Chapter 30 Liana

Liana couldn't believe she'd trusted James to see her at her worst health, only to have it thrown back in her face. She heard James running after her, yelling at her to wait. She increased her pace to get away from him, but she could tell he was getting closer, so she turned into the one place she knew James wouldn't be able to follow her.

She knew it was ironic that she was taking refuge in the women's restroom right after Brock had made a joke about her shitting her pants. She was playing right into the stereotypes about her disease, but she couldn't be bothered, not when she just wanted to escape James.

She bent over the sink and splashed her face with cold water, hoping to calm herself down. She wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry. No, she'd just take a minute, collect herself, and then walk back out with her head held high. She would find some other way to exercise that didn't involve pickleball. She would convince her mom not to leave the class, though; she knew Deb would fill with righteous anger when she learned what happened, and she didn't want to ruin her mom's weekly outing with her friends. Not over a stupid boy.

She heard the door creak open, and a soft voice behind her said, "I'm sorry."

Mary Grace stood tentatively in the doorway, holding out a small towel. "For your face," she said. When Liana made no move to reach for the towel, Mary Grace said, "That was a really shitty thing for Brock to do. I had no idea he would say something like that. I know my apology can't change what happened, and I know I shouldn't have told him, but — I'm just sorry."

"Why do you hate me?" Liana asked suddenly. She didn't have the energy left to care about Brock; she knew he led a charmed life and would just keep on barrelling his way through people's feelings without consequence, because that's what assholes like him could do. But she genuinely wondered why this woman, who'd shared a womb with her best friend, had it out for her.

"I don't hate you," Mary Grace sighed. "I never did."

"But, all of those things you said about me in high school —"

"I was jealous."

"That's a good one," Liana said sarcastically. "You were jealous of me? The most popular girl in school, who also happened to be super smart, was jealous of a wallflower nerd?"

"You just seemed so happy," Mary Grace surprised Liana by saying. "You and Tori. You were both super smart too, but more importantly, you didn't care about being popular. You didn't care about wearing the latest shoes, or all the makeup, or being with the athlete boys — you just seemed so sure of yourselves, and I — I envied that, and I didn't know how to handle it. And I also felt like my parents were never proud of me. Nothing that I did was ever good enough. I was never smart enough, my grades weren't good enough. Never mind that I almost had the highest fucking GPA in our whole year.

"When I was voted prom queen, my parents weren't happy for me. No, they just said, ‘talk to me when you're valedictorian.' I thought, if I got valedictorian, they'd finally be proud of me. And when I didn't — well, it felt like I'd never be enough in my family's eyes. Plus, I knew you were close to Tori, and in my mind, there was some sort of constant twin rivalry, and I wanted to hurt you in order to take Tori down a peg. So I lashed out. It was petty. And, I know it doesn't mean much, eight years later, but I am sorry. It wasn't right, and I see that now. I think I saw it then too, but as you know, I wasn't much in the business of saying sorry then. Especially not to wallflower nerds." She cracked a sad smile.

Liana was stunned. This was the most Mary Grace had spoken to her, ever.

"And for what it's worth," Mary Grace continued, "I'm sorry Brock brought you into this. Actually, I'm sorry I brought you into this. I'm sorry I invited Brock. I knew exactly who he is and the kind of things he says. You didn't deserve any of what he said today. I hope you believe me when I say I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"Well, that I know," Liana finally replied. "You entered the tournament in order to get back at James."

"Isn't that pathetic?" Mary Grace sighed. "I know I shouldn't care anymore. I broke up with him. I really don't care anymore — not romantically, anyway. I think I really haven't thought about him that way for a really long time. I don't even think I loved him for the last year we were together."

"Then why put yourself in his path again?"

Mary Grace shook her head. "Isn't that the million-dollar question? Why, indeed? I honestly have no idea. I guess I just wanted to get the last word? I know that's pathetic. And I felt humiliated after dinner last week, even though I should have known that there was no chance he'd want to get back together, whether he already had a girlfriend or not."

She sighed. "I truly am sorry for hurting you, Liana. After seeing him with you today, I know what James and I had wasn't meant to be. I think it started out as young love, but then after a while we just stayed together because it was what everyone expected, you know? Like, our lives fit together, and we knew each other really well, and I guess it was laziness on both our parts. Lower effort to stay together than to break up and never find a soulmate. But I think fate has a way of working things out, or I'd like to think it does, anyway. If James and I were still together, he never would have found you."

