Chapter 8

EIGHT

W ith travel to the ashushk fleet and back, and an hour or so for the historic first talks between the ashushk and the resonance, Zed should be returning to the Jitendra around sixteen hundred Standard. Right? Or would the talks take?—

The door chimed. Distracted from his hundredth circuit of the suite, Felix palmed the release panel. The hatch slid back to reveal Elias's smiling face. The captain leaned sideways, glancing over Felix's shoulder. "You're wearing a track in the carpet, aren't you?"

"I'd have to put anti-grav thrusters on the soles of my boots to do any real damage to this carpet." Central had used only the best materials in the construction of their flagship, including a poly-resin fiber in the carpets. Tough enough to withstand pacing, yet weirdly soft. Felix scanned the hallway. "Ness isn't with you?"

"She and Qek went to the gym."

There was a—of course there was a gym. The Jitendra was a city with thrusters. There was probably a gym on every level. And pools and other recreational stuff. "Wait, Qek went to a gym?"

Without waiting for an invitation, Elias angled his way past him into the suite. "Apparently all this grand eating has given her a belly."

Felix chuckled, then immediately felt bad. Just because the ashushk weren't sexual beings, they could still be conscious of their appearance. Sobering, he scanned the sitting room of his suite. If he moved the sofa aside, he could pace up and down instead of 'round and 'round. Then he could include the bedroom and nearly double the length of his track. He'd taken a step toward the couch when Elias flopped down across the cushions, arms and legs spreading in his usual sprawl.

Elias patted the cushion next to him. "You can fret just as much sitting down as standing up, and it's rude to pace when you have guests."

"Uninvited guests."

"I knew you'd be in here chewing your lips to ribbons. Either that or taking something apart. The pacing is a relief, actually."

"Fuck you." Felix couldn't maintain an expression of ire, however. He was oddly relieved to have company. He flopped down next to Elias, copying his sprawl.

"So what's up with you and Zed? You guys weren't glued to each other's side at the party last night. Was weird."

"Do you know how long today's conference is supposed to last?"

"Don't change the subject."

Scrubbing a hand through his curls, Felix counted back from ten. "Is this why you're here? Gossip?"

"Take a deep breath. Hold it, let it out, and repeat after me. Zed is just fine. He's with the ashushk, not the stin."

Felix could barely contemplate the fact that one of these conferences would take place with the stin. "Interpreting for the resonance takes a lot out of him."

"I know."

"And he's not sleeping well."

"Which you only know because you're lying awake next to him, right?"

"Maybe." Felix breathed out. "I don't…" Pressing his lips together, he shook his head.

"What?"

"Nah, don't worry, it's just…it's not important." Zed had larger worries than the current strain in their relationship.

"Whatever it is, is worrying you, so spit it out."

Felix studied Elias's face, the openness of his expression and the gentle encouragement of his smile. "I think he's jealous of Theo."

One of Elias's brows quirked. "Well, that's ridiculous. Who would be jealous of a guy who looks just like him and has a weird habit of touching you? All over, all the time."

"They look nothing alike."

"Seriously? You don't see the resemblance?"

Dipping his chin, Felix sought to ignore the color creeping across his cheeks. "I didn't go looking for Theo, you know. Back then. He found me. Chased me. Wouldn't stop bugging me until I went hiking with him."

"Was he always so touchy-feely?" Elias could be touchy-feely too, but never inflicted himself on people who didn't deserve it.

Eyeing the nice spread of cushions between them, Felix thought about that difference and why Theo's seemingly casual touches stood out. "Yeah. He touches people. He always did. I asked him about it once and he…" Unbidden, a smile caught his mouth.

"Uh-oh."

"No, not that." Felix flapped a hand between them. "Well…Shit. I'm not going to discuss an ex with you. It's bad enough that Zed wants to know all about it. What everyone seems to be overlooking is the fact I left Theo twelve years ago. Broke it off. Decided we should be friends. And I did that so I could wait for Zed, and have been pretty much waiting for Zed ever since. You think I'd waste all that time if Theo was the one?"

"Waste?"

"Spend. Whatever. I love Zed. The whole galaxy knows that. Even the fucking Guardians know it."

"Yeah, but men are dumb. Maybe you need to remind him."

Felix stared hard at Elias. "You've been spending too much time with Nessa."

Elias returned a grin. "Never a bad thing."

No, it wasn't. Felix tapped his bracelet to check the time.

Elias laughed quietly. "We've passed maybe ten minutes. So what else do you want to talk about?"

Not Theo, not the resonance, not the stin. Definitely not the uncertainty of the future, or the possibility that this was it, that pacing suites would be what he did with his life while Zed translated trade agreements and peace treaties.

The door chimed again and Elias leaped up to open the hatch.

"Hey!" Elias said as Nessa and Qek stepped inside. "Your ears must be burning. We were just talking about you."

