Chapter 60

CHAPTER 60

MIRA

A nya and I were out shopping, the hustle and bustle of the mall and iced coffees in our hands making the trouble on the rig feel like nothing more than a distant memory. Logan was fine, having been discharged from the hospital after only a twenty-four-hour observation period.

All of his scans had come back clean, and while he had to take it easy for a while, there was no permanent damage. Meanwhile, Slate had crews working around the clock to try to prevent a similar incident from happening again and he'd finally stopped talking about trying to get out of our contract with Logan.

It seemed like while the accident hadn't made him change his mind about my relationship with his best friend, it had made him change his mind about cutting him off. As long as keeping him in his life didn't necessarily mean keeping him with me, he figured they'd eventually be able to make up.

I hoped that would happen sooner rather than later, but for now, Slate had sent Logan a text or two to make sure he was okay and Logan had apparently replied. But that was it.

At least they weren't trying to tear each other's heads off anymore, so as far as I was concerned, there had been progress. Anya smirked as she elbowed me and snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Hello in there? Earth to Mira. Where did you go?"

I blinked myself out of my thoughts and smiled at my best friend. "I'm right here, babe. I was just thinking about the rig. I guess I'm still feeling guilty for not hopping on the first flight back as soon as Logan was discharged. They might need me out there."

"Those big, strong, strapping men need you?" She pressed a hand to her chest and made her eyes wide, pretending to be scandalized. "Well, I never. You just shop, girl. They'll be okay."

I laughed and gave her shoulder a soft punch. "Gee, thanks. You're making me feel like such a valued member of the crew."

She winked at me. "You can't blame me for still being pissed at your entire freaking industry. First, there was the article. Second, you got fired and your brother acted like a neanderthal about your love life because of it, and then, to add insult to injury, you nearly fucking died. As far as I'm concerned, they don't deserve your help out there. Even if we both know how great you are at your job."

"The accident had nothing to do with the article," I said. "I appreciate your irritation about the rest of it, but I am kind of glad it happened the way it did now, though. There's a reason things work out the way they do, and we all just have to accept it."

"Have to?" She scoffed. "I refuse to accept the patriarchy, girl. I still think that firing you for a rumor about you kissing a guy was criminal. The same goes for Slate thinking he gets to rule your life."

"He's not trying to rule my life," I said evenly, feeling the need to come to my brother's defense after the last conversation we'd had. "It's just, uh, it's complicated, I guess. He's got concerns and now that he's shared them with me, I'm not sure what to think."

She led me into a boutique that sold only pre-loved clothes. We rummaged through the items on the discount rack hanging near the door. "Thankfully, you don't have to be sure what to think about his concerns. The only concerns that should matter are your own. Now, what do you think of this? "

She pulled a lime green dress off the rack and held it up in front of her. "I'm going to a baby shower next weekend and I need an outfit for it."

I shook my head. "That's not right for a baby shower. Not unless the theme is retro ."

"The theme is gender reveal ." She sighed, cocking her head as she arched an eyebrow at me. "I still don't understand why everyone needs to find out the gender of the baby together. You either find out at birth or before, but the parents are the only people who should be involved in the finding out, aren't they?"

I shrugged. "Maybe it's about sharing the excitement. Personally, I wouldn't care what the baby had between its legs as long as it was healthy, but hey. What do I know?"

Anya grabbed another dress, a pastel purple this time, and nodded her agreement with me. "True. Maybe it'll make sense to us one day when it's our turn. What do you think of this one?"

"It's perfect." It really was, but I was happy I wasn't the one looking for an outfit for a baby shower.

Just having this conversation with her was triggering me, and I started thinking about everything my brother had said all over again. Is it true that there's no real future with him? Is he really not the guy to choose if I want a family?

Anya bought the dress without trying it on, then led me out of the store and gave me a long look. "What's on your mind? Something is going on with you today and it's not just about your brother having to deal with the mess on the rig without you."

"Are you sure you shouldn't have tried that on?" I asked in an attempt to distract her. "What if it doesn't fit and you have to come back?"

"I'll make a plan," she said with a smile spreading on her lips. "If the universe wants me to wear this dress, I'll wear it."

"Does the universe care about what we wear?"

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I don't know, but for the price, I'll do some alterations if I have to. Working online part-time doesn't exactly allow me to be too picky. "

I wound my arm around hers, tugging her closer to me. "I could always talk to Slate about hiring you to help us with our admin."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm enjoying my funemployment. Besides, it's not like I'm not making any money at all. I'm getting by. I just need to find the right thing before I jump into full-time employment again."

"I wish I could see the world the way you do," I said wistfully. "It sure would've made my life a whole lot easier."

She glanced at me as we walked into a baby store for her to pick up a gift for the baby shower. "Since you don't see the world the way I do, why don't you tell me what's going on in your head and I'll give you my perspective? It's the next best thing."

