Chapter Thirty-nine

T he world appeared less vibrant the next time Liana opened her eyes.

Triaedian had been saved from a vindictive demi-god, yet she felt no triumph or relief. Her father was dead. Asher was dead. Even Luciano was gone. All vital people in their lives, just gone without proper farewells. An ache in her chest throbbed rhythmically and she wondered if this grief would be a permanent ache in the years to come.

She rolled over in her own bed to find Damien staring at her from a wingback chair. His beard was thicker. When last she saw him it had been clean shaven. His hair was down and greasy while his clothes were barely passable as clean.

Liana felt well rested, not at all like she'd nearly died from magic burnout.

"How do you feel?" His voice cracked with unuse.

"Fine," she replied, sitting up.

He only nodded before silent steps carried him out of their chambers. Sighing, she fell back against the headboard. She'd have to beg his forgiveness at some point for knocking him out. But first, she had to see her family. It was the last thing she wanted to do. All she wanted was to hide under the blankets and forget the world.

They'd won the war against the rebels, but they lost many. Her father, Luciano, and Asher, all gone. She couldn't fathom this world without them in it. Asher's bright and carefree soul. Luciano's sour but caring gruffness. And her father… the man that would read her tales of great adventures instead of punishing her when she snuck downstairs after her bedtime. The man that taught her kindness was a strength, not a weakness. The man that defended her against her mother's endless nitpicking.

Liana gave into the grief and hid beneath the blankets.

Just a little while longer.

Then she'd get up.

Hours later, Liana still stared at the wall, her mind replaying the battle over and over. Replayed how her father's life was gone in an instant. That was supposed to be her. She replayed Luciano's last moments and that sickening crack before Asher's body appeared.

The bedroom door banged open, making her jump. Phillipa bustled in and flung the curtains open, the sun blinding Liana even as she hid beneath the blankets.

"Rise and shine, my Queen. It's a gorgeous day and there is much to do." She flung the patio doors open, a crisp wave of cool air drawing out the stagnant smell of herself. She went to the next door and did the same. "Now that you are up, we must help with the rebuilding. The city took a lot of damage during the fight."

Liana didn't know anything about the battle in the city. She'd been too focused on Zatar. Phillipa yanked away her flimsy, magicless shield. Forced blankness met her own teary eyes.

"Bath first and I'll try to salvage this tangled mess on your head." The covers lay out of Liana's reach while Phillipa dragged her ankles over the edge of the bed. "Come now. Let's see how weak you are." Her lady's maid acted as if none of this were new, as if nothing catastrophic happened while Liana felt like her world ended.

Liana stood reluctantly and was surprised to find that she didn't feel weak at all.

"There. Not so bad. Let's get to the bathing chamber. High Lady Eva sent you some rose scented bath oils that I've been wanting to smell."

Phillipa prepared the bath while Liana just sat on the stool. When she was yanked out of her sleeping dress and dunked into the water, she didn't respond. None of this felt right. She was supposed to be dead, not luxuriating in a wonderfully scented bath. The older woman scrubbed at Liana's scalp, scraping away days of filth. Magic could keep her clean, but there was nothing quite like a real bath. She felt herself thawing, felt her limbs tingling and her heart slowing.

Silent tears fell over her cheeks while Phillipa rinsed her hair. They were all gone and there was nothing she could do about it. Phillipa finished her hair then sat on the stool facing her.

"My sweet girl, you are going to mourn their losses, then you are going to move on with your life. You cheated death for your father once and gave him an extra month of happiness and love with his family. You gave him the opportunity to save you with a death that was inevitably close."

Liana closed her eyes and nodded. Phillipa patted her hand then stood to leave.

"Thank you," Liana croaked. "Thank you for telling them."

Phillipa knelt again. "I will always protect you, Liana. You are like a daughter to me, and this world needs the beautiful light you bring into everyone's lives."

Liana let out a sob and couldn't stop. Phillipa held her, letting her cry in the comfort of familiar arms.

***

Dressed in a simple gown with half her hair tied back in a braid, Liana finally left their chambers. She wasn't surprised to find Sasha outside her door. The vampire gave her a slight bow with her head.

"How are you, Sasha? Is the General well?"

"My father is very well, thank you, Your Majesty."

Liana pulled the vampire into a hug which she reluctantly returned. "I'm glad you are okay. I lost track of everyone in the battle."

"I'm glad you are okay, too," Sasha whispered before pulling back.

Liana stepped back. "How long was I out?" They walked side by side toward the stairs.

"Twelve days."

That was a record for her. She was surprised she wasn't more sore or weak. Her magic was back as well, as powerful as ever. "How is Owen?"

