14. Rhys

Adropofsweat rolls down my spine as I scoop mashed potato into my mouth, trying hard to avoid everyone’s eyes at the dinner table. I keep my gaze trained on my plate, my mind going over the last few days. Especially today. The incident with Garrett in the bathroom. English class with Shaun and Garrett. The darkroom with Shaun. Then, of course, that fucking message from my old foster mum, Julie. It keeps plaguing me, knowing that she somehow got my number. I can’t even imagine how she got her hands on it. I’m not listed. My number is private, so how did she find me? Her demand for me to go and see Brian in prison is confusing. I haven’t heard from her or Brian since the day I was taken from their care, so what the fuck do they want with me now? One thing I know about Julie is she doesn’t fuck around. Back when I lived with her, if I did something that wasn’t to her liking, she always followed through on her punishments. She was brutal at times, which was why I found comfort with Brian. He cared for me when Julie dealt her punishments. He made me feel loved and safe. I quickly learned not to upset Julie if I could help it, and I’d be an idiot to ignore her now. That’s why I need to figure out how to get to Allansdale Prison this weekend. I don’t know how she can possibly punish me from wherever she is, but I know she’ll try.

“How was your second day back at school, Rhys?” The deep voice of my foster dad, Will, snaps me out of my thoughts, and I look up to see all eyes on me.

Great!

“It was ok.” I shrug before returning my gaze to my plate.

“Rhysie, is that Lexi girl still your friend?” Archie asks, and I glance up to find his curious eyes as he chomps into his corn. The steam rises and fogs his glasses, blocking his dark gaze from mine. I grin.

“Yeah, Arch. Lexi is still my friend.”

He nods, dropping his corn and removing his glasses to look at me. It’s cute that he thinks he’d be able to see me properly without his glasses. He and Connor can’t see shit without the assistance of them. Identical in every way. When he squints, trying to focus on me, I can’t hold back my laugh—such a cute dork.

“I like her. She seems like a good friend.” He smiles before Charlotte butts in.

“You like her pretty blonde hair, don’t you Arch?” She teases, and his adorable face goes bright red.

“Shut up, Char! He does not!” Connor jumps in, sticking up for his twin.

“That’s enough!” William snaps, silencing everyone before the squabbling turns into an all-out argument.

An awkward lull falls over the table, so I focus on my plate again before glancing up at Cynthia to change the conversation.

“Can I ask you something, Cin?”

Her brows lift in surprise as she looks up from her meal, taking a moment to study me before nodding and laying her fork on the table.

“Of course, Rhys.” Her smile is warm, reminding me of the decent human she is. I don’t know why I got so lucky to win her as my foster mum. I can be such a fucking handful, yet she puts up with me. I never deliberately set out to cause her distress, though. Somehow, she tolerates my flaws.

“Have you ever heard anything from Brian or Julie Bates?” My words cause Will to freeze with a piece of steak hovering before his mouth, and Cynthia’s face pales.

“Ah, maybe we can have this conversation after dinner?” Her question sounds more like a statement.

I’m hoping that by asking here at the dinner table with the twins and Charlotte present, I can avoid the hard questions they will want to ask me about why I’m even mentioning my old foster parents. If we have an audience, I know they won’t say too much.

“No need,” I say, feigning boredom. I need them to think this is not a big deal. Just me being curious. “I was just wondering. No biggy.”

“Ah…” Cynthia glances at Will, unsure, before looking back at me. “To answer your question, Rhys, no, we haven’t heard anything from them.”

The way she says them tells me she may not have heard from them, but she’s heard something about them… maybe?

“Cool.” I nod, chasing peas around on my plate and stabbing them onto my fork. “Do you know if Brian is still in prison?”

“Yes.” She answers quickly. “Still there. You are safe, Rhys.”

If only that were true.

“What about Julie? Whatever happened to her?” I ask, and Cin shares another look with Will.

“Why are you asking?” Will speaks this time.

I shrug again. “Just curious.” I shove the peas in my mouth, hardly noticing the taste as I pretend that my heart isn’t racing like I’ve just run a marathon. Why do they have to question this? It’s my life. Surely I deserve some answers without being scrutinised for it.

“It’s just a little out of the blue. Has something happened?” Cynthia asks, and I glance around the table to see the twins and Charlotte sitting quietly, taking everything in.

I could tell Cynthia that Julie has called and messaged me. I could tell her that’s what sent me over the edge and straight into a sex bender while we were away, but what good would it do? If they don’t know where Julie is, then they can’t stop her from following through on her threat. I’m almost tempted to see if it’s empty, to see if Julie still has consequences to dish out to me. It’s a risk I’m not willing to take, though. I’ve managed to keep that part of my life a secret, and I’d like to keep it that way.

