Chapter 17

SEVENTEEN

T he med-camp kit was a smart-fiber tent with reinforced seams. Two, cut down the middle and stitched together, might have covered the interior of Cargo One. They didn't have two. Under Felix's direction, Theo and Elias supplemented with bedsheets. Nessa had given up wringing her hands about an hour ago and had settled for spraying the sheets with every disinfectant substance available from the Chaos stores.

Elias stepped back from taping the next-to-last improvised seam and dropped the roll of duct tape into Felix's lap. "Here. Make yourself useful."

Felix picked up the roll. "I wonder if the resonance ever use anything similar." Not for such tasks as attaching new limbs, he hoped.

He eyed the resonance clustered in the corner. Their spiked, crystalline forms were almost familiar. Being the smallest, Gleams had always been easier to identify. But now that Felix had been officially introduced to Locks, he could reliably pick the engineer out of the larger three. Zed stood in the middle of the unit, brow furrowed in concentration.

Elias's wallet chimed once and broadcast on the ship channel. " We have arrived at the location you specified, Captain ," Qek reported.

They were a long way from anywhere. A half million kilometers from the cluster of gates that formed the Hub, far from the designated territory of any singular species. They were in Guardian space, or maybe just a sort of no man's land.

Elias opened a display. "Hold tight. We're just about finished setting up down here."

"I will keep an eye on sensors."

Because a comet was sure to fly out of somewhere and ruin Felix's chance of getting the arm that satisfied all his needy desires.

Ness pushed a bundle of fabric toward Elias. "Time to suit up."

The resonance had assured Nessa—via Zed—that the environment would be sterile enough without suits and air exchangers, but everyone dealt with anxiety in their own way. Elias organized the tent, Nessa fussed over enough medical equipment to resurrect an army of undead, and Theo mediated the dozen or so tiny disputes between the two. Felix held the duct tape. Zed talked to the resonance. Likely, he'd asked them every question Nessa directed at him at least four times before she even thought of it.

Zed, Elias, Nessa and Theo donned environment suits. Rolling the tape along his thigh, Felix pretended to think about anything other than the fact he felt like the odd man out and some sort of exhibit. He was grateful they'd all elected to stay throughout the procedure, though. He looked up when a shadow fell across his lap and squinted at the clear plastic window in the face mask. Zed or Theo? A gloved hand reached for his wrist. Felix smiled.

"Everything's going to be fine," Theo said, his voice low and only slightly muffled.

"Are you reassuring me, or yourself?" Felix asked.

Theo squeezed his wrist and let go, retreating without answering.

Then it was time for Zed to lift him onto the float Nessa had set up in the middle of the bay. Zed fussed over him for a couple of moments, getting him all settled on the float. Felix let him.

"You feeling okay?" Zed asked, apparently confused by his uncharacteristic compliance.

Aside from the greasy feeling in his gut, the bang of his heart and the sensation of falling? Fine, just fine. Felix winked at him. "Peachy."

Zed found a smile for that.

"Arm up," Nessa commanded.

While Zed and Nessa tugged his shirt over his head, Felix reflected on Theo's words. Everything's going to be fine . He was alive and that was what mattered, two arms or not. He was alive and even if this didn't work, his crew would eventually tire of coddling him. They'd let him walk and pretend to be upset when he snapped at them and everything would go back to normal.

Nessa started removing the bandages around his shoulder. The discomfort of having his skin pulled at and no arm to bat her away with occupied his thoughts until the resonance moved closer and Zed began to explain what he understood about the procedure. "They're not going to remove what remains of your arm."

Felix swallowed as he digested that nugget, and acknowledged that a small fraction of his hesitance over replacing the damn limb in the first place had been tied to that, to giving up the stupid and useless stump attached to his shoulder.

"Really?" Nessa stopped pulling at the bandages. "They're not going to socket the new arm into his scapula?"

"No. They're going to seed the bone."

