Chapter 43

‘Um, what about Brayden?' I asked. I mean, women in labour aren't always thinking clearly, but this had to be a joke.

I waited while Silva huffed and puffed her way through a contraction, unable to resist counting how long it lasted. Around twenty seconds, so still a way to go.

‘I don't know where he is,' she said, in a tiny voice.

My stomach sank like a stone.

‘I've tried calling, social media, everything. He's not answering. I would be worried something's happened to him except that…'

‘It's okay, you can tell me. I was married to him, remember.'

‘He's taken his overnight bag. And his Future Cycling award.'

Oh dear. This wasn't good. I recalled the drunken mess staggering into my living room a week earlier.

‘When did you last see him?'

There was another pause where I worried that Silva might be having her next contraction – in which case I'd be hanging up and calling for an ambulance – but she answered soon enough, meek with shame.

‘Wednesday morning.'

‘Has he been online since then?'

‘Not since yesterday. I've messaged him every different way I can think of to say the baby's coming. I've tried his parents, his closest friends. I know I've no right to ask, but it's going to take Mum hours to get here from Cornwall.'

I squeezed my eyes shut, my antenatal teacher's instinct fighting the resentment that she had the audacity to do this to me. ‘Haven't you got a friend you can ask?'

‘If I did, would I be calling you?' Silva broke off to let out a sharp hiss before carrying on. ‘I'll pay you if you like, whatever the going rate is plus extra for a Friday night.'

I thought about the sorry state of my own address book and held off judgement.

‘I need to speak to my dad – he's babysitting. If he's okay with it, I can come and wait until your mum gets here. But you need to phone the midwife and let them know if you're still aiming for a home birth.'

‘Thank you!'

She hung up, meaning I had to call her straight back to ask for her address.

Dad, however, wasn't budging. ‘I have plans. I made that clear. Your responsibility is to your children, not Brayden's partner.'

‘I know, but if it was any other of my clients then I'd help.'

‘Not if you had no childcare, you wouldn't.'

‘Are you refusing to stay longer because you don't want me to do this?'

‘I'm refusing to stay longer because I promised Janet that we would have time to get a good spot at the cinema. She thought it unwise that I took care of the children at all this evening, in case something like this happened.'

‘What do you mean, something like this? I don't usually have random women phoning me begging me to be their stand-in birth partner because their partner has gone AWOL.'

‘Can't your friend come and help?'

I glanced towards the kitchen, where Jonah had started tidying up, and decided now was as good a time as any.

‘My old friend is Jonah.'

There was a brief silence.

‘I thought it was the friend you met at the pub.' Dad was straining to keep his voice calm.

‘That was him. It's a long story, and I promise I'll explain when I can, but, for completely unrelated reasons, he can't look after the kids this evening.'

Another pause.

‘I need to leave at nine-thirty. I'm trusting you not to let me down, Libby.'

I daren't reply to that loaded statement, reminding myself that Dad had enough going on. I reassured him I would find someone else, and hung up.

I called Toby, who answered with a photo of him holding a pint of beer in one hand and a shot in the other, surrounded by leering lads and empty glasses.

Next Nicky, who mercifully answered.

‘Please let this be an emergency that can get me out of here. A nice one, like a woman in labour by the side of the road and no available ambulances.'

‘How about a woman in labour with a home birth planned and a missing partner?'

‘Ooh, perfect. Tell me more.'

As soon as I mentioned who it was, and that she'd asked to hold my hand, Nicky interrupted.

‘No.'

‘But…'

‘Not happening. You are not getting dragged any further into that drama. Hasn't she got any friends she can ask?'

After a brief back and forth, my big sister refused to debate with me any more.

‘I'll go. You get home to your kids.'

‘You've never met Silva.'

‘The chances are whichever community midwives are on call on a Friday night have never met her either. If I take over from Dad, Mum will come too. We can't spring that on him.'

‘Ugh. Fair enough. I'll message you her address.'

The second I hung up, my phone rang. Dad again.

‘Are you on your way?'

‘About to be.' I checked the clock. Nine-fifteen. The cottage was a twenty-minute drive. He could wait an extra five minutes.

‘Only… Finn overheard our previous conversation and woke up your sister to tell her the baby was coming, without me realising. They crept downstairs while I was explaining the situation to Janet.'

I didn't think it was possible to feel more flustered than I had a couple of minutes ago, but my anxiety took great pleasure in proving me wrong.

