35. Rafe

35

RAFE

"I have some news," Libby said over the phone. "There's supposed to be a shipment coming in tonight in San Francisco where Zavala is currently docked."

"Tonight?"

"That's what I heard."

"How credible is it?"

"I would say about fifty-fifty."

There was no way there was another shipment coming in. Zavala was trying to draw me out of hiding. He knew his only way to tempt me was to spread word of another shipment. He thought I would drop everything for the chance to throw another chink in his plans.

He wasn't entirely wrong. He just didn't realize my plans far exceeded ruining his business.

"I'll be there."

"I don't think you should go," Libby said, speaking more forcefully than she usually did. "Rafe, I don't like the feel of this."

"Then why did you tell me?"

"Because you know I would never keep anything from you."

I chuckled at that. She absolutely would. If anything, she was more cunning than I was. It was one of the things I loved most about her. And one of the things I would miss when this all came to a head.

"You would, so why did you tell me?"

She sighed in irritation. "Because whatever your plans are, this might be what you've been waiting for."

"You know all my plans."

"Don't think for even a second you can pull the wool over my eyes, Rafe. Ever since I first met you, I knew you were keeping secrets from me. There's always been something you won't tell me, and I've never asked. But I'm telling you right now that whatever this is about, you won't win tonight."

"You have so little faith in me."

"I have absolute faith in you, but I also know that you would give anything to achieve your goals."

I could hear the anger and fear in her voice as she chastised me. For once, I stopped and listened, knowing that even though I wouldn't change my mind, this would be the end. The last time I ever heard her reprimand me. The last time I ever heard the worry in her voice or the slight tremble when she yelled at me.

I didn't deserve a woman like Libby. I could only hope she would forgive me when this was all over. For me, this was the end, but she had a long life ahead of her, and I would give anything to know that she was safe from the outcome of what I was about to do.

"Rafe, I'm asking you not to do this. For me. Please, walk away."

"I can't do that," I answered quietly.

"For me, Rafe. I've never asked you for anything. I've stood by…I've helped you over the years, making sure you achieve your goals. But please, don't ask me to watch you do this."

"You don't even know what I'm doing," I chuckled.

"This time is different."

Her voice was barely a whisper, but I could feel the pain and anguish tearing through her. I wished it could be different, but I didn't fight for years to achieve my goal only to walk away because a woman asked me to.

Even if that woman was someone I loved more than my own life.

I'd never forget that first day I met her. I thought she was so young and innocent. But under that soft exterior was a warrior that matched my own spirit. She was my equal in every way, and it was only because of her that I was able to keep going even when everything looked like it would fall apart.

And now I was going to have to betray her in every way. Nothing I could say or do would ever make this right in her eyes. She would hate me for the rest of her life, and I was going to have to accept that before I put my final plans into motion. I had to hope that one day she would understand and she would learn to forgive me, even if I could never forgive myself for what I was about to put her through.

"I can feel a change in you."

"You can't feel anything. I'm not even with you."

"When you left me last time…there was something in the way you kissed me. It felt like a goodbye."

"You got all that from one kiss?" I asked, rubbing the center of my chest where a deep ache had formed.

"Rafe…" I swore I heard a sniffle from her, but that couldn't be right. Libby wasn't a crier. She was the strongest woman I knew.

"Libby, this is something I have to do. I need you to trust me that I'm doing this for the right reasons."

"And what about me?"

That was the hardest part. "I will always love you. I need you to know that I would never willingly leave you unless I had to."

"And that time is now," she said solemnly.

"Whatever happens…I need you to know that you made this whole thing so much easier for me to handle. Because of your strength and your love…"

I had to pause and wipe the moisture from my eyes. I wasn't one for sappy emotions, but this woman had a way of dragging things as silly as love from my soul and making me a believer that all things were possible.

"Libby, when this is over, promise me that you'll have the kind of life I could never give you."

"You want me to walk away as if none of this happened?" she asked. I could hear the tears in her voice, choking her up. "Rafe…don't ask me to do that. Don't ask me to pretend that none of this was real."

