60. Chapter Sixty

Chapter Sixty

Kade

L ār’s infirmary was in the west wing. The warrior training grounds leading to it were as empty as the night sky, not a cloud in sight. The distant stars twinkled above, twisting and clustering to create the shapes and stories Kade’s parents had told him about as a child, their loving voices whispering late into the night.

Lanterns lit the stone hall, the master healer nowhere in sight at his desk as Kade stepped into the building. A center fire crackled on the right, and smoke and embers traveled up and out of the skylight above.

Vacant beds, aside from two, lined the front wall. Linx slept on one, her pink-haired buns bobbing up and down with each breath. Todd lay on his back, still as stone. Ointment bled through the bandages wrapped around his chest. Herbs and oils perfumed the space.

Sleep and home had done Kade’s teammate wonders. Color had returned to his cheeks, and the dark circles waned around his eyes. Not that Kade could find any relief. Todd’s injury still haunted him.

He rounded the bed, hoping to sit beside his friend but stopped. Yennifer sat against the wall, a bottle of whiskey between her feet. Her wheat hair was unraveled from its usual braid, gold and honey catching the light of the wall’s lantern above. The scent of Bétar wafted off her shirt, an oversized tunic borrowed from her mate.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” she asked.

Kade sighed. “Not in the slightest.”

He squatted to the floor and sat against the bed next to Todd’s. His teammate’s chest rose and fell so slightly, more worry wormed its way through Kade. His friend’s heartbeat thudded away in his chest, his shallow breath ruffling against his wool blanket.

Yennifer handed him the bottle of whiskey, and Kade swigged a shot. The liquid burned down his throat and tickled the hairs in his nose. He coughed and winced, almost losing his eyesight.

“Moons, Yennifer. What is this?”

“Bétar’s homemade brew. We like it strong.”

“You don’t say,” Kade whispered.

They sat in silence. The fire hissed, embers retaliating against the cold night. Linx’s soft exhale filtered past Todd, and Kade’s inside flipped. Her words from a few days ago echoed so loudly the infirmary wasn’t silent at all.

Yennifer sighed. “We all know you didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”

Kade said nothing, a hollowness widening in his chest. They sat in continued silence. The walls closed in on him, and Kade craved to release the shame inside of him.

“I don’t know how to do this,” he whispered.

“Do what?” Yennifer asked.

“Love her so fiercely and put my duty first. I can’t , Yennifer. I keep trying to put one foot in front of the other, but I don’t know how when all I can think about is protecting her. Sometimes, I think about stealing her away from all of this, but I know that’s not who we are, so I keep trying to move on, looking forward to the future we can create together. But then I worry about losing her again… I never want to feel that ever again. I thought staying focused on the future, like I always have, would help me get her back. And now—” Kade gestured towards Todd. “Now, I hurt someone else I care for. I don’t know how to handle whatever’s growing inside of me.”

“Wait, is that what you think? That you lost Evelyn?” Yennifer asked.

Kade stilled, a breath whooshing out of him. He hadn’t said that out loud, had he? He wasn’t certain he’d even said it to himself in that way either. He remembered the salt on the wind and wooden grooves of the dock, and his declaration to get her back. No matter what. Had he been harboring blame this entire time?

“I don’t know. I feel like no matter how many steps forward I take, there’s three more to tackle.”

Yennifer hesitated, her light-blue eyes softening. “Perhaps it’s because you haven’t paused and made peace with what happened.”

Kade ran his hands through his hair. “I can’t sit in the past. I don’t want to get stuck. After my mother—”

“I say this lightly, Kade, but your mother’s death was different than this. There was a finality to it all. I know you busied yourself with training and missions, but this mission was steeped in the consequences of what had happened on those docks and in the hours prior. With your mother, you had to move forward. There was no back. But with Evelyn, perhaps you needed to understand those past moments and come to terms with them before you could move forward at all.”

