13. Allie

13

ALLIE

I sit on the bed with a heavy heart, watching Mom brush the dirt off the bottom of my wedding dress.

“Can’t I wear something else?” The thought of putting the wedding dress back on makes my stomach churn.

I had the perfect night with Hans. It felt right to be in his arms, and I know, no matter how kind Ryan is, that I’ll never feel like that with anyone else.

Tears sting my eyes, and before I can stop them, they’re running down my cheeks.

Mom steps back and looks critically at the dress. “No one will notice the tear at the back if you keep your front to everyone. It will have to do.”

She turns her critical eye to me, and when she sees me crying, her face falls.

“Allie…” Mom grabs a box of tissues of the nightstand and hands me one, and she takes a seat next to me on the bed.

“Don’t cry, Allie. You’ll still be the most beautiful bride there ever was.”

She brushes the hair off my face in a rare show of tenderness.

“I don’t give a shit about the dress.”

She raises an eyebrow at my swearing but saves me the lecture. “I love him.”

I don’t expect her to understand, but I have to say the words out loud. Because that’s what I feel for Hans. I have to say it to really know what I’m giving up.

Mom smiles. “There you go. A marriage based on love is more than I ever had.”

Mom remarried a few years ago, but it didn’t last long. It turns out the asshole was only after her money. It made Mom bitter.

I shake my head. “Not Ryan, Mom. I love Hans.”

She goes still and I brace myself for the lecture, but when it doesn’t come, I turn to Mom. She’s staring straight ahead with a tissue clenched in her fists.

“I didn’t realize it was like that, Allie.”

Her expression is softer than it’s been in months, like the kinder mom she used to be before all the stress. “I thought he was just a fling to you.”

I shake my head. “No Mom. We love each other.”

At least, I think we do. The connection we shared was so strong it can’t be anything else.

Mom gives a big sigh. “I had no idea, Allie.”

“Would it make a difference?” I can’t hide the bitterness in my voice. Mom’s made mistakes in her life, and now I’m paying for them. A few months ago that seemed like the action of a dutiful daughter, but now, after a night with Hans, the price is too high.

“Yes,” Mom says, and I turn to her in shock. “Yes, it makes a difference.”

She gives a long sigh, and suddenly I notice the dark circles under her eyes, how much older she looks these days.

“I had hoped you and Ryan might find love. You get along and have some things in common. I thought over time you might learn to love each other.”

She stands up and paces. “That’s how I justified it to myself. What I was asking of you.”

She takes my hands in her and crouches down next to me on the bed.

“My intention was never to make you miserable, Allie. If you’re in love with someone else, then no, you shouldn’t marry Ryan.”

My stomach flips at what she’s saying. If I don’t marry Ryan, then I can be with Hans. But then Mom will go bankrupt, and her fraud will be discovered. At best she’ll be a social pariah, and at worst, she’ll go to prison.

“But your debts…”

Mom shakes her head. “I got myself into this mess, Allie. I need to face the music. I thought this was a good solution that you’d eventually be happy with. But I can’t make you miserable for my own gain.”

She stands up and goes to look out the window. “If you don’t want to marry Ryan, I won’t make you.”

“There are other ways, Mom. I’ll get a job and give you the money. We can ask Dad for a loan.”

“No,” she says quickly. “I won’t ask your father.”

“But he’ll help. Despite what you two went through, he’ll still help you.”

She turns, and her lips are set in a tight line. “I can’t, Allie. I have my pride.”

I take her hands, and they’re trembling. When did she get so frail?

“We’ll find a way, Mom. I won’t let you down.”

She gives me a sad smile. “Sure. We’ll find a way.”

There’s a hard knock at the door, and Mom’s vulnerability disappears behind her hard mask.

“I guess I’ll tell the Carmichaels that it’s off.”

I hate seeing her like this. I can’t condemn my mother to destitution and jail. I don’t even know if what me and Hans shared was real. He never said it was.

“No,” I say. “Hans doesn’t even want me. I’ll marry Ryan. I’m sure you’re right. We can learn to love each other.” I put on a smile, trying to cover the lie. As long as I live, I’ll never feel the same way about anyone as I do about Hans.

