Chapter 19

Renee was running scared. Declan knew it because he'd spent a good chunk of his life avoiding anything that was hard. And he understood pursuing a relationship with Renee would be complicated. Not nearly as complicated as she thought it would be, but he let her go and finished showering.

He was drying off when she leaned next to the open door—pointedly not looking at him—and said, "I'm going to run down the street to the little candy shop we saw and get something for Sadie."

Wrapping a towel around his hips, he moved to the door to stand in front of her. "Give me a minute and I'll go with you."

"You don't have to?—"

"I want to. You said I had the weekend with you and I'm going to take full advantage of every moment."

She shot him a look like she would give Sadie when the little girl found a loophole for some directive Renee had given. But she didn't argue.

He dressed in the clothes she'd left out for him and ran his fingers through his hair. "Should we put the bags in the car, or do that when we get back?"

He watched the debate run across her face. Leaving the bags meant they'd have to come back to the bedroom. Take them now, and there was no turning back.

"Might as well load up now."

He hoisted both bags, even though she reached for hers. That might not have been the decision either of them wanted, but he had to respect her ability to stick to her guns. He nodded for her to go first through the door. She grabbed the garment bags like she had when they arrived. She must've hung up Gavin's suit because he sure as hell hadn't. All he'd been thinking about was getting her naked again.

He followed her out the door and down the hall. While she stopped at the front desk to check out, he kept going to the car. He set the bags on the ground and leaned against the back of the car. She joined him a moment later and unlocked the car.

"Let's leave the car and walk," he said.

She glanced at him as she closed the door.

"Are we in a hurry?"

She half-shrugged. "Not a hurry, but I miss being at home with Sadie. I've never been away from her this long."

He took her hand and tugged her away. "You both need space. It's how you grow."

She froze and looked at him as if he'd grown an extra head.

He pulled her to keep moving. "I've done a lot of self-growth. I learn things."

"It just doesn't sound like the Declan I know."

"That's good. It means there are things about me you still need to learn."

He shifted his hand to interlock their fingers as they strolled down the street. She didn't argue but seemed like she wanted to. "What's your plan for this week?"

"I need to buckle down on the job hunt. I'm sorely out of practice with that, too. Just like everything else."

"You hide it well."

"Hide what?"

They reached the candy shop and he pulled the door open. Whispering in her ear, he said, "Being out of practice. You had no problems the last two nights."

Her cheeks grew pink, as he knew they would.

"What does my friend Sadie like?"

"She's five. Anything made of sugar is a hit."

They strolled down opposite sides of the bins of candy. Declan didn't normally snack on candy, but he paused when he saw a bin of Pop Rocks. In an instant, he was Sadie's age and standing in the convenience store with his dad, begging him to buy a few packages. His dad let him pick out 3 envelopes. Declan had been thrilled. In their family, they usually could only get something if there was enough for everyone, and with seven kids, it was special.

As they walked home, his dad had told him it was their little secret. He detoured and took Declan to a park where they shared the Pop Rocks. The look on his father's face had made him howl with laughter and still pulled a grin from him today.

He reached into the bin and pulled out a few packages.

"Pop Rocks? Really?"

"They're awesome."

"They're weird. Fizzing and popping. Tickling your tongue and tonsils." She gripped her stomach. "And there was one time Tyler dared me to drink a can of pop with a package. He thought it would make my stomach explode."

"Your brother's sadistic."

"Lucky for him, I didn't explode, but my stomach was so upset. I couldn't even think about candy for months."

"I guess I'll have to change your perception of Pop Rocks." He grabbed a few more packages. "Find something for Sadie?"

I got some fudge and some gummy bears."

He walked the aisles, checking out the candy. In the last section, he found a tall canister of mermaid lollipops sitting on the shelf. He pulled out a blue one and then noticed they weren't all mermaids. Some were sea animals like dolphins and whales, so he chose a collection.

When he brought his bounty to the counter, Renee took one look and said, "I never noticed you had such a sweet tooth."

"The Pop Rocks are for us. The lollipops are for Sadie."

"She does not need that much candy."

"But they're cool. There are mermaids and dolphins and even a shark."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "When she's bouncing off the walls, I'm sending her to hang out with you."

"No problem." He meant it, too. He never got tired of Sadie.

They paid for their purchases and headed back outside. Renee looked up at the sky and smiled. "It's a beautiful day."

"Let's walk and enjoy it. Maybe grab an early lunch."

She took a breath as if she were readying her argument, but then she angled her head. "Okay."

He thought he'd have to convince her, but her agreement meant she wanted more alone time with him as much as he wanted with her. "Tell me more about the job hunt."

"There's not much to tell. I'd like to get my foot in the door somewhere part-time so that next year, when Sadie's in school all day, I can transition to full-time."

"Is it hard to find a job being an accountant?"

"Forensic accounting is in demand, or so I'm told. I used to work at a law firm. I dug through clients' financials to find irregularities."

"Like what?"