Do what to the what now?

"Once the arm has grown?—"

Felix felt his brows pull down. "Grown?"

"Yeah, they're going to bond a shard to what's left of your humerus."

"We'll need to make an incision then," Nessa said.

Felix's stomach rolled. Did he really need to hear more? "Can you talk about incisions after I'm under?"

"You need to be awake for the procedure, Flick."

"Huh?"

"Once the bone is seeded with a shard, you need to grow the arm."

"I thought they were going to do that part?"

Nessa almost overrode him with her own question. "How is he supposed to do that?"

Zed tapped his head. "Up here, there's a key. Locks thinks our brain structure is not dissimilar."

Felix smiled. "So, not similar, just not dissimilar."

"Caught that?"

"Can we go back to what happens after the arm has grown?" Nessa said.

"I'd rather talk about the growing part. Do I just think arm and watch it grow?" This was not what he'd expected.

"As I understand it, yeah. That's how you build your connection to it. The nerves should associate during the growth, which is why you'll be able to move it and use it when you're done. You might not be able to do much more than that for a while. They say it takes their spawn three or four cycles to learn how to make useful tools, but that's only because their minds don't yet know what is useful."

Felix glanced at the stump protruding from his left shoulder. The sight of the red and inflamed seam cinched the knots in his stomach. "If all I can do is move it…that's going to be everything." When he looked back up, Zed and Nessa wore not dissimilar expressions of concern. "A part of me thinks I'm crazy to do this. We don't understand their science…hell, I didn't understand half of what you just told me, except I have to grow myself a new arm." He took a deep breath. "I'm scared."

"I am too," Nessa said.

"You're supposed to say something reassuring," Felix snapped.

"You'll be okay, Fixer."

"That's better." Felix eyed Zed, waiting for his platitude.

"Not leaving your side until it's done."

Felix let his chin bob in a shaky nod. "Okay. Let's do this before I lose my nerve."

Nessa attached an extra sensor to his neck so she could track his vitals on an external monitor. Felix determinedly looked away as she waved one of her wands over his stump. A chill crept across his chest. He shivered.

"Cold?" Nessa asked.

"I'm good."

Zed's lips twitched. Very good , he mouthed. Felix returned a quick smile.

Nessa brandished a laser scalpel and Felix unabashedly reached for Zed's hand. He felt a tug against his left shoulder, but no pain.

"Bone is exposed," she said, obviously mopping at blood he did not want to see.

Zed turned to communicate that fact with the resonance, and the unit moved forward in concert. Nessa backed away, giving them access to the left side of the float. Feeling light-headed, Felix gave them his full attention.

Locks lifted his upper appendage and grew a slim point at the end of a finger. He showed it to the rest of the unit, the gesture perhaps more for the benefit of the humans than anything else. The other resonance grew similar points, needle-thin, and moved them together so that all four tapered points touched. Then the cargo hold filled with a low hum. Felix couldn't hear it, but he could feel it, through the float, inside his bones. Light flashed from the points as they grew together until the fused part of the spikes was about two centimeters long and one wide. Three of the resonance jerked their arms away, snapping the spikes below the bonded point. Locks stepped forward and pointed the tip of the spike toward Felix's arm.

"Locks suggests we hold Flick's shoulder steady," Zed said.

Elias and Theo came around his head to do that. Two gloved hands pressed down around his shoulder, holding him still. Zed gripped his hand.

Felix couldn't feel the resonance touching his arm. He could see the spike sliding into the tidy incision Nessa had made, though, and that was enough for his imagination. He was glad for the weight of Theo and Elias against his shoulder, even if his terror might have held him still enough. He did feel the push against his bone. A twinge rolled through his shoulder and wrapped around his neck. His spine tingled from stem to stern.

Then the pain hit.

Agony jolted through him. "Fuck." Clenching his teeth together, Felix commanded his body not to move. Told himself the pain would ebb. It didn't. "Shit."

