Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"Okay, you're going to take the ricotta, parmesan, mozzarella and provolone cheeses, add the egg and dried parsley, and mix it all together," Juliette instructed a few days later. The night that Nikki and Celia made lasagna for dinner—with jarred marinara sauce—it had taken everything inside of her not to cringe.

And it was even harder to keep down.

Having grown up in a big Italian family, the one thing she knew better than PR work was food.

Good food.

So after dinner that night, Nikki asked what her favorite brand of tomato sauce was, and that led to an entire night of talking about making sauce and pasta from scratch. Now, she was teaching them. It wasn't something she normally did with anyone other than her family, but everyone joined in, including Simon. They were making homemade four cheese ravioli with her nana's sauce, bruschetta, a salad, and Celia, who loved to bake, was making a chocolate vanilla berry panna cotta tart for dessert.

Right now, the kitchen was a complete disaster area, but it felt just like home and she couldn't help but smile. They didn't have a pasta machine to do the bulk of the rolling and thinning of the dough, but everyone took a turn with the rolling pin to get it to the desired thinness.

"Alex, don't eat the dough!" Nikki said with a laugh before looking over at Juliette. "Sorry."

"No worries. It's fine for him to eat a little like that." Then she smiled at the boy. "But it's so much better when it's cooked and filled with all the cheeses and covered in sauce, trust me."

"O-kay," he replied with a small pout, making Juliette feel kind of bad.

"But how would you like to taste the sauce?" she asked him. "I'll put some in a bowl and you can dunk some of the Italian bread in it. What do you say?"

His little eyes went wide and he looked at his moms to make sure it was okay. When they nodded, he turned back to Juliette with a big smile. "Yes!"

Walking over to the stove, she grabbed a ladle and placed a small amount of sauce into a bowl and brought it over to Alex before giving him a couple of slices of bread for dunking. "Here you go, buddy. Enjoy!"

Simon came to stand beside her and cleared his throat, causing her to look at him oddly.

"You okay?"

He nodded to the bowl of sauce. "What if the rest of us wanted a taste? Can we get a bowl of sauce to dunk?" Then he pouted and gave her the saddest, soulful eyes she'd ever seen.

Her lips twitched.

"Are you seriously asking for a snack right now?"

He nodded.

"But…"

"Alex got a snack," he said, sounding pitiful.

And looking far too attractive than a grown man pouting should.

With a small sigh, Juliette walked back over to the stove and put some sauce in a larger bowl and turned to place it on the island. Then she sliced the rest of the loaf of bread up before looking at everyone. "Now everyone can dunk, okay?" And even though she thought she was being funny, she realized she sounded a bit…stern.

And a little like her grandmother, who usually followed up a statement like that by slapping hands away from the rest of the food.

Oh God…is that really who I'm turning into?

Then—because she knew she had to lighten the moment—she picked up a slice of bread and was the first one to dunk it in the bowl. Taking a bite, she closed her eyes and hummed with approval, instantly relaxing. When she opened her eyes, she smiled, "It could use a little more basil, but other than that, I think it tastes great!"

That's when Simon, Nikki, and Celia all grabbed a slice of bread and tasted the sauce, complimenting her the whole time.

"I am so sorry I served you jarred sauce the other night," Nikki said. "And I can't believe I thought it tasted fine. I think this one little taste has ruined me for all other sauces."

Beside her, Celia laughed. "I've been telling you for years that jarred sauce is nothing compared to the real thing!"

"Okay, but you didn't know how to make the real thing either! You just doctored up the stuff in the jar!"

Shrugging, Celia popped another piece of bread into her mouth before looking over at Juliette. "We were all in Italy last year with Simon for the tour, and your sauce reminds me of what we ate there. And after watching you make that from fresh tomatoes and just a handful of ingredients, I feel like with a little practice, I can totally do it too!" She paused and almost looked embarrassed. "Not that I'm saying it's easy…and I didn't mean to minimize your cooking skills…"

Jules held up her hand to stop her. "I didn't take it that way at all. Trust me. And this is just the quick sauce. My Nonna, not to be confused with my Nana, makes a sauce that literally cooks for an entire day and she won't serve it until the following day. I just chose this one because it was easier."

"She cooks a sauce all day?" Nikki asked in confusion. "Why? Like…that just seems like such a long time for a sauce."

"Well…in that sauce she's got meatballs, sausage, pieces of pork, beef, and sometimes pepperoni. And believe me when I say there is a tremendous difference when the meat cooks in the sauce like that. The flavor is to die for!"