"Usually fraud of some kind. Some government work. The law firm I worked for dealt mostly in family law, so I was always working divorce cases. Divorce is never pretty, but when they called me in, you know it was downright ugly."

"Wow. I never knew you did that."

"Why would you? We've only been on the outskirts of each other's lives. When we'd see each other, it was mostly small talk."

"But Ty never mentioned it either."

"I didn't talk about my job much. It was depressing. Walking away from it to stay at home with Sadie was an easy call. But there are parts of it I've been missing."

They'd reached the end of the busy part of Main Street and turned a corner where they saw a park. They headed there, and Declan took her hand again.

"What parts?"

"I'm not sure I can explain it. It's kind of like putting together a puzzle backward. You don't have any idea what the whole picture is, you just have these pieces. But once you start snapping the pieces together, a picture forms. I miss figuring out the puzzle."

He led them to a bench and they sat. "Where can you do the puzzle part without the depressing shit?"

"Lots of placing are hiring. Most forensic firms want full-time. I've been doing some consulting on an as-needed basis, but I'm stuck in a weird position no one ever tells stay-at-home moms. I have too much experience to go be a first-year, low-level employee. But at the same time, I've been out of the field for five years."

"What difference does that make? It's not like you forgot how to do your job, right?"

"I'm a risk. Because I've got multiple degrees and certifications, I'm too expensive to take a chance on because the field has changed in the last five years."

"It's shitty that you get penalized for staying at home."

"It's life. I'm more than okay with the choices I've made. It's time for a new chapter."

He slid his arm around her shoulders. "New chapters seem to be the thing this year."

"And what's your new chapter?"

"Still working on it. But so far, this is good." He hoped she got his meaning.

"Everything is an experience to learn from. Including this weekend."

He withheld his sigh. Chipping away at her resolve was going to be harder than he thought. Maybe she was right and they should chalk this weekend up to part of their new chapters and turn the page.

"I'm starving," she suddenly said. "You suggested lunch and now my stomach is telling me it's a good idea."

"You want to drive and stop on the way home or eat here?"

"Here's probably best. Otherwise, we'll have to get off the highway to detour through random small towns."

"Okay. Let's go find some food." He stood and held out his hand.

She hesitated and then took it. They were both uncertain about so much in their lives, but he would take any small win.

After a filling lunch of burgers and fries and a fabulous chocolate shake that Declan had talked her into, they were finally hitting the road. They walked back to her car and set the candy on the back seat. She turned on the map app on her phone and directed it to home. The sun was high in the sky, so they would be home well before dinner.

Moments after getting on the highway, Declan reached into the back seat. He ripped open a packet of Pop Rocks and spilled some in his mouth. She curled her lip.

"How can you not like these? It's a whole fun experience."

"It feels weird. They sizzle and it kind of tickles but kind of burns."

"I think we need an experiment."

"Like what?"

"Get off at the next exit. I need your full attention for this."

She sighed, but let him dictate the exit. Even with a silly detour, they'd be home for dinner. She got to the bottom of the off-ramp and said, "Where to?"

He glanced up and down the road and shrugged. "Take a right."

They drove for a few minutes and then he told her to take another right. It was an old dirt road. The kind she would never turn down alone.

"Pull over here." He directed her to an alcove that others had obviously used as a turnaround spot on the small road.

"Have you been here before?"

"No. Why would you ask that?"

"You're sitting over there giving me directions like you have a plan."

"Oh, I have a plan. I'm just lucky I found a good spot." He shoved the gear lever to put the car in park. "I want you to see how much fun these can be."

"Seriously? I got off the highway and parked in serial killer lane here so you can force-feed me some candy? Fine. Let's get this over with and you'll see that I still don't like these." She unbuckled and twisted to face him. Closing her eyes, she opened her mouth, stuck out her tongue, and waited for the sugary assault.

He shook the little envelope and sprinkles hit her tongue. As she pulled her tongue back, his joined hers. The movement startled her and she opened her eyes, but his hand at the base of her skull, guiding her into a deeper kiss had her reclosing her eyes and absorbing all of the sensations.

The rocks began to explode. His tongue slicking against hers cut down on the fizziness, but she began to tingle all over for a completely different reason.

He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. "See? Good stuff."

"We're not supposed to do this anymore."

"It's still the weekend."

Hell, yeah it was. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back for another kiss. The sugary sweetness still clung to them but the lust was always simmering. His hand skated down the front of her shirt, easily finding her nipple. He tugged and squeezed, causing her to moan into his mouth. He trailed wet kisses down her throat, and she threw her head back giving him better access.

"Maybe we should've done a late check-out," she said breathlessly.

"You were too busy pretending you didn't still want this." He reached between her legs and stroked her through her jeans, applying enough pressure to make her hips writhe.

"Fuck. We can't do this. We're in my car."

He glanced around. "I've done it in worse places."

Sitting back in his seat, he flicked the lever, moved the seat back, and reclined it. He unzipped his jeans and pulled out his hard dick. "Climb on."

"It's broad daylight."

"On Serial Killer Avenue, remember? We'll make it quick. I promise." He rolled on a condom.

