the second time he asked, which meant he was giving her the chance to beg off. Her respect for him rose, and she slowly nodded. “Yes.” The whispered word seemed to vanish into muffled sounds in the surrounding rooms as well as the corridor.

“Good.” With a grin that somehow disarmed her, he leaned into her, put his hands to her shoulders, hooked his fingers in the bodice of her nightdress, and then he yanked the upper portion of the garment down.

While her throat went dry, she shivered as the cooler ambient air wafted over her suddenly bared skin. “It has been a long time—” At the last second, she cut off her own words, for that was confessing to her real past, one he wasn’t privy to.

“You are not the innocent you want everyone to believe?” There was no judgment in his voice, only inquiry.

Fear twisted down her spine as Lydia held his gaze, but behind that fear? She knew the earl was different. Daring much, she grabbed his shirt and tugged him closer. “Yes, I keep secrets because I must, but I think you keep some as well. Eventually, perhaps, we will share them, but not now.”

“You are so damned fascinating.” Interest flickered in his eyes. He took her breasts in his hands, and the odd combination of the chilly air coupled with the warmth of his skin against hers made her gasp.

The more he squeezed and massaged those globes, the more fires erupted in her blood, but when he brushed the pads of his thumbs along her nipples, they immediately hardened into tight little buds, and wild sensation streaked through her body to lodge in her core. “Oh!” Was she that responsive to the scandal? For she’d had physical relations before, but she hadn’t quite felt them so powerfully.

“So beautiful,” he whispered, but that didn’t distract him from continuing to tease her breasts. “They fill my palms perfectly.”

“Did you say the same to your wife?” Lydia managed to pant out while pleasurable feelings coursed through her.

“Yes. The naked female form is mysterious and wonderful.” His own whisper brimmed with emotion.

She nodded. “Are you doing this to me tonight to hide from your feelings as Elsbeth said the other day?” Did it matter, when every strum of his fingers on those sensitive tips ushered her closer to heaven?

“I don’t know.” The shock in his eyes was noticeable before he shuttered it behind a blank expression. “I only know I want this, the heat that is between us.” Then he applied himself to teasing and torturing her nipples. “Do you trust me?”

“I don’t know you well enough for that, but I do know you won’t hurt me,” she gasped when he closed his lips around one turgid tip, and as he swiped his tongue along the surface of that nipple, she nearly lost her grip on reality.

“What has happened to you, Lydia, to make you hide?”

“I can ask the same of you.” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “Grief and guilt and anger take many forms. That I can tell you as truth.” Then her words dissolved into moans as she concentrated on what he was doing to her.

“What if those distractions are no longer enough?” he asked in a low voice as he rolled her nipples in his fingers. “And the memories, the guilt, the second guessing comes anyway?”

This was beyond anything she’d imagined. Bobbing in the sea of passion in her mind was a thread of commonsense, yet a shiver of need went down her spine. “Then one must make do the best one can, do what he must until he can find peace.”

“Which is why you and I are here right now.” He kissed her with a savagery that merely made her crave his touch more. As he did so, he continued to tease her. The longer he worried her nipples, the more unrelenting pressure built and stacked low in her belly.

The unfamiliar sensations left her adrift, stole away her breath. This was much different than any time she’d ever been with her husband. And now that she knew what she’d missed, she was appalled with herself for staying as long as she had.

With a hand about her nape, he drew her against him and plundered her mouth with another string of deep, drugging kisses while the other hand continued to roll and pinch one of her nipples until she was gasping, drowning in a myriad of sensations she couldn’t quite keep ahead of. Slowly, he drew up the lawn skirting of her nightdress while nipping her sensitive nipples.

“You must leave off,” she gasped out, for if he didn’t, she would surely dissolve into a melted puddle on the floor.

“I believe you need this as much as I do, so we will not stop until you have been sent flying,” he said as he pushed her backward on the bed and encouraged her legs to part. The fabric of her skirting bunched at her waist, which put the lower portion of her body on full display to his gaze, as much as was possible in the dark. “This strong connection between us vexes me.”

“Agreed.” She shivered in anticipation. “Lust, perhaps.”

“It’s all one needs, at times.”

Because at the end of the day, she was a woman and he a man, and they both would benefit from a dip into scandal. Lydia’s whole body trembled. “It’s been my experience that men who brag about themselves are usually less than skilled in this arena.”

He grinned, and for fleeting seconds, the gesture took years from his face. “Let us put that to the test, hmm?” The dratted man glided his fingers along her flesh made slick from his teasing, back and forth in a mesmerizing rhythm. “You are all too ready. Another clue that you aren’t an innocent.” Before she could utter a response, he’d coaxed her swelling nubbin out of hiding and rubbed it.

This was horribly scandalous by every stretch and especially for a headmistress, but with each pass of those talented fingers, shivers of raw need danced over her skin, fracturing throughout her body into every nerve ending. If he could bring her that close to the edge without much effort, what else could he do?

“Cat got your tongue, my dear headmistress?” Over and over, he worked that tiny bundle of nerves, and when she couldn’t hold back a moan, he grinned.

“Do hush,” she managed to gasp out and curled the fingers of one hand around his nape. How was it that he had nearly sent her into bliss with hardly a touch? And what did that say about herself?

“Ah, Lydia.” Jackson gripped her inner thighs and splayed her open. “Damn, but you are magnificent.”

