Chapter 12

The next morning, Declan was back at Ronan's house for another day of work. While he told Renee that Ronan needed help on a job, it wasn't the whole truth. He volunteered to do some more work on Ronan's house to get the office together now that he and Chloe lived together. He knew Ronan would throw him some cash, and it would probably be enough to buy the parts he'd need to put together a playset for Sadie in the yard.

He both loved and hated working at Ronan's. He loved not having someone stand over him to make sure he wasn't fucking things up. But he hated the total silence. It left him with too much time with his thoughts. He considered everything he'd believed about his father and how wrong he'd been. Part of him couldn't wrap his head around why his family never talked about it. Especially Ronan. If he had such a deep belief that their dad didn't run off, why didn't he tell Declan?

Everyone treated him like he was a total fuck up who would never grow up. The news about his father dying twenty years ago was a wake-up call for him. He'd intentionally lived his life free of most strings and responsibilities. By design, he made sure he would never be in a position to let people down the way his father had. Knowing that his father hadn't chosen to let them down was a blow to everything.

He wasn't looking to jump into having all the responsibilities he'd avoided his whole life, but he was starting to reconsider his options. It was time to make actual decisions instead of reacting to everything.

Asking Ronan for work to be able to build Sadie an awesome playground in her backyard was his first step. No one needed him to do this. He wanted to.

At least as much as he wanted to be Renee's date for the wedding. When they were younger, he and Ty had been protective of Renee, even though she was older and could absolutely take care of herself. Living in her house and hanging out with her had brought those protective urges back.

But it was more than that. He wasn't sure what to do with that, either.

Ronan came in as he was nailing in the last piece of trim.

Declan shot him a grin. "Check it out. Done on time, just like I promised."

Ronan nodded and looked around. "You do good work. You sure you don't want a job? I can get you on my crew."

"Fuck no. I don't know how you still work for Cahill. You think he had something to do with Dad's death, right?"

"Someone in that family knows something."

"Yet you keep working there."

"It's my best bet to gather intel. I don't care that Brendan wants to take over and be in charge of figuring things out. I've come this far, so I'm going to keep digging."

Declan leaned against the wall. "Has digging gotten you anywhere?"

"Not recently. But Danny hasn't been back to work. He's been settling his dad's estate. When he comes back, something's bound to pop. He blames Brendan for his dad's heart attack. He hasn't spoken to me, so for all I know, he might fire me."

"It's a lot of game-playing. What do you and Brendan think you're gonna find?"

"Answers. If we can't find out where Dad's body is, we should at least know what happened to him."

"Who are you kidding? You want to make someone pay."

"If I can, sure." As he spoke, he walked the perimeter of the room, inspecting Declan's work. "I have a deck job this weekend. If you want some more work, it's yours. And you can have whatever leftovers there are."

Declan opened his mouth to jump at the chance and then remembered the wedding. "I can't."

"I thought you needed the money for something."

"I need the money to build a swing set for Sadie in the backyard. She has nothing back there but a patch of sad grass."

"Then this job'll be perfect. There'll probably be some extra 4 by 4s you can snag."

"I have plans this weekend."

"What plans could you have that you can't do some other time?"

Declan scrubbed a hand over his face and debated telling Ronan. "Renee is standing up in a wedding in Galena and I'm going as her date."

He left out the part where she hadn't agreed to that. He figured she'd give in.

"I thought you were just friends."

"We are. But her ex is going with one of the other bridesmaids and I offered to go."

"Sounds complicated."

"Not really. We're friends. We like to hang out. And if I'm there, her ex won't be a total asshole to her."

"That's still more complicated than anything you've had going on in your life in...probably ever."

Declan shrugged. "This is Renee."

He didn't know why he felt that was enough of an explanation, but it was. Ronan could understand. Declan didn't need to detail his relationship with Renee. He wouldn't even know how to explain it.

"I'll see what I can scrape up from the job. You never know. Sometimes, extra material is ordered. The customer has no idea."