Even as she undid her jeans and tried to figure out how to get them off, she said, "I'm too old to be doing this."

"Never too old for a good time, babe."

As she struggled to pull her legs out, he reached over and continued to stroke her, making her wet while losing her ability to focus. She sat back and let him play with her. Her eyes rolled back, jeans forgotten for the moment.

"God, I love watching you." He brought his mouth to her breast and sucked her nipple through her shirt.

She arched into him, seeking everything. She rode his hand until she trembled. Her underwear was soaked and his hand was trapped between her thighs.

"Now that you got yours, get your sweet ass over here."

She finally shoved one leg out of her jeans and climbed over the center console. Straddling him, still a little tangled in her clothes, she let him guide himself into her. She sank onto him. "God, you feel so good."

She was still pulsating from her orgasm, but she wanted more. She rocked her hips, grinding her pelvis low, sending more shockwaves through her. Declan fumbled to push her shirt and bra up and latched onto her nipple again as he thrust upward.

He switched back and forth between her nipples as she rocked, rubbing her clit against him, getting close all over again. Then he gripped her hips and pulled her nearly all the way off him before slamming her back down. It was powerful but not painful. She braced a hand against the roof and let him take over bouncing her on his dick.

He felt so good, but her orgasm was just out of reach and she wanted to scream. As if sensing her frustration, he said, "Don't worry, sweetheart, I know what you need."

Reaching between them, he pressed his thumb on her clit while still managing to thrust her up. Two thrusts and she saw stars. She squeezed around him and jerked as every nerve became wired and sensitive. He brought her close and kissed her as they rode out her orgasm. Then he continued pumping to get his own release.

She collapsed against his shoulder and breathed in his scent. He was going to make walking away from this hard, and it was starting to piss her off. "You tricked me," she mumbled against his neck.

"I only prompted you to do what you wanted. I got you to give yourself permission to be a little bit selfish. Plus, I needed you to see that Pop Rocks are good."

She laughed but forced herself away from him and back to her side of the car. She used a napkin to clean up and untwisted her clothes. "That was one hell of a way to wrap up the weekend, I'll give you that."

He grunted and stepped out of the car to take off the condom, wrap it up, and fix his pants. By the time he sat down again, she was dressed and was studying her face in the mirror, pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

He sat down and buckled up.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Whenever you are."

She pulled out of their little hiding spot and re-engaged her GPS. By the time she got on the highway, the realization hit her. Her weekend was officially coming to a close, and she didn't want to be as conflicted as she was. She'd known that doing anything with Declan beyond friendship would be a mistake, but she almost couldn't help herself.

In the moment, it felt right and so fucking amazing. But now, she was having regrets. She had about two hours to make sure they were going to be okay. That they could go back to being friends.

About a half hour into the drive, Declan turned the radio down a little. He'd been engrossed in whatever he had on his phone. With the lower volume of the music, he looked at her and said, "You totally downplayed your job."

"What?" She hit the button to turn the radio off completely.

"You made it sound like a forensic accountant looks at numbers on a spreadsheet and that's all."

"That is kind of what we do."

"Forensic accountants are the ones who put away Bernie Madoff. You mentioned you could work for the government, and I figured you meant the IRS, but you could work for the FBI or CIA. You could be a badass spy."

"The FBI is out for me. Even if I made it through the application process, I'd have to do their training course at Quantico for five weeks."

"And?"

"Quantico is in Virginia. I live in Chicago. I can't leave Sadie for five weeks."

"But you've thought about it."

"I looked into it as part of my job search. But immediately ruled it out. Plus, private sector always pays better."

"But being a spy is cooler."

She laughed. Not only was his comment funny, but the conversation made her believe they'd be okay. "I don't think any accountant considers themselves a spy, no matter who they work for."

"Why are you looking up forensic accounting anyway? Thinking about a career switch?"

"Hell, no. I could never sit in front of a computer and look at numbers all day. I like to work with my hands. And be around people."

She nodded. It made sense. "I can't imagine you working in an office. Or wearing a suit every day."

"Are you saying I don't look good in a suit?"

"You look great in a suit. I just can't imagine you doing it every day." She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "You still didn't tell me why you were looking up my job."

"I want to understand what you do. It's a big part of who you are and you want to spend more time doing it."

She had no words. No guy she'd ever dated just decided to learn more about her career. They'd assumed she played with boring numbers all day. Even Graham had never really understood what she did—even when she was working on a particularly hard case and tried to explain it to him. He mostly tuned her out.

She knew her job wasn't interesting to most people. She was fine with that, but Declan made her feel interesting.

"You got awful quiet. Did I say something wrong?"

"I just realized that you're the first person—except for maybe my mom—who cared enough about my career to want to learn more about it."

He leaned over and toyed with her hair. "I like learning about you. I want to know what makes you tick."

"Why?" she whispered.

"Because whether you want to admit it or not, this thing between us isn't over."

She swallowed hard and stared at the road ahead. Yeah, he was definitely not going to make this easy for her.