22. Georgia

22

Georgia

Now

F ireworks explode in colorful bursts across the lake as we are all sitting on the yellow quilt and staring out into the sky in awe. The fairgrounds aren't far from the manor, so the fireworks are still loud enough to make Auden jump every time they send a new one into the air.

Auden is sandwiched between Ian and I. Our fingers stay linked together behind Auden's back. Each small caress of his thumb across the back of my hand makes my own body feel like the fireworks are inside of me instead of bursting across the lake.

I haven't been able to escape my own thoughts, ever since Mrs. Foster lectured me and accused me of taking Ian from her the way I took Irene from her.

How did she know about Irene's death being my fault?

I glance over at Ian. His eyes are distant, like he's also stuck in his own head. I wonder what he thinks of Mrs. Foster's accusation. He doesn't know why Irene really died, but after our truths and secrets spill out tonight, he will.

Does he feel closer to his sister's spirit being this close to the lake, the same way I feel closer to my mother when I see the willow tree she died under?

Or does he refuse to acknowledge his loss still, all these years later, because it's too hard for his parents to cope with their daughter's death?

Part of me wants to dive into the lake and join Irene instead of telling him the truth. Another part of me can't wait to get this lifelong secret off of my chest. The moment the real story passes from my lips...our entire life changes.

For better, or for worse.

I wonder which secret he'll be more heartbroken over: the fact that I'm the one who got his twin sister killed or the one where I lied about Auden being his and stole five years of her life from him.

"Hey, Mommy," Auden calls out to me. I didn't realize how lost in my own thoughts I was because her voice feels miles away instead of just inches.

"Yes?" I look down at her. Her face is covered in powdered sugar from the donuts Ian snuck into the snack bag.

"I love you, that's all," she says sweetly, making my heart nearly explode. Ian squeezes my hand twice before I look over at him and see that he's smiling down at Auden.

Smiling down at his daughter.

Everything changes after tonight, and I wonder what will be left to love afterward.

We watch the fireworks in comfortable silence—well, mostly silence. Auden tells us how pretty each color of fireworks is when they explode across the water until the fireworks end.

"All right, Auden. Time for a bath and for bed!" I tell her, clapping my hands on my thighs before I get to my feet. "Ian, I will meet you in the library in about a half hour, okay?"

I'm too nervous to meet his eyes, but I feel them all over me.

"Yeah, sounds good. Good night, Auden."

Auden rushes him with a giant hug. "Thank you for taking us to the fair today. It was the best day ever," she says with her face buried into his chest as he wraps her tightly into the hug. She smiles up at him, then takes off running down the dock toward the back door. "Love you, Ian! Good night, don't let the bed bugs bite!" she shouts before she throws the door open and rushes inside.

"That girl is going to break my heart one day. I just know it," Ian says, his voice tinged with both joy and sadness.

"Us Harris girls have a knack for doing that, don't we?" I joke, towing my sandal into the dock as I sway back and forth.

When I look up at Ian, he's staring into the lake. His hands are tucked into his pockets, and he feels a million miles away.

I place my hand gently on his arm. "I'll see you in the library, okay?"

His throat bobs as he nods, still staring into the dark abyss that claimed the life of his twin. I place a soft kiss on his cheek before I turn away from him, leaving him with his own ghosts for company.

" M ama, I think I really like Ian," Auden tells me with a mouthful of toothpaste as she brushes her teeth. "Want to know why?"

"Finish brushing your teeth, and then you can tell me all about it," I tease her, running the hairbrush through her long, dark locks. She has the prettiest hair, and I'm going to take full advantage of little moments like this before she decides to chop it all off and dye it wild colors. I can't believe one day, this sweet girl is going to be a teenager.

I braid her hair quickly before she rinses her mouth out and spits into the sink.

"Rinse the sink out, please." I motion toward the bright pink glob of toothpaste clinging for dear life against the porcelain.

Auden and I both watch as the offending glob slides into the drain after a few handfuls of water. She flashes a big smile at me, showing off her pearly whites before she throws her arms around me. "I loved today so much. I wish we could have days like this every single day," she says wistfully.