"That's — a nice thing to say, I guess. But I'm still pretty mad at you."

"I know. You should be." She shook her head. "Just know that after this, I'm done. No more pettiness. No more throwing myself at James. No more messing with your relationship. I truly want James to be happy, and that boy is crazy about you."

"I thought so, but he certainly has an odd way of showing it, telling you about my medical conditions during, what, a two-minute conversation? How did that even come up? Or have you guys been talking before today?"

"God no. James wouldn't do that. I saw him at dinner last weekend and then with you today. We did only talk for two minutes. I agree, he shouldn't have told me about your Crohn's. But for what it's worth, he was defending you. I was goading him before the tournament started this morning, trying to get him to admit his feelings for you. So I said you had an amazing body. And he immediately snapped at me, ‘Don't talk about her body. You don't know anything about why she looks the way she looks.' And I said — cruelly, I admit, ‘What, does she have a problem or something?' I know that's a horrible thing to say. Again, I was just trying to goad him, or to get him to share some dirt on you so I could feel like I had the last word — fuck, I'm sorry. Anyway, he kind of snapped at me that you have Crohn's disease, trying to get me to shut up, and Brock overheard, and… yeah, this story is not painting me in a great light, I now realize. I apologize, again. I'm an asshole."

To her own surprise, Liana smiled. "At least you own it."

"Yeah, I've been playing the mean girl for so long that sometimes it comes out on its own, you know? But I've been seeing a therapist, and he's really helped put my life into perspective. I know I have so many blessings, and putting down others doesn't make my own life any more tolerable. So, this is me extending you an olive branch. Accept it or not. I know I haven't earned it."

"I accept your olive branch. And your apology."

"Yeah?" Mary Grace asked incredulously.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Holding onto anger doesn't serve me. Just do me a favor and google the differences between Crohn's disease and IBS."

"I already read the Mayo Clinic article while I was walking over here. And texted it to Brock. And then I deleted Brock's number."

Liana couldn't help but laugh. "You did?"

"Yeah," she laughed too. "I honestly can't believe I let him say that shit about me being sloppy seconds this morning. I was seriously a second away from punching him. He's never been the biggest feminist, but I never heard him say something quite like that. It would have been the final straw for me anyway; I just didn't want to react in front of you and James. But Brock is a douche canoe. He doesn't serve me."

"Douche canoe?"

"You got a better way to describe him?"

"No," Liana laughed. "That works perfectly. And seriously, you can do so much better."

She rolled her eyes. "I know. Anyway, I know this is going to sound unbelievable, but outside of the stunts I've pulled in the past week, I've actually been trying to be a better version of myself. No more mean girl. I actually never really enjoyed being a mean girl, and I feel like we're far enough out of high school that I need to stop. And as part of my attempts to rebuild the relationships I've harmed throughout the years, I've been doing weekly girls' dates with Tori."

"Really?" Liana said. "She hasn't told me about that."

"I asked her not to," Mary Grace said. "I mean, I asked her not to tell anyone. This one time in high school, I brought Tori with me to a party. I got really drunk and went around telling people that I'd brought my charity case sister, and wasn't it sooo nice and charitable of me to deign to invite someone outside of our clique." She shook her head, disgusted with herself. "Anyway, I didn't want Tori to think I was doing these weekly dates in order to get some sort of sick recognition, so I asked her to keep them between us.

"And, if you'll have me, I'd love to have you join us one time. We can get our nails done, if you'd like that? Like I said, I have always been really jealous of how close you and Tori are, and I'd like to get to know you better. No pressure, though. I'd understand if you said no."

"This is a lot to process. This is the first time you've really talked to me in fifteen years," Liana sighed. She understood Mary Grace better in the past ten minutes than she did in the previous two decades. What good was holding onto a grudge? But was she really going to hang out with Mary Grace? She wasn't sure.

She finally settled on, "I guess I'll think about it."

"You will?" Mary Grace sounded disbelieving that Liana was even considering giving her a chance.

"Yes. I mean, I love Tori and all, but I just moved back to Miami, and it would be nice to have more people to hang out with."

Mary Grace smiled. "Okay, cool. Let's go back outside now and give those idiot boys the silent treatment. And, you totally don't have to let me, but… your mascara got a little smudged when you washed your face just now. Can I help you fix it?"

"Sure," Liana said. "Thanks." And she was surprised that she meant it.