37. Cash

37

CASH

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will…

My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit…

-The Creed Of A United States Marine

I took a deep breath as I steadied my rifle. Though she wasn't Sally, she fit in my hands like a glove. This was my calm place, the only time I ever felt truly in control. She would not fail me.

Yet, as I stared through the scope, I knew the shot was impossible. The distance was too great and Rafe was too close to Zavala to attempt the shot. His body dragged behind Zavala and I begged for him to stumble and give me the shot I needed.

I looked through the scope at my brother's face in the early morning light. He looked calm, determined…just as he always did. But I couldn't let him slip through my fingers like this. Not when I could take the shot. Even if I winged him, it would be enough to take Zavala down and give Fox a chance to catch him.

I put my finger on the trigger, ready to take the shot and save my brother. But then I saw him looking at me—as if he could see me from my perch. With a slight shake of his head, I knew he was talking to me. I pulled back, confused by what was happening. I looked back from the scope, but he was no longer looking at me. Zavala dragged him to a car and was about to open the door. This was my last chance. I could lose him forever if he got inside that vehicle.

Yet, even as I put my finger to the trigger again, I couldn't do it. Something inside me was telling me not to do it. Rafe wanted this. I didn't know why, and I had no fucking clue what his plans were, but he wanted to be taken.

He wanted to get on that island.

"Goddamnit, Rafe," I cursed under my breath. I watched as the door opened and Zavala dragged him to it. It was my last chance to kill Zavala. I had him in my sights and Rafe was free and clear. I put pressure on the trigger. I almost did it.

"Fuck!" I shouted, pulling back.

I didn't need to look to know that Zavala was gone. I didn't know what would happen to my brother, but I knew one thing. I would regret not taking that shot, even if it was what Rafe wanted.

The one shot that counted, and I didn't take it. I failed myself today. I didn't take the shot when I could have, and that would haunt me forever.

I wouldn't pick up another rifle until I knew I was worthy to hold it in my hands.