They all looked at her and she knew what they were saying without words.

"How about we try it this weekend?" she suggested. "I'll make a list and…and we can go into town and shop."

"Unless you're extremely specific about certain items, we can shop for you," Nikki volunteered. "I know how you feel about driving up and down the mountain. Hell, we'll even video chat with you while we shop so you can approve everything!"

"Oh, um…"

"Unless you want to go," Simon interjected. "You don't have to drive. One of us can if that would make you more comfortable. Maybe you're tired of simply hanging out here at the house and wouldn't mind a couple of hours away." He laughed softly. "I'm sure being so isolated after living in a city must feel strange."

Only…it didn't. After adjusting to how quiet it was, Juliette had to admit it all had a certain appeal. And while she did miss just going out and walking to some of her favorite shops and restaurants—and coffee shop—there was something to be said for how peaceful it was to eat at home with friends.

And yeah, that's what she was starting to consider this little group. They had all been so nice to her—nicer than almost anyone she'd ever known—and she was beginning to feel more at ease around them.

"I'm fine if you want to do the shopping," she said to Celia. "Just thinking about that drive makes me feel tense, so I'd rather talk you through it via video chat if we need to. I hope that's okay."

"Are you kidding? I'm already looking forward to it and tonight's dinner has me salivating!" Celia replied with a laugh of her own. "Which reminds me, what do we need to do next?" She looked at Nikki. "Is the dough ready?"

"Jules? What do you think?" Nikki asked.

"If anyone's curious, the salad is coming along famously," Simon chimed in before dunking another piece of bread in the sauce.

"Good job tearing the lettuce," Nikki murmured. "Some of us are the actual heroes of this meal. I've been kneading dough for like…hours."

"We all took turns kneading and rolling, Nik. So we're all heroes," he reminded her. "But even after taking my turn, I still made the salad." Then he held up the bowl. "And look at it! It's perfect! Someone should take a picture of it!"

They all groaned, including Juliette, but she had to admit, this really did feel a lot like cooking with her family. The only thing missing was the wine. She wasn't really a drinker, but maybe a glass right now wouldn't be a bad thing. They all usually had a glass with dinner, but she didn't want to be presumptuous.

Motioning to Nikki, she moved to the far corner of the room.

"Is everything okay? Are we doing it all wrong and you're just trying to be nice?" Nikki whispered.

"What? No!" Chuckling, she shook her head. "I was going to ask if it was okay to open a bottle of wine while we finished cooking, but I didn't know how you felt about that sort of thing. I don't want to set a terrible example for Alex and…"

She never got to finish because Nikki was hugging her.

"Um…"

"Thank you," she said as she pulled back. "A lot of people look at my son and sort of let him fade into the background and don't care how they behave. Simon's last publicist used to curse in front of him all the time, no matter how much we asked him not to. So the fact that you thought of him first tells me you're a decent person." Then she giggled. "Not that I couldn't tell that already, but this just solidified it."

"Everything okay over there?" Simon asked, and when Juliette glanced over at him, he looked worried.

"We're fine!" Nikki told him before looking back at Juliette and quietly whispering, "I'm going to tell you something and I swore I wouldn't, but now I feel like I have to."

"O-kay…"

"We are totally loving everything you're doing PR-wise, but this—what we're doing today with cooking together—this is really important to Simon. He wants to see…well…a more relaxed version of you. It's nice to see you being funny and casual and okay with talking about things that have nothing to do with PR or business, so…" She hugged her again. "Thank you."

When they broke apart, Nikki walked across the room and opened a bottle of wine.

Simon was still watching her and it was a little unnerving to think that this might have been some kind of test, like he wanted to force her out of her comfort zone to see how she'd react—which was kind of funny because she was trying to come up with that exact scenario for him. What would it be like if he stopped being in "performer" mode and just acted like a normal guy?

Unfortunately, she hadn't come up with anything, but that didn't stop her from still thinking about it.

Or maybe stop overthinking it and just enjoy the great time you're having right now…

So that's what she did.

"Celia? Is the filling ready to go?"

"It is! Are we ready to start putting it all together?"

Juliette accepted the glass of wine Nikki handed her with a smile. "We are! I know we've been at this basically since last night…"

"Who knew you had to strain ricotta?" Celia said with a laugh before taking a sip of her wine.

"Well, it also gave us time to get the ravioli cutter," she replied. "And thank you again for being willing to drive an hour to get it."