"That's not very ethical." Declan almost choked on the words. Since when did he care about ethics?

"For a regular paying customer, I would never do that. This is one of Cahill's favors. Cash job to get or repay a favor. I don't care if I cheat one of these dirtbags."

"Fair enough. I appreciate it. Sadie's gonna love it."

"Don't get too caught up over there. It's not really your life."

"I'm fine." He didn't need warnings about not getting too attached. This wasn't some random chick and her kid. It was Renee and Sadie and they'd been in his life forever. He saw no reason for that to change.

He gathered up his tools. "I'm gonna head home unless you need something else."

"This is good." Ronan reached into his pocket and pulled out cash. Pressing the money into Declan's hand, he added, "I'm impressed with your work. When you finally settle into what you want to do long-term, let me know. I'm here to help."

"Thanks, man." The problem was, that he still had no clue what he wanted. He did know that bartending and jobs like that no longer held any appeal. He enjoyed working with his hands. Maybe being a carpenter like his dad and brother wasn't such a bad thing.

"Hey, you want to stay and order pizza or something?"

"Sure." He pulled out his phone to text Renee to let her know he wouldn't be back for dinner.

"Texting your woman?"

"Not my woman." Although the words didn't burn in his throat the way they normally would've. "I'm letting Renee know not to count me in for dinner."

Ronan huffed a laugh. "Just friends, huh? I'm your brother and you've never been that considerate."

Declan shrugged. "Turning over a new leaf."

In the past few months, that was exactly what it felt like. For the first time, he felt like he was coming into his own, becoming his own man.

Renee poured herself a glass of wine to have with her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It was a sad dinner, but with Sadie eating with Graham and Declan not coming home for dinner, she hadn't felt like cooking. The house was too quiet again as she stared at the mostly peeled-off wallpaper in the dining room. She'd been alone in her house plenty while Sadie was with Graham. She didn't know why she was feeling lonely now.

But she did. She'd gotten used to adult companionship with Declan around. It wasn't a wise choice, and she recognized that. It was even worse that she was considering taking him to the wedding this weekend. With him there, she'd be able to laugh despite Graham's presence, but she couldn't deny there was something else simmering between them, and she couldn't let it continue.

She tossed the remainder of her sandwich and refilled her glass. While she didn't have regrets about putting Sadie first, part of her wished she could be like other women who demanded free time and went on dates. If she at least had a job she enjoyed instead of something she got through to pay the bills, she would feel more fulfilled. It was like being twenty all over again instead of a thirty-three-year-old adult.

Rebuilding your life sucked.

While doing another job search, she got a text from Graham saying he was bringing Sadie home. She looked at the clock. He was on time. It shouldn't surprise her. He was almost always on time to bring Sadie home; he preferred being late when he was supposed to pick her up.

More old resentments bubbled up and she swallowed them down. She finished the application she'd started for a job for a small neighborhood bank. She wasn't sure they could afford to pay what she was worth, but it might be a start.

When the knock on the front door came, she had just hit submit on the application. She opened the door to see Graham carrying Sadie. She was passed out on his shoulder.

"You let her fall asleep in the car?"

"What was I supposed to do?"

"Keep her awake?" She reached for her daughter, but Graham waved her off. He handed her Sadie's backpack for school.

He walked through the house and into Sadie's bedroom. Renee waited by the door. She'd take off Sadie's shoes after he left.

Graham came back in a minute. "Sadie's been talking about the mural in her room. She really loves it."

"I know. Declan's brother painted it for her." Renee stood with her arms crossed at the open door waiting for him to leave.

He stepped closer. "Look, I'm sure you know about me and Tina."

Renee's hand flew up. "I don't want to talk about this. I don't care who you date. What bothers me is that you didn't have the guts to tell me that was why you were backing out of taking Sadie this weekend."

"I was going to, but you were mad and I didn't want you to feel bad on top of it."

"Why the hell would I feel bad? I don't care who you date."