Why had her husband never said anything that complimentary? Those words filled her with warmth. Anticipation battled with worry in her belly. If she wasn’t careful, she’d let herself develop feelings for this man. And that was dangerous. “You plan to put your mouth on me?” Lydia buried the fingers of one hand into his hair, and oh it was thick and luxurious!

“Oh, yes.”

Not even her reprobate husband had done that. “But, I—” Her voice cut off in a squeak as he put his mouth to her button.

He chuckled and the vibrations sent her into another level of delight and wonder. “I’ll wager you’ll enjoy this.” And he began the next stage of his seduction.

From the moment he employed his lips and hot tongue to her most sensitive, private parts, Lydia lost the last vestiges of her sanity. “This is…” She couldn’t catch her breath, for with each nibble, every nip, all the swipes and strokes of his tongue, she was hurled higher and higher into pleasure, into a world she was unfamiliar with but had always longed for.

Wild sensation coursed through her body. She shook from it. Tears unashamedly fell to her cheeks; she had been cheated of this before in her marriage. Never once did the earl shy away from his work. He was a man bent on tossing her over, and she hovered there, trapped, waiting with a hammering heart for him to give her up into that dark void.

But he didn’t. Not even when she begged him in a strained, hoarse whisper. “Jackson, please leave off!”

The dratted man kept her poised on the razor’s edge, pinning her there again and again with every penetrating stroke of his tongue, each calculated nibble, every new torment of suction on that swollen button until she squirmed on the bed and prayed for some sort of relief. She curled her hand into his hair alternately to shove him away and cease the exquisite torment but also to hold him to her tighter, guide him to exactly where she needed him.

And it was the most glorious thing she’d ever experienced.

“Oh, oh, oh…” Her body shook; the relentless pressure in her lower belly built and coiled and stacked. Fearing she would break apart, Lydia squirmed, but he gripped her thighs tighter to keep her in place.

When he chuckled against her flesh, it was almost the end of her, but he kept on as if his only mission in life was to send her flying.

“Jackson!” She shook as tears of pleasure and wonder rolled down her cheeks. Not even in her dreams could she imagine such marvelous feelings. Her back arched of its own accord, which put her deeper into his care. “Oh, I am going to break.”

“That is the purpose of this exercise.” Then he followed the comment with a particularly strong bit of suction.

“Ah!” The dam holding back the mounting pressure within broke. For the first time in her life, Lydia shattered, and in spectacular fashion. She fell into that black void full of the most wonderful bliss as her inner walls convulsed with a violent release and the fact it came from the attentions of this man made her squirm all the more. A half-muffled scream left her throat, for it was so incredibly glorious.

The earl glanced up, but she was barely aware as she floated in a realm not bound to Earth. “Why do I feel as though this is uncharted territory for you?” When she didn’t answer—couldn’t—he chuckled. “Come again for me, merely so I can watch you hit release a second time.”

Despite the fact her body shook as if she’d shoot right off the bed and into the heavens, Jackson continued to worry her swollen, hypersensitive nubbin. When he inserted two fingers, pumping them in and out of her convulsing passage, she bucked against his hand while imagining those fingers were his length spearing into her. Then he twisted those digits in order to massage a spot on her spasming flesh that completely separated her soul from her body.

“Jackson!” The word was long and drawn out in a keening wail that was probably audible to anyone within shouting distance. Was this how a headmistress should act? But thinking was beyond her as Lydia hurtled over the edge where her breath stalled, and she was rendered temporarily unable to move. Her thighs trembled in time to her racing pulse, while over and over flutters ran riot through her core as strong contractions rocked through her. Finally, when the earl was finished, he withdrew his fingers and pulled away. She could do nothing else but collapse backward onto the mattress tick and revel in this boon.

“God, you are so responsive.” There was no mistaking the smugness in his voice, the approval even. “My wife, though she enjoyed carnal activities, rarely made a sound. This was… quite satisfying.”

Heat went through her cheeks. “In that, I can honestly agree with you.” How would she be able to look him in the eye come the morrow after such scandalous and shameless behavior?

“Thank you for sharing this—your body—with me.” The earl stood then took up a handkerchief from the bedside table. “Go back to your room, Lydia.”

“What?” Confusion tripped into her mind to brush away some of the lethargy. “You don’t wish for me to return the favor?”

“Not tonight, but at least I have a few more answers to my questions surrounding you.” He sat beside her with his hair in disarray while he wiped his face with the handkerchief, yet there was sadness and smugness in his expression. “Gave me even more questions, but I can live with that for the time being. If you continue to be here, I can’t promise I won’t ravish you, because my need hasn’t nearly been met.”

As reality returned, Lydia sat up and put her clothing to rights. “Jackson?” She laid a hand on his arm. Immediately, the muscles went taut.

“Hmm?”

“My trust in you has gone up exponentially after tonight.” Though difficult in the dark, she met his gaze. “Thank you.” When her chin trembled, she hurriedly stood. “How you treated me? It makes all the difference.” Then, because she didn’t want him to see her cry, she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Once she’d hid herself away behind her own closed door and slipped into bed beside Elsbeth, who apparently hadn’t moved or awakened during her absence, she lay on her side and let the tears flow.

For the first time in her life, she’d felt wanted, almost cherished by a man, and that only made the years she’d wasted in her horrid marriage all the more ridiculous. Beyond that, she was still caught in the lies with no way out.