"Are you kidding? I love going shopping. And if it's a store dedicated to kitchen and cooking items, even better!"

"We now have several new cake pans that we didn't really need," Nikki said dryly.

"Our cake pans are home. Now I can bake with quality cake pans while we're here."

"We're only going to be here for another nine days," Nikki reminded her. "How much cake do we need?"

The grin Celia gave her was slightly devious. "Challenge accepted."

"Oh, no…" Simon groaned. "Not the challenges. You guys…"

"What? What's wrong with challenges?" Juliette asked.

"They're very competitive," he told her as he came to stand beside her. "Trust me. There is going to be a fresh cake at every meal." Another groan. "My stomach already hurts just thinking about it."

Personally, Juliette didn't see a problem. "Any chance there are muffin pans?" she asked. "And just…FYI…I really love chocolate chip muffins. I'm just saying…"

Simon groaned louder. "Great. Encourage this. Whose side are you even on?"

She knew he was teasing, and if anything, it just made her like him a little more.

Even if he was a phony.

Eventually, he'd have to break. No one could keep up that act 24/7. By the end of the weekend, Juliette knew she'd get to see the real Simon Bennett.

Or…the real Simon Wylder.

And she couldn't wait.

Well, Simon had wanted to see another side of Juliette, and he certainly had.

And none of it was what he expected.

Her cooking skills were amazing, she had a wicked sense of humor and wasn't afraid to make fun of herself, but she was incredibly strict and almost militant when in the kitchen.

But the most unexpected was how she was totally leaning into this cake and baking challenge between Celia and Nikki. Every day, and at almost every meal, she had a new request for Celia. In the last three days, they'd had cheesecake, an assortment of cookies, apple pie, brownies, a death by chocolate cake, and a variety of muffins. Sweets weren't normally his thing, but he really thought they'd be through with this nonsense by now.

"Celia's going to make a caramel apple coffee cake for tomorrow," Juliette said when she breezed into the room.

He'd been enjoying some creative time downstairs and was working on a song, but she looked very serious and businesslike, and he hoped whatever she came down here for, that it wasn't just about cake.

Primly, she sat down at the opposite end of the sofa and let out a soft breath. "Simon," she began, "I've been here with you for a week now, and I think it's time for us to have a serious talk."

That certainly got his attention. Placing his guitar aside, he nodded. "Okay…"

"I'd like to think that I've shown you how there's more to me than just…you know…the PR person. We've laughed and joked around, we've cooked together, watched movies, and talked about a bunch of random stuff."

Another nod. "We have."

She studied him for a long moment, as if trying to carefully choose her words. "The thing is, this isn't going to work if only one of us is showing their true self." Then she just watched him and waited for…something.

"Um…"

Wait. Did she think he wasn't being his true self? That he was…

"You don't think this is who I am?" he asked incredulously. "Seriously?"

"I don't," she said firmly. "No one is this happy all the time. It's not possible. People get in bad moods or have things they don't like, Simon. It's completely normal. But you? You are like…you're almost one-dimensional. You're just this guy who only has one emotion—happy!"

Leaning back against the sofa, he struggled to fully understand what she was saying. "And you think that's a bad thing? That…being happy is wrong?"

"No, not wrong, just not normal for it to be the only thing you feel."

This was possibly the most bizarre conversation he'd ever had. No one had ever complained about his moods or emotions. If anything, he had a great reputation because he was such a nice guy! So why was this an issue for her?

But then it hit him.

Shifting slightly, Simon did his best not to come off sounding too harsh. "Look, I get it, Juliette. Someone like you must look at me and think I'm odd, but really, this is who I am. I overcame a lot in my life, and I just genuinely see the good in everything and appreciate all that I have."

Her dark eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by someone like me?" she asked slowly.

"You're jaded," he told her. "Anyone can see that. You've got this hard shell around you, you keep people at a distance, and it seems like you've got some pent-up anger and possibly frustration. Living in a big city causes a lot of stress and I don't even think you're aware of it anymore."

"Hey!" she snapped. "That's a little insulting!"

"So was the way you told me I'm too happy! Like it's a bad thing!" His voice was a little loud and he immediately softened it. "Just because you look at the world like it's a competition or that everyone must be out to screw you, doesn't mean that's how the rest of us look at it." He paused and twisted a bit to face her. "It seems like you grew up with a great family, in a loving home, and you have a great relationship with your parents, siblings, and grandparents. Am I wrong?"