I sigh, dropping my fork and shooting Cynthia a glare I know she doesn’t deserve.

“Nothing has happened. I’m just curious about where those people are. I know Julie never went to prison, so she’s out there somewhere, right? Don’t you think I should have a right to know if there’s a chance I might walk past her one day?”

“She doesn’t live in this area, Rhys.” Cin declares quickly.

So, she does know something.

“How do you know?”

Cynthia darts her concerned eyes to Will, who gets the silent hint she’s throwing and takes over the conversation.

“Rhys. You are safe here. There’s no need for you to be concerned.”

I roll my eyes. “Why can’t you give me a straight answer? I have a right to know where they are. How do you know Julie isn’t living locally? Shouldn’t I know if she’s at least in the state? What if I had run into her while we were on holiday or on a school excursion? Shouldn’t you prepare me for that possibility?”

“Is that what happened when we were away? Did you run into Julie?” Cynthia’s eyes widen in fear as she darts her gaze between Will and me.

“No.”

I’m not lying. Julie only left me a voice message while we were away. I didn’t see her, but her call was out of the blue. It did cross my mind that maybe Julie saw me. That maybe I walked past her on the street, and that’s what sparked her to reach out to me.

“I’ll be eighteen next year, probably moving out sometime in the next few years. I should know these things, don’t you think?”

An unsettling sadness wells in Cynthia’s eyes when I mention moving out, but I ignore it because it’s irrelevant to my current need for information.

Will nods in understanding, though, offering his wife a sympathetic look before turning back to me.

“The truth is, Rhys, we don’t know where Julie is. We check with the authorities every month to see if her name has popped up anywhere. But she’s a ghost. It’s likely she’s using a different name now. We haven’t let it affect things here because we were of the belief that Julie isn’t a threat. Is that wrong? Is she a threat?”

I shake my head, even though I’m not sure how to answer that. Julie was mean to me when I lived with them. She loved to stand over me, letting me think she would hurt me if I didn’t behave. Sure, she smacked me around a couple of times, but I’d had worse before I even went into their care. She didn’t hurt me too much, but she made me think she would hurt me worse.

The cops believed Julie was never involved in my activities with Brian, so she was never charged with anything. I’m not sure if she’s a threat in a violent way like Will is insinuating. Still, I can’t bring myself to voice that information to them.

“Do you know what prison Brian is in?” My question throws them both, and their eyes practically pop out of their sockets.

“Rhys, you don’t need to know where he is,” Cin states, keeping her brown gaze locked on me.

“Did you not hear anything I just said?” I hiss, standing abruptly, my chair scraping the tiles behind me. “Jesus Cin! Don’t you know information is power? Shouldn’t I be the one to have the information on this stuff? What if you both die tomorrow? Then how am I meant to know any of this?”

“You’re going to die?” Conner whimpers, shooting puppy dog eyes at Cynthia at the same time that Archie starts to cry.

“Good one, Rhys!” Charlotte snaps, jumping up from her seat to hug Archie.

“For fuck’s sake! Just forget it!” My yell is loud as I bolt up from my chair, letting it clatter to the white tiled floor before I storm off. I ignore Will’s scold for swearing and retreat quickly.

When I reach my bedroom, I slam the door hard, rattling the windows and walls before I flip the lock and throw myself face first onto my bed. Then I suck in as much air as I can and scream into my pillow until I can’t breathe.

My questions were useless. I learnt nothing but the fact that Cin and Will know jack shit. What the fuck am I meant to do with that information? If I ask them to drive me to the prison, they will freak, and I’ll never get there to see Brian before Julie makes good on her threat.

A knock sounds on my door, but I ignore it. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. The only thing I want to do is impossible because I have no one to do it with. I could sneak out and get my fix, but with the way my body is trembling, I’m scared of what I might do. What lines I might be willing to cross to ease the ache.

I don’t want to end up in another sex bender. I don’t want to put myself in a position where I’m in danger, where I’m being used and humiliated just so I can get the high that always seems so unreachable when I’m like this.

Not for the first time this week; I feel like crying. Hell no! I’m not shedding a fucking tear over this crap. I just have to figure out a way to get to the city without making the rents suspicious. Then somehow get to Allansdale Prison, which is an hour on the other side of the city.

Needing a distraction, I pick up my phone to scroll Instagram but instead find some messages from Lexi, Marcus, Shaun, Simon, and Garrett. My stupid heart flutters again at seeing the four guys’ names on my screen. I know it shouldn’t make me happy, yet it does. It brings a sense of calm to the chaos that was there only moments ago.

