18. FNG

18

FNG

I hopped down from the tank, laughing at how easily we took them down. Well, it wasn't entirely easy, but it could have been worse. Fox walked over to me, slapping me on the back.

"And all that without your umbrella."

"I know. I thought for a minute we weren't going to make it. I really started to think we were going to lose."

"That's how I feel about my knives," he said, pulling them out.

They were covered in blood, and as he stuffed them away, he didn't bother to wipe them off.

"You might need some alcohol."

"For what?"

"To clean the blades."

"Nah, not necessary my unkillable padre."

"Padre?"

"Friend," he clarified.

"Uh…that's amigo."

"Whatever. The point is, they didn't get us today, and I will not wipe the stain of victory from my blades!"

He clapped me on the back and walked away, kicking his feet up and tapping his heels together before continuing on.

"Raven!" Nicholas shouted. He'd been doing that for the last five minutes.

"Dude, you gotta stop yelling. I think we drew enough attention with the building collapsing and the tanks sitting in the parking lot."

"Raven's nowhere in sight."

"Well, she probably ran. You know, women can be weird about gunfire. I remember this one time when I was missing?—"

"FNG, now is not the time to talk about your adventures on the run."

Ouch. Okay, that stung a little, but I was a big boy. I could take it. "My point is, maybe she just figured the best thing to do was get as far away as possible."

"You might be right. I mean, she ran when we got out of the mansion."

"See? You just have to track her down. Easy peasy."

He slowly turned and faced me, narrowing his eyes at me. "Easy peasy?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, she's a woman. How hard can she be to track?"

He shook his head and walked away. It was like he was angry with me, but I couldn't figure out why. We'd taken out the bad guys. It wasn't like she was in danger.

Heading over to Rae, who was arguing with the manager, I listened as he complained about the destruction to his property.

"—it's in little pieces! What am I supposed to do now?"

"Uh, excuse me," I cut in. "It's not technically in tiny pieces. That would be true if it looked like gravel or small stones, but there are some fairly large chunks around here."

"And that makes it okay?" the man turned to me with a scathing reply.

"Well…it's easier to rebuild if you?—"

Rae elbowed me in the ribs, making me wince. I shut my mouth instantly.

"Sir, I've already contacted my boss. He'll be in touch with you soon."

The man scowled at me and turned away. "You talked to Cash already?"

"Nope. I was just trying to get him off our backs."

"When are you going to call him?"

She turned to me, holding out her phone. "I'm not. You're going to do it."

"Me? But…I can't do it."

"Why not?"

"He likes you better," I said, shoving her hand away.

"Yes, but you can't die."

That was a low blow. Still, she had a point. I grabbed the phone out of her hands and made the call.

"Rae, please tell me you've ended this mess."

"Hey!" I said jovially. "It's the bossman!"

"FNG, why the fuck am I talking to you instead of Rae?"

"Uh…do you want the real reason or a made-up reason?"

"FNG," he growled.

"She said it's because I can't die."

"Yes, you can."

"I really can't."

"FNG, when I find you—and I will—I'll wrap my hands around your neck and strangle you myself. Am I clear?"

I held back as long as I could…maybe five seconds, and then I blurted out, "But I still won't die. You've seen it, boss. It's impossible."

His irritated sigh flowed through the line. "What happened?"

"Well, see, it's actually kind of funny. We were just having our morning coffee—actually, Nicholas was getting some in the shower—and these tanks rolled up outside the motel. They just started shooting at us. Crazy, right?"

When he didn't answer, I continued.

"Anyway, we took control of the situation, defeated the bad guys, and now it's all over. Oh, and the motel sort of fell down."

"What do you mean it sort of fell down?" he bit out slowly.

"Well, it started with the roof and then just sort of collapsed. Yeah, the owner isn't too happy about it. Rae said you would call them."

Rae punched me in the arm, eliciting a gasp from me. I glared at her as I rubbed my abused arm.

"I would call them? Since when is it my job to call them?"

"Well, you are the boss," I hedged.

"Yes, and this is your mess. Clean it up."

I frowned. "Like…you want us to get some construction equipment and start rebuilding?"

"I don't care what you do. I don't care if you rebuild it brick by brick. You will take care of this situation and I won't hear another word about it. Am I clear?"

"Sure, but…you know, the building wasn't made of bricks."

"FNG!"

"Sorry, boss. Yes, I'll take care of it."

"Put Rae on the phone."

"Gladly."

I shoved the phone in her direction and moved on. I didn't want to stick around in case he had more to yell at me about. I only came to help, and look at where that got me.

I strolled around the building, kicking a few chunks of concrete out of the way as I looked for Nick. He was curiously absent, but then I remembered his lady was missing. What would I do?

I headed around back and looked all over for him. Then I heard a distant shout and turned to the woods.

"Awe, crap. I really didn't want to go for a hike today."

"It's a beautiful day for it," Fox said, coming out of nowhere.

"Of course you would say that. You love going on the hunt."

"Who doesn't? It's the best thing in the world. Of course, I don't think Nick would be too happy if I did what I normally do at the end of a hunt."

"Probably not."

"It's a shame. She's kind of pissing me off the way she keeps escaping."

"I think that's why he keeps chasing her."

Fox grinned. "Well, he always did want the unattainable. Shall we go?"

"What about Rae?"

"She's dealing with the manager. She'll find us."

