1. Allie

1

ALLIE

Two years later…

S oft tulle whispers and brushes against my legs as I turn to face the mirror. Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes.

I hardly recognize myself amongst the layers of white fabric. I was up at six to get my hair piled into tight curls with the loose strands falling in ringlets down my bare back. The dress clings to my breasts and tucks in at the waist, falling in soft lines to the floor.

I look like a bride.

Perspiration beads on my brow, destroying the work of the make-up artist. My palms sweat, and the corset under the dress pinches so tight I can’t breathe.

I suck in a deep breath, but it comes out shallow as panic rises in my chest.

I’m a freaking bride.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart.”

My dad leans on the doorframe, and the pride in his voice has me pushing the panicky feelings down. But there’s no hiding my emotions from my father.

“Everything okay?”

His brow furrows in concern. His brown eyes bore into mine and I look away, smoothing my dress down in the mirror.

I could tell my father that I don’t want to go through with this, that I might be making a big mistake. He would understand, my kind father, as empathetic as my mother is cold.

If I told him I don’t want to go through with it, surely he’d tell me I didn’t have to? Even though this dress cost a fortune and all my mother’s friends have arrived, the caterers are cooking the wedding breakfast, and the venue’s been booked for weeks. If I walked away now, there’d be no end of the lectures I’d get from Mom or the shame I’d put her through.

Yet… When I look at myself in the pure white wedding dress, nausea claws at my stomach.

We arrived at the Emerald Heart Resort two days ago. I’ve been itching to get up the mountain for a ski, but Mother has kept me busy with the final wedding preparations, checking that I’m happy with the menu and the flowers and everything else she and the wedding planner picked out.

But what if I’m making a big mistake?

Being back at the resort, at the place where Hans kissed me two years ago, has made it all real.

Ryan is a nice enough guy, and I’m fond of him. But every time we kiss, I remember the moment I had with Hans two years ago, and it doesn’t even compare.

Which is stupid. I’ve thought about Hans many times over the last two years. I was only eighteen when I met him, and I realize now he was after a quick thrill with a rich girl. He probably tells every woman he instructs that they’re beautiful. I bet I wasn’t the first girl he took to that lookout.

A jealous pain stabs my heart at the thought of it, even though it’s true. I was a naive eighteen-year-old, thinking I shared something special with the hot ski instructor.

He wouldn’t even recognize me if he saw me again, even though his face is etched into my memory, the feel of his lips forever imprinted on mine.

“You okay, Allie?”

I realize Dad’s waiting for an answer. I open my mouth to tell him that I’m not sure about getting married. That even though I was nothing to Hans, I want to feel that way when I kiss someone. That I want passion and love and that I’ll never feel that with Ryan, no matter how many zeroes he has in his bank account.

I open my mouth to say something, and at that moment Mom sashays into the room.

“She’s just got wedding day nerves.” She gives me a tight smile. “Don’t you, darling?”

I close my mouth again, because this isn’t just about me.

Mom needs me to marry Ryan.

“Yeah.” My voice comes out croaky. “Just nerves.”

Nerves that make me want to throw up.

Dad doesn’t buy it. He hasn’t been around much lately, working on a new business venture is what he’s told me. For the first time, I notice dark smudges under his eyes and that the lines around his mouth are more pronounced. My dad has always looked younger than his forty-two years, but not today.

He cuts a striking figure in his tuxedo, but there’s a haunted look in his eyes. I make a note to ask him about it later, when all this is over.

When you’re a married woman.

The thought makes bile rise in my throat, and I cough in panic.

Dad frowns. “You do love Ryan, don’t you, Allie?”

Mom scoffs before I can answer. “Love doesn’t have anything to do with marriage for people like us. You of all people should know that.”

She gives Dad a pointed look, and my heart sinks. I had hoped to get through this without my parents arguing.

“You never let me forget it,” Dad mutters.

My parents stuck it out until I was eight and the arguments got to be too much. Dad lost half his business in a bad deal, and Mom never forgave him. She split before he could lose the other half, and we’ve both been paying for it since.

Dad with the reminder every time he sees Mom that he’s a failure in her eyes, and me by being here today, about to make a big mistake.

Because as I watch the two of them, there is no doubt in my mind that marrying Ryan is a mistake.

My knees feel week, and I sit abruptly on the bed feeling dizzy.

“I’ll go get your flowers out of the fridge.”

Mom exits the room, and Dad strolls over to the bed. He sits next to me and takes my hand.

“It’s no secret your mother and I didn’t marry for the right reasons.” I’ve heard the story of how their parents were friends and they started dating and got caught up in how happy their families were for them. Two upper class families joining together. “But you came out of that union, Allie, so I don’t regret a thing.”

He smiles at me, and the warmth eases my nerves a little.

“But the next time I marry, it will be for love. The kind of love that sweeps you up and makes you feel giddy, the type of love that uplifts you and makes you realize you can’t live without the other person.”

He frowns when he says it and looks away, running a hand through his hair. I stare at him, because I’ve never heard my dad talk like this.

But also because his words tear at my soul. He’s right. He’s describing the feeling I had with Hans for that fleeting moment two years ago.

It may not be Hans, but I shouldn’t marry anyone unless I feel that way. Otherwise I’ll end up like my mother, old and bitter and forcing her daughter to repeat her mistakes.

I swallow hard, suddenly knowing what I need to do.

“Do you think you could give me a minute?” I say to Dad. “I just want to take a moment on my own.”

“Of course, Allie Cat.” He smiles and kisses my forehead, using the childhood name he’s always called me. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

I can’t bear to think about what this will do to my mother, but there’s no way I can get married today.

As soon as the door shuts behind my father, I bolt from the bed.

My room’s on the second floor, and the only window looks out to the back of the cabin. I fling it open and climb through.