Since I need to pull my head out of the gutter, I decide to open Lexi’s message first.

Lexi West

I miss you!

We haven’t had a chance to catch up properly yet.

Can we have a girl’s night this weekend?

Rhys George

Absa-fucking-lutely!

What do you have in mind?

Lexi West

Wanna stay over at my new pad?

Mum scored us this adorable little house

around the corner from Ayden and Marcus.

I have the attic bedroom upstairs. It’s sick!

Being that close to Marcus is probably not smart, but I do need some girl time.

Rhys George

Sounds perfect!

I’ll bring the chips and porn!!

Lexi West

OMG! NO porn Rhys!

Rhys George

But why?

Porn is so fun!

Lexi West

Yeah, sure!

If you’re watching it with the person,

you’re going to fuck!

My laughter fills my bedroom as I picture Lexi’s face, flushed with a blush and a look of horror on it.

Rhys George

So, you watch porn with Ayden, do you?

He really has turned you into a

dirty bitch, hasn’t he?

Lexi West

Stop it!

And yes!

Hehe.

Rhys George

Girl, you need to spill the deets!

Lexi West

I will when you come to stay!

Rhys George

I’m holding you to that!

My grin is genuine, and I’m thankful for the much-needed distraction, so I move on to my other messages.

Marcus Grady

I know you said you were busy tonight,

but I’ll be up late if you want to chat.

My stomach dips as I read over Marcus’ words. I so badly want to talk to him. It’s tearing me apart, having to stay away from him when everything in me is screaming to go to him. I should probably ignore his message, but I’m weak.

Rhys George

Hey Grady.

Wanna FaceTime later?

His reply comes quick.

Marcus Grady

Yeah! What time?

Rhys George

Give me an hour?

Marcus Grady

You got it!

Talk soon xx

Ugh! Those two kisses at the end of his message do stupid things to me. I’m so screwed. I should message him back now and cancel our call. He should be focusing on moving on from me, not spending his free time calling me.

Do I send him a message to cancel, though? No.

Pathetic Rhys!

I click out of Marcus’ messages and look at the ones remaining. Simon, Shaun and Garrett. I choose Simon because he’s fun and I need a pick me up.

Simon Hastings

Simon says, let’s chat.

Rhys George

I’d better not be a naughty girl

and ignore you then :)

Simon Hastings

Ahhh. There she is. How’s my girl?

Shit. He called me his girl again. Even though I secretly love hearing him say that, I should probably nip this in the bud.

Rhys George

Since I don’t belong to any one guy,

but all the guys belong to me,

I think I should be asking, how’s my guy?

Simon Hastings

Hahaha! Good point!

I’d happily be your guy, Rhys!

So, to answer your question, I’m good.

I’ve been thinking about photo labs and

darkrooms a lot lately, though.

Rhys George

I’ve heard they can be a bit sketchy.

You should never enter those rooms alone!

Simon Hastings

You’re right.

I’m only going to enter them if you’re with me.

Rhys George

Haven’t you heard?

That’s where I take my prey.

Simon Hastings

I’ll happily sacrifice myself!

Fuck me dead! How do I get myself into these conversations?

Rhys George

You’ve already done that!

I should go. Got homework to do.

Simon Hastings

Wait!

Before you go, can you answer something?

Rhys George

Sure.

Simon Hastings

What was wrong with you in class today?

I’ve never seen you look so flat.

Damn. He wants to talk about real stuff. And damn, I want to answer him. But I can’t. Not with the truth, anyway.

Rhys George

Dude, are you saying my tits are small?

Simon Hastings

What? NO!!!!

Fuck no!

Your tits are perfect!

Rhys George

Hahahaha, Gotchya!

And yes, I know my tits are perfect.

The twins are a thing of beauty.

Simon Hastings

You call your tits the twins?

Rhys George

Of course. It’s not a very interesting name

for them, but they know who I’m talking about.

How about you, Hastings?

What do you call that magnificent cock of yours?

Simon Hastings

You think my cock is magnificent?

Rhys George

Hell yes! What’s his name?

Simon Hastings

Conan

Rhys George

Conan? Why Conan?

Simon Hastings

You know, like Conan the Barbarian?

Rhys George

Oh! Hahaha

I’m crying!!

Simon Hastings

It’s rude to laugh at a man’s cock, George!

Rhys George

I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at it. I swear!

Simon Hastings

You’re still laughing, aren’t you?

Rhys George

Yes!!!!

Simon Hastings

You’d better keep looking over your

shoulder tomorrow at school.

Conan is pissed!

He’s going to come after you!

Rhys George

Promise?

