Chapter 12

12

T he butterflies in my stomach make my hands shake as I strip off my wet clothes and hop in the shower. I should text Theo and cancel dinner. This thing between us is too volatile. We're polar opposites hurtling toward each other, doomed to explode on impact. Instead of texting him, I take the shortest shower of my life and stand in front of my closet dripping wet, trying to decide what to wear for what suddenly feels like one of the most critical moments of my life. What do you wear to try to avoid a pre-destined collision? My gaze slides to the back right corner of my closet where a pile of giveaway clothes has been sitting for months. I pull on a pair of baggy sweatpants and a gigantic purple hoodie emblazoned with my high school mascot–a rearing unicorn–on the back. I look at myself in the full-length mirror hanging on the back of the bedroom door and start to doubt myself. I look ridiculous. Which is exactly what I’m going for, I remind myself. I pull on my tennis shoes and head outside before I chicken out.

I realize my colossal mistake when I see Theo pacing by the garage, hands in the pockets of tailored wool trousers, the collar of a quarter zip sweater framing his jaw, sleeves pushed up. I definitely don’t pay any attention to the veins riding over his forearms. My cheeks flush as his gaze sweeps over me, one dark eyebrow slowly rising.

"I–I should go change," I stammer, plucking at my sweatshirt nervously.

"Don't." He bites his lip, the corner of his mouth twitching.

"Theo–"

"Are you comfortable? Warm?"

I nod.

"That's all that matters." He enters the code into the keypad, then steps back. "I know what you're doing." He glances at me over his shoulder.

"What's that?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. He heads into the garage and wheels the bike out, ignoring my question.

"Do you have a hair tie?" he asks, handing me a helmet. I nod, handing it over, utterly confused. I can feel the heat of his hands through my sweatshirt as he turns me away from him. I shiver as he rakes his fingers through my hair, gathering it into three sections and then braiding it.

"You decided on wearing the most hideous outfit possible because you think it'll stop whatever this is between us from happening. The only problem with that is I'm interested in what’s up here." He taps the top of my head and then fastens the hair tie at the end of my braid, turning me to face him. "Everything else is just a bonus." He takes the helmet from me, holding my gaze as he slides it down over my head. "Did I finally figure out how to calm that razor-sharp tongue?" he asks, his smile widening when I can’t think of what to say.

"Theo," I croak, my heart in my throat. Our eyes lock, the moment thick with inevitability. "We can't stand each other," I whisper, desperate to get us back on solid ground.

"Stop lying to yourself, Isla." He squeezes his hands into fists at his side, a muscle twitching in his jaw.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask, trying to decipher his body language.

His laugh is devoid of humor. "Mad?" He holds his palm up, showing me the dark crescents in his skin. "Mad with desire, maybe. It's taking everything in me to keep from reaching for you."

"Why are you stopping yourself?"

"Because I don't want to ruin this shaky trust we've started building between us."

"Why do you care?" I push, desperate to fight this thing pulling us together.

"Why do I care? I was a goner the first day you walked up to me with those flashing green eyes and knocked that croissant out of my mouth, Isla."

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. I turn away from him and pull off the helmet, looking out over the sea, trying to steady myself.

"I can't stop thinking about how badly we fucked up your life and how I'm powerless to do anything about it. I stay awake every night thinking about what I could have done differently, but then I can't help but be happy because it brought us to you."

The helmet drops from my fingers as I turn toward him. I close the distance between us, not stopping to think about anything other than how badly I want to touch him. He grabs a handful of my sweatshirt and pulls my body against his.

"Tell me to stop. Tell me you hate me," he begs.

"I can't." I slide my palm over the stubble on his jaw. He closes his eyes, pushing into my touch.

"I'm bad for you, Sunflower. You need sunshine to thrive. Henry has that covered. You don't need me."

"I need the clouds that bring rain, too, Theo."

"Thank fuck." He wraps me in his arms, pulling me onto my tiptoes, his face buried in my neck. My stomach grumbles loudly, and he pulls back, looking guilty. "Come on, let's go get you some food." He picks up my helmet and slides it back over my head, then grabs my hand, fingers interlocking with mine as he pulls me toward the bike. My entire body is buzzing with adrenaline, my heart beating steadily between my legs. He puts on the spare helmet and throws his leg over the bike, motioning for me to get on behind him. I climb on, keeping some space between us. He hooks his hands under my knees, pulling me forward until I'm snug against him. I realize how much trouble I'm in when we turn out of the driveway, and every bump has me rubbing against the edge of his belt. I shift away, but the next turn has me sliding back into place.

"You okay back there?" he asks.

"No, not at all."

He pulls to the shoulder, twisting to look at me. "What's wrong?"

I clear my throat, deciding to tell the truth. "Things are–ah–rubbing."

His eyebrows shoot up. "Do you want to drive?"

"Please," I practically beg, jumping off the bike so he can scoot back. I take his place, fitting my body against his, then start the bike, pulling back onto the road. He leans forward, wrapping his arms around my middle, and that's when I feel his cock pressing into my back. I push back against him, not able to control the raw, animalistic desire coursing through my veins. His groan is barely audible over the wind, but it sends goosebumps racing over my body. I make a last-minute decision and pull into the driveway of an old abandoned farmhouse, my heart pounding in my ears.

