5. Rhys

Goingbacktoschool today is a bad idea. I feel it in my bones, and I feel it in my Kitty. She should have been well sated after last night. But she’s not. She’s controlling my thoughts, and I know nothing good will come from what she is conjuring up.

I hate this about myself, which is fucking annoying because Rhys George doesn’t dwell on shit. She lives each day as it comes. Lives in the moment and makes the most out of each day. But my purring Kitty rules my world. She owns me, and even after last night and the humiliation I felt, even after the guilt and shame that kept me awake most of the night, my Kitty knows only one way to make me feel better. She needs a hit. And she needs it soon.

“See ya, Rhysie!” Connor yells in my ear, making me jump in the front seat of the car. I’m about to yell at him for scaring the fuck out of me when he pops his head through the seats from the back and slaps a sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek. I turn to see his cute little face barely an inch from mine, sporting a cheesy grin. As if I can be angry at the little shit.

“See ya, dork. Have a good day.” I ruffle his dark hair, and he pulls back, trying to make it neat again, the action nearly causing his black-rimmed glasses to fall off his face.

Giggles come from the back seat as Connor climbs out, and Archie pops his head through the seats this time.

“See you after school, Rhysie.” Archie only offers me a hug. He’s the spitting image of his identical twin brother Connor—you know… because they are identical. He’s never been one to hand out kisses, unlike Connor. I accept his open arms in a quick squeeze and flick the edge of his red-rimmed glasses when he pulls back.

“Don’t chase all the girls at school today.”

“Ew! Gross Rhys!” I laugh at his reaction, which is the same as every other time I tell him not to chase the girls around. He follows his brother and gets out of the car, slamming the door shut before joining the crowd of kids walking into the primary school.

The car slowly pulls away from the curb, and I watch the backs of my two little Asian foster brothers as they walk hand in hand without a care in the world.

I wonder if I would have been different if Cin and Will had found me when I was Connor and Archie’s age? Surely, I wouldn’t be what I am today.

Connor and Archie are eight years old. They came into our home when they were five. If I’d had the stability and love that Cin and Will give us now, back when I was five, or even a bit older, I just know I wouldn’t be as fucked up as I am now.

Instead, I was thirteen when Cynthia and William Rogan walked into the group home I was staying in. For some reason, they wanted the messed-up girl I was, and they took me in, changing my life. There are some things they can’t change, though. They can’t change what happened to me before they found me. And, even though they’ve tried, they can’t change the person I became because of my past.

“You’re extra quiet this morning, Rhys. Are you sure everything is ok between you and Tillie?” Cynthia, my foster mum and the current acting Principal of Fox Pines Catholic, has asked me this question three times since I dragged myself out of my bedroom this morning. I was meant to stay at Tillie’s house last night. It’s what I do every Sunday night when the Sunday Feast is on. When the Wednesday Feast is on, I usually stay at Bell’s. It’s my cover story, and my friends are well aware of the situation and are more than happy to help me out. They’re good to me. They know a little about my past. They know what I live with daily. So, they help, by being my alibi, and offering me a warm bed to fall into whatever time I stumble in from Vixen’s Lodge.

As much as I was dying to leave the lodge early last night, I didn’t think pushing my luck with the Master was a good idea, so I stuck around and purred at the Feaster’s as they left. Master Hill stood next to me as we farewelled the guests. His eyes were like red hot lasers zeroing in on my tits so often that the fucking things betrayed me and pebbled under his gaze. I was worried he would ask me to stay longer or offer to drive me home afterwards, but thankfully, Madam Vik insisted Brock drive me like he normally does at the end of the night.

I cleaned myself up before I left the barn at the edge of the Hill’s property, which is where I get ready for each Feast. Since I’m underage, I walk onto the property once the other guests have already arrived and go to the barn to paint my face and put on the outfit that Master Hill leaves me. At the end of the night, it’s where I change myself back from Kitten to Rhys. Usually, I can’t help but grin at my reflection in the old mirror that Master Hill left in the barn for me. But last night, with each wipe as I cleaned the paint off my face, the flaming red evidence of my humiliation shone through, and it made me sick to my stomach. Literally.

That was my excuse when I wandered into my house after 11 last night. I felt sick. I should have continued the charade today and taken a sick day. Going to school today really is a bad idea, but since I’ve already missed the first couple of weeks of term four, I know I need to suck it up and go.

“I’m ok. Still feeling a bit queasy, I guess.” It’s not a lie. The thought of seeing Marcus has my stomach in knots. As does the thought of seeing Shaun. Fuck, how am I meant to act when both Marcus and Shaun are together?

“Maybe you came back from the retreat too soon,” Cynthia says as she turns the corner that leads to school.

“Maybe the reason I feel so shit is because you sent me there in the first place!” I hiss and glare at the side of Cynthia’s head as she drives.

“You know as well as I do that you needed to go there. You needed to take some time to…” She can’t finish the sentence, so I scoff.

