Chapter 58

CHAPTER 58

MIRA

L ogan drifted back to sleep almost as soon as I got into bed with him. During the few minutes that he'd been awake, he'd talked a big game but the reality was that he was injured. His body had endured a pretty intense trauma and it was going to affect him mentally and emotionally for a little while.

The guy needed rest and I was glad he was getting it. I was worried about him sleeping when we didn't know the condition of his brain, but the medic had told me that he was bound to be in and out of it for at least a few hours.

As I lay there with him, I thought about what he'd said about talking to Slate. I understood his urge to do it, but I'd already tried. It had gone terribly and I'd heard all the stuff that my brother had said to Logan this morning.

He hadn't changed his mind about us.

But he saved him.

Not only had he put his own life on the line for Logan's, but he'd also seen how determined Logan had been to get to me. Even in the face of confusion, severe disorientation, and pain, the man had tried to make it back to me.

Surely, Slate saw that. It has to change things, right ?

I'd also felt him staring at me when I'd been sitting there next to Logan, sobbing and pleading with him to be okay. Slate knew I didn't sob. I didn't plead. I especially didn't do those things for a man.

There's no way he still thinks that it's just about sex or the chase. He couldn't possibly.

As those thoughts tumbled through my mind, resolve formed deep within my belly. I was going to go talk to my brother again, and this time, he wasn't going to be able to deny what he'd now seen with his own two eyes.

Leaning over, I brushed a kiss to Logan's cheek and then gently slid out of the bunk. I put my shoes back on and quietly shut the door behind me when I left the cabin. The corridors were empty. Even the crew members who weren't on shift were outside trying to help with the safety checks and cleanup.

Slate's office door was open when I reached it. He was fiddling with the bandage on his arm.

I tutted my tongue at him. "Don't do that. You need to keep it on."

Perched on the edge of his desk, he lifted his gaze and smiled. "I wasn't taking it off, Mira. Brent just made it a little tight, is all."

He bent his elbow and straightened it again, testing the bandage now that he'd fidgeted with it a bit. Apparently satisfied, he waved me in as he walked to sit behind his desk. "How is he? Has he woken up yet?"

"Briefly," I said as I took a seat across from him. "He tried getting up to come talk to you, but I stopped him."

Slate blew out a long, quiet breath. "I considered going back there as soon as Brent was done with me, but Logan needs rest more than he needs another argument. What did he say while he was okay? How's he feeling?"

"Like he got hit by a train, but he'll be okay. He doesn't think he needs to go to the hospital and he seems to remember most of what happened. I told him the chopper was already on its way."

"Yeah, it is. The pilot just got held up by the storm, but he'll be here as soon as possible. In the meantime, Bradson and Brent have assured me they'll keep a close eye on him." He leaned back in his chair, eyes resting heavily on mine. "If you came here to talk about you two on his behalf, save your breath. I haven't changed my mind and I'm not going to."

"I came here to check on you." My heartrate spiked as shock radiated through me. I wondered how he could be so cruel. "I was also hoping that you'd come to your senses, but it looks like the wrong guy hit his head."

Unlike what'd happened before, Slate didn't get agitated or angry. If anything, he seemed resigned, calm, and remorseful . "I'm sorry you feel that way, sis. A hit to the head wouldn't have changed anything, though. I don't want you guys together. I don't think it's a good idea and I can't support you knowing that it's not going to end well."

I stared across the desk at him, my lips parting as hurt started blooming in my chest and flowing through my veins. "How can you say that after everything that just happened? Everything you just saw? How is it possible that you still can't pull your head out of your ass for long enough to see that this isn't some meaningless fling?"

My cheeks grew hot, my heart pounding in my throat as tears stung the backs of my eyes. "I love him, Slate. I do, and I'm sorry that he's your friend and that you're butt hurt about him breaking the bro-code or whatever this is really about, but I love him and that's not going to change."

He sucked in an audible breath when I said the L-word, pain shining from his eyes. "No, Mira. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you fell for a guy you have no future with. I'm sorry that you're in love for the first time and that it's not with the right man. Most of all, I'm sorry for how much he's going to hurt you. I tried to keep this from happening, but it looks like I've already failed."

"This isn't about you," I ground out, my eyes narrow. I leaned forward in the chair. "I would never presume to tell you who you can and cannot love. Why do you think it's okay for you to do it to me?"

"Because you don't love him, Mira. You love the idea of Logan, and that's bad enough as it is, but you don't love him. Not for who he really is."

An ache unlike anything I'd ever felt before spread through me, setting my skin on fire and making my insides burn. "You're wrong. I do know him and I love him for everything he is, even the parts you've obviously never seen of him before."