‘Filling her in on what?'

‘Um. On Brayden being missing.'

‘Please, no. Are they upset?'

Dad didn't need to reply, as the all-too-familiar sound of Isla crying grew louder in the background.

‘She wants to talk to you,' Dad said, and a couple of seconds later the wails died down to gulping sobs.

‘Mummy?'

‘Hello, darling. You sound quite upset.'

‘Grandad said that Daddy is lost and no one can find him!'

‘He's gone away for a few days, that's all. Like a holiday.'

‘That's not what Grandad said!' she shrieked. ‘He's run away or got hurt or is dead! And now the baby is coming and I don't want a new baby, I want my daddy!'

‘Darling, please try to listen?—'

‘You have to find Daddy!'

‘I really don't think that?—'

‘You have to find my daddy! I need my daddy!'

And in my crappy parenting panic, knowing that Silva and her baby needed him, too, accepting that I probably had as good a chance of finding my ex-husband as anyone, I made the kind of stupid promise that I regretted the moment it slipped out of my mouth.

‘Okay. Okay, I'll find him.'

‘And you won't come back until he's stopped being lost!'

‘Don't worry. It will be okay. You know how good Mummy is at finding things.'

Before I'd finished speaking, Dad was back on the line.

‘Janet is picking me up in ten minutes.'

‘Yes. It's fine. I promise you can leave in ten minutes.'

‘What can I do?' Jonah asked, appearing in the kitchen doorway as Isla still rang in my ears.

I tried to think. There was no way I was sending the man who Isla thought was stealing her mummy to the house when she was semi-hysterical. I would go to Silva and ask Nicky to look after the kids. Except that Nicky would already be well on her way to Brayden and Silva's home, which was the opposite direction to mine. There was no way either of us could be there in time. I ran for my car, anyway.

Then Dad called me back.

‘Panic over. Your mum has turned up.'

I was too busy driving like a maniac back to Bigley to discuss that any further, and when I called Dad while waiting at a red light, he didn't answer.

The only thing that got me home in one mental piece was the lingering warmth of Jonah's kiss, pressed against the top of my head as he hugged me goodbye. For a woman who'd been trying to make it on her own for so long, the tenderness in that gesture meant so much more than if he'd kissed me on the lips or asked when he could see me again.

This man made me feel like long-lost treasure.

I didn't know what would happen next, but I was praying I didn't mess it up again.

I skidded into the drive and tumbled out of the car, half falling through the front door. I was greeted by the sound of Isla still squealing. I hurtled into the living room, my heart coming to a dead stop about halfway up my throat.

‘Hey, Mum!' Finn said, curled up under a blanket on the sofa, a book resting between him and my dad.

Isla looked up from where Mum had been hiding under another blanket, using teddies as puppets. Her face crinkled with joy as she tried to explain whatever had made her laugh.

No doubt about it, my mother was a genius when it came to everyone's children but her own.

‘Libby!' Mum exclaimed. ‘We thought you were busy.'

She mouthed the word busy, but my kids sprang to attention.

‘Did you find him already?' Isla asked, eyes round with hope.

‘Not yet. I wanted to check that you guys were okay first.'

I looked at Dad, eyebrows raised in question.

‘I thought you were going out?'

He glanced at Mum, then back to me, shifting position on the sofa. ‘Um. Yes. Well. This seemed more important.'

‘Right.' More important than keeping his word to Janet. I gave him another pointed look. It was none of my business, but we both knew what had changed his mind.

‘We're as okay as we can be while our dad is missing,' Finn chipped in, sounding about as old as Dad.

‘Okay. That's good to know. I hope you're going to bed soon, then.'

‘We're going to bed once we've settled down and had another story each,' Isla said, rolling her eyes. ‘Grandma and Grandad do know how to take care of children, you know. They looked after about fifty thousand million children before Grandma went sailing.'

‘Right. Yes. I do know that.' I darted forwards to kiss each of my children goodnight yet again before turning to Mum, my head still spinning. ‘Thank you. I'm not sure how long I'll be, but there's plenty of food and Dad knows where the teabags are. Just… don't go in the dining room.'

I was irrationally thankful for my spruced-up kitchen, given the circumstances, but enough of the house was still a junkyard.

‘It's the least we can do.' Mum nodded.

The truth of that made me want to kiss her then give her a hefty boot back out of the door.