Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

RAFAEL

" Y ou want to get him on US soil, Rafael? In Maine? "

The big boss likes to sit on a throne-like chair several steps above the main portion of his office. It's a not-so-subtle way of letting everyone know how big and powerful he is: Mr. Big Boss, wearing no shirt and covered in tattoos, with several dead-eyed women clinging to him. I can tell the big boss looks down on me, but I keep several of his most important allies satisfied.

"He made a fool of the Cartel," I say.

This room—gold rifles on the walls, framed photos of the Cartel with prominent political figures, and around twenty Cartel monkeys—suddenly feels far tighter. It's like everything compacts. The big boss leans forward, his gold chain tinkling against his other jewelry.

"Not the Cartel," he says.

"There were several Cartel men there," I point out, wishing I could hurt somebody and inflict some serious damage so it would relieve some of the agony inside of me. Nobody will ever understand how badly I hurt inside because people think I'm a monster, but I've been a victim, too. As a child, I was beaten and bullied. Yet nobody weeps for Rafael. "People whisper, sir…"

"Do you think you're important, Rafael?"

"No, sir," I tell him, which is an utter lie. He would be down at least three allies if it weren't for my operation. As much as he looks down on me, he needs me, at least for now. At least as long as I can be of some use to him.

"But you speak like such a grand, important man," he says. "Does that seem reasonable to you?"

"I don't mean to speak like that. I'm merely pointing out the obvious. He killed two of your men."

"Because you fucked up. What were you doing, playing with him?"

"I was attempting to extract information."

I say this as sincerely as I can. The truth is, the only way I learned to deal with inner pain is to turn it into outer pain. It's a beautiful mechanism that works well, but only if the other person plays along. Everybody has. Every single person I've inflicted pain on, but not Jacob. These petty-minded men wouldn't understand. They'd think there was something wrong with me. It's all about money and respect for them. I don't give a damn.

I am the giver of pain. I am the devil of sadism. I am a beast, and my will be done. He calls me grand , the fucking peasant, like it's a joke, but I am grand. I am important. If I could, I'd hurt Mr. Big Boss instead, but it has to be Jacob. I will find a way to make him squeal like the piggy he is. No more defiant looks. No more little smirk like he thinks it's funny I'm whipping him.

"Are you okay, Rafael?" the boss says from his throne.

I'm shaking with rage, I realize. "The operation won't be affiliated with you in any manner. The whole thing will look like an accident."

"How do you even know where he is?"

He wasn't going to trick me twice. That's how. When I made that threat, I saw true terror in his eyes. I ordered my men to put a tracker on his friend's car, and when Jacob himself showed up, they put a tracker on that car. I've got the precise location of his place in the forest—quaint American-sounding names like Little Hope and Pilgrim's Peak. It's snowing, apparently, a canvas for a bloodbath.

"I have my ways," I tell him. "I'm actually quite useful."

"Use Americans," the big boss snaps. "They can't be linked to us in any way. Make it clean."

His second-in-command steps forward, leaning past a drugged-out woman clinging to the boss's arm. His face is crumpled in confusion as if he can't accept this, but I know something the big boss and his little lackey don't. I know the big boss is sleeping with his so-called brother-in-arms' wife. Just like all scumbags, they show their true colors. I can only push the blackmail so far. I can't be bold about it, but the photos I have, for now at least, have allowed me some leeway.

" Clean ," the big boss snaps.

"Clean," I reply.

Really, he's got no way to verify that. I can do whatever I want with them. I could even simply make them "go missing." Nobody would ever find them. It may seem petty to some, but it's everything to me. I won't let somebody make a fool of me. I won't let somebody laugh when I've shredded their back with a whip.