Qek lifted a hand to one of her small blue ears. "I do not understand. Ashushk have no telepathic abilities."

"It's just an expression," Nessa said. "We might not have telepathy, but we've got something almost as good. A powerful sense of intuition."

"So how was the gym?" Elias asked.

Nessa reached down to squeeze Qek's biceps. "Ten kilograms, twenty curls, five reps. Qek is going to be the strongest member of this crew if she keeps it up."

An image of a ripped ashushk wandered into Felix's brain. Weird. Dismissing it, he quickly showed his friend and crewmate a smile. "If you really want a good workout, I could teach you some kicks and stuff. We can use the bag in my quarters."

"Thank you, Fixer. I think I would enjoy that."

Nessa was giving him one of those you're-so-nice-when-you-want-to-be smiles. Felix curled his lip at her but found the rest of his mouth wanted to curl too. Sighing, he tapped his bracelet. Another two minutes had passed. Two . How much longer would Zed be?

He pushed up off the couch. "Who's up for poker?"

Another day, another historic meeting.

The pervasive, low-level rumble of the shuttle was almost enough to lull Zed to sleep. He'd long associated it with nap time—a soldier took rest when he could—and add in the fact that his body and brain were whimpering with exhaustion…

He needed to be horizontal. Soon.

The meeting between the ashushk and the resonance had gone well. As always, the ashies had been unfailingly polite and overwhelmingly curious—they'd clearly viewed it as an opportunity to learn as much as possible about the resonance. They had been fascinated to learn that the resonance did not operate entirely as individuals. As Gleams had insinuated during the social gathering, resonance society was made up of quartets. These cohesive units worked toward a common goal, sharing thoughts, emotions and a bond that Zed found hard to qualify. It wasn't quite romantic, not as humans understood it; nor was it the cool friendship that ashies formed with each other.

In addition to whetting the ashushk's curiosity, they'd also established some idea of territorial boundaries—planets the ashushk claimed as their own, for informational purposes—and started on negotiations for trade. Zed's brain ached with the effort of translation, but it was tempered with the knowledge that he'd done well. Every thought the resonance sent his way was paired with delight and he'd never seen so many wrinkly ashushk faces.

Any further thought was cut off by the increased whine and vibration of the engines as the shuttle went through the docking procedure inside the Jitendra . Zed settled back in his seat and wondered what Flick had filled his day with. He'd missed him, but as welcoming as the ashushk were, the meeting hadn't been the place for the engineer. Flick probably would've been bored out of his skull. He was better off staying on the Jitendra . Maybe tinkering on the Chaos . Hopefully not in the company of Theo.

Sighing, Zed rubbed at the line that seemed to have taken up permanent residence between his brows.

It didn't take him long to reach the quarters he shared with Flick—good thing, because he didn't actually remember walking through the corridors to get there. The door sliding closed behind him felt like more than just a function of the ship. It was sort of a metaphor, a gate closing on all the work waiting for him out there.

Movement in the sitting area drew his attention. Flick tossed something on the coffee table, littered with empty glasses and playing cards, and stood, then marched over to him in that determined gait of his. "You look like shit."

"I love you too."

Flick brushed the line between Zed's eyes, the twist of his lips softening. "You need to take better care of yourself."

Odd hearing that from the king of self…something. Zed's brain was too tired to put together the words. "I'm fine." Mostly.

"Did you eat?"

"Protein bars." There hadn't really been time for more. But now that food had been mentioned, his stomach gave a reluctant rumble, as though it was also too exhausted to care much about anything but sleep. He swayed forward and Flick caught him.

A soft, aborted bark of laughter left Flick's throat. "Shit, you're about asleep on your feet, aren't you? C'mon, bed. You can eat later."

"Just a nap. I've got a meeting?—"

"Right. A meeting. Always another meeting," Flick grumbled. "Maybe you should have a meeting to plan out your meeting."

"For the love of God, please don't mention that idea to anyone." Zed stumbled forward, following Flick into the bedroom. The blessedly dark bedroom with its lovely large, soft bed. He almost groaned at the thought of stretching out.

Flick gave another halfhearted chuckle and began unbuttoning Zed's clothes.

"Oh, I see how it is. You just want your way with me." Zed's eyelids fell to half-mast.

"You're swaying again."

"Your point?"

"Just get into bed."

Zed took a step and flopped forward, letting out a bone-deep moan as his body sank into the mattress's embrace. He was barely aware of Flick lifting his feet and adjusting his position so he was completely in the bed, but when Flick climbed in beside him, he roused a little. Enough to slip an arm across Flick's chest and pull him close, back to front. He buried his nose in Flick's hair, inhaling his lover's tangy scent. Flick always smelled like circuits and station metal. Like home.

"Smell good."

"Glad I'm not repulsive."

Silence filled the room, broken only by the sound of soft breathing. It was soothing, damned soothing, and Zed closed his eyes, eager to drift.

Flick sighed. "Can we talk?"

