10. Goldie

10

GOLDIE

A s the project continued, Goldie found herself growing more and more comfortable on set. Having Cameron was helping too.

She was sleeping well, eating right, and even attended some online auctions where she picked up some nice stuff she was having shipped to her house. Most of all, she was grateful she didn’t have to eat lunch by herself anymore. She ate forkfuls of salad while Cameron stood behind her, putting a bowl of something in the microwave. Sunlight streamed in through the small window, and they both had the night off.

“It’s nice of you to stay for dinner tonight and even nicer that you made my favorite salad. Finally, I’m seeing the real you.” Goldie didn’t make eye contact as she spoke, avoiding Cameron’s face altogether.

“Well, I just thought it’d be nice.”.

“That smells spicy,” Goldie said after swallowing another forkful of lettuce.

Cameron brought the bowl to the table and opened a tiny packet of grated cheese and dumped it in. She mixed it as it melted. The smell of the spice made her eyes water slightly.

Goldie had heard about people adding weird toppings to instant ramen but had never actually seen somebody add cheese before. She was a creature of habit, somebody who took comfort in food always tasting, looking, and feeling the same. This was way outside her comfort zone, but as Cameron snapped a pair of wooden chopsticks apart, she reminded herself that since she wasn’t eating it, she had no right to comment. She tried to not take too much notice of it. Cameron looked happy, and it was nice to see her happy.

“It is spicy, very spicy. Just the way I like it,” Cameron replied, a giddy smile on her face. “I know the smell can be kinda strong?—”

“Oh jeez, no, it’s fine. I’m surprised you haven’t started getting migraines from my scented candles, honestly/ I can’t be the only one allowed to make the trailer...smell.”

“That sounds kinda gross,” said Cameron, laughing.

“Yeah, it really does. I rescind my comment.”

“Nuh-uh, not allowed. You’ve already said it.”

“Sorry, did you just fucking ‘nuh-uh’ me? You’re not seven.”

“How would you know? My gorgeous complexion, my sense of whimsy, I could easily be mistaken for a seven year old.”

“Whimsy? You, Cameron? Really? You’d make a tall, miserable seven year old.”

“I can’t believe you” Cameron blew on her bowl of noodles, taking some from the top and inelegantly slurping them. “I would make a fantastic child.”

They sat in silence for a minute, eating quietly. It was so silly. Not the conversation—although it had been—but their dynamic took a one-eighty turn. Sure, it killed Goldie in ways she didn’t want to think about, but it was nice to actually be able to talk to Cameron and get an answer out of her. Although, the more she thought about it...

“I still know basically nothing about you, other than that you’re good in bed and make nice food,” Goldie blurted out, the realization so jarring she had to say it out loud.

“Ditto,” said Cameron through a mouthful of noodles.

“Seriously! I know nothing about you. You like...live nearby? You’re gay? You have nice hair?”

“You’ve got interpersonal relations down to a fine art, Richards. I’ll give you that much.”

“Don’t you ‘Richards’ me, you...”

A moment passed.

“You don’t know my last name,” said Cameron.

“Fuck off,” Goldie replied, not meaning it in the slightest. It was true. Goldie didn’t know. She didn’t want to ask. Cameron looked very smug.

“Warner.”

“Huh?

“My last name is Warner.”

“I’ll still call you Cameron, Cameron.”

“I appreciate it, Goldie-Goldie.”

“Can I tell you a secret, Cameron?”

“Go for it.”

“Goldie is my middle name. It’s not my legal name at all.”

Cameron’s face morphed to look like she had just found a fly in her noodles, and Goldie giggled like a schoolgirl.

“You just go by it for shits and giggles?”

“It was my aunt’s nickname when she was alive. Her name was Gloria, but everybody called her Goldie, even her mother. It made sense. I never met her, but it’s nice.”

“It is nice. What’s your actual name?”

“My actual name is, functionally, Goldie. I’ve been using it since elementary school. My legal first name is Rachel, but that’s just on my birth certificate.”

