Chapter 10

TEN

DEV

After leaving Tully and Lellie, I made my way downstairs to saddle Trigger. The stoner was singing at full volume while mucking out stalls. A pair of large, expensive headphones covered his ears. Thankfully, the kid’s distraction meant I could avoid an awkward conversation.

Once we got away from the barn and paddocks, I gave Trigger his head and let him tear across the open pastureland toward my home site. Even though it seemed weeks in the past, I’d been to the site as recently as yesterday morning, and I certainly didn’t need to check on it now, but I craved being on my own land. There was something about it that centered me and made me feel more… myself.

When I crossed the invisible boundary between the Fletcher Ranch and mine, I skirted around the jobsite and made my way into the trees leading up the hill behind the house. I knew the builders were finishing the insulation and beginning to hang drywall, so there wasn’t much to see from the outside, but just knowing I would soon have a home of my own always gave me a sense of happy relief. Of rightness and belonging.

I waited for that feeling to come over me now, but it didn’t.

Instead, as I looked at the house, I felt… lonely .

I’d built the place with space in mind. Multiple large bedrooms, several large gathering areas, plenty of room for the brotherhood to come and visit without us tripping over each other. But how often would they come, really? And what would I do in that big house the rest of the time?

For a second, I let myself imagine having Lellie with me. Hearing her baby-babble to the horses as she had with Buttercup earlier. Showing her the wildflowers in the pasture. Teaching her to ride, when she was older. Taking her to Final Night and all the other town events—because obviously, I’d force myself to stop isolating so much, for her sake. Making sure she was safe and healthy. Giving her a home she could always, always come back to. Reminding her every day that she was loved unconditionally, no matter how bad she fucked up or how many choices she made that I didn’t agree with.

But that wasn’t right, either. That was about me wanting her with me, and as I’d told Tully repeatedly, me wanting her wasn’t the issue and never had been. Lellie had already lost her mother. Was I really going to saddle her with a father who had no idea what he was doing and, as my parents liked to remind me, a really shitty track record when it came to taking care of his family?

It wasn’t right to do that to an innocent child. I couldn’t expect her to fulfill me when it was a parent’s job to give rather than take.

I loved her too much to keep her.

The sun made its way through the trees in warm golden shafts as Trigger picked his way along the deer trail. Fat bees hummed nearby on golden lupine, purple bellflowers, and a patch of deep coral flowers that might have been Indian paintbrush.

There wasn’t a question about whether I wanted to settle here in Majestic—I’d already made that choice. But inheriting Lellie and realizing I couldn’t keep her was causing me to question myself in a way I hadn’t before.

Something about this town had felt like home to me from the beginning, and having the easy friendships with Silas, Way, Foster, and their family gave me a support system that grounded me just like my brotherhood did, but in a more immediate way. And still… I’d held myself back. I’d insisted on solitude and distance. I’d clung to my privacy.

I needed to tell them the whole story about Lellie.

With roundup only a few days away, I’d have to find someone I trusted to help with her. Tully had agreed to watch her, but I couldn’t rely on him. His life was back in Dallas, and I didn’t want to keep him from it.

And part of me knew that the longer he stuck around, the more tempted I’d be by his presence.

After calling on the radio to confirm Silas was home, I turned Trigger around and headed for the Fletchers’ farmhouse. Trigger was used to hanging out in the small fenced area next to Way and Silas’s garage, and he immediately went to work picking at some weeds with his teeth.

I jogged up the steps to the ranch house and let myself in. “I’m here. Put your clothes on,” I called, heading automatically to the large kitchen in the back, where I could hear the familiar rumble of Silas’s laugh.

As soon as he saw me, Silas shoved a cold glass of lemonade in my hand and gestured for me to sit next to Way at the large kitchen island. Thankfully, both were fully dressed… which wasn’t always a guaranteed thing.

Silas nodded toward a pile of ingredients and supplies on the counter. “I’m making a crumble with some blackberries Sheridan picked up at Final Night. Way decided to come home from work early to supervise me.”

Way reached out and stole a fat berry from the basket. “Not true. I came home to check on Indigo and make sure he knew what to do since Dev was obviously busy with other things.”

