29. Ryklin

Leavingmy mate in her quarters was the hardest thing I"d ever done. She was asleep, soft and satisfied, and I wanted to take her again and again.

And again.

My body roared with need, and I could see the reflected desire in her eyes. But there were things to settle before we could begin the rest of our lives, and even though my emotions were newly awakened, I could tell that this was something that needed to be done as quickly as possible to keep from putting it off for good.

It would be awkward, though.

Noelle had ordered a simple set of clothes in my size from one of the shops on the station, and they"d been delivered. The pants were a bit snug, and the shirt was tight against the muscles of my chest, but from the way my denya"s eyes lit up, I had a feeling I"d be wearing this size from now on.

Anything for her.

My journey wasn"t long to my destination, just two doors down. It was the middle of the day now, and it was possible that Drex and Pippa would both be at work. But Drex answered when I knocked. His eyes flicked up and down, taking in my attire, and they widened slightly. For the past four and a half years, I"d worn variations of gray, black, and dark blue. And all of it had been bulky, allowing for ease of movement.

My crimson shirt was a departure.

"May I come in?" I asked. "We need to talk."

Drex opened the door wider and allowed me to step in. He nodded towards the couch, and I sat. He took the chair opposite. The room was more or less identical to Noelle"s and twice as big as the room Drex and I had shared with Thalor.

He sat silently, waiting for me to speak. He might have had his emotions back, but I assumed habits of being soulless died hard.

Or he wanted to make me suffer.

I wouldn"t wallow in it or make this worse than it was.

"I owe you an apology," I said. "I am sorry for trying to kill you and for not believing you about Pippa."

There was a low growl in the back of Drex"s throat when I said her name. I hadn"t laid a hand on her, but I"d been a threat all the same. I could see that now.

"You said you were leaving the station."

I almost smiled at that. I could feel the twitch at the side of my mouth. And Drex must have seen something. His eyes narrowed. "Have you heard what happened?" I asked. Rumors had a way of spreading quickly, but we hadn"t even been back a full day yet, and I had a feeling station security would want to keep this as quiet as they could.

"I heard something about survivors on Nebula. Pippa"s parents?—"

"Didn"t make it." I wouldn"t let that hope linger. "Noelle and I found the survivors on Nebula. She"s my denya."

His eyebrows went up, and his mouth stayed closed.

"Do you have anything to say about that?" I didn"t know what the strange emotion making my heart beat erratically was. I didn"t like it, though. The ground under me felt uncertain, even though I was sitting down.

Emotions weren"t all great.

Drex was silent for several more seconds. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out his communicator. "I think it"s time we spoke to the others about this. Once was a fluke. Twice is … something else." He typed out a message and sent it. My communicator had been lost somewhere on Nebula, and I"d need to get a new one. And see about getting my job back. There was much to consider.

"Congratulations," Drex said after another few moments. "I hope you"re happy."

"I am."

We sat in silence while we waited for our comrades to come to Drex"s quarters. Nebula Outpost was a big station, and it took nearly an hour for the last of them—Jorin—to get there. Thalor, Zyrus, Kaelor, and Jorin all remained standing, faces neutral as they looked between Drex and me.

How had we lived like that for so long? Was it even living?

I"d had some doubts about the soulless procedure before I agreed to undergo it, but ultimately I thought it was my duty to the Detyen Legion and our warriors. But perhaps it had always been a mistake, some sinister bargain that turned soldiers into automatons and doctors into monsters.

We were a long way from the Detyen Legion now and had no say in what they did. But that did little to assuage my doubts.

"Ryklin has news," Drex announced before nodding towards me.

Four heads turned my way, posture straight, poised to receive orders and carry them out.

It was eerie. Had it always been eerie or was I only noticing it now that I had my emotions back?

It didn"t matter.

"I"ve found my denya," I told them. There was no reaction from the four soulless former warriors, but Drex leaned forward in his seat just a bit. I gave them the briefest summary of my time on Nebula Outpost as I could, but it still took longer than expected.

It was Zyrus who spoke first when I was done. "Do you think it was your proximity to your denya that brought your emotions back?"

His question surprised me. When Drex changed, I"d been convinced he"d fixated on Pippa and would be a threat to us all. Nothing in me could have believed what he said was true. Yet Zyrus had. Zyrus did. And it was almost like he was curious, even if that was impossible. "I believe so," I said.

Drex nodded in agreement.

He didn"t ask about fixation. It had been a grave concern of mine, but I was beginning to wonder just how real it was. What if the fixated had found their mates? Perhaps not all of them, but some. What if the Legion had been killing soldiers who could be healed?

"Fixation is still a risk," I said, even if I was beginning to have doubts. "You still must be on your guard. But Drex and I prove that sometimes there is another path. If you have any questions, if you suspect that you may have found your denya but aren"t sure, talk to Drex or me. Perhaps we can help." It was tempting to ask them to report to us, to step into the roll of monitoring them for deviation.

But until a few days ago, I"d been one of them. And this was not the Legion. I would not be their jailer or executioner, not unless they actually crossed a line. They deserved their freedom, as much as they could ever have.

"Is it safe to stay on Nebula Outpost?" Kaelor asked. "This revelation about the survivors will bring attention to the station, and there has been a noticeable rise in crime. What if the Legion sends someone here to investigate?"

"Investigate what?" asked Drex. "I don"t think a few Solar Flare dealers are going to know anything about the destruction of Detya. The Legion has no reason to come here. But, of course, no one will stop you from leaving, if you think that is the wisest option."

Kaelor nodded but didn"t say anything else.

The soulless filed out, but Zyrus was last to go, and he hesitated. "What did you say the woman"s name was? The one you brought with you?"

"Astrid was injured. Alice came as her companion." It was a strange question. He could have no connection to Nebula, but I saw no reason to keep the information from him.

He nodded and left.

Drex and I exchanged a glance.

Zyrus"s curiosity would be something to watch.