"It's just...I didn't want to rub it in your face that I moved on and had a date when you don't."

She had no idea if it was just all his bullshit or the wine that made her want to smack him, but she didn't. "Don't worry about me. I have a date for the wedding. Goodbye."

She pointed at the door and he shuffled through. She didn't wait for him to say goodbye or even look at her. She simply closed the door.

On autopilot, she went to Sadie's room and tucked her in. Then, she started to spiral over the fact that her mouth had gotten away from her. Why the fuck had she told Graham she had a date?

You know why, the little voice in her head mocked. You want to go with Declan.

But she shouldn't. Maybe she should find a different date. Someone more appropriate. Someone not Declan. She sighed again as she took another swig of wine. The problem was she didn't know anyone else. Trying to get in touch with one of her few hook-ups was an even worse idea. Maybe she should call Lisa and Jen. They might know someone.

But that would put her on a blind date for a wedding. This wasn't like her. She planned and scheduled everything. She predicted possible pitfalls before making a move. Why hadn't she considered a date for the wedding?

"Because I don't need a man for validation," she said aloud to no one. She straightened up the living room, piddling around while drinking her wine to waste enough time that she wouldn't feel like an old lady for going to bed so early.

Finally, she gave up, refilled her wine glass again, and flopped back on her bed. She didn't crawl under the covers, and her feet were still on the floor. But she lay there, allowing the wine to do its thing and relax her.

She didn't know how long she was lying there when she heard the front door open. Declan was home. She thought about reaching for her wine, but couldn't muster the energy. What she needed to do was find the courage to talk to Declan about being her date.

But it could wait until tomorrow.

"Hey, you okay?" Declan's voice startled her.

"Yeah."

"But you're in bed. At eight-thirty."

"I'm not really in bed. I'm thinking. And I'm an old lady."

"You're not old. What's going on?"

So maybe it wouldn't wait until tomorrow. At least if she got it over with now, she could die from embarrassment in the comfort of her own bed. She forced herself upright.

"Graham dropped Sadie off after their dinner tonight. He said he hadn't told me about Tina because he didn't want to make me feel bad." She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "You know, because I'm so pitiful that I don't have a date."

"The fucker said that?"

"Not in those exact words." She reached for her glass of wine and gulped. "But he pissed me off, so I told him I have a date."

She didn't turn to look at Declan. Didn't want to see the look on his face. But then he was so quiet, and she didn't know what to think, so she glanced over her shoulder. He looked shocked.

"Do you?" he finally asked.

She shook her head. She heard him release a breath. Then he bounced on the bed next to her.

"Sure, you do. I said I'd go with you."

She flopped back and tossed her arm over her eyes. "But I shouldn't need you to. I'm pitiful."

"You're not pitiful. And I want to go. It'll be fun."

"That's nice of you to say. Thanks." She moved her arm and stared at the ceiling.

Declan lay down next to her. His hand brushed against hers. From the corner of her eye, she saw that he was looking at the ceiling. In profile, he didn't seem as young as she usually thought of him.

She returned to her own study of the ceiling. They lay in silence for a few minutes.

In a quiet voice, Declan said, "I offered to go with you because I like being with you."

Her heart thumped and tears clawed at her throat. "I don't know what to do with that," she forced out.

"Nothing to do. We're just gonna have a good time at the wedding. And make your ex-husband realize you are way happier without him."

She huffed a sad laugh. "The thing is, I am happier without him. It just doesn't look like it to everyone else."

"I see it." He sat up, the movement causing their hands to brush again. "You look happier now than I can remember in recent years. If others can't see it, they're blind."

He stood and she felt his eyes on her. "I'm going to shower. You want to watch some TV or something?"

"Sure. I'll be out in a bit."

Her gaze tracked him out of her room. She needed a few moments to wrangle these odd new feelings that were swarming about Declan. With every conversation and interaction they had, he was less and less of her little brother's annoying but fun friend and more of a man she enjoyed being with.

She didn't think she could handle that level of complication in her life.