30. Wyatt

In both good ways and bad, I’d had a lot of “how the fuck did I get here?” moments over the past couple of years. Lying in my tent and wondering how I’d wound up living out there. Enjoying a shower in this huge house and marveling at the chain of events that had landed me here. Laughing over something with Anthony and disbelieving that the planets had aligned and put us in each other’s paths.

And right now, lounging in this giant king bed, naked and satisfied from the most amazing sex, I couldn’t even fathom how we’d made it here from sitting on his couch. I remembered vividly the chain of events, but it was all surreal. One ping on his hookup app had led to me helping him with his profile, which had led to him kissing me, which had led to… this.

Arm around his shoulders, I stroked his hair as he rested his head on my chest. Of all the places this unpredictable life had taken me, this was easily in my top five least believable.

The thought drove a laugh out of me.

Anthony lifted himself up to meet my gaze. “What?”

“Nothing.” I chuckled and reached for his face just because I could. As I trailed my fingertips over his stubbled jaw, I said, “Hard to believe we ended up here, I guess.”

At that, he breathed a soft laugh himself. Taking my hand, he whispered, “It kind of is, isn’t it?” He kissed the inside of my wrist, sending goose bumps prickling up my forearm. “Also kind of feels like it’s about damn time.”

I stared at him. “It… It does?”

He offered up a shy smile as some color bloomed in his cheeks. “I mean, I had my hopes, but…”

“You did?” I paused. “I did, too, but you’re…” I trailed off, not sure I wanted to remind him just how far out of my league he really was.

He cocked a brow. “I don’t know if you’ve looked in the mirror lately, but…” He raked his eyes over me, then followed with his hand, letting his fingertips drift down my chest and stomach. “Not gonna lie—I’ve looked.”

I bit my lip, caught off guard by the comment and also his gentle touch. “Pretty sure you’re surrounded by guys every day who are, uh, in way better shape than me.”

Anthony was already shaking his head. “There’s a lot more to being attractive than having a six-pack or not being able to buy pants off the rack.” He brought his hand back up and cupped my neck as he leaned in for a soft kiss. “Trust me,” he murmured against my lips, “you’ve got more than enough to turn my head.”

Years of body image issues wanted to push back and insist he was just saying that, but he sure wasn’t kissing me like he was blowing smoke. I’d been with guys who were trying to be subtle about hooking up with me because their first, second, tenth choices weren’t available, and there was only so much they could do to hide the lack of enthusiasm.

If Anthony wasn’t into me, he was damn good at pretending. The way he slid his fingers into my hair as he lazily explored my mouth. The way he moaned softly when I curved a hand behind his neck and pulled him in closer.

The way he’d made the first move on his couch.

Drawing back, he murmured, “I know it’s early yet, but…” He swept his tongue across his lips. “Do you want to sleep in here tonight?”

“Mmm, I think I could be persuaded.” I glanced over my shoulder. “Do you mind her sleeping in here, too?”

“In the room or in the bed?”

“In the room.”

“Of course not. And she can get on the bed, too, if that’s what you guys are used to.” He chuckled. “It might get a little crowded once the bed hogs get here, but…”

God, he didn’t even mind Lily joining us in his bed? Where were men like him when my life was on the rails and I had any business getting into a relationship?

“Eh,” I said. “I’ve made do with all three of them in your guest bed.”

“Oh yeah?” But then he nodded. “Right. You said they sleep in there when I’m gone.”

“Mmhmm. And I think they deliberately stretch out as far as possible to maximize the space they occupy.”

Laughing, he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that sounds like them.”

“Lily takes up a fair amount of space, too, so we’ll all just have to get cozy.”

Anthony’s smile was ridiculously sweet. “I think we can make do.” He kissed me again, lightly this time. “It’ll just give us an excuse to sleep closer together.”

I shivered and bit my lip. “You’re going to be sore for tomorrow night’s game.”

The smile turned to a wicked grin. “Worth it.”

I just laughed. As I thought about what we’d been talking about, though, my amusement shifted to worry. “Fair warning? If we’re sharing a bed…” I hesitated. “I mean, I have Lily for a reason.”