“To what? Get better? You know it doesn’t fucking work like that!”

“Watch your mouth, Rhys! I know you’ve been through a lot lately, but you will not speak to me like that!” Cynthia’s stern voice holds authority, which is why she’s a good principal. She’s also a fair person, which makes it hard for me to be angry at her. I know she’s just trying to help me.

I sigh. “Sorry.”

She glances at me quickly before returning her eyes to the road.

“I wish you would tell me what really happened to make you run off like you did when we were away on our trip. I want to help you, Rhys.”

Clamping my mouth shut, I pretend to look out the window as we drive, but I don’t see anything. My mind is back at our little family holiday up the Great Ocean Road and the phone call I received from a number I didn’t recognise, leaving a chilling voicemail that sparked my disappearing act and all the crap since.

Even though I didn’t know the number, I knew the voice: Julie Bates, my old foster mum.

“Can you just drop me off here? I’m meeting Tillie on the corner.”

Cynthia huffs, probably hating that I ignored her, but she flips the indicator on and pulls over at the corner, which is only a short walk for me to get to the back of the school hall.

“Think about popping in to have a chat with Mr Matthews today. I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

Turning to Cynthia with my hand on the door, ready to flee, I raise a dark brow.

“Sure, Cin. I’ll go see Mr M, and he can tell me to write my thoughts in a journal, and then someone will get their hands on that journal and read my thoughts, and guess what? I’ll bring shame to the family again because my thoughts are a little too fucked up for the average person, and you might even lose your job for being associated with me. That sounds like a brilliant idea!”

“Rhys.” Cynthia’s stern voice doesn’t sway me.

“See you tonight.” I snap and get out of the car, dragging my school bag behind me before slamming the door shut.

Cynthia’s hard eyes stay on me as I heft my bag over my shoulder and start down the path towards the back school gate while trying to straighten out my uppity catholic uniform. A moment later, I hear Cynthia pull away from the curb, and I glance up to see her car joining the busy school traffic.

I feel like shit. More so than before. Now I’ve just gone all bitch on Cin when she didn’t deserve it because she just doesn’t understand. No one ever does. Sure they say they do, but they don’t really get it. It’s always the same. They eventually try to fix me when all I really need from them is to accept the way I am, even if it makes them uncomfortable.

When I round the corner of the school stadium, I spot Tillie waiting on the steps, exactly where I asked her to meet me when I sent her a message earlier this morning. Hearing my steps crunch on the twigs and gravel, she pops her head up from studying her phone, her blue eyes finding mine just as a smile tugs at her lips.

“Am I hallucinating? Is it really you?” She teases, standing from the steps as I approach.

“You missed me that much while I was gone?” I smile wide, and she shrugs.

“Maybe just a little.” She throws her arms around me when I step up to her, and I breathe in the sweet scent of berries, which is Tillie’s unique scent. She’s a fruity smell kind of girl, which matches her cutesy personality and auburn pixie haircut.

“Hug me too tight, and I’m gonna start rubbing myself on your leg.” I tease, and she giggles, pulling back to look at me.

“You didn’t get enough last night?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s a complicated story.” I shrug, and she grins.

“Girl, you’d better fill me in with all the filthy details later. I want to know everything, as usual.” Tillie shoots me a knowing wink.

“You know I will.” I smile back, knowing too well I may not tell her everything, even though I usually do. It’s part of our deal. She lets me stay at her house every Sunday night, effectively using her so I can fuck like it’s my last day on earth, and in return, I tell her all the juicy details. Normally I do that as soon as I get back to her place, but I didn’t go back there last night.

“You got my shit?” I ask, and she rolls her eyes.

Pulling her hand out of her navy blazer pocket, she opens her fingers to reveal two rolled joints in her palm.

“You know I owe Travis a blow job for those, right? He’s calling me tonight to arrange a time.”

“You’re such a good friend.” I beam, and she shakes her head.

“You’re lucky I love you.” Tillie’s small finger jabs into my chest, and I fake a giggle.

“Don’t pretend like you’re doing me a favour, Tills. I know your pussy throbs when you see Travis. You should be thanking me for introducing you.”

“Technically, it was Lexi who brought Travis into our lives, so I think I’ll thank her. Besides, I’m still not sold that my vagina is excited to see him.” Tillie shrugs and starts walking off. “I have to go to the library before homeroom. Don’t smoke too much before class. You don’t want to get busted for being stoned on your first day back.”

Shaking my head, I laugh and sit on the steps, watching Tillie retreat. I pop one joint into my blazer pocket and the other between my lips, taking out a lighter and lighting it up.

The moment the burn of the smoke travels past my throat, I close my eyes and tip my head back, chasing the calm I’m going to need to face the hordes of students for the rest of the day. I take a drag for Marcus, knowing I’ll need self-control to not fall into his arms and confuse the poor guy even more. I take a drag for Shaun, knowing that when we see each other, our minds will go back to last night and the acts we committed together. I take a drag for Skipper, AKA Tyler, knowing that our situation has just gotten seriously illegal and complicated.

