Chapter 9

The following few days were a blur of activity as things got back to normal with Verity. They didn't have to be a blur of activity—no one was asking all that much of me. But I was going out of my way to keep busy, anyway.

My denial had been ticking over pretty nicely when I hadn't had to see Evrin. But looking into his glowing navy eyes, seeing him right in front of me and not being able to reach for him…

I needed to get over this Shade or I was going to drive myself insane.

"There you are!" Ophelia said, greeting me with a beaming smile and a hug as I headed back inside Elverston House. Meera shot me a brief smile before scurrying back out to the quiet of the garden, apparently content to off-load socializing duties now that I was back. "Meera said you'd gone out."

"I was talking to Astrid about some extra supplies for Verity. Were you looking for me? I'm sorry to keep you waiting."

"Not at all. Shall we sit in the drawing room? I raided the palace kitchen for treats. Calix is in a particularly cheerful mood this morning—he's been so much nicer now he's all loved up."

I did my best not to feel outrageously bitter that other people were just out here, falling in love and living their best lives. I really tried.

But also… how dare they?

"Is everything okay?" I asked, leading Ophelia to the drawing room, hoping she didn't question the puddle of curtains that were still sitting abandoned on the floor. She must have already been in here since a shiny silver tray of charcoal-colored cakes was sitting on the coffee table, waiting for us.

"Of course. Why do you ask?"

I raised an eyebrow at her as we took our seats on either side of the table. It absolutely wasn't the norm for Ophelia to seek me out for one-on-one time. We got along well, but she was too busy to really spend time with any of us ex-Hunters aside from Astrid.

"Okay, there was something I wanted to talk to you about," she admitted sheepishly. "But we don't need to get into it right away. How have you been? What's new? I feel like it's been forever since we talked."

Oh, not much, just wallowing in heartbreak, missing mozzarella sticks and all my favorite comfort movies from home."Nothing really."

"You've obviously been busy," Ophelia laughed, gesturing at the mass grave of curtains on the floor.

I snorted. "If I'd been busy, they'd be finished. The suspense is killing me, what did you really come here to talk about? It's got to be big if you're bribing me with pastry."

"They're not a bribe, I swear." She laughed nervously before clapping her hands together, an overbright smile on her face. "Right. Here goes. Allerick and I have been traveling around the realm, meeting a lot more Shades than just the usual ones we associate with at court. Away from here, there are some, uh, rumbles of discontent at the current ad hoc system of Hunters and Shades getting to know each other."

"Is this because of Austin and Selene?" I asked. Ophelia's face went as red as her hair, which was an answer in itself. Austin had mentioned that some of the more elitist Shades didn't feel like Selene fit the bill as far as mates went, which was one of the most ridiculous things I'd ever heard. Then again, I'd probably been a little na?ve in assuming that Shades wouldn't have an unjust class system of their own, especially considering they had a semiconstitutional monarchy.

Ophelia exhaled heavily. "Look, there's no way around it—this is an awkward request. And I feel like I can only approach you with it because you're so confident and assertive, and I believe you could handle it. Not that Meera couldn't handle it. Agh, I'm making such a mess of this."

"No, you're fine. I get it."

Privately, I thought Ophelia—and everyone else—was underestimating Meera. She wasn't as loud as me or Verity, but she didn't appear to be riddled with self-doubt the way I was. Her confidence was quiet, but it was genuine.

"It's just… I don't suppose you'd be willing to go on a few prearranged dates? Just to meet them, nothing else. Of course," Ophelia added hastily. "There are a few Shades who feel they're not getting a fair shot because they aren't based at court, or they're quieter personalities. That kind of thing."

I didn't mind a shy boy, but a dude who ran to the king and queen whining for a date was a slightly less-sexy visual.

And I did need to get over Evrin. While I doubted I would be doing that by getting under someone else—my personality absolutely wouldn't let me move that quickly—meeting other Shades might not be the worst idea.

Maybe there was someone out there who was exactly like Evrin in every way, but actually wanted a relationship and to be seen with me in public.

"I mean, I guess it would be fine." I shrugged. I had free room and board, all my meals were provided, and no one expected me to work. If nothing else, I definitely wasn't opposed to giving back a little. "They're not all whiny complainers, are they?"

Ophelia let out a startled laugh. "I'll be honest, I don't know any of them particularly well, but I certainly hope not. The Council of Shades has been on our case about this—they never liked Allerick's laissez-faire approach to integrating the Hunters who moved here into life in the shadow realm." Ophelia cleared her throat. "Selene definitely made me realize that we were keeping the pool quite limited by not venturing outside of court."

The more I mulled over the idea, the less absurd it became. Allerick and Ophelia were happy together, and the first time they'd met had been at the altar. I didn't intend on being quite that extreme, but maybe some kind of speed dating arrangement would be helpful in finding my person. My Shade.

Since the one I wanted wasn't available to me.

"If there's anyone you think I should meet—someone who is looking to settle down, mating bite, all that jazz—that I haven't met yet, maybe mix them in too?" I suggested, hoping I sounded more casual than desperate. My own picker was clearly busted. I didn't want to rely on it anymore.

"Oh." Ophelia blinked before tilting her head to the side. "I didn't think you were having any trouble meeting Shades? Maybe I should have been paying closer attention…"

"No, no," I replied hastily, not wanting her to think she'd done anything wrong or missed something she should have seen. "I haven't had trouble meeting them. I've met plenty."

"But not the right one?"

"No." The lie tasted like bile on my tongue. But how could Evrin be the right one if I couldn't keep him? No, I didn't believe that. The right one would want me back. He'd want everything, and he'd never let me go. I wasn't going to settle for less than that.

Ophelia played with the ends of her hair, looking contemplative before straightening, a determined expression on her face. "I'll make some discreet enquiries. Whoever you end up with will be so lucky to have you, Tallulah. You've got so much love to give."

I hoped that my smile looked less wobbly than it felt. "I think so too. Now I just need to find someone deserving of it."

Ophelia returned my smile, though it looked a lot more genuine than mine felt. "You will, I'll make sure of it. Okay, if you're certain about all of this, I'll start making plans."

I nodded twice—once to convince her, once to convince myself. "Let's make it happen."