"Um…actually…"

"You've talked about how much you loved college and shared some funny stories about your friends. Were they lies?"

"No, but…"

"Then why are you so damn stiff and negative? Why are you so determined to have a protective wall around you? What happened to you to make you this way?" As soon as the words were out, he regretted them. He crossed a line, and he wouldn't be surprised if she walked over and slapped his face. "Juliette, I'm sorry, I…"

"I could ask you the same question," she said quietly. "I think this Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky thing is a fa?ade. I think it's a way for you to forget who you were or where you came from. I think that's why this documentary is messing with you so much, because it's going to put a crack in the persona you've worked so hard to perfect." She leaned forward almost menacingly. "I've known many people who suffered abuse at the hand of a parent, and that doesn't just go away, Simon. You can pretend that everything's great all you want, but it doesn't change the past."

Then she stood and he felt himself bracing for whatever came next.

"All I'm saying is that maybe this is an opportunity for you to deal with your past. I think people would appreciate seeing a more genuine version of you—one who doesn't always put a positive spin on things or who maybe gets annoyed at certain situations."

"Believe me, I'm pretty annoyed right now," he murmured.

"Good! Finally! This is normal, Simon! Maybe that's why you're having trouble writing right now! Maybe you need to actually feel something other than forced cheeriness to find your muse after all this time." The smile she gave him was full of pity, and he hated it. "Just…think about it, okay?"

And then, like she hadn't just dropped a bombshell on him, she got up and left the room.

His mind was reeling, and annoyance turned to full-on anger. Jumping to his feet, he had no idea what to do with it. How could he possibly explain to her why everything she just said was wrong? And insulting! And…and…typical of someone who was so robotic and felt nothing!

Storming across the room, he grabbed his phone and was about to call Nikki and tell her to fire Juliette, but he decided not to simply react. He needed to talk this out, but his assistant wasn't the right person to do that with. His initial instinct was to call his brother Noah, but he and Lily were currently on vacation in Hawaii. There was no way he was going to disturb them. So that left Jax and…as much as he loved his younger brother, the two of them didn't always see eye to eye, especially on family stuff. There was a good chance calling him would only make him angrier, but…

"Screw it. I'm calling him." And before he could change his mind, that's exactly what he did.

"Simon! Hey! This is a surprise!" Jax said when he answered the phone. "What's up?"

"Do you think there's something wrong with me?" he blurted out. "Am I some sort of freak to everyone because I have a positive outlook on life?"

"Okay, um…wow. I'm going to need a little context here because I feel like there's something more to this that I'm not getting."

Walking back over to the sofa, he sat down with a huff and then told him all about Juliette and their latest interaction.

"Dude, fire her!" Jax said when he was done. "Who the hell is she to be unloading that kind of crap on you? She works for you and her job is to make sure these film people don't talk about the crap that you don't want to talk about! So she thinks it would be better if you did? Maybe she's just bad at her job!"

"I hadn't thought of that." But…actually, he had. He'd done his homework on Juliette—beyond reading the report Nikki had made up for him—and other than a few missteps, she was very good at her job.

Shockingly, she just wasn't good at personal relationships. He wanted to say she wasn't good with people, but on some level, she had to be if she was a publicist.

"Simon, listen to me, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. I mean…yeah, sometimes you're a little too cheery, but…so what? That's who you are! No one should tell you that you have to change because there's nothing wrong with you. You're crazy talented, you have millions of fans who adore you, so if this chick doesn't get it, cut her loose."

It would be so easy to do, and with her reputation after the whole Roxie thing, he'd be totally within his rights.

Only…it felt wrong.

"I don't know," he said after a moment. "I feel like…like maybe she's just angry and bitter and that I can help her be a little less…you know…angry and bitter. I'm good at that sort of thing. If she hangs around with me long enough, I can make a difference."

Jax sighed loudly. "You can't fix everyone, Simon. I know you like to think you can, but…"

"But in this scenario, I think I can." He told him about Juliette making the homemade ravioli with all of them and then the big pot of sauce she was making today for them to have tomorrow. "When she's not in publicist mode, she's very nice. But her job just really sucks all the joy out of her."

"Or maybe she just doesn't have any. Maybe she's bitter and angry for a reason. Maybe she's pissed a bunch of people off and has no friends. I mean…there are tons of reasons why she's a miserable person."

Again, he refused to believe that.