“Wow, that doesn’t suit you at all. ”

“Yeah. Please don’t tell anyone. Somehow I've managed to keep it hush-hush all this time.”

“Don’t be silly. Of course I won’t tell anybody. Who would I tell?”

“You surely have friends. You have that bar your friend owns, don’t you?”

Cameron looked happy Goldie had remembered something about her. The spicy sauce on the noodles had caused her lips to redden slightly. Goldie wanted to kiss her.

“Indigo Lounge? Yeah, Esme is a sweetheart, but she wouldn’t give a shit either way. Neither would my other friends.”

Goldie had never been to a gay bar, let alone one filled with women. She’d grown up on magazine covers and talk shows. No illicit drinks, no secretive touches in dark rooms while the bass thumped through the wall, no nothing. Her face was too recognizable.

“I’d like to come sometime.” Goldie figured she wouldn’t be overstepping by asking, but she wanted to give Cameron a way out. Judging by the way she’d brought it up, she figured it would be a nice thought, and Cameron smiled.

“You could come. We do open mic nights, drag shows... To be honest, I think you’d kill it at trivia night. Can we team up for trivia night? Three drink tickets per person for the winning team. I really don’t know how Ez and Nora afford it.”

“Nora?” Cameron hadn’t mentioned her before.

“Esme’s wife. It’s a bit of a long story.”

Goldie checked her watch. “We have time. So they’re married?”

“Only recently, actually,” said Cameron, and Goldie raised her eyebrows.

Cameron recounted the story of Esme and Nora meeting, fighting, making passionate love, only to fight again, and then having a tearful reunion. Goldie was absolutely enraptured. She had watched movies less entertaining, and as they ate, Cameron proved herself to be a very powerful storyteller. She had never met these women, only had a vague idea of what they were like, but despite that, she was taken in by the story of their grand romance. When Cameron moved on to their marriage, she found herself getting genuinely attached to these people she had never met. She could feel the love that Cameron had for these women, the appreciation for what they did.

This was all incredibly cute. It felt domestic in a way that none of their interactions had.

Goldie tried not to think too hard about that.

It was difficult enough to deny the feelings that she had for Cameron. Romantic feelings. A fondness she could barely name without habit kicking in and shutting her down. She wanted Cameron to stay. She wanted to stay with Cameron.

Right now, she realized that she had become so used to Cameron’s presence she felt like she would be missing a little bit of her life when she had to go without her. Only a few weeks ago, she had felt nothing but contempt for the woman. Now?

Now, it was staring her in the face, as sure as a bowl of spicy instant noodles. Cameron’s lips were red from the sauce, but as she smiled wide, Goldie didn’t find herself put off by the taste she knew she wouldn’t like. She desperately wanted to kiss her, in that way you do when you feel a magnetic pull toward someone.

Cameron, to her credit, had failed to notice Goldie’s internal crisis and was nearing the end of Esme and Nora’s story.

“So in the end, when they got married, they came to an agreement. Nora would handle the financial side of things while Ez ran the lounge itself. Their wedding was a whole other load of drama, of course, but it was a really beautiful ceremony.”

“That sounds magical,” Goldie said, and she meant it. Her voice was a little breathy. She hadn’t meant to get so distracted by her defined features and deep eyes while Cameron was talking. “It feels like a romance movie.”

“Absolutely!” Cameron replied, finishing off her dinner. “With the way they act around each other now, you’d never guess that they had spent so long at each other’s throats.”

“That sounds a little bit like us,” Goldie said before her brain could stop her. It felt as though the thought hadn’t even passed through her before it made itself known. Millions of years of evolution, the human brain growing more complex and nuanced over time, only for hers to stop working the second she saw a beautiful woman. Really, it was a little ridiculous.

Fortunately, Cameron deflected with a skill she could only be jealous of. “It sounds like every romance movie I’ve ever seen. I didn’t think that kind of stuff could happen in real life, but then I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”

“I’d happily watch that story as a movie, and I’ve already seen more than I can name.”“You have a soft spot for them?” Cameron asked.