Kade considered Yennifer’s words. “What if I can’t get this power under control? What if I had left to look for Evelyn five minutes sooner? None of this would’ve happened. What if I’m not worthy enough to love her?”

“I think those are all valid questions to ask yourself. Of course, you’re right. The what-if cycle can be endless. Trust me, Bétar and I used to do plenty of it.”

“What do you mean?”

Yennifer sighed. “We’d always talk about what if we’d been honest with one another when we realized we were mates. What if I hadn’t been so stubborn? What if Bétar had had the courage earlier? We talked through those things, found honesty within our reasons. We stopped looking at the past as a waste of time but lessons to be learned for the future. Reflecting doesn’t always have to hold us back, Kade. It can give us peace.”

Kade’s heart skipped a beat. “I think deep down perhaps I had blamed myself for Evelyn’s capture, but I know we were both tricked with Riven’s forged letter about my father’s death. I can accept the reasons for what happened that day, and in the end, I got Evelyn back, we’re together again. Yet, if I linger on my duty, my loyalty is tugged in too many directions. I don’t know what guides me anymore, Yennifer.”

She sipped her whiskey. “When you came home, you told us what we needed to know for the mission. The details, the land, the threats, our end goal. You never specified a why.”

“She’s my mate.” The words rushed out of Kade. He thought the why was so obvious.

Yennifer tsked, moving closer to him and resting a hand on his. “I know she is Kade, and as another mated werewolf, I know that bond is strong, but its deeper than that. We may be your team, but we’re also your family. Tell me about her. Tell me something good, something about your time together in Callum.”

Tiny moments flashed through his mind and pulsed against his soul, like they’d been etched into his heart. Her furrowed brow. Those silvery-blue eyes. That laugh she made when she didn’t care who heard. How she was thoughtful and kind to others and refused to back down in a fight—magic or not. But Kade didn’t land on anything related to her title, witch, Daughter of the Goddess, mate, or otherwise.

He recalled one of the first things he ever learned about her and smiled.

“She’s not a morning person,” Kade said.

Yennifer’s eyes went wide with horror. “Oh, dear. I said tell me something good. Not something you’d loathe.”

A laugh flew out of him. “It is good. ”

“What? You’ve never slept past dawn a day in your life, Commander. How have you handled that?”

“I love it.”

Yennifer pulled away, mouth agape. “Love it?”

Kade leaned against the bed, running his hand through his beard. He shrugged. “She slept in, and I made the coffee and the breakfast. It all seemed to work.”

Yennifer’s shoulders relaxed, a soft smile spreading across her face. “You made breakfast?”

“Pancakes to be exact.”

“Stars above.” Yennifer smiled and handed him the whiskey. “What else?”

The whiskey burned less fiercely the more Kade sipped, the warmth comforting now. “Evelyn and I worked naturally well together, but she also challenged me. Moons , she didn’t even want to work with me in the beginning, which was maddening. It made no sense. But when we did work together…” Solving the murders, investigating, talking things through, doing things not as Son of the God or Commander, but as Cyrus Skender.

“Perhaps it’s not a matter of duty,” Yennifer said. “There’s been one constant these past few weeks, even as you’ve talked about her tonight.”

The answer dawned on him. That moment in the commissioner’s office. The first time they met. Or in Castle Connacht. The first time she’d admitted to being a witch. He’d said so himself days ago to Evelyn.

He loved her, and it was his heart that lead him forward.

Nothing less, nothing more.

Neglecting the past had manifested itself into physical anxiety, creating a war inside of Kade despite how severely he believed in his duty. Because it was so much more than that, wasn’t it?

Love.

A weight slipped from Kade’s shoulder. The word, the feeling was a better, more powerful thing to grasp, especially when they had so much ahead. As strong and unyielding as a Vadon Mountain blade, Kade grasped hold onto it and anchored himself.

“I forgot how wise you are, Yennifer,” he said, lips turning upward.

She laughed. “Well, here’s more wisdom for you: learn that power of yours. I also think you have an excellent teacher to show you the ins and outs of a magic like that.”