"You always see the best in people, and that's great," his brother went on. "But you have to accept that sometimes there is no best in someone. Sometimes you have to come to grips with the fact that some people just suck. Which it sounds like this Juliette does. Can Nikki fire her? Do you want me to come there and do it?"

There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Jax would hop on a plane and do just that for him if he asked. "Thank you, but you don't need to do that. And I'm on the fence about asking Nikki to do it because there's a part of me that feels out of sorts because no one's ever talked to me like that. Everyone around me just seems to like the fact that I'm a cheerful person. No one's ever complained about it."

"To be fair, Simon, most people around you work for you, so why would they complain? Everyone wants a friendly boss who's also a really nice guy," Jax reasoned. "Why would they rock the boat?"

"Oh. I hadn't thought of that."

"Look, don't let this woman get in your head! You're fine! There's nothing wrong with you!" He paused, and for some reason, Simon felt like there was something more he wanted to say but was holding back.

"Out with it."

"Out with what?"

"I feel like there was a but coming."

Jax snickered.

"Grow up," Simon said wearily. "And just say what you're thinking."

"Okay, but remember, you asked."

"Fine. Consider me warned."

"There are times when your level of…um…cheeriness? Positivity? It's hard to handle. Like, remember when we went to check on Noah after he and Lily broke up that time? We were there to cheer him up and it was hard to compete with your level, bro. Most guys would have gone in there and been all like, ‘Yeah, she sucks,' or ‘You can do better,' and then offer to take him out drinking and to a strip club. But you were just like…I don't even know. I don't think I've ever been around anyone else as upbeat as you, and sometimes it can be a little exhausting. Sometimes things suck! Not everything has a positive spin and you have to learn to deal with that."

"Sounds like you're agreeing with Juliette," he mumbled.

"No. No, that's not what I'm doing. I'm just trying to help you understand that most people don't get how you can be so happy all the time. It doesn't make them wrong or that they need to be fixed, just like you're not wrong and don't need to be fixed. We're all allowed to feel our own emotions. But…you also have to respect other people's emotions. Or lack thereof."

His head fell back against the cushions. "I don't think this is helping."

"Then what do you want me to say? What am I supposed to do to help you and make you feel better? Because I know I suck at this sort of thing. I'm not the guy who talks about my feelings. Noah would have been the better choice here."

"He's in Hawaii with Lily, and I didn't want to bother him."

"Damn. So I was the last resort? Yikes."

"Jax…"

"Dude, I'm just messing with you. Relax."

Yeah. Calling Noah definitely would have been the better choice.

"Do you really think I need messing with right now?" he snapped.

And that just made Jax laugh hard.

Great.

"You want to know the best part of this conversation?" his brother asked. "It's that it's the first time in I don't even know how long that you've been…you know…normal."

"Awesome. Now I'm not normal. Thanks. Anything else you want to add?"

"Okay, shit…that's not exactly what I meant! Dammit, Simon, why are you like this?" He huffed dramatically. "I mean, it's cool to see that things can get to you. That you don't have the same reaction to everything."

"But I don't like being like this," he argued. "Being angry and annoyed is just…just…"

"So maybe… maybe this Juliette woman isn't the worst thing to happen to you."

"Would you please just make up your mind," he whined. "My head is spinning now, and…"

He stopped because suddenly the song he'd been working on started playing in his head and it wasn't just the few chords and lyrics he'd been messing with, but…more.

Possibly all of it.

"I have to go," he said quickly. "Music…it's there…and…and…"

"Go!" Jax said with a laugh. "I know when you get like this to just hang up, so…go! I'll call you in a few days! Good luck!"

Simon tossed the phone aside and reached for his guitar. He no longer felt angry; now he was energized, and it had been a long time since he'd felt like this. Strumming a bit, he hummed the melody that was playing in his head and tried to match it with the strings. Within minutes, it was all coming together and he took his phone and hit the app to record what he was doing and then started at the beginning. And then…he stopped paying attention to anything and everything around. It was all about the music. Occasionally he'd stop and write down the lyrics, and it was like the world around him simply faded away.

At some point, he heard movement up on the main level, but it didn't matter. He didn't stop. The light grew dim, so he stood with his guitar and walked over to turn on a light. A sandwich appeared seemingly out of nowhere and he ate it while writing more lyrics.

When he finally was done, the house was quiet and dark. A quick glance at the clock showed it was almost midnight. Yawning, he slowly made his way to his room. Tomorrow was another day, and he hoped he had finally broken through whatever was blocking him.

And seriously hoped it wasn't the bad mood that did it.