"That's just it," he said gently, still not getting worked up. I didn't understand it, but it felt like he was pleading with me. "You don't want to believe it, but I know who he really is and I also know it's not the guy you seem to think that you've fallen in love with."

"I don't seem to think anything," I spat at him, my muscles starting to tremble from how tightly I was holding them, and yet, Slate was completely calm. "Don't tell me how I feel, big brother. You don't know anything about it, and obviously, you haven't been listening. I don't just think that I love him. I know that I love him and I don't need you to tell me that it's not true when you've never been in my shoes."

He winced but didn't reply immediately. Swiping his tongue across his lips, he kept looking into my eyes as he breathed deeply in and out. "Look, maybe I haven't been expressing myself properly."

I scoffed. "Oh, you've had no problems expressing yourself. You've made your opinions crystal fucking clear."

"Let me put it to you this way," he said suddenly, speaking faster now as I scooted forward to get up. "What do you think you're going to get with a player like him, huh? Do you really think there's going to be a wedding? A picket fence? A family?"

My pulse spiked. I opened my mouth to say yes, but then I realized that I hadn't actually thought that far ahead. Not really. I'd only been thinking about how Logan made me feel now and how I wanted to feel that way forever, but beyond that? I honestly didn't know.

Slate took my silence as a cue. "I'm not trying to be an asshole here, but have you even asked him if he wants any of that? Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you've both let yourselves get caught up in it all without thinking about the facts or the future."

His words hit their mark. Logan and I were still so new that we hadn't sat down yet to discuss what we wanted in the years to come. I didn't think couples who were only just starting out really ever had those kinds of conversations so early .

"No, we haven't talked about it yet," I said honestly. "We will, though. When the times comes."

Slate nodded slowly, sympathy softening his eyes as he rested his elbows on his desk. "I know you've always wanted all that. The whole nine yards. A husband, the white picket fence with a swing set in the yard and kids of your own playing on it, a dog or two, and hell, even dinner every night at seven."

"Okay," I admitted. "You're not wrong, but so what? All of that is a long way off for me, Slate. Whether it's with Logan or not, it's not like I'm in a place in my career right now where I'd be able to do it anyway."

"Sure, but as long as you're with Logan, you're not looking at anybody else and he's not going to build that life with you. Not now. Not ever. By the time you realize that, you might've wasted years with him and I'll be damned if you give it all up for Logan—or anybody for that matter."

"That's not up to you," I said. "Thanks for the concern, but being with him doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to have to give anything up. Maybe in the past, he was like that, but we're growing. He's growing."

"He is, but he's got a hell of a lot of growing to do to get that point. If he ever gets there." Slate softened even more, imploring me now. Getting up, he came over to give me a big hug. "I love you more than anything in this world and I'll always be here for you, but sometimes loving someone means being the one to tell them the hard truth. That's all I'm trying to do."

I returned his hug but then stepped out of the circle of his arms and looked up at him. "What's the hard truth, then?"

"Logan is my best friend. Now that I've had some time to process all this, I've realized that's not going to change. I'm pissed as hell at him and I don't know how I'm ever going to get over it, but regardless of how angry I am, I love the guy like he's a part of our family."

"One day, he could be," I said persistently.

"But he won't be, Mira," Slate said, his voice surprisingly gentle now. "One thing that won't ever change is that he's my best friend. He's a dick, but it is what it is. Another thing that won't ever change, though, is Logan himself."

"What do you mean?" I asked, even though I wasn't sure that I wanted an answer.

My heart was racing again, the ache still there but for a whole different reason now. I'd been so sure that I knew why Slate had reacted to the news of our relationship the way he had, but now, it seemed there was so much more to it.

He had touched on a few things the last time we'd talked, but since he was calm now and explaining himself so much better, what he was saying just hit differently. It hit much deeper. In a place where the words hurt a lot more.

"Logan's not built for forever with one woman," he said. "If you don't believe me, ask him. He's said it a thousand times himself. I don't doubt that he feels something for you now. I don't even doubt that he really does care about you, but I'll choose you over Logan any day of the week, and that's what it comes down to. I know what you want in the future and I know that he's not going to give it to you."

A shuddering breath came out of me, but Slate put his hands on my shoulders and bent his knees so his eyes were level with mine. "You can make your own choices. Of course, I acknowledge that. I know that I can't stop you from being with him if that's what you really want, but as your older brother, I feel like it's my responsibility to make sure you don't go into it blind."

I searched his gaze for any hint of anger, or pettiness, or lies, but I didn't find any. "Just promise me you'll think about it, okay, Mira? Think about the future you've always dreamed about because the sister I know would never sacrifice her dreams for a man. Logan won't change, but will you?"