Simon Hastings

You know it!

Fuck me! Now I’ve promised a FaceTime call to one guy and basically agreed to a showdown with fucking Conan the Barbarian! I should quit while I’m ahead, but these convos are helping me to forget the shit show going on behind the scenes. So naturally, I open Shaun’s message next.

Shaun Bossier

I have a theory.

Rhys George

Oh! I can’t wait to hear this!

Shaun Bossier

You need a reverse harem.

Rhys George

What?

Shaun Bossier

You know—a reverse harem.

With multiple guys.

Rhys George

I know what a reverse harem is, Bossi!

I was the one who told you about it when

I thought you guys were Lexi’s RH!!!

Shaun Bossier

Right! Well. That’s what you need.

I mean, it would be fun, but what Shaun doesn’t know is that I can’t do relationships.

Rhys George

Why do I need it?

Because I love dick so much?

What? A girl can’t just fuck around

and love sex as much as a guy?

We have to be a slut or into

something weird. Is that it?

Shaun Bossier

What? No!

Rhys George

GTG

I know I shouldn’t let his comments get to me, and yes, I know I’m taking it out of context, but that’s where my fucking head is at right now! I’m all sorts of messed up.

I’m about to open Garrett’s messages, which I’m sure are going to be nothing but shaming me for my inability to not fuck his mates, but then my phone starts ringing, with Shaun’s name flashing across the screen. I decline it, and then he sends another message through.

Shaun Bossier

Don’t dodge my call, George.

Pick it up!

My phone rings again, and my heart stops for a moment. Do I pick it up? My finger hovers over the red icon, hesitating. Then I hit accept.

“What?” I snap as I sit up on my bed, dragging myself off it to start pacing.

“You’ve taken my words the wrong way, Kitten.”

Oh, sweet Jesus, he’s Casanova right now, and fuck, there’s my Kitty, purring like a horny bitch. I stop still as I feel the heat build between my legs.

“Just because you’ve met Kitten doesn’t give you the right to speak to her all the damn time. She’s not here right now. And she doesn’t appreciate you using her love for dick, and pussy for that matter, to slut-shame her.”

“Stop! I’m not slut-shaming you! You love sex, Rhys. I fucking love that part of you!”

Shaun’s words are fierce and strong as they come through the phone, and my heart stops again as I replay what he said. He loves that part about me?

“Why?”

“Why what?” His voice really is sexy. He could be one of those guys that get paid for phone sex. He’d be rich as hell.

“Why do you love that part about me?” I start pacing again, nervous to hear his answer.

“Honestly?” He hesitates for a moment. “Because it matches my own need, I guess.”

OMG, Shaun Bossier sounds fucking nervous. Huh!

“So, you’re basically a slut, too?”

He chuckles at my comment.

“No, I’m not a slut, because you’re not a slut. You and me. We’re different from most people. Sure, everyone loves sex, but most of them are too scared to have sex the way they really want. That’s why we are the same. It’s also why I started going to the Feast nights, and I’m pretty sure it’s why you go there too.” He’s quiet for a moment before he adds, “Am I right?”

I sigh. “If I say you are, is your head going to swell?”

He laughs, and it’s a beautiful fucking sound.

“Probably.”

Since I’m in the privacy of my bedroom, I let my smile burst free.

“You’d better rein it in, or you won’t get through the school doors tomorrow.”

He chuckles again before falling quiet.

“Before, you said that Kitten loves dick and pussy. Is that true? Does Rhys George munch carpet?”

“I dabble in seafood. I prefer meat, though.”

Again, Shaun’s laughter is loud over the phone, and I’m helpless to hold in my smile. I glance at my reflection in my dresser mirror, seeing my white teeth framed by my black lips. When Shaun’s laughter falls abruptly silent, I frown.

“Hang on a sec.” He mutters into the phone, sounding annoyed, before I hear scraping come through the speaker. He’s trying to cover his phone, so I can’t hear. Even though it’s muffled, I can hear him talking with someone, and it doesn’t sound like a happy conversation.

“You there?” Shaun asks, obviously finished talking to whoever was there.

“I’m here. Everything ok?”

“Yeah. I’ve gotta go help the old man with something. See you at school tomorrow?” He sounds like he doesn’t want to hang up. I kinda don’t want him to either, which is weird. I don’t typically enjoy talking on the phone.

“Yeah. I guess I’ll be there.” I sigh, and he chuckles.

“Later, Kitten.”

“Later, Cass.”

I flop back on my bed with my phone clutched in my hand. Tonight has been strange. Yet weirdly fun. A little anyway. I still have to read Garrett’s message before Marcus FaceTime’s me, so I decide to get his scolding over and done with.

