Chapter 18 - Nile

The rest of my explanation couldn't take place in Walter's studio closet. I needed to be able to speak freely, and the chance of being overheard was not one I wanted to take. Violet left work early, and I drove her out of town where we could finish our conversation alone.

We were silent for the entire drive, and I could practically hear Violet's mind turning over the last sentence I had said to her.

As soon as we stopped the car, she unbuckled her seat belt so she could turn to face me. "Explain," she said.

"It's hard to know where to begin," I began. I hesitated, not because I didn't want to tell her the whole story, but because it was difficult to relive the past. I didn't like to think about the life I had given up protecting her from my own circumstances.

"Why don't you start by explaining why my life was in danger to begin with?" she suggested.

"How much do you remember about the wolves I was with when I found you in the forest?" I asked.

"Nothing, other than that they helped you take down my attackers," Violet said. "I never saw them again after that night."

"I think I need to start by explaining that night to you," I said. "I told you at the time that I was a rogue, traveling with a group through the territory. Those wolves were fierce but not loyal. They helped save you because I didn't give them a choice."

"What do you mean?"

"When I saw you being attacked, I didn't ask for their permission to help you. I dove headfirst into the fray. If they hadn't come with me and I had lost, your attackers would have caught their scent and tracked them down. Rogues don't take kindly to other rogues interrupting their kills," I explained. "My companions' only choice was to make sure that I didn't lose."

Violet's eyebrows were creased as she listened to my explanation.

"After we beat them, I told them I would meet up with them at our camp after they disposed of the bodies and I took care of you," I continued. "They didn't know where you were from, or your name, and I wanted to keep it that way. I carried you back home and made sure you were safe, but I never told my companions about what I did with you."

"But you stayed in Sparkle Hollow. Didn't they find you eventually?" she asked.

"I left, actually," I admitted. "After I took you to your alpha, I met up with the others. They assumed that I had taken liberties with you and left you somewhere, and I didn't dissuade them of that opinion. I hadn't even gotten a chance to know you, but I already felt like I needed to keep you safe. The best way for me to do that was to make it seem like you weren't important to me. Rogues don't typically respect familial ties or love matches. If they have an opportunity to get something, they'll do whatever needs to be done."

I could see that my explanations were hard for her to hear, but I had to press forward. We were already too far into this for me to stop now.

"The area around Sparkle Hollow was secluded and safe, and my companions said they wanted to stick around for a while. Once it was decided that we weren't going to be leaving right away, I came back and made sure you had recovered from the attack. I checked in with the other wolves occasionally at our camp, but for the most part, they were all off running and doing their own thing, just like I was. But after a few weeks, they started to get suspicious of where I was going. They could sense that I had changed and wanted to know the reason for it."

"And that's when they found out about me?" Violet asked.

I sighed deeply. "Not exactly," I admitted.

"What happened?"

"I told them about your pack, and that I had been spending time there and making friends with the local alpha. I thought if I gave them an excuse for my behavior, they would give me space, but I was wrong," I said. "You remember our last night together, I assume."

Violet nodded, and I could see the sadness and hurt in her eyes.

"It was the best night of my life, and I never wanted it to end," I said. "I hadn't intended for us to fall asleep in the meadow, but being with you made me forget about my problems, and I let my guard down. I woke up in the middle of the night, with you sleeping peacefully next to me, and saw the other rogues watching us from the tree line."

Violet's eyes widened.

"I pretended to them that you had meant nothing to me and put on a show of leaving you alone in the forest," I continued. "I went to meet them in the forest and allowed them to congratulate me on my conquest. They wanted to know if I had plans to use you to get power with the powerful pack I had been talking to. I told them that you wouldn't be able to help. I said that you were too low within the pack to mean anything to the alpha, and that even if I kidnapped you or threatened you, it wouldn't get us anywhere."

"You told them I was just a fun distraction while you were in the territory," Violet said. "Which is exactly what I believed all these years."