“Rhys!” The sound of Lexi’s voice pulls me out of my head, and I glance up to see her running up the gravel path toward me. Her boyfriend, Ayden, stays put at the corner of the building, his eyes lingering on his prize. Lexi West.

The last time I saw Lexi, we were out of sorts. I’d been an idiot and taken her concern for Marcus and me the wrong way. It’s not her fault she doesn’t fully understand. I haven’t told her about my dysfunction. I know I should. But part of me is scared that it will send her packing in the other direction. For good.

When she nears, I stand from the steps, coming to meet her at the bottom, and without warning, she throws her arms around me, the force nearly sending us to the ground.

“Whoa. I guess you missed me, hey?” I stir, and she pulls back.

“Fuck yes, I did!” She slaps my shoulder. “Don’t leave me again! Even if you’re pissed at me!”

My smile falters, and I take in my blonde-haired, blue-eyed beach babe look-alike friend. Her beauty has a level of innocence to it. But this chick isn’t innocent. She’s as strong as a warrior queen. To look at, we couldn’t be more opposite with my dark hair, dark eyes and goth girl appearance. I don’t know why I dress myself like this. I can’t say I love it. But it just feels like a big fuck you to society’s norms. I want to be different because, let’s be honest, I am different.

“I’m sorry about that, Lex. I was a brat. I can’t believe I wasn’t here for you when you needed me. I’m so sorry about Muz. And that your brother hurt you again. And your dad…”

“Hey. Just forget it. I’d rather not think about that shit ever again. It’s finished, and now I’m starting over.” She grins at me.

“You do seem different now. I think normal people refer to it as happiness.” I tease, and she beams. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with your bodyguard over there, would it?”

Lexi beams again. “Maybe a little.”

“The sex good?” I ask because, of course, I do. I’m Rhys George, after all.

“It’s fucking epic!” Lexi pretends to melt to the ground dramatically, and a laugh leaps from my chest.

“Girl, you’re not vanilla anymore, are you?”

“What do you think?”

The sparkle in Lexi’s eyes tells me exactly what to think. She’s been a naughty girl. Man, it sucks I couldn’t snag her before Ayden did. I could have blown her mind. My Kitty pops her head up at that thought, so I take another deep drag of the joint, needing it to lull me so I don’t act like a horn dog and start humping people’s legs in the halls.

“I think Ayden’s cock is a lucky bastard!”

Lexi throws her head back, laughing, gaining Ayden’s attention from the corner.

“It’s ok, Ayden.” I call out, “She’s just telling me all about that pretty cock of yours and what it’s been doing!”

Lexi giggles, and I see Ayden chuckle from where he stands, shaking his head. He probably thinks I’m crazy, and he’d be right.

“Rhys. Where have you been? When you didn’t show up at the start of term and I couldn’t reach you on your phone, I went to Cynthia to see where you were.” Lexi’s blue eyes fill with concern as she studies me.

“What did she tell you?” I ask, meeting Lexi’s seriousness with my own.

“It doesn’t matter what she told me. I need you to tell me because I know she was lying.”

I smile. Of course, Lexi would see through Cynthia’s lie.

“Let me guess. I was visiting an old friend?”

Lexi’s brows lift. “Yeah. Something like that.”

Taking one last drag, I butt out the joint, blowing the smoke up into the sunny spring sky just as the warning bell goes to remind students to stop socialising and head to homeroom.

“Yeah., she lied. Can we talk at lunch? I’ll need a bit of time to fill you in.”

Lexi smiles and hugs me again. “Of course.”

We start walking toward Ayden, and I link my fingers with Lexi’s. She grins at me, probably thinking I’ve just missed her, and that’s why I’m being all touchy-feely, but really, it’s because I need her to keep me grounded. My heart is racing despite my attempt to trick it into submission with the joint.

“How’s Marcus?” My words don’t seem to surprise Lexi. A slight grin tugging at her lips as if she were expecting me to ask.

“He’s ok. He’s been keeping busy. Started cricket training, even though he hates the game.”

“Fuck! I have screwed him up, haven’t I?” My words are playful, making Lexi grin, but underneath my playfulness is my awareness that Marcus is struggling because he hates cricket. There’s no way he’d play that game unless he was going through something.

When we started screwing around together, I’d told Marcus Grady that I didn’t do relationships. I told him we were just fuck buddies and that we weren’t exclusive. I told him to see other people. But he didn’t. He devoted his time to me, and despite all my own rules, I let him get closer than I should have. I even stopped going to the Feast nights.

Marcus Grady wanted more. He wanted me to be his girl. He didn’t listen to me when I said I couldn’t be in a relationship. He begged me to explain why. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell him that I will never be able to have a normal relationship because I’m a sex addict.