I really didn't want to, but I followed Fox into the forest, getting scratched by branches and eaten by bugs. Of all the ways to escape, I knew exactly why she took this route. No one in their right mind would want to follow her. I kept swatting at the mosquitos and cringed a few times when I walked through spiderwebs. This just wasn't cool.

"You know what this reminds me of?"

"Some musical?" I muttered.

"No, silly. Not everything is about musicals."

"Could have fooled me."

"No, it reminds me of the day I got my Mojo back. Do you remember that?"

"You mean the day you brutally murdered a rapist? Yes, I remember."

"Those were good times," he sighed. "Hey, what do you think the chances are that I'll get to do that again?"

"Kill a rapist? I'm sure it'll happen at some point in your life."

"Man, if only that would happen right now. I could use a little torture in my life."

"You could always use torture in your life," I reminded him.

Thankfully, after that, he started singing show tunes as we walked through the forest. We finally came upon Nicholas standing over three dead bodies. The blood was already congealed. He hadn't been the one to take these lives.

"Raven?"

"By the looks of it," he muttered.

"Which leaves us where?"

"At a dead end."

"Well, she probably kept going that way."

"I already looked. There was probably a car parked there, but no other clues."

"Hey, you found her last time. It'll be okay."

He spun on me, anger flashing in his eyes. "Okay? She's got a price on her head just for holding onto those eggs. If she turns them over, she's dead. If she doesn't, she'll be on the run until the mob catches up with her. What part of this is okay?"

I shifted awkwardly. "Uh…I was just trying to cheer you up. Did you want actual answers?"

He shoved past me, ramming his shoulder into mine.

"Geez, everyone's touchy."

Hours passed with only ramblings from Nicholas about how he should have been watching her more carefully.

"You've got to chill out," Rae said, having had enough. "She's resourceful. You're acting like she won't make it out of this alive."

"She might not," he cursed. "This is the Russians."

"I happen to know a Russian," I grinned.

Nicholas turned and glared at me. "Yeah? And can you reach him?"

"Sadly, no. He never gave me his number. I'm actually kind of disappointed by that. You think you know a guy."

"Then how is that helpful?"

"Well…maybe it's not."

"No," he snapped. "I didn't think so."

I rolled my eyes at his dramatics. Some people weren't good under pressure. Being a former SEAL, you'd think he could handle a little thing like the love of his life going missing.

"I just need to get to my computer," Rae said. "If it hadn't been demolished in the firefight, I would be on it right now."

"You could call Dash," Fox pointed out.

"And have him say that he could take care of it faster than me?" Rae seethed. "I don't think so."

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out, not recognizing the number. "Hello?"

"Ah! It is FNG, my old friend!"

My eyes widened in surprise at the sound of his voice. "Ivan! I was just talking about you!"

"Really? I was just talking about you!"

I laughed hilariously at that. "No way."

"Way, it is too good. Let me guess, you are wondering about a certain brunette with green eyes."

"How did you know?" I asked in awe.

"Because she is here. I was just about to kill her when she mentioned your name!"

"No kidding! She talked about me?"

"I know. What are the chances? Just think, if I had started squeezing, she would be dead right now."

"Right now!" I joined in the laughter. "That's too funny."

"Yes, it is. Tell me, should I keep her alive?"

"Hold on, let me ask." I covered the mouthpiece and turned to Nicholas. "Hey, Nick. It's my friend Ivan. He has Raven and wants to know if he should keep her alive."

Nicholas narrowed his eyes at me. I swallowed hard and took a step back. "Uh…yeah, I think he wants her alive."

He sighed heavily. "Is too bad. I was so close to walking away with eggs from Mother Russia."

"Yeah," I grimaced. "That really sucks."

"But for you, my friend, I will keep her breathing for a little longer."

"Hey, I really appreciate this, Ivan. You really came through for me."

"Oh, my friend, is all because of Raven. If she no speak your name, I kill her and end my dry spell."

"How long has it been this time?"

"Two long weeks. It has been terrible."

"Yeah, that really sucks."

"But is okay because I see you again."

"Well, you'd get to see me more often if you'd give me your number!"

He burst out laughing. "You are funny man, FNG. I send you my location."

"Thanks, man. I'll see you soon."

I hung up and turned back to Rae, Fox, and Nicholas. "How weird is that? He found Raven and was just about to kill her when she said my name. I mean, he had his hands wrapped around her throat and everything. Talk about good timing. Just a few seconds longer and she'd be dead."

As amusing as this whole thing was to me, Nick just didn't seem to enjoy the same hilarity that I did. In fact, he looked downright pissed at me for some reason.

"Was it something I said?"

But he didn't answer. He just glared at me. Sheesh, talk about a rough crowd.

"Just give us the address so we can get on the road," Rae said.

My phone chimed with the location and I handed it over. I took a few steps away from Nick, hoping he wouldn't act on the venomous look he was shooting my way.

Fox, on the other hand, seemed quite cheerful. "Ivan the Slayer. It's gonna be epic."

"Yes," Rae responded drolly, handing over my phone. "And while we all wish we could kill like him, we have bigger problems at the moment."

"Right, the Russian mob. I totally hear you," Fox agreed. "But Ivan's got our back. What could go wrong?"

All three of us turned and glared at Fox. You never ever said what could go wrong? It was just asking for trouble.

"Well, I guess we're all fucked now," I sighed. "I mean, aside from me. I can't die. Best wishes to all of you."

You know, sometimes, I just didn't know when to keep my mouth shut.