Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

E loise didn't pull back from that kiss. One of her hands moved up Murdoch's chest, trying to maintain as much contact with him as possible. He deepened their kiss, angling her head to the side and taking her tongue with his own. It was such an intimate kiss, one so deep and slow that her body shifted toward his, not wanting it to end.

An arm raised across her waist, pulling her closer to Murdoch still, then he shifted the two of them, lifting her so she fell back on the bed beside him, and he moved over her.

Eloise had often wondered what it would be like to have a man above her on a bed, but she had never quite pictured this intensity, nor this feeling of need before. She wrapped an arm around his neck, trying to be careful of the bandaged wound on his shoulder as she kissed him, pulling him close.

He settled his body over hers, pressing every part of him against her. She could feel his hardened length so clearly now, and it stunned her, to think that Murdoch could be roused just by her exploring touch alone.

He was the one to explore now. He reached for her gown, pulling at her skirt, toying with it and dragging it around her hips as they kissed. One of her hands tugged at his hair as the other went for his chest, drifting her fingers down the very center. She loved the way he shuddered at that touch, as if it had power over him.

As he dragged her gown around her hips, she made no move to stop him. She just longed to know what he intended to do.

"Me turn tae explore?" he whispered, pulling back from her lips just an inch. She nodded, not trusting her voice to stay level.

He kissed her again, pressing her so deeply that she was flattened to the bed beneath him. She adored the pressure of him above her as he took her knee and lifted it around his hip. Her bandaged ankle was now far out of the way, free from being bumped. When he ground his hips against her own, she gasped into that kiss, wanting more and more of this excitement. A wetness pooled at her core and such warmth spread through the lower part of her body, that she did not even think about pulling back.

What did it matter when she and Murdoch were betrothed anyway? Was it so wrong to indulge in a little excitement? To forget the world and their injuries for a time, just to be absorbed in this feeling?

He took her other knee and raised that too around his hip, so she was open to him completely. His length brushed against her core but was separated by his trews. The friction of the material had her moaning into his kiss. She could have sworn she felt his lips smiling as they kissed.

One of his hands drifted up her thigh, closer and closer to her hip. He offered a tantalizing touch, brief, and nothing more, then he reached for her core. When his fingers slid against her, one of Eloise's hands gripped the covers beneath her, twisting it repeatedly. His fingers slipped inside of her, finding a point of pleasure she had not known was possible. He drove her to it, moving his fingers in and out of her, simulating what their bodies could be doing together.

Shocked at the intensity of the sensation, she tilted her head, giving him the chance to deepen the kiss. When he mirrored the action of his fingers with his tongue, she nearly lost complete control, lifting her legs even higher around his hips.

Her hands went wandering, reaching down his chest and for his own hips where she gripped him hard, coming near to his length. He bucked against her once with that touch, showing her what he could do to her.

Something about that image, picturing he was indeed inside of her tipped her over the edge. A wave of pleasure rocked her body. She gripped his hips harder, her body tightening around his fingers, but he didn't once stop moving. He continued to kiss her, muffling the moans that wished to fall from her lips, as his hand drove her through her pleasure.

As her body stilled, he pulled his fingers from her and released her from the kiss. He rested his forehead against hers as she breathed heavily, trying her best to catch her breath.

"Murdoch?" she said between her gasps. "I…" She longed for something more. Her hands moved up his hips to his bare chest again, but he raised his forehead from hers.

"Nae matter the temptation, I willnae take yer purity. Nae like this."

She wasn't sure whether to be hurt or touched. Was he protecting her? Rejecting her?

He reached down again and kissed her. She wrapped an arm around his neck, holding him to her for a beat longer before he rolled the two of them over, grunting a little as he fell on his shoulder. She raised herself up, concerned for him, but he shook his head.

"I'm well enough," he assured her. "Perhaps all I need is some sleep. Ye have had something of an effect on me," he said with a jesting smile.

She smiled too and clambered out of the bed, blowing out each of the candles in turn. When she was done, she returned to the bed and curled up beside him, with one of his arms loosely wrapped around her waist.

Eloise slept deeply that night, thinking of what she and Murdoch had shared. Things had changed between them now, and she was all the happier for it. In her dreams, she saw herself with Murdoch again, and this time, they did not stop exploring one another.