Zed pulled his head back, disengaging from the wonderful softness of Flick's hair. His heart kicked into a faster beat. He couldn't deny there was stuff they needed to talk about—but he'd been hoping they'd be able to just pretend everything was fine until it was.

"Right now?" he murmured.

"When's the next time I'm going to get you to myself?"

Point. Still…"I'll make time in the morning."

"Right." The annoyance in Flick's tone made it clear how likely he thought that was.

Zed groaned and rolled onto his back. "Fuck, I can barely think let alone string words together coherently."

Felix shifted, turning toward him, and propped his torso up on one elbow so he could look down at him. "This thing with Theo…"

Zed gazed up at him, trying to detect more than just a shadowy figure in the low light. Thanks to his fucked-up brain chemistry, he didn't see as well in the dark as he should without the Zone—shadows were blacker than black and light tended to be overexposed. He wished he was normal—something he'd been wishing for a lot, recently. Ever since Theo had entered their lives. He wished that he could see Flick properly, that he could look into Flick's hazel eyes instead of seeing them as vibrantly green. It was a familiar wish, one he'd largely pushed aside with Dr. McMann's help. He wasn't normal. He'd never be normal again. Wishing for it to be otherwise was just an exercise in futility and frustration.

Zed clenched his jaw. "I'm not doing this now."

"Zed—"

"Nope. I'm done. Night." He rolled onto his side, back to Flick. He didn't want to talk, but he sort of hoped that wouldn't negate closeness.

Flick growled. "We're not done."

"For now we are." It was Zed's turn to sigh. "Wake me up in thirty minutes."

Flick murmured something that could have been assent. Or maybe not. The sleep encroaching on Zed's consciousness said that he would just have to take his chances that his human alarm clock functioned as requested. He closed his eyes?—

Only to jerk fully awake as his wallet pinged with an incoming call.

"Fuck," he breathed. He started to get out of bed, but Flick grabbed him and held on. "I have to get up."

"You can call them back. I can't see you like this again, okay?" Flick's voice was small in comparison to the overly bright electronic chirping. Worn down, worn-out, fading away.

Zed eyed the lump of his pants, just barely able to pick out the flashing light of the wallet in the pocket. "I need to take it."

Flick pushed away, rolling over as Zed got up. "Fine. Have someone message me when you collapse."

Zed froze in the middle of pulling on his pants and glanced over his shoulder, catching Flick's glare.

"I'll come to bed early," he said softly.

"No, you won't," Flick shot back.

No, he probably wouldn't.

"Answer the damned call," Flick said, sounding defeated.

Zed opened his wallet. The fact that the caller had overridden the message function said that this was something Zed couldn't ignore. "Anatolius," he growled at the holo.

Theo's unwelcome face scowled at him. "Bad time?"

Anytime is a bad time for you. As soon as the thought scrolled through his head, Zed chastised himself. He was better than this, goddamn it. "No. Hit me."

"The cult did an interview with NewsNet."

Zed sat on the bed and waited for the punch line, because how had the crazy of the Church of Omega made it onto the biggest news network in human space? Behind him, Flick cursed under his breath. "And…"

"It's less incoherent than the last one. A lot less. I don't know if they managed to buy themselves some PR coaching, but they seemed rational. Reasonable."

"Are they still calling me Redeemer?"

"Our Redeemer, who's going to save us all from…something. They're still not clear on that point." Theo chuckled. "They also said that this was ‘a historic event' and we should all be proud that one of humanity's best is leading the galaxy toward peace. And then they dropped the time and place of tomorrow's meeting."

Zed stiffened. The public knew the meetings were happening, but the details had been kept on a need-to-know. "Shit. How did they?—"

"The network hasn't been breached."

"Inside job, then?"

Theo's jaw worked. "We're rescreening everyone on the Jitendra . In the meantime, I thought this would be a good opportunity to show how magnanimous humanity is and give in to the stin's whining to have the second meeting with the resonance."

Yeah, they hadn't liked the idea of the "youngest" species meeting with the resonance before them. But…damn, he needed more than a handful of hours to prepare for that particular nightmare. A handful of weeks wouldn't be enough.

"Fuck." Zed gave up all pretense of professionalism and fell back onto the bed, then angled the wallet so he was looking up at Theo. Flick didn't make any move to join him—something Zed both appreciated and regretted. "Is that going to be enough time to ensure security?"

"Yes. Hell yes. Even if they—whoever ‘they' is—figure out we've switched the order of the meetings, there's no way they'll get close enough to the stin ship to interfere. So rest easy." One of Theo's brows rose as a small, crooked grin appeared on his lips. "And I do mean that. Rest. You look like shit."

"Told you," Flick muttered, low enough that Theo didn't hear him.

"Sleep. Get your head on straight. Tomorrow…" Theo trailed off with a wince.

Zed let his eyes slide closed. "Tomorrow is gonna suck ."