I kiss the top of her head. "Me too, kid. Me too. Now off to bed you go."

Auden grabs my hand and pulls me to her room across the hall. Horton is already waiting for his nighttime cuddles at the foot of her bed.

"Hello, Mr. Horton," I say and give him a few pets on his little head. His contented purr vibrates the entire bed.

"He's my guard-kitty. He's in charge of keeping me safe from the bad one," Auden tells me as she gets snuggled in under the pink duvet.

I take a shuddered breath, looking around the room nervously. "Auden, honey. Who is the bad one?"

Her giant hazel eyes meet mine, and I swear, I see the color drain from her face, making her freckles look so dark on her pale cheeks. "I don't know," she says quietly, chewing on her bottom lip just like Ian does when he's nervous. "The good ghost tells me to stay away from the bad one, but she never tells me who." Her voice comes out in a hushed whisper. "But Horton and the good ghost will keep me safe. They always keep me safe when you're gone," she says with a small smile.

"The good ghost doesn't scare you?" I know her "good ghost" is my mother's ghost, thanks to the photo Auden found in my parents' bedroom, but I only know her as a terrifying apparition. The idea of Auden seeing her makes every atom in my body on edge.

"No! She's very nice. She just wants us to be safe from the bad one," Auden says with a loud yawn. "She's nice, just like Ian."

I let out a small chuckle. "Ian is very nice, isn't he?" A warm feeling spreads through my chest at her words.

"Is he your boyfriend?" She wags her eyebrows at me as a giant, wicked smile spreads across her face.

"Oh, Auden. You are too young to even know what that means. But, I guess, maybe he is. We will see," I say quickly, my stomach twisting in knots because I know tonight is going to change everything.

"I think he should be your boyfriend, and then he can be my dad. I think I would like that very much," she says, another loud yawn forcing its way out of her small body. Her admission makes me feel like the worst mother in the world. She could have had a dad this entire time, except I'm a selfish, horrible excuse of a person, and I took that from both of them. I send a silent prayer to whoever is listening, begging Ian and Auden both for forgiveness for my selfishness.

I kiss her forehead and place my palm against her cheek. "You are such an old soul in such a tiny body. I love you so much, Auden. Never forget that, okay?"

"I love you most," Auden says with a smile before she closes her eyes and snuggles deeper into her pillow. "Good night, Mama."

"Good night, Auden," I whisper as a strangled sob gets caught in my throat. "Horton, you keep her safe. You hear me, mister?" I grab Horton from the end of the bed and set him next to Auden. She wraps him in a hug immediately and giggles as I walk out.

"Horton, you gotta keep Mommy safe, too," she tells him in a hushed voice before I turn the light off, leaving them bathed in colorful shapes from the night-light.

God, I love that kid. While the mistakes of my past haunt me endlessly, there isn't a single thing I'd change because they all led me to her.

Now it's time I own up to those mistakes, even if every bone in my body is screaming at me to keep all these dark secrets to myself.

I hurry back to my bedroom and grab my mother's diary from the dresser. There's something oddly comforting about having this little blue book of hers close to me again. I hug it close to my chest as I take some deeper, steadying breaths.

It's time to go tell Ian about Auden.

And to finally tell him that I'm the reason his sister is dead.

There's a soft knock on my bedroom door just as I grab the handle to leave. Before I have a chance to open it, the handle turns slowly under my palm. I pull the door open, expecting to see Auden, or even Ian.

But instead, I'm met with the creepy smile of Mr. Foster.

"Mind if I talk to you, Peaches?" Mr. Foster asks as he steps into my bedroom. He smells of expensive cologne with an underlying smell of sweat mixed in. The combination makes me queasy, which just adds to my unease of him being here.

I step aside, putting a polite amount of distance between us, and wave him into the room with the hand that isn't gripping my mother's diary. I leave the door wide open and make no move to close it once he passes through the doorframe. He stands in the middle of the room, hands in the pockets of his suit as he takes in the appearance of the bedroom.

It's messy. The bed is unmade, and there's an array of mine and Auden's clothes thrown around the room haphazardly.