Evelyn.

He’d be honored if she taught how to use this power, but they’d need to set course on getting hers back.

“As long as you promise not to use me as target practice again,” Todd grumbled from his bed, “I also suggest you learn that power. Speaking from experience, it really packs a punch.”

Kade scrambled to Todd’s side, leaning over his friend. “ Moons , I’m so sorry for what I did.”

Todd chuckled, wincing slightly as his chest shook. “Don’t worry about it. Now I can brag about this impressive scar and how the Son of the God gave it to me. Ladies will love it.”

“Ladies would never believe that story,” Linx said, yawning as she sat up. She tiptoed from her bed and checked under Todd’s bandage. Her shoulders relaxed slightly as she put the bandage back in place. “Haven’t you read the papers? Kade does no wrong.”

Linx’s usual sarcasm rang in her in her tone. Her perusal landed on Kade, and he gave her a small smile.

“The issue there is,” Bétar called from the infirmary’s doorway, “is that Todd can’t read.”

Todd squirmed on his bed roll, fighting to sit up but slumped backed down once he realized he didn’t have the strength.

“I can read, thank you, and on the contrary, Kade does wrong on occasion.”

“ Stars above , Todd!” Yennifer leapt to her feet. “You don’t need to rub it in. ”

Bétar joined her side, pulling his mate towards him and planting a kiss on her temple. He whispered something in her ear, too low for anyone to hear, and Yennifer relaxed against his chest.

Kade locked eyes with his weapons master. “Todd’s right. What happened was my fault, and I’m sorry for it.”

“I’m sorry, too, for what I said,” Linx whispered.

Each pent-up muscle in Kade relaxed. He gave Linx a soft smile. “It’s alright. We were all frightened.”

Todd nudged Linx’s elbow and wiggled his brows. “Don’t worry. Yennifer gave him a proper chat about matters of the heart.”

Yennifer cursed. “Were you listening this whole time?”

Todd huffed. “How could I not? The two of you are absolute shit at whispering.”

Bétar barked out a laugh and slammed his mouth shut as Yennifer’s eyes narrowed, shooting him a look as sharp as arrows. “What? You whispering? That’s funny.”

“Oh dear,” a small, but sweet voice said from the doorway.

The entire team turned. Belle stood, basket in hand. She wore fresh clothes, werewolf-style tunic and trousers, while her hair had been pulled to the side and tied in a loose braid, ringlets sticking out every few knots.

“I hope I’m not interrupting a team meeting.” She lifted the basket, a blush climbing up her neck. “I thought I’d come check on Todd—I mean you, you’re awake. To give Linx a break of course. That’s all. Oh! I also brought soup and some bread. If you’re hungry, that is.”

The team fell silent, not a joke from a single one of them. Kade peered at Todd, but his dark eyes were locked on Belle, transfixed. Linx shared a knowing smile with Kade, and the two fought back laughter.

“That is a lovely idea.” Linx rose, gathering her things. “Todd is an exhausting patient, and I need my rest.”

“As do I,” Yennifer said .

“Actually, I think you came at the right time,” Kade said, backing away from Todd’s cot. “We were all headed out.”

Belle beamed, a radiant smile brightening her face. She sauntered over, taking Linx’s place. Todd and Belle stared at each other, and Kade caught himself glancing backwards three times as they left.

“Bétar, I think your brew is a little too strong,” he said.

His second bumped his shoulder. “Nothing wrong with my brew or your sights. It appears the witch is smitten with him.”

“Do you think he’ll notice?” Linx hissed as they headed out of the training grounds and into the bustle of village nightlife.

“Kade only cut him open. He didn’t blind him,” Yennifer said.

Kade threw his head back, praying to the stars above. “I’m never going to hear the end of this, will I?”

“What sort of team would we be if we didn’t keep you in check?” Bétar said.

All four of them laughed, and Kade threw his arm around his second, inhaling the promise of what was to come, and finding the peace in yesterday.