"I'm not asking you to. Just don't—" I stopped and took a deep breath, feeling that ache grow into a knot that felt like it would tear through my chest and burn me alive. "We had something amazing, but don't let this tear you apart. You're the most crazy and loving woman I've ever known and I need to know that you won't let this kill your spirit."

She was quiet on the other end, probably cursing me until the day I died because I was putting her in a position that left her with no options. Even if she showed up at the docks, there was no way I was turning back now. I'd fought for years to get this close, and there was no way I was backing down now. Not even for the woman I loved.

"I wish you had told me. I wish…I wish I had known."

"You would have tried to stop me."

"I would have hit you over the head and dragged you to the cellar. Then you wouldn't have a choice in the matter," she teased.

I cleared my throat, feeling like it was closing in on me. "I left something for you with Cash. He doesn't know it yet, but when he does, he'll make sure you get it."

"That's it? That's all I get?"

"That's all I can give you. It's why I tried to stay away from you all those years. I knew how this would end, and I didn't want you dragged into it. But you tore down my walls and refused to let me walk away from you."

"That's because I'm just as stubborn as you."

"I swear, when this is over, you'll understand why I had to do this and hopefully, you won't hate me for it."

"I'll always hate you for taking away my options in this."

"Then maybe you'll still respect me, at least."

"Rafe, there's never been a single day that your name and respect went together," she laughed.

I heard Nicholas call my name and knew I had to stop dragging this out. We had a mission to plan, and once it was in motion, there would be no turning back. It was time to say my final goodbyes and pray that she would still find some way to love me when this was over, and not curse me to hell.

I swallowed my pride and said a quick prayer for her. "I love you, Libby. I will until my dying day."

I heard a choked sob on the other end of the line and hung up before she could say anything else. As I stared at my phone, I noticed a slight shake in my hand, something that had never happened before. I shoved my phone in my pocket, refusing to let emotions get the best of me. As I turned to the guys waiting at the cars, I shoved all thoughts of Libby aside and got to work.

It was the beginning of the end, and I would bring the fires of hell with me and make Zavala bleed by my hands for every sin he had ever committed.

"How sure is Libby about the intel?" Cash asked.

"Fifty-fifty."

"That's not good enough," he sighed.

"Neither is forty-sixty, but we've gone with those odds before," FNG noted.

I poured myself another scotch, knowing it was the last time I would get to enjoy a drink such as this. "You don't have to back me up on this. I know we could be walking into a trap, but this could be the final nail in Zavala's coffin. He wouldn't be here unless he was scared."

"Exactly," Cash said. "His last shipment was stolen by you. Why would he risk another where he could be caught? From what you've told me, he doesn't do the drops himself."

"He wants assurances that the shipment will go through. Sometimes, you have to see to things yourself," I lied.

"I don't like it."

Nobody did. I could see the concern on their faces. They all thought this was a trap, and it was. But I needed this to make my plan succeed. It was the only way to convince Zavala that I was the one interrupting his plans and carry out the rest of mine. Without these men backing me up, Zavala would simply shoot me in the head and move on. I needed the leverage on my side.

"We have to take that chance. Zavala has his fingers in every aspect of The Syndicate. If we take him out, another piece of it falls apart."

"Does it include something blowing up?" IRIS asked.

"It could."

"What about possible death?" FNG asked.

"I'm sure you'll find a way to make that happen."

"I'm in," Fox grinned. "But you know me, all I require is a good plate of shawarma before battle. I do get to bring my knives, right?"

"Rafe," Cash said, motioning me to the side.

I followed, knowing I was about to get the brotherly talk. He was concerned about this operation, and it was imperative that I convince him to go through with it.

"Tell me what the real play is."

My brother, ever astute, wouldn't let anything slide past him. "The play is getting the drugs."

"What's your play? You're not after the drugs. I know you, and you never come to me for help for the real reason."