“Where the hell’d you find that guy again?” I asked before taking a sip of the lemonade. The cold, sweet tang was exactly what I’d needed after the dusty ride.

“University of Colorado at Boulder,” Way said with a straight face. “He’s in town this summer to take advantage of the outdoor adventure sport and wanted a place to crash.”

“If I catch him smoking pot around the stock?—”

Silas caught my eye. “He’s vegan, for fuck’s sake. I don’t think he smokes.”

My friend had obviously forgotten about two of our friends at Yale who’d made smoking pot and plant-based eating their entire personalities.

Way nodded. “He’s a health nut with a college degree in education, and his references were pristine.”

That was reassuring, but it wasn’t why I’d come. I waved the topic of the new ranch hand away. “I need some help with Lellie during roundup.”

Silas kept his intense gaze on me while he mixed the ingredients in his mixing bowl. “Uh-huh. You going to tell us how you ended up with a kid?”

Way looked back and forth between us. “I think you should get the guys on the phone before you have this conversation.”

I shook my head. “I can’t handle Landry right now, and Zane’s busy with tour stuff.”

Silas shot his husband a look, and Way immediately dialed his phone before propping it up so we could all see the screen. Within moments, Kenji’s face appeared. “Silas, don’t forget you have a call with Bash and Rowe in the morning to go over quarterly earn— Oh .” He looked up and noticed me. “Hey, Dev. I’m scheduling a call with a family law specialist, but they’re going to want to get copies of any paperwork you have. I need to know what your goal is.”

It was his professional way of asking if I intended to pursue custody or not.

“I…” I began. “I can’t keep her, but I can’t let her grandparents have her either.”

Silas raised an eyebrow. “Your parents are pushing for custody? Did they know about her?”

I shook my head. “I mean Katie’s parents. They’re awful, and they’re challenging me for custody in Dallas. I just learned that they officially filed suit.”

As usual, Silas’s eyes were pinning me with the heat of a thousand suns, silently demanding explanations.

“I… helped out a friend a couple of years ago,” I began. “A friend I grew up with. Remember me telling you about Katie? I owed her a favor—a big one—and she called it in. She wanted to become a mom but didn’t want a relationship. I donated my sperm, but I made it clear I didn’t want to have anything to do with any baby that resulted. I… I didn’t even want to know if there was a baby. I asked Kenji to sort out some legal aspects, and I… I didn’t let myself think about it after that.”

“Until this week,” Silas prompted.

“Yeah.” I stopped and ran my fingers through my hair. Silas moved to the sink to wash the berry juice from his hands before coming over to stand near me while I continued.

“I guess Katie didn’t have anyone else, and she trusted me to choose the right alternative,” I said with a shrug. “Or… I don’t know. Maybe she thought I’d change my mind.”

Silas watched me for a long moment. “And have you?” he asked softly.

“No.” I rubbed my face with both hands. “You know I can’t. I’m a wreck, Silas! I can’t bring a child into whatever the fuck my life is. I can’t be trusted to keep her alive, and we all know it.”

“Bullshit,” Silas hissed. “If you’re talking about your brother, you can stop that right now. Matt’s death was his own fault, Dev, not yours. You didn’t tell him to speed. You didn’t tell him to drink before getting behind the wheel of that car. You didn’t?—”

I threw up my hands. “I bought a half-million-dollar sports car for an irresponsible kid. Who does that?” The words were a direct quote from my mother, and whenever I said them aloud, I heard them in her voice, complete with the heartbroken little crack on the word does. It would never go away. Like my shame and guilt, her words lived just under my skin like invisible tattoos. “It was my fault for giving him the temptation.”

Kenji’s soft sigh came through the phone. Way’s eyebrows crinkled in concern. I could tell by his expression this situation wasn’t news to him, which meant Silas had informed him at some point about the story of my brother’s death.