Anthony sobered, too, and I wondered if he was remembering the night he’d heard me freaking out downstairs. He was definitely going to rethink sleeping together, and quite frankly, I didn’t blame him.

“How often does that happen?” he asked softly. “The… night terrors, I guess?”

I exhaled as an unpleasant chill worked its way down my spine. “Depends. Sometimes it’s multiple times a night for weeks. Other times, I can go a month without much. And then sometimes it’ll just happen once out of the blue, and that’s it.”

“Wow. Does anything make it better or worse?”

“Lily, mostly,” I whispered. “She can usually shake me out of them before they get too bad. Sometimes I don’t even know she’s done it until I wake up in the morning and realize the light’s on and she’s asleep on my chest.”

Anthony’s eyes widened. “You don’t even feel her? She’s bigger than my cats!”

I laughed quietly. “I probably do. I just don’t remember. Like I’ll kind of vaguely remember having some bad dreams—I always have those—but I don’t remember her turning on the light or waking me up.”

“Damn.” He trailed the backs of his fingers down the middle of my chest. “So it’s not always… like…”

“Waking up screaming?”

Grimacing, he nodded.

“Not always, no. But I dated a guy who couldn’t stand it. He hated it when I woke him up, and he’d get annoyed if Lily jostled him while she was getting to me. It especially pissed him off that she’d turn on the light.”

Anthony rolled his eyes. “Nice guy.”

“I know, right?” I held his gaze. “But… I do get it if you don’t want that. Especially since you have a physically demanding job, and you need to be able to get a good night’s—”

The kiss caught me by surprise and shut me right the hell up.

When he was apparently satisfied I’d been rendered speechless, he drew back. “I want you in bed with me. I know you’ve got trauma, and I know what I’m signing up for.” He ran his fingers through my hair. “If you want to be here, then I want you here.”

I didn’t have words to tell him there was nowhere else in the world I wanted to be. I had no idea if this was just a fun fling or if had any potential to become something more, but what we were doing right now? I liked it. I hadn’t even realized how starved I’d been for intimate human contact until now, and the last thing I wanted to do was pull away.

“Just tell me if it gets to be too much,” I whispered. “I promise I’ll understand.”

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about there.” And once again, any counterarguments I might’ve had melted in the warmth of a soft, sweet kiss.

Was it too much to hope there was more going on here than mutual attraction? Because while the sex was hot and the man in my arms was fucking gorgeous, it wasn’t just the physical that had drawn me to him. Was I delusional if I thought this could go somewhere?

Well, it didn’t need a direction tonight. Step one: enjoy the hell out of this amazing sex. Step two: let things develop and see what happened. This was the best I’d felt in a long, long time, and even if it was a short-term thing, I could live with that. Finding it once meant I could find it again, and just like I had at every turn with Anthony, I found hope I’d thought was gone. Not just of survival, but of actually finding some happiness, whether that was now or in the future, with him or with someone else.

In this moment, I hoped it was with him.

But, I reminded myself, he was newly single. He was also in a complicated situation with his ex. Entangling himself with me beyond friends—or, well, housemates—with benefits might be biting off more than he could chew, so I wasn’t about to push. What happened… happened.

What was happening right now… was amazing.

Anthony broke the kiss, and he was breathless as he met my gaze. “I’m starting to think I should’ve gone for the Costco pack of condoms.”

I laughed, dizzy with all these happy feelings. “I don’t think we’ll blow through the entire pack tonight.”

“No, probably not. And I do have to skate tomorrow, so…” He grimaced.

I carded my fingers through his hair. “We won’t overdo it. I haven’t done anything in so long and I’m so out of shape, I can’t guarantee I have the stamina anyway.”

He shrugged. “We can pace ourselves.”

“Good. Because otherwise you might kill me.”

Anthony laughed, and my God, his smile was so damn beautiful.

I shifted a little, inching closer to him just because I loved how his body felt against mine. “Maybe I’ll have to work on my stamina. Get in some better shape now that I’m eating well enough to exercise.” I pursed my lips. “I could probably use some of my VA money for a gym membership…”

“You don’t have to do any of that for me,” he said. “Just so we’re clear. But if you do want to, you’re welcome to use my home gym.”