"Pulse is rising," Nessa murmured. "Are you in pain?"

"Yes."

"Where does it hurt?"

The whole side of his body felt as if he'd been spit roasted. "Everywhere." Felix sucked in a breath that caused the pain to flare brighter, hotter. "As long as it's not permanent, I'll…Jesus, Joseph and Mary."

Locks had jerked his arm, apparently snapping off the shard. He withdrew and turned a blank face toward Zed.

"Think arm , Flick," Zed said.

Felix thought pain . The fire had acquired a pulse, one that beat in time with his heart. He surfed the ups and downs, looking for the relief between. He was aware of the sounds he made, but couldn't stop the grunts or moans. All his concentration went toward fighting the fierce agony in his shoulder, up his neck and down his side. Then he found a trough between the waves. And another. He slid into the space of less pain and tried to gather enough sense to think arm .

It hurt. Of course it fucking hurt. Beside him, Nessa gasped. Zed cursed softly. Behind his head, Theo and Elias made similar sounds. When one of them let go, Felix called them back.

"Need…the…weight," he huffed between gasps. It wasn't wholly a lie.

Felix glanced at his stump and whimpered. The flesh around the incision had started to glow…no, reflect. His skin had acquired a crystal sheen and, as he watched, patterns began to extend up and down . Down was growth. Substance where there had been none before.

Pain rolled back into his lapse in concentration and it seemed as if it took him twice as long to conquer it again. His entire body began to shake with the effort.

"His blood pressure is too high. Can I give him something for the pain?" Nessa asked.

Zed put the question to the resonance. "As long as he remains conscious, yes."

Nessa readied a hypo.

"Wait…" Felix gasped.

"This isn't the time to be brave, Fixer. If the pain becomes too much, you might lose consciousness."

He couldn't grow an arm if he passed out. Felix nodded and Nessa dosed him. He felt the drug enter his system, but it did little to quench the fire. Saying nothing, Felix continued his search for that space between and thought about having another arm.

He grew it from the inside out, aware someone else might do it differently. No one questioned his method. He cried out as each centimeter of bone pushed out of the shiny mass, and swore as connective tissue, tendons and muscles grew around it. His consciousness wavered as he imagined and then saw a protective shell slip down to cover the sensitive workings beneath. Then he rested for a breath or two, lolling in a trough between pain, gathering the strength to grow more.

He worried his incomplete knowledge of biology might hinder the process, that his arm might grow twisted or without an essential part. Through Zed, the resonance assured him that all he had to do was think arm . His subconscious would take care of the rest.

So Felix thought arm .

It took him ten hours to grow it. Ten of the most excruciating hours he'd ever lived. The elbow joint took one of those hours and his hand five—one for each finger. His new arm was weird and beautiful, the faceted sheathing recalling human musculature, but the actual structure more mechanical in nature. He could see the bones and joints through the play of light and soft color of his new "skin." His shoulder bore mottled patterns, but his own flesh seemed to fuse seamlessly with the crystal. The elbow comprised an elegantly hinged joint that looked as if it might swing backward as well as forward, and his knuckles were…not swollen, not twisted, not scarred. They were delicate, his fingers fine-boned and straight.

"I grew an arm," he murmured, tongue thick, thoughts growing sluggish. He tried to lift it, not sure if it still hurt, or if he hurt, or if he'd fallen into a permanent place somewhere in between. His head had started to spin. Felix rolled toward Zed. "I don't care if I can never move it. I grew it and iss fucking bootiful."

Man, he was tired. He could nap now, right?

"Captain, sensors indicate a vessel on approach."

Out here? In the middle of nowhere? Felix wanted to respond to Qek's report, but his left arm wasn't taking orders yet, and he'd lost his bracelet, anyway. Other voices swelled around him, the rest of the crew questioning Qek.

His eyelids slid down and refused to rise again. "Tell 'em to bugger off," he mumbled.