Chapter 40

Forty

Faint voices played through my mind, distorted and overlapping one another. Flashes and fragments of memories played before me as if from old footage. It felt as if brief lapses of my life were floating by, carrying me into a strange, peaceful void. Lazarus' laughter filled my ears, soothing me in the darkness. I could feel my soul struggling to hold on, fading away.

Alaska.

You need to wake up.

Wake up, Alaska.

It was the voices of the victims. They were calling me, beckoning me to wake from this eternal slumber.

Wake up, Alaska.

The film-like memories continued to play, the weightless feeling of peace drowning me. My lingering soul clung to that feeling, refusing to let go. "I can't," I whispered into the void. My strength had fled, leaving me weak and powerless.

Yes you can.

Unleash your chaos.

Wake up, Alaska.

I remained still, drifting through the movie of my life, observing the visual chapters one by one. Lazarus' laughter returned as I watched an old memory of us. We were laying in the graveyard, watching the stars, Alastair curled up at our feet. Lazarus was pointing to the sky, naming the stars, reciting myths of the heavens. Instead of listening to his words, I simply watched him, enjoying the way he lit up and boasted about his dreams of one day traveling the world, studying the night sky. He was beautiful, shining like a star himself. Lazarus turned to face me, catching my eyes. He didn't tease me, but instead laughed. He may have always called me his little dreamer but, truthfully he was mine. We shared the same dreams, the same longing to escape this world. It was that moment that reeled me back. I needed to return, to wake up. Not for myself, but for him. Lazarus. My dreamer.

"How do I wake up?" I asked the void, the film of my memories moving faster. "What do I do?" They began to speed up, moving quicker, voices playing in fast motion as the edges began to burn from the intensity, ripping the film apart. "Tell me!"

Unleash your chaos.

My head began to ache, the painful memories now swarming my mind. The sound of Cain, grunting as he slammed his fist into my skull, echoed, followed by my screams. His taunts and insults began to pierce through my consciousness, layering one another as I watched his abuse play before me. "No," I cried, sickened by the excruciating recollection. "Make it stop. Make it stop!" I covered my ears, falling to my knees as his hateful words beat me down.

Unleash your chaos.

I struggled, grasping at the memory of Lazarus, desperately clinging to our love.

Unleash your chaos, Alaska.

A single flame flickered deep within my withering soul as it ignited, screaming to be let free. Cain's words continued as I tried to push back, the flame slowly growing. I tried to focus on that fire, breathing life into it, straining against the painful memories. Lazarus' laughter returned, followed by the last words he said to me.

"I love you, Alaska." A tear ran down my cheek.

I whispered back to his voice. "Until we're ghosts." As the words fell from my mouth, my fire surged, engulfing my mind in burning blue magic, melting away the painful past. Agony began to fill my head as the feeling in my limbs steadily returned. I could feel my life returning, slowly. I just needed to wake up.

Open your eyes.

Open your eyes, Alaska.