I groaned. "I thought I'd distracted you successfully."

She smirked and tapped her temple as she let go of my arm. "Memory of an elephant when it comes to things that are important to me, my friend. Never forget that. Now spill."

As she drifted toward a shelf filled with fluffy blankets and stuffed toys, my heart started pounding. If just talking about baby stuff had started triggering me, then I was fully triggered now. My mouth went dry, my heart kept racing, and my palms were suddenly sweaty.

I didn't go out of my way to touch pregnant stomachs and I didn't ask to cuddle random babies in grocery stores. But I wanted to be a mom more than anything. Not right now, but when the time was right, I wanted to start a family and I wanted a man who wanted that as much as I did.

"Slate doesn't think Logan is ever going to want to get married, or have kids, or any of that stuff at all." The words rushed out of me completely unexpectedly. "He says that he is angry, but that it's more about being worried. Apparently, if I stay with Logan, I'll have to sacrifice my own dreams. I can't do that, Anya. I can't sacrifice what I want just because a guy I just started seeing doesn't want the same thing."

Her jaw slackened as she turned slowly to look at me. "What on earth are you talking about? It's only been a couple months, Mira. Neither you nor Slate should be talking about marriage and babies for you and Logan just yet. "

"No, I know. It's just…" I trailed off. "If I stay with him and he doesn't want any of it, then I'll be wasting my time and Slate is right. While I'm with Logan, I won't be trying to get to know anybody else. What if I miss my chance?"

"Oh, dear heavens a-flipping-above." She made her eyes big at me and put her hands firmly on my shoulders. "I have some good advice for you and I suggest you take it."

"Please."

"Do not let your brother get in your head about this," she insisted. "If you're really serious about what you want some day in the distant future, then just talk to Logan about it."

"Slate says?—"

"No. You're not listening." Her voice dripped with exasperation. "I don't care what your brother said. You need to talk to Logan about it directly. Just the two of you, face to face and hashing out what might or might not happen in your future."

"I've been planning on talking to him about it, but I'm scared, Anya. What happens if Slate is right about Logan not wanting kids?"

"Then he's right." She dragged in a deep breath through her nostrils as if she were centering herself. "Don't put the cart in front of the horse, though. People change their minds about this kind of thing all the time once they meet the right person."

I followed her example by dragging in a deep, calming breath of my own. "I know I need to talk to Logan about it and I will, but Slate was really worried. Like, seriously worried I'm about to destroy the dreams I've always had."

Anya shook her head. "Now, see, that doesn't make any sense when you look at the world the way I do. Maybe your brother has some reason for feeling like that, but shit. Why do all the stars have to line up just to date the guy? Give it time. See what happens. Maybe in a few months, you'll realize you're not compatible after all and you only had chemistry. Or maybe time will bring you even closer. There's no telling what will happen, Mira, but you've got to let it happen or you'll never find out."

"Fair enough." I finally looked past her at the shelf with all the baby goodies on it and pointed at a gift box with a blanket, teething toys, and a few other things in it. "Buy that for the baby shower. It's cute, practical, and it's already in a box, so it's much easier to wrap than other stuff."

She grinned. "I've got to say, I like the way you think too. Sold to the most convincing bidder."

Snatching a box off the shelf, she spun and linked her arm with mine again and we headed toward the counter to pay. "Anything in particular you need to buy?"

"Nah." My phone beeped with a text while she paid and I fished it out of my pocket, smiling when I saw the text on the screen.

Logan: Hey, beautiful. Can I make you dinner tonight?

Anya glanced at me once she had her shopping bag in her hand. "What's that smile all about?"

"It's just Logan," I said. "He wants me to come over for dinner tonight."

"Ooooo, then that's what you need to buy. Some new lingerie."

I laughed at her sudden and total enthusiasm. "You never skip a beat, do you? But no. This is a good opportunity to talk to him openly and find out if we're really on the same page. New lingerie to show off will only distract me from what's important."

She heaved out a sigh of disappointment. "Fine, but if you ask me, new lingerie is what's important at this phase of any new relationship. Can we buy you a new top or something at least?"

I rocked my head from side to side before I nodded, texting Logan back while I spoke. "If it'll make you happy, then who am I to say no?"

She chuckled. "See that's why you're my best friend. You told him you'd be there?"

"Yep. I said I'd see him at seven." As Anya and I strode out of the baby store, I took a quick, discreet glance back at it over my shoulder.

With any luck, Logan and I would be visiting a place just like that together some day, but if not, then tonight would be the start of our goodbye. I had no clue which way this was going to go, but as I'd stood in that store, I'd made a decision.

I wouldn't sacrifice my dreams for any man. Not even Logan. Not even if he'd very quickly made himself an essential part of what I thought about now when I envisioned those dreams coming true.