“My point is,” I continued, trying to shake off the pity party, “I can’t take her. But I can’t let the Scotts have her either. They’re small-minded fearmongers who care more about status and their family reputation than they do about giving a child what she needs. I saw firsthand how they treated Katie, and I won’t let them do that to Lellie.” I took a deep breath. “I need to find a good family to raise her. Someone who wants a daughter and will take excellent care of her. Love her and…” My voice trailed off as emotions threatened to overwhelm me.

Silas’s arm slid around my shoulders as he pulled me into a hug. “You’d be an amazing dad. No one would love her as much as you would.”

Way stood and wrapped his arms around both of us. “And she’s sure as shit not alone in the world. Not anymore. Not ever again. Neither of you are. We’ll do whatever you need… no matter what you decide.”

After a moment in which I simply allowed myself to receive their support, I pulled back and swallowed. “Right now, what I need is some help. First of all, roundup. I need someone we trust to watch her in case Tully can’t stay. Way, do you think your aunt Blake would do it, or will she be too busy at the cafe?”

He laughed. “She’d drop anything to get that sweetheart in her arms. I’ll call her as soon as we’re done here and line it up. I’m sure Sheridan can cover her at the cafe. What else?”

“Kenji, I need you to find someone to start researching my legal options. Is there a way for me to decide who gets custody? Or if I don’t keep her, does that mean the Scotts will automatically get preference?”

“On it,” he said, already typing on his keyboard.

Silas and Way exchanged a look but didn’t say anything out loud.

What did that look mean? Were they considering offering to take Lellie themselves? If so… how would I feel about that?

I knew Silas and Way were the real deal. They were passionately in love with each other and dedicated to Way’s family and our friends. They would have tons of support, and Lellie would grow up here on the ranch surrounded by love and adventure. Any child of theirs would be incredibly lucky.

I couldn’t deny that a sliver of unease curled through my gut at the idea of them raising her, though. Of having to give her up while still having her so close. Of trusting anyone else to raise her.

I’d have to get over that because I couldn’t have it both ways, but I decided to let it be for now. That might not have been what their look was about, anyway. Deciding to raise a child wasn’t something you did on a whim or with a silent look.

“I need to get back to her,” I said. “But you’ll ask Jo about watching Lellie?”

“Of course,” Way agreed.

I let out a breath. “Thank you. All of you.”

When I turned to leave, Silas reached for my arm to stop me. “Don’t do anything rash,” he blurted.

“Like what?”

“Like… give her up without talking to the rest of us. Let us help you through this, Dev. Don’t make any important decisions in a vacuum. Okay?”

Maybe he did want her. Maybe he just needed time to discuss it with Way. If that was the case, it suddenly seemed like taking my time to consider things was a good idea. Not rushing such an important decision would be the prudent choice.

“Okay.”

Silas let out a breath and gave me another hug before slapping my back and shoving me toward the door. “Go get your girl. And don’t think I’m done asking you about that hottie who brought her.”

Way sputtered. “Excuse me? Hottie? What the fuck?”

Silas waved his hand over his shoulder. “Not as hot as you, sweetheart. Obviously. I just mean there’s obviously some kind of tension between Dev and his attorney friend… and I’d like to hear that story at some point.”

“No story,” I said, lying through my teeth.

Silas knew me all too well. “Sure, babe. And I’ll believe you when you can say that without turning the color of an overripe tomato. Which, incidentally, is the same color Tully turned when I asked him about you.”

I flipped him the bird as I headed out the door.

After riding back to the barn, I untacked Trigger and pampered him for a bit before turning him out for the night with the other personal stock. Someone had already filled hay nets and ensured there was clean water for everyone, which meant someone else must have taught Indigo how to do the afternoon feed.

Just when I was ready to head upstairs to the apartment, lecturing myself about the need to apologize to Tully for disappearing like I had, I heard Lellie’s little giggle come from around the corner of the barn. I followed the sound and found her and Tully sitting in the grass with a pile of dandelions between them and several yellow blooms shoved in Tully’s hair. He was making a funny face at her as he pretended to wonder what she was laughing about.

The sun shone down from a deep blue sky, and the gentle scent of horse, hay, and new plant growth floated on the warm breeze. I stood and watched them for a few moments before Lellie noticed me. Her entire face lit up, and she made a happy noise.

“Dah!”