Garrett Cole

We need to talk.

Rhys George

Nothing good ever comes from those four words!!

Garrett Cole

Don’t be so sure.

Rhys George

Really? So, you’re not going to remind

me to stay away from Simon and Shaun?

You’re not going to remind me to stop

messing with Marcus?

Garrett Cole

Listen, I’m only looking out for my mates.

All three of them, but I also know it takes

two to tango, and I know they aren’t

making it easy for you to walk away.

Rhys George

I’ll be honest with you. I haven’t tried

all that hard to walk away from them.

Although I really am trying not to

interact with Marcus.

He sure as shit isn’t making it easy.

But that’s not on him.

I should be stronger, and guess what?

I’m not!

Garrett Cole

Yeah. I know.

Marcus hasn’t stopped talking about you.

He’s still got it in his head that he’s

going to win you over.

Shit. This shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. The fact that he’s openly talking about it means he’s on a mission. He’s even more determined than I thought.

Rhys George

He’s not going to give up.

Garrett Cole

You really want him to?

Rhys George

Yes!

Garrett Cole

Now answer me truthfully!!

Rhys George

**middle finger emoji**

Garrett Cole

Come on, George. Be honest with me.

Rhys George

Fine!

I don’t want him to give up,

but I NEED him to!!

Garrett Cole

Why?

Rhys George

Come on, Cole.

You’re a smart guy.

Garrett Cole

Your addiction?

My heart sinks seeing those words. I know I’m an addict. I’m not in denial about it, but I hate other people knowing about it or calling me out on it. I have no idea why.

Rhys George

Bingo!

Garrett Cole

I’ve been doing some research,

and just because you have a sex addiction

doesn’t mean you can’t have a

relationship with someone.

I roll my eyes. This is what happens. People find out and think they’re helping by doing their own research and come up with their own theories on how I can get better. Guess what? It doesn’t help!

Rhys George

I’m gonna stop you right there.

I appreciate that you’re trying to make an

effort to understand the inner workings of

the fuckery in my head, and for the life of me,

I don’t know why you’d even bother,

but you have to know.

I already know all there is to know about

sex addiction. I fucking LIVE it!

I was serious when I told Marcus I didn’t want

a relationship because I knew I would eventually

go looking for more.

It doesn’t matter how much I care about him.

He’s not enough.

It’s fucked up to say, and I’m sorry for that,

but it’s the truth.

No single person will EVER be enough for me!

That’s not Marcus’ fault!

He’s fucking amazing! Perfect.

Me though? I’m not perfect.

I’m tainted and screwed up,

and I’ll only bring him a life of pain.

Some bitch is going to be lucky to snatch

Marcus up one day.

But my needs are fucked, Garrett.

Some would even say sick or twisted.

If he really knew what I was like.

What I’m into, he’d spit on me and call me trash.

Jesus, you heard him yesterday.

He already knows I’m a slut.

Garrett Cole

What if you’re wrong?

Have you even tried?

Rhys George

I tried really fucking hard not to hit on you,

Bossi, and Hastings while I was with Marcus.

That’s not right, Garrett.

Garrett Cole

But you didn’t hit on us. Did you?

Rhys George

No. I ran because I nearly did, though.

Then I went and found a random dick,

and for a short time, I felt like me again.

What does that tell you?

Garrett Cole

You found a random dick while you

were with Marcus?

Rhys George

No. It was right after I finally

ended things with him.

Garrett Cole

Was it at that sex place you and Bossi go to?

Do you get what you need there?

Rhys George

Kind of. It’s enough for now.

Garrett Cole

What happens when it’s no longer enough?

It’s something that plagues me. Eventually, things get boring, and I need to amp it up. How far will I push my boundaries? When will it be enough? Am I going to be alone forever?

Rhys George

I don’t know.

Garrett Cole

How does that make you feel?

Rhys George

You sound like my therapist.

Is that what you want to do when

you finish school? Be a therapist?

Garrett Cole

Don’t change the convo, George!

Rhys George

Too late. I already did.

Garrett Cole

One last question.

Rhys George

Fine! What?

Garrett Cole

Have you considered that maybe you will

find someone that is happy to have an

open relationship with you?

That way, you will get what you need

sexually while having what your heart wants?

I don’t respond to Garrett. I can’t because I’m crying. I don’t know why, but his words have reached into my chest and pulled out my heart. It’s the only way I can explain it. More than anything, I want to feel loved. I want to love someone back and share sacred moments with them. The thing is, people like me don’t get the happy ending. We just get orgasms, empty beds, and nothing but a wet patch to remind you that you’re nothing.