Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Pearl

"That's a long time to be gone, Roman." I'm frowning even though he can't see my face. "Are you sure Spade is going to be alright with that? It's just, you said it was only for a few days and it's already been a week. Maybe I should go back to your apartment and stay there some. He could check up on me to see if I needed anything."

"With everything going on, I would rather you just stay with Spade, sweetie."

Damn.

It's not that I don't love staying with Spade because I do. But I also don't want to wear out my welcome. Surely the man has other things he wants to do than sit around with me all evening watching movies and talking to one another. He's an attractive man, even if he's going through a slump right now eventually he's going to want to bring someone home. And even though Maricia said it spitefully, she wasn't wrong. He can't possibly do that with me underfoot.

"I've already talked to him about it. He says he's more than happy to let you stay."

Bet he didn't say anything about comforting me the way he did when they talked.

"Alright, as long as I'm not overstaying my welcome I guess I'm okay with it. Even though you already know I think this is stupid. I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. And I also understand you are only doing this so I don't worry about you. I love you."

"Love you too."

By the time I say the words I have walked into the living room to find Spade sitting on the couch. His frown says something entirely different from what he is telling my brother.

"Wh…?"

"Who are you talking to?"

Oh shit, he might be upset because he thought I was talking to him. "Roman."

He noticeably relaxes and gives me a smile, "Oh. I forgot he was going to call you to tell you he might be coming back later than he thought he would."

Wow, he got really mad when he thought I told him I loved him. It was like the difference between day and night when he figured out I was just saying it to my brother. I sit and think about that. I shouldn't be hurt by the fact he might be upset that some stranger in his house professes love to him, but I kind of am. Upset about it being such a big deal. Shouldn't a person want to hear someone say those words even if they are confused and backward about it?

I don't think I would have the same reaction if he said he loved me. But maybe I would if… I didn't like him at all. I jump up and all but run for the bedroom.

"Hey, you alright?"

"Yeah, I just…realized I forgot something in my room."

I start walking before I can even gauge his reaction to what I said. What the hell? If he doesn't like me at all, why would he let me stay here? Unless, he is just that nice of a person. Which could very well be the case from the little I know of Spade. He would be the type of person to do anything for his friend…even put up with his annoying, cock-blocking kid sister.

Well damn! Damn, damn, damn!

I thought I had found stable ground, a friend at least, but it turns out Spade is only nice because of how close to my brother he is. Not because he really likes me. I should have realized that. I should have been prepared for it honestly. After all, Spade is Roman"s friend, not mine. And even though it's a hard pill to swallow at least it happened now before I did something stupid like really start having feelings for him because I think he is my friend first and such a sweet guy. Not that he isn't sweet.

I fling myself on my bed. I have no intention of going back out there. Not just now. I think the best thing for me, is to put space between us. Just for a little while. Until I can talk myself into the new way of things. Because quite frankly, I don't think I can take one more person rejecting me because of who I am or who I'm not.

And it works for about a day.

Then Spade starts questioning all my excuses for not wanting to be in the living room with him. At first, I told him I didn't sleep very well the night before and I just wanted to get some rest, maybe go to bed early if I could. The following day I made sure Bea and Kat came to pick me up early so I wouldn't have to worry about any awkward encounters over the breakfast table, but that's about as far as I got because as soon as I came through the door, Spade is waiting for me.

"Hi."

"Uh, hi." I fight the urge to turn around and walk right back out the door.

"I…want to say I'm sorry about last night."

"Last night?" I take a step back not sure what to say.

"Yeah, I just want to say sorry for being so…overbearing."

"Overbearing?" What now?

"Yeah, I realized when I thought about it, I probably sounded like a possessive asshole, demanding to be told who you're saying ‘I love you' to and I just want to say…sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"What are you talking about?"

"Last night. When you came out on the phone and I was an asshole demanding to know who you were talking to, which makes me feel like…well, an ass, now."

"I…you weren't…no, that's not what happened." I can't speak fast enough, "That wasn't you. That was me. I freaked you out by saying "I love you" when I'm a stranger in your home and you're all worried I'm going to go Psycho Sally and…you thought I was…because of you?"

"What?" Now he is confused. God damn it. "What are you talking about?"

"I was afraid I had made you uncomfortable because you don't really know me…you know my brother, but not me. And I thought you might think I was saying it to you and worry that…well, because you don't really know me."

"No. That's not it at all. And I do think of you as a friend. We…," he turns around to point to the area of the couch where we… 'comforted' one another. "I don't do that… we're friends. Never worry that we aren't friends."

"God, I feel so stupid now. I just…kind of let Maricia's words get in my head and…look, if you want me to leave so you can bring someone over…"

"There is no one I want to bring around, beautiful. I'm completely happy that you're here with me. I enjoy your company… a lot."

I bite my lip and look around so I don't have to meet his eyes, "I enjoy your company too."

The atmosphere has drained of all the tension that was in it earlier. I give him a smile and lean back against a hallway table. At least, that is what I planned. But the table is a little bit further over than I thought and I end up grinning like an idiot as I fall all the way back on my ass.

Not smooth, Pearl. Not smooth at all.