"So, what can I help you with, Mr. Foster?" I ask nervously.

Why is he here? He never comes to this house, and why does he need to speak to me? Especially at this hour?

I can't remember the last time this man willingly spoke to me, outside of the short interaction at the hospital with my father.

He sways back and forth on the heels of his shoes as he stares at me, looking me up and down with those hard, unfeeling eyes of his. I see nothing of Ian in this man.

No kindness. No love. No soul, if I'm being honest.

"I went to visit your father this evening," he says tersely. "I figured you'd want an update on how he's doing since you've been busy doing who knows what all day long."

I clear my throat nervously, a small shiver sneaking up my spine. "I called my father around lunchtime, and he was in good spirits. We took Auden to the fair in town, and I knew I couldn't make it to the hospital before visiting hours ended. Did something happen?"

Mr. Foster takes a step closer to me, forcing me to look up at him. "We? Who might we be? Don't tell me you're still busy stringing my idiot son along, letting him follow you around like the broken puppy dog he pretends to be," Mr. Foster spits out. Annoyance and disapproval rings clearly in his tone. "And here I thought the lecture I gave him yesterday would steer him clear of you. I was a fool to think you'd relinquish your tainted grip on him that easily."

I continue to stare at him while my thoughts run rampant. What does this man know? He can't know the truth about Irene's death, can he? I squeeze the diary in my arms a little tighter, begging silently for it to give me all the answers.

Before I can ask Mr. Foster why he seems to suddenly despise me, Ian appears in the doorway. His posture is stiff, his shoulders tense as he stares down his father.

"Father, what brings you here at this hour?" Ian asks, his voice surprisingly steady, though I can see clearly that his fists are balled up tight against him.

Mr. Foster lets out a humorless laugh. "Oh, nothing. I was just giving Peaches here an update on her father," he says smoothly. "Since clearly, his health has been of no importance to you ever since she got here."

I raise a confused eyebrow at Ian.

"He didn't tell you?" Mr. Foster asks with a twisted sneer on his face. "My smart, successful doctor of a son is currently avoiding his duties to play housewife with you. The minute Lydia called you, he decided to take a leave of absence to focus solely on making sure your father got better, not that he's done much of that. Now have you, boy? Link has only gotten worse since you decided to stay here and care for him."

I look back and forth between Ian and his father. I feel like I'm stuck in a riptide of aggression as they stare each other down.

"I'm sure Ian is doing everything he can to make sure my father gets well," I finally say, my tone soft but firm. "As well as the team of doctors he currently has at the hospital with him now."

Mr. Foster takes a step toward Ian, and his shoulders rise in an almost threatening manner. "Be that as it may. Maybe one of them will take his case seriously and actually figure out what's wrong with the man since clearly it's above my son's pay grade when you're around," Mr. Foster says menacingly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get back home to my wife. She came home in such a mood this evening. I wonder why that is?" He raises an eyebrow at his son before tipping his head my way. "Good night, Peaches. Maybe we will get to have that chat tomorrow sometime, if you can manage to escape this one for more than five minutes at a time, that is."

He stares menacingly down at his son until Ian finally moves out of the doorframe. They are roughly the same height, but Mr. Foster is built much thicker and stockier from working on the oil rigs his entire life.

But I've never been scared of Ian or uneasy around him the way I am around his father.

I'm more scared of him shredding my heart all over again like he did all those years ago.

Ian stares after his father until Mr. Foster disappears down the staircase and out of sight before he looks back toward me. A strained smile tugs on his lips as he runs his hands through his hair in a frustrated manner.

"Are we still on for our library date?" I ask nervously. "I completely understand if you want to call it a night after that whole awkward encounter." I look down at my feet, toeing the plush carpet while I wait anxiously for his answer.

Ian steps into the room, shutting the door behind him calmly. I look up, expecting that strained smile. Instead, I'm met with my favorite smile.

My smile.

"My dad is many things," Ian says, his voice low and husky. "But he is nowhere near as important as you." He reaches up and strokes my cheek softly. "In no world would I let him ruin our quote-unquote date."

I'm fairly certain it's my own smile that lights up the room this time.