Chapter 25

25

Jonathan leads me down the road to a little restaurant across from a wooded park. It reminds me of Marie Antoinette and her goats. The little cottage tucked away in the garden of Versailles where she pretended to be like everyone else.

Jonathan warns me that the meal will take hours. "Is that all right?"

"I'm on vacation," I remind him. "I have all the time in the world."

His face falls. "You've been on vacation for six months?" he says. I've made my first mistake.

Fuck. I've never done this before. Not since I started my job. I have never met the same guy twice. I'm honestly not sure I can even remember the things I told Jonathan, the blur of my fake life on a train overnight. I take some comfort in knowing he was lying to me, too.

"I'm finding myself," I say. "That kind of thing takes time. Especially if you're lost. Have you ever found yourself?"

"I know myself pretty well. Unfortunately."

He likes to make these doomed statements. I'm usually worse. I know myself, unfortunately. This is another weakness, a pretty common one. He's not a fan of himself.

I feel a pull, like I want to reassure him. But you're so handsome. But you're so smart. But you're so nice.

But you're so lethal, Jonathan. There's just so much to love about you.