Chapter 53

53

Jonathan

I straighten my jacket as I wait in the hall. The sleeves are dusty from the rural train station. I smell lightly of sweat and other people.

Giselle answers the door. She is very pregnant and very unhappy to see me. I am so relieved that she is alive that I almost hug her.

I stop myself, but she still puts up a hand. "What are you doing?"

"I'm just so pleased to see you," I say.

She rolls her eyes, then yells, "Mas!" down the hall. She glares at me. "You better not upset him," she says.

"I—" I am about to say I will not, but what planet am I living on? Instead, I say, "I'm glad he has you," which registers concern on her face.

Mas comes out of the living room and hurries toward us.

Giselle seems relieved to escape. "He's scaring me already." She waves in my direction as she passes down the hall and disappears into the living room.

"Ethan." My brother's lips form a hard line. He steps into the doorway, clearly to keep me out. "What are you doing here?"

I am honestly surprised there is no sign of Eva, or of anyone else. She is smart. I am sure she could have tracked him down. I wonder if I am being set up. I worry that this is a trap. That she is waiting to destroy everything I love.

"What are you looking for?" Mas asks as I scan the hallway. "And again, why are you here?"

"I fucked up," I say.

Mas checks that Giselle is out of earshot. He leans forward and lowers his voice. "More than normal?"

"Remember that girl I told you about, from the train?" I ask. I see him tighten everywhere. "She's been assigned to kill me."

"Oh. Okay…Weird."

"We've been getting close—obviously part of her plan." I feel stupid now that I know the truth. But I also wish that I did not know the truth. "And I've been, you know, telling her my deepest, darkest secrets. Like people in relationships do, right?"

"I'm not sure that's exactly what people in relationships do, but okay." He leans into the doorframe.

"I didn't tell her everything, but I told her enough to figure out there was a you. And maybe even where you are."

He sighs his big sigh. "What does that mean, Ethan?"

"It means I need to stay here and protect you until the threat is gone." I do not tell him that it might never be gone. "I can get an apartment in the building. You won't even notice me."

He backs away a little. "No. Absolutely not."

"I'm sorry. But I have to."

"No. You don't have to, Ethan. That is something you never really got. You don't have to protect me. You don't have to do anything for me."

He is still pissed that I killed our dad. To be fair, it was a huge mistake. We were supposed to get out together. We were supposed to stay together, change our lives together. To overcome our past together .

I fucked it up.

"That's a real no, Ethan," he continues. "I don't want you waiting in the wings. We don't want a personal Batman."

"I need to protect you."

"I'm not an excuse for your behavior." He gently directs me backward, into the hall. "I don't care if we're in danger. If I am on fire , I do not need you to piss on me or kill the arsonist."

He starts to close the door.

"You know, Mas, I—"

He pauses.

"I love you."

Mas shakes his head. "I know. But your love keeps blowing up my life."