Murdoch lay on the bed, looking at Eloise as the sunlight streamed in through the cottage window. He couldn't stop staring at her, shocked and thinking much of what they had done the night before. He raised his hand and pinched the brow of his nose, angered at himself.

It was a time of high emotion. She had been injured two nights before that, and then he was too. Out of their concern for one another, it was fair to say they acted as they probably should not have done.

We shouldnae have done it. Nae matter how good it felt, we shouldnae have done it.

Eloise woke up, blinking as she opened her eyes.

"Murdoch?" She sat up on the bed. "How are ye feeling?"

He turned and sat up on the other side of the bed, momentarily putting his back to her.

"Well enough," he assured her, moving out his shoulder and hiding his wince. "All I need is a few days fer the skin tae heal."

"Can I see?" She moved toward him, placing a hand on his back, but he stood, determined not to be made weak by her touch again. It was what had happened the night before, was it not? She had touched him, and he had melted. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it is just…" He crossed the room and reached for a clean shirt that had been left behind for him. He pulled it over his head, hiding his scarred body from her as he turned back to face her. "What ye and I did last night."

She blushed and hung her head, in her usual demure way. At the sight of it, a passion rose within him. He longed to make her lie down on that bed again, to repeat what he had shown her and see her moan in pleasure rather than hide from him so. Would she whisper his name again? Blush that crimson red? Would her body be as ready for him as it had been then?

Och, stop thinking such things!

"We shouldnae have done it," he whispered.

Her head jerked up, her smile vanishing fast.

"Ye regret it?"

"It is just that I fear it will make things strange between us." He gestured between the two of them. "Ye and I have agreed on a marriage of convenience. Nothing more than that."

"Aye, we did." She didn't look at him, but down at the floor.

"I just fear it may make things complicated." He realized in shock that he didn't want her to think he was falling in love with her. Yes, he did care for her. He couldn't deny that, but he'd vowed never to care for a woman again, let alone a woman he was to marry.

I cannae have her thinking I love her. That pain will just be too hard tae bear. What if something were tae happen tae her?

He remembered the agony he'd been in when he'd seen her bitten by that snake. Already, she had too much control over his emotions.

"Last night we both had high emotions. We were both relieved for one another. Perhaps we were acting on that."

"Aye, perhaps we were." She slowly stood from the bed and turned her back, straightening her gown and her hair that had fallen down from her updo. In the morning light, those auburn locks shone. It was entrancing to look at, so much so, he found it hard to turn away. "Aye, as ye wish." She turned back to face him. "Maybe we shouldnae have done it. I… I shall tell Wilson ye are awake so he can come and check on ye."

She left the room and headed outside of the cottage, closing the door softly behind her.

As she retreated, Murdoch moved to the window, his eyes tracing her movements as he rubbed the bandage on his shoulder. He saw Eloise say something to Wilson, who had returned from where he had spent the night in the castle, and had herbs gathered in his arms. After they spoke, Eloise walked on toward the castle. Her head hung forward, and her pace was as fast as her ankle would allow her to go.

Maybe she will hate me for this.

Eloise stood at the side of the feasting room, watching yet another of Fergus' celebrations for the brothers' weddings. She could not join in with the amusement, as much as her mind told her it would be wise to do so, to continue the act. She stayed in the corner with a flagon of mead in her hand as she stared out at the celebrations.

The pipers had gathered once more with a space created in the center of the great hall for people to dance. The guards were on edge compared to last time though, and some hovered by the door, diligently attending to their duties, clearly nervous of the Douglas clan returning.

I am still nae certain those men were from the Douglas clan. Another could have sent them.

Eloise kept the thought to herself as she leaned on the wall behind a standing candelabra, trying to mask her body from the other revelers.

There were many in the room that were happy. Ian and Aila had barely left the dance floor, with Ian repeatedly lifting his wife in the volta, much to the other dancers' amusement when he tossed her easily into the air. By a table sat Avery and Callie together, low in conversation, drinking and smiling. Callie repeatedly ran her hand up and down Avery's arm, in a tauntingly flirtatious fashion. How easy that touch was between them made Eloise ache.

She turned away, seeking out another face.

Murdoch was sitting at the table with his father. The two were talking in low whispers. On Fergus' other side sat Harper, not talking to anyone but staring at her plate. Behind her stood Beatrice, whose dark eyes continued to linger on Murdoch.