"I'm sorry," I said earnestly. "As soon as we left the clearing, all the rogues decided it was time for us to move on. It happened so fast, there was no way for me to get a message to you, and if I had tried, they would have realized how much you meant to me."

"Which would have put me in danger. They would have used me to get power from you, if they couldn't use me to influence Alpha Lex," Violet said in realization.

"Some of the rogues were kind, but most of them were savage," I explained. "Any hint of affection would have been taken as a sign of weakness, and we both could have been hurt… or killed. I couldn't risk being the reason something bad happened to you."

Violet was quiet for a while, and I waited as she processed all of the new information I had given her.

"What happened after that?" she asked quietly. She had a faraway look in her eyes, as if she was trying to recreate the scene in her mind.

"We traveled northeast and ended up in Pinedale," I said. "Jana's father was the alpha of the pack. He was a kind man who often took in rogues who were looking for a new way of life. That's why it has always been so peaceful here. Many of the wolves come from troubled pasts, but all of them wanted to make something better for themselves."

"But how did you end up marrying Jana, if her father knew you were a rogue?" Violet asked.

"He took a liking to me pretty quickly after I came here. There weren't many warriors in the pack, and he felt like I would make a good future alpha to lead and protect the pack," I explained. "He made a deal with me—I would marry his daughter and work for him. In return, I would get protection for myself and any of the rogues who agreed to turn their lives around. When he died, he named me as alpha. The pack agreed to follow my leadership, and the rest is history."

"I'm going to need some time to process this," Violet said.

"Take all the time you need," I said.

Violet got out of the car and stood next to her door for a moment before she started pacing. The pacing escalated, and finally, she started walking into the forest.

As much as I wanted to follow her and force her to talk, I knew she needed this time to herself to come to terms with my past. I couldn't rush her. I waited, with bated breath, for her to come to me.

After nearly half an hour, she did. At the sight of her coming out of the forest toward me, my heart started beating faster. We were at a turning point in our relationship. Whatever choice Violet made about our future would be one I had to accept.

She sat back down in the passenger seat and took a breath. "I have two more questions," Violet said.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know," I replied honestly.

"I've been in Pinedale for months. Why haven't you explained all of this to me before now?" she asked.

It was a valid question. "I'm not proud of how I treated you," I said. "I didn't want to relive it unless I had to. But it's also not an easy topic to bring up. You and I haven't had a lot of opportunities for deep heart-to-hearts."

"I haven't made it easy for you to talk to me," she admitted, nodding in understanding.

"I know exactly why you didn't want to," I assured her. "What was your second question?"

"Your marriage to Jana was an arrangement between you and her father," she said. "But I need to know what you felt for her as your mate."

"I respected her and cared for my wife," I said. "I grieved her death, and the loss of Penny's mother. But ultimately, I married her out of duty, not love."

Part of me hurt to know that I had never loved Jana, not in the way she deserved to be loved. She had never loved me, either, but we had been good to each other. It would have to be enough. I hoped that my honesty was enough for Violet as well, but I didn't have high hopes that she would forgive me for all I had done, and I was braced for her rejection.

"I appreciate you telling me everything that happened," she said quietly. "When you left, it hurt me more than I can possibly explain. I had fallen in love with you, Nile, and your disappearance has affected me for years."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, tears flowing freely from my eyes. "I never wanted to hurt you. Only to keep you safe."

"I know," she said, tears spilling from her eyes as well. "I forgive you."

My breathing hitched at her words. I hadn't realized how desperately I needed to hear those words until they had been spoken.

"Thank you," I said.

She reached out to hold my hand, and I felt warmth travel up my arm and into my chest, as if she had used a magic spell to warm me from the inside out.

"Nile, I want to try to do this right, this time," Violet said. "We should take it slow, but I want to have a real relationship with you. If you want that, too."

Her response shocked me even more than her forgiveness. It was more than I ever could have dreamed of.

"I want that more than anything in the world," I said.