The knocking comes again, and a moment later I hear Hans’s familiar voice calling my name. My heart leaps into my throat, and my legs feel giddy.

Mum gives me a slight smile. “I’ll let him in on my way out. You two need to talk.”

I follow her out of the bedroom and into the living room. She opens the door, and Hans rushes through.

“Don’t marry him, Allie.” He strides up to me, his gaze burrowing into mine. “Marry me instead.”

I glance at Mom, but she’s already slipping out the door.

Hans clasps my hands in his.

“I love you, Allie. I didn’t tell you, but I’ve loved you since we kissed the first time two years ago. Whatever reason you think you have to marry this guy, you don’t. You should be free to choose, and I hope you choose me.”

His gaze is earnest and full of hope. I cup his cheeks in mine and trail my fingertips over his stubble.

“I love you too, Hans.” He smiles in relief, but I have to tell him the truth. “But it’s complicated.”

“Whatever it is, we’ll work it out together.”

I lead him to the couch, and he listens as I tell him about my mom. How she became depressed after the breakdown of her second marriage. How her second husband wiped out her accounts, but she was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

She started investing in risky startups and treating investing like gambling. I tell him about how she borrowed more and more money, how she falsified her business pay slips to make it look like she earned a bigger salary to borrow more and more money. How I only found out by accident when a debt collector came to the door while she was out. How marrying rich was a way to help her out. To get her out of debt and keep her fraud from being discovered and get her the help she needs.

Hans listens to it all quietly, asking questions and nodding thoughtfully. When I’m finished, he takes my hands and presses his lips to them.

“You’re an amazing person, Allie, but your mother’s debts aren’t yours.”

I know he’s right. She got herself into that mess, but she’s my mom. I can’t just sit by and watch her downfall. Not when she’s been so strong my entire life.

“I know. But I can’t bear to see her go down, Hans.”

“Is that the only fraud she committed?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“I don’t think that’s enough to send anyone to jail. She might have to go bankrupt, and she might get a fine and a slap on the wrist.”

“Really?”

“I’ll check with my lawyer,” He reaches for his phone and pulls up a number. “But if she comes clean, then I don’t think she’ll do time.”

I sit up, looking at him in a new light. “You have a lawyer on speed dial?”

“There’s a lot you still don’t know about me, Allie.”

He sends a quick text, and while we wait for a reply, he asks me more questions about the debt.

“How much does she need to start paying the debtors back?”

I tell him the figure, and he doesn’t even wince.

“I’ve got money, Allie. I can help.”

The offer is too kind. Hans can’t be making much as a ski instructor, and there’s no way he’s bailing out my family. I shake my head.

“No, Hans. I can’t take your money. You’ve worked too hard for it.”

He chuckles. “What you don’t realize, Allie, is I have a lot of money. My parents’ inheritance is sitting in an investment account gathering interest. I haven’t touched it since they passed. I was saving it for Greta, but her wealthy husband insists on taking care of her, and she doesn’t want any of it.”

I frown at him, trying to take in what he’s saying. All this time, Mom pushed me at wealthy families and shunned the one man I wanted, thinking his bank balance wasn’t enough. As it that defines who a person is.

Hans gives me a sad smile. “Not everyone with wealth shows it in the same way.”

“How much?” I whisper.

“Enough to help your mother and still buy us our own cabin on the mountain.”

My mouth drops open. “Are you serious?”

Hans nods. “I want a future with you, Allie. I want a home for us and our family. Your mother might not approve of me, but if your family’s in trouble, I’ll help. Because they’re my family now too.”

I stare at him for a long time. But he’s perfectly sincere. The reality starts to sink in, and my chest feels lighter. There’s a way for me to have everything I want. To have Hans and keep my mother out of bankruptcy.

“That’s if you’ll agree to marry me, that is?”

“Hans…” I throw my arms around him. “I’d marry you even if you didn’t have a dime to your name. I love you.”

“I love you too, Allie.”

As he enfolds me in his arms, I feel a lightness I haven’t felt for weeks--in fact, for two years. I have the man I’m meant to be with and for all the right reasons.

The sounds of Christmas carols waft through the window from the resort square. Hans pulls me into his embrace, and we kiss long and hard.

This is going to be the best Christmas ever.