Eloise turned away, unable to bear the sight of the way the maid watched Murdoch.

"Here is where ye're hiding," a familiar voice approached her. She turned to find Clyde beside her, with a rather large flagon of ale in his own hand. "I cannae blame ye fer it. My father seems persistent with these feasts, even when we have injured recovering." He gestured to Murdoch at the head table. It had been two days since he'd been allowed to leave the healer's cottage, and to Eloise's mind, he seemed to be healing very well, not that they had talked much since.

He is avoiding me.

"Aye, at least he is recovering," Eloise whispered. "How come ye're nae with yer betrothed?" she asked, nodding to how alone Harper looked by her plate.

"I dinnae ken." He sighed and leaned on the wall beside her, staring at the dancers instead of Harper. "I wanted so badly fer this tae work. I ken it means a lot tae my father, but Harper has been acting so strangely the last few days. She's become more withdrawn, distant, even cold." He grimaced. "Please, dinnae tell anyone I said that."

"We are practically brother and sister now," she assured him with a smile. "Yer secrets are safe with me."

"Aye, thank ye." He smiled softly. "I dinnae ken. Maybe it's the wedding that makes her nervous. Marriage… it is binding yerself tae another fer a very long time, is it nae? Through every twist and turn of yer life, they will always be there." He sighed. "Forgive me, I am too morose this evening. Aye, I shall return tae Harper, and endeavor tae make her smile."

Eloise forced her own smile and watched him walk away, admiring Clyde's determination to do right by his father and his duty by marrying Harper, yet there was something that Clyde had said which lingered with her. It was about his thoughts on marriage, how they would be so bound to another person.

Is that what I am about tae dae? Tae bind myself tae a person who doesnae truly want me forever?

Where the idea of a marriage of convenience had seemed so logical before, all of a sudden it seemed strange, as if she had been struck by a wave of the ocean that had brought her such a thought.

Determined to escape the revelers and be alone with her own thoughts, she put down the tankard of mead and hurried to the door on the side of the hall, stepping out onto the terraced gardens. She didn't dare wander far, not after the hooded men she had meet in the garden two days before, but she stood on the top terrace, clinging to the stonework that bordered the walls as she breathed in the cool air, hoping it would bring some clarity of thought to her mind.

"Eloise?" Callie's voice sounded from behind her. Eloise glanced back to see her sister-in-law approaching. "Is all well? Is it yer ankle?" She gestured down to her ankle.

"A little sore, that is all." She raised herself on the stone wall and turned around, so she faced out to the gardens with her back to the ballroom as Callie stopped by her side. "Ye should return tae the feast."

"As should ye," Callie said with a knowing smile. "What is it? What is on yer mind? We are here tae celebrate yer betrothal, yet ye are the one running away from the festivities."

"I am nae running. I cannae." Eloise attempted to jest, wriggling her leg in emphasis, but Callie merely frowned at her. "Ye've got that frown from me brother, ye ken that?"

"Well, maybe he and I are quite alike." Callie smiled. "Now come, tell me, what is wrong."

"It is nothing." Eloise sighed deeply, letting her eyes dance across the dark horizon. She could just make out the hills silhouetted against the stars and the moon. "Perhaps I am a little nervous about the wedding. That is all."

"That is only natural." Callie leaned beside her on the wall. "I was nervous myself. If ye wish tae talk properly, Eloise, ye ken ye can always talk tae me, dae ye nae? If ye wish tae discuss anything about marriage, any questions ye have, I can help."

Eloise reached for Callie's hand on the wall and patted it, comforted by the words.

"Thank ye, Callie. Ye are good tae me but worry nae for me this evening. All I need is a breath of fresh air."

"Very well, but return tae the great hall soon, aye?"

"Aye, as ye wish." Eloise released Callie's hand and watched her return inside. After she had gone, Eloise faced the hills once more, breathing in the chilly air as she thought of all that was running through her mind. Marriage… commitment… Murdoch… what they had done…

She could still remember the heat of his touch, the excitement. When he'd withdrawn from her the morning after, she could only make one conclusion.

He changed his mind. He has decided he doesnae want me after all.

Footsteps approached behind her, and Eloise presumed it was Callie again, or maybe even Avery, determined to pull her back inside. Then a pair of hands slowly took hold of her waist.