Her steps faltered before evening out. "He is very private. I haven't seen him since the battle. His mother and step-father arrived quickly after they got word. She is unwell."

Liana couldn't imagine losing a child, especially when you had so much longer left to live. She supposed that's the way Luciano felt. Some fragile crack that had begun to close ripped open again. Luciano was gone. She'd been unable to protect him or Asher.

"They were waiting for you to wake to hold the death ceremonies," Sasha informed her.

She appreciated that. She'd like to properly say goodbye to everyone and to honor the soldiers that fought to protect their kingdom. "How many did we lose?"

"Three hundred and nine. The rebels lost countless more."

It wasn't nearly as many as she expected, not that she wanted any to die.

"It was thanks to you, Your Majesty. Your power took out a good chunk of the enemy. Most of our people were lost fighting in the city."

"Phillipa mentioned most of the damage occurred there as well."

"Yes, there were twenty civilian casualties. The rebuild is already underway."

Liana stopped at the bottom of the stairs on the ground floor and paused. She looked down the hall that led to Damien's office. She wasn't ready to face him yet. She could go to the mage training rooms, but that didn't appeal to her either.

Sasha noticed her hesitancy and suggested, "Would you care for a walk in the gardens?"

Liana nodded and followed her guard. They walked the paths through the garden in silence. It was a beautiful day with the crisp autumn air and brilliant sun giving life to the flowers. She needed this right now. Needed to remember that life went on even after so much death.

"Have you seen my family?" she asked, her voice soft, hesitant even.

"Your sisters came to sit with you when the King would leave. Your younger brothers are often caught running around somewhere they're not supposed to be. Your eldest brother and his wife returned to your family's home to settle your father's estate. And your mother has not left her room."

Liana was at least pleased to hear that her little brothers weren't too distraught. She'd have to go see her mother later, if she could face her. She found her favorite bench to sit.

"I should feel happier that it's all over," she admitted.

Sasha sat beside her. "War is difficult. Losing people is difficult. Time will help heal us all."

Liana wanted to believe that. "I doubt time will help Damien forgive me. He could barely look at me when I woke."

She sighed, leaning against the iron back. "The King loves you very much, we all can see that. But you incapacitated him during a pivotal moment during his reign as king. And, we all suspect you knew that whoever plunged that dagger into Zatar's chest would also die, and did not tell anyone else about it. There is much the two of you will be discussing."

Liana reached for the dahlia's near her. The vibrant orange middle faded into a stunning yellow. It was one of her favorites, the other being a peach colored one a row over. If only she could live in this garden where the beauty would keep her hidden from the world.

Sasha gasped beside her. Liana went on alert, a shield already around both of them. "What is it? What's wrong?" she worried, searching for danger.

Sasha sank in the bench, resting her head against the back. Liana inspected the pale vampire that had gone nearly gray. One hand on her forehead, Liana searched for illness. Her entire body went still when she found the problem. "Sasha," she breathed, stunned.

"You can't say anything." her friend pleaded.

"I won't," she promised and soothed Sasha with magic. "You need blood." Liana summoned a cup and let her blood drip into it from a slice on her wrist.

"I can't. It's improper."

Liana just held the cup to the vampire's lips. "You need it." Reluctantly, the vampire drank. Liana waited until her color returned to ask, "Is it Owen's?"

Sasha nodded. "I haven't had a chance to tell him."

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled."

Sasha shook her head. "I'm not so sure. He had a rough childhood with his father. He didn't want children."

Liana's already fragile heart cracked a little more. "Well, he can come around to the idea. Vampire children are a wonderful gift."

The stoic female let her facade crack as tears pooled in her eyes. "I am thrilled to have conceived. It is never a guarantee for vampires as you know. I just wish I had a partner who was equally as thrilled."

Forgetting her own sorrows for a moment, Liana rested her arm around her friend's shoulders. "Until he is, I will be thrilled with you. It will be nice to have the focus shifted off me for once."

Sasha let out a chuckle. "Thank you, Liana, sincerely. I've got my father, but I don't want to be alone in this without another female."

Liana never asked about her mother and didn't dare do so now. "If that's what you want, I'll stick my mother and sisters on you too then you'll be sorry you ever asked for another female. You'll be so annoyed yet so loved at the same time."

Sasha swiped away her tears, laughing. "You don't have to do that."

"Nonsense. My mother loves babies and I think she'd like the distraction right now." Sorrow crashed into her once more.

"I'm so sorry about your father," Sasha offered.

She blinked away the tears. "He saved me. He sacrificed himself so I could live." Sasha simply wrapped her arms around Liana and they both cried for their own sorrows. Time couldn't come swiftly enough to take away her aching and guilty heart.