“I do. I don’t care how stereotypical it is; I adore romances. Romcoms especially, though I’m not half as picky these days. Used to be all about period pieces, historical romances, all those kinds of films,” Goldie said. “My mom lended me her copy of the BBC’s Pride and Prejudice series when I first moved away for work, and that’s where it really started.”

“So you had a gateway romance?” Cameron laughed, smiling wide.

Goldie hadn’t thought about it like that before. “Oh my God, I totally had a gateway romance; you’re right. I mean, my entire taste in romances was shaped by that series. Now, it’s less of a romance and more of an analysis of Regency-era society-— Oh no, this must be so boring, sorry.” Goldie caught herself before she started ranting.

“What are you talking about? No, it’s not boring. Tell me all about it.”

Cameron looked a little taken aback at the idea she would find historical dating culture boring. Goldie felt her heart burst.

A little while later, after Goldie info-dumped about misinterpretations of Jane Austen’s work while Cameron nodded along graciously, the small table was cleared, save for a small woodsy-scented candle. She felt a little awkward. All Cameron had asked to do was stay for dinner, and now that dinner was over, Goldie wasn’t sure what to do. She didn’t want her to go. It felt like a really nice date.

It was Cameron who ended up prolonging the visit. “You know, out of all the stuff you’ve talked about today, I can’t believe you haven’t named a single gay romcom.”

That stopped Goldie right in her tracks. Surely I must have...

“Oh no. You’re right. I haven’t. To be honest, I wouldn’t know where to start!”

“You know, there’s a pretty sizeable number of lesbian romcoms out there.”

“ Thelma and Louise does not count as a romcom.” Goldie was quick. Cameron looked a little taken aback. “I never said it did! I’m talking about, like, actual romcoms, not some bury-your-gays sad film bullshit. Happy lesbians! Kissing!” Cameron was evidently very passionate about this.

“Alright, I’ll bite,” Goldie said, and Cameron made a face. “Are there any happy lesbian romcoms you would recommend to a romcom fanatic?”

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting on Goldie’s bed side-by-side. Cameron had brought her laptop with her to work that day, so it was no surprise when she pulled it out and began typing frantically. She had found Better Than Chocolate , an extremely Canadian romcom, a few years after she first realized she was gay. It seemed to hold a special place in her memory, and as the opening credits began rolling, Goldie felt that she would have a similar attachment.

The lights in the room were low, and the vintage drapes Goldie had hung from the curtain rails added warmth to the white walls. It felt far more homey than it had a few weeks prior. As the film went on, Goldie noticed something interesting. During certain scenes, during most of the scenes actually, Cameron would mouth along to the dialogue.

She’s seen this movie so many times she’s memorized it.

The realization made her pause. This wasn’t just a recommendation or watching a movie with a friend. Goldie felt like she had been let into a part of Cameron’s life. She had lost track of how often Cameron had given her that familiar, suspiciously fond feeling that evening.

She had to say something after seeing the way Cameron smiled and mouthed along to her favorite jokes. There was no way she would be able to deal with it if she allowed Cameron to slip away out of her life. If Camerone rejected her, which was possible, Goldie would at least know for sure where she stood. This, though? The uncertainty? That was torture.

The physical space seemed to have a small tether; Cameron’s hand, laying open on the bed cover at her side. It had drifted down a little while ago without Goldie noticing. She noticed now, though, and didn’t know what to feel.

Goldie inched her hand toward Cameron’s. Cameron didn’t look away from the screen. Goldie brushed a finger against Cameron’s. Again, Cameron didn’t look away, but she had stopped mouthing along. In fact, she had gone completely still. It looked like she was afraid to move. But this was different from their usually quick, filthy sex.

Did she want this? Did she want more?

If she doesn’t, she’ll move away, Goldie reasoned. As slowly as she dared—as slowly as she could manage—she slipped her hand into Cameron’s, and Cameron gave her a soft squeeze.

They stayed like that until the credits rolled.