“You have a home gym?”

He nodded. “I mostly use it during the off season, since I’m not training with the team. But yeah, downstairs, the door across from the laundry room.” He gestured vaguely in that direction. “Feel free to use anything in there.”

Oh hell. The thought of getting back on my fitness regimen—or even something in its ballpark—sounded amazing. It would be painful for a while, but once I broke through that initial start, I could tone some of the muscles that had gotten weak over the last year.

“That would be great,” I said. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Just don’t let the cats in there. They’ll throw tantrums and act like you’re being the worst person ever, but it’s off limits for them.”

“Noted. Is it okay if Lily is in there?”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely.” He waved a hand before letting it rest on my waist. “They just get into things and I’m worried they’ll get hurt. She’s well-trained enough, she’s not going to stick her paw where it doesn’t belong.”

I chuckled. “Why do I feel like this rule is more because of Bear than Moose?”

Anthony rolled his eyes and nodded. “That cat has zero survival instincts, I swear.”

“You don’t say. And yes, I’ll keep them out of there.”

“Thank you.”

The conversation fell into a comfortable lull, and we just lay there for a while, cuddling close but not talking or trying to wind each other up. My mind again went back to wondering how in the world we’d ended up here—I still couldn’t believe it—and this time, lingered on what we’d been doing before we’d started fooling around.

Meeting his eyes again, I cleared my throat. “So, I noticed on your profile you’re a vers bottom.”

Anthony nodded.

I shifted a little. “For the record, I don’t bottom. At all.” I lifted my eyebrows. “Are you good with that?”

“Oh yeah,” he said with no hesitation. “Definitely.”

“Are you sure?” I stroked my fingertips down his arm. “I don’t want you to be missing something you really like, you know?”

His soft smile made my spine tingle. “I’ll be fine.” He must’ve seen the uncertainty in my eyes, because he continued. “Listen, when I said it’s been over a year since I bottomed, I didn’t just mean the year since Simon and I stopped having sex at all.” Anthony half-shrugged. “He didn’t like anal.”

I blinked. “Oh. So you… You haven’t done it at all since you two got together?”

He nodded. “Yeah. And it was fine, you know? It wasn’t his thing, and I wanted to be with him, so…”

“Were you still satisfied without it?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Anthony made a dismissive gesture. “I love anal, but if my partner’s not into it, there’s still plenty we can do.” He paused, then added with a self-conscious chuckle, “Though admittedly, I’ve been wanting it so bad ever since he and I broke up.”

“Yeah?”

Another nod. “It was like, okay, I’m free, so now I’m going to go do all the things I couldn’t do with him. And getting drilled into the mattress was very high on that list.”

I laughed. “Oh, I’ve done that. Get out of a relationship, and immediately go looking for anything I couldn’t do before.” Sobering a little, I held his gaze. “I just want to make sure you’re satisfied, though.”

His sleepy grin was adorable. “Trust me—I am completely satisfied.”

“Me too. But if something’s missing…”

“It’s not. I promise.”

We’d see how things went in time. I’d been with men who insisted they were okay with this or that, but over time, the resentment built. Either they’d dump me and find it elsewhere, or they’d skip straight to finding it elsewhere without letting me know we were now in an open relationship. Ugh. I fucking hated cheaters.

But Anthony and I were just starting whatever this was. We hadn’t made any declarations of being exclusive or anything like that. Nothing to do at this stage but play it by ear, and I was completely okay with that. Between my disabilities and my economic situation, I’d more or less resigned myself to being permanently undesirable. Now I was in bed with a rich man who was also a perfect specimen of physical fitness, and there was no mistaking the way he’d looked at me and touched me. If anything about me was off-putting, Anthony didn’t seem to notice or care.

Is this karma? Is this the universe settling up with me after dealing me such shitty hands for so long?

Hell, maybe it was.

Because every day since Anthony had walked into my world had been the best day of my life.

And they just kept getting better.