"What are we doing?" Theo asks, looking around at our surroundings.

"I'm about to jump you and we haven't even kissed yet. So I'm going on the other side of this house to get myself off before I do something stupid. You can join me if you want." My heart lodges in my throat. What the fuck am I doing? This is insane. I set my helmet on the bike and start walking through the thick weeds toward the back of the house, his footsteps heavy behind me. Once we’re hidden from the road, I turn toward him, barely able to breathe.

"Are you real?" he asks, wonder in his eyes as he watches me lean against the side of the house, his gaze following my hand as I push it inside my sweatpants.

"Very." I close my eyes as my fingers brush my clit, a tsunami of need crashing through my system.

"Fuck, Isla."

I startle when Theo's hand slides over mine, adding pressure to my touch. I clench my thighs around our fingers, but instead of helping me, he pulls my hand up and licks my fingers clean.

"Theo," I beg, my chest heaving. His mouth crashes against mine, our tastes mingling as he slides his tongue over my lips, and I open for him. He doesn't pull back until we're both gasping for breath.

"There. We kissed. Can I get you there now?"

"Yes," I practically sob, my entire body shaking with desire. He hauls me into his arms and carries me over to the rock wall at the back edge of the yard.

"Use this to support your weight. I don't want you to fall," he says, pushing me down so my stomach is snug against it. I can barely breathe as his thighs bump against mine, gasping as his hand snakes across my hip, over my lower stomach and between my legs.

"You're sure?" he whispers, his voice husky with need.

"Yes, Theo." I moan as his fingers cradle my clit, sliding back and forth until I'm close. He moves his hand right before I come, sliding a finger inside me, anchoring the heel of his palm over my clit.

"You're so fucking tight," he groans, slowly pushing deeper, then adding a second finger. "This doesn't hurt, does it?"

"Don't stop," I beg, dropping my weight onto his fingers. He grabs my ass with his other hand, squeezing hard. I whimper, pushing back against him, letting my body speak for me. He runs his finger along my crack, testing the waters. A moan rips from the depths of my soul, my back arching, desperate for this. Wanting everything he's willing to give me.

"Turn around." The command in his voice has me facing him before I consciously decide to. The fingers that were just inside me slip easily between my cheeks to tease sensitive skin. I bite my lip, trying to keep in the ungodly sounds trying to escape. "Don't. I want to hear you."

"Theo, please." Our eyes lock as he pushes his finger against me, slowly breaching that tight ring of muscle.

"Fuck," I groan, reaching between my legs.

"That's it. Good girl," Theo breathes, sliding his hand past mine and pushing two fingers inside me, rubbing them slowly over my G- spot. He slides his finger farther into my ass as my body relaxes for him, both hands pushing and pulling in the same rhythm. I can feel the wet heat of his mouth through my sweatshirt as he sucks my nipple into his mouth.

"Fuck, my fingers are cramping," I gasp, shaking my hand.

"Have you been eating?" he asks, his expression thunderous.

"Can we talk about that later?" I beg, wanting to push his head between my thighs but too shy to do it. He squats down, using his teeth to drag down the waistband of my sweatpants. I help him, pushing them to my knees. He presses his nose just below my navel, sucking in a jagged breath.

He looks up at me, his eyes black. "Isla–" There's so much intimacy in how he says my name, and I know he's giving into whatever this is and asking me to do the same.

"Yes, Theo," I say, answering his unspoken question.

"You're all in?" he asks, his nostrils flaring.

"What about your brothers?"

"We'll figure it out. We always do."

"Then yes, I'm all in," I whisper, blinking back tears. What is happening to me? His hands continue their onslaught of my senses as he circles my clit with his tongue.

"Oh god, Theo." I thread my fingers through his hair, holding on for dear life as he breaks me down and builds me back up again. He fits his mouth over me, one long pull, and my vision goes black, my entire universe shrinking to this one moment.

"Come for me, Isla." The vibration of his voice has me bucking against him. He flattens his tongue over me, sliding it back and forth over my clit, increasing the pressure on my G-spot. It's too much.

"Theo, I–"

"You're doing so good. Lean into it. Don't hold back." One more thrust of his fingers and I'm dragging his mouth back to my pussy, grinding against him, the world exploding around us. My entire body clenches as my muscles spasm, ecstasy radiating through me in waves. He slows his movements as I come down, moving his lips to my lower stomach, nipping at my skin. He stands, pulls my face to his, and kisses me like he's been waiting for this his entire life. He breaks away to allow us to breathe, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "If I had known it would be like this, I never would have left last summer," he whispers, resting his forehead against mine. My stomach growls again, and he jumps back like I struck him. "Fuck, Isla. This was just supposed to be dinner." He pulls up my underwear and sweatpants, color leeching from his cheeks.

"I needed this more than I needed food," I assure him.

He swings me up into his arms, glowering down at me. I grin up at him like a fool. I never would have guessed there was so much heat under that stony exterior.