"Name one time," I countered, knowing he would list at least fifty.

"How about earlier in this operation when you had Raven steal the key card instead of just fucking asking for it? Or how about when you framed Tahlia for murder? Or?—"

"All of those times panned out."

"But you could have just asked me for help," he snapped. "These are my men's lives on the line. I won't let you put them in danger because you aren't willing to share the details. Either you tell me everything or the operation is off. I'll find another way to get Raven back."

I had to give him something. If he called this off, I might miss my opportunity. God knows they didn't come around often. I sighed heavily, pretending to be really irritated with Cash's insistence. "I told you, Zavala only comes off the island when absolutely necessary. He runs his operations from there, and it's nearly impossible to get to him any other way."

"You want on the island," he said shrewdly.

"No," I lied. "Things are coming to a head. Tensions are mounting in The Syndicate. If we take down Zavala, it's only a matter of days before this all ends. With all the other leaders we've taken out, their replacements don't hold the same values and goals as the original leaders in The Syndicate. Zavala is the last stronghold. Without him, there's nothing to hold The Syndicate together. I've already been in contact with Shadow. He's let the right people know that it's almost time to move in. For the first time in years, we have the government on our side, ready to step in as soon as the signal is given. If we don't move now, it could all fall apart."

Cash's brows furrowed as he considered this information. Even after all these years, it never became normal to see my own face staring back at me. And even stranger, that he had the same piece of ear missing as me. Our parents were the only ones who could ever tell us apart. And since our mother passed, our father was the last person on Earth who could truly distinguish between the two of us. Soon, there would be no need for that.

"—go through with this."

I shook my head slightly, trying to remember what he just said.

"Rafe, are you listening?"

"Sorry," I apologized for probably the first time in my life, which only made him frown harder at me. "Stop fucking staring at me."

"Since when do you apologize?"

"Slip of the tongue. Can we get back to work?"

He gripped my shoulder hard, moving in closer and lowering his voice. "If your head isn't in this, you need to fucking tell me."

"Why? Worried about your precious men?" I grinned.

"I'm worried about my brother," he hissed. "This isn't like you. You're distracted."

"I was thinking ten steps ahead."

"You never lose your concentration. Not in front of me."

Now would be the time to say my goodbyes, to tell him that this was the last time we would ever have what resembled a heart-to-heart. But none of that could happen. He would block me the moment he found out something else was going on. I had to get my head in order or this whole thing would fall apart. There was no time for sentimentality when I still had a job to do.

I slapped his hand away and threw a punch, catching his lip. Blood smeared across his jaw, and though regrettable, it was necessary to convince him I was fine.

He slowly turned to face me, his jaw hard as he swiped the blood from his lip. "You know, just once you could allow someone to be fucking worried."

"That's my wife's job. Your job is to follow me in there and make sure I get what I need."

"I don't follow you anywhere," he grumbled. "My fucking job is to make sure everyone gets in and out alive."

"Then stop fucking looking at me like your brother. This is bigger than either of us. If we don't stop this today, The Syndicate will have time to rebuild their forces and create an even bigger organization that will spiral out of control. No government will have the power to stop them. Is that fucking clear?"

He took a step back, nodding slightly. "Fine. We'll do this your way."

"Good. My guess is that there'll be two yachts docked at the harbor, but they won't make the trade until they're out of port."

"Too many eyes," Cash agreed.

"If we can get to them before they leave, we can end this."

"Why would they dock tonight when it would be so easy for a search and seizure?"

"There's no cause for authorities to board his yacht. And by the time they got a search warrant, he would be long gone and have the shipment offloaded. Besides, Zavala thinks he's untouchable."

"We'll still have his guards to contend with."

"That shouldn't be a problem."

Cash shook his head, clearly uneasy with what we were about to do. "I'm trusting you on this, Rafe. Don't fuck me over."

I nodded, but knew I would be breaking that promise. For the first time in my life, I regretted the way things were ending between us. But it would be worth it in the end. Hopefully, he would see that.