Chapter 18
Chapter
Eighteen
Nick clearedthe rooms and was reassured that no more of Trattori's men were hiding out. He wanted to hold Darcy and explain everything. Would she understand? Could she still love him, knowing he'd had to hide a huge secret from her?
When he walked back into the hallway after clearing the last room, she gave him a forced smile and went into the first bedroom to check on the babies herself.
Before she reappeared, his phone was ringing. Aiden. He walked downstairs to answer the call. He wanted to hold Darcy close, but he could only imagine she needed time to come to terms with all that had happened.
The next few hours were busy. Aiden brought the troops, even though Nick and Paul had taken care of the situation. Interpol and the DEA were along and thoroughly documented everything. Trattori and the men that survived were taken into custody. Nick could only pray that with the evidence from this part of Trattori's operation alone, they'd have ample reason to seize his other assets and properties and do a thorough investigation of his businesses. He should be locked away for a very long time.
Finally, the dust settled and the questioning of him, Paul, Darcy, and even Gary, who'd seen nothing, finished. Different children had woken up throughout the process, but the other helpers were able to settle them. Nick made certain the examiners knew Darcy was completely innocent. Aiden was able to stay with her and make certain they treated her kindly.
Aiden told him he was leaving him a Range Rover and not to rush back to headquarters with a wink. Nick thanked his boss, got a handshake and quick hug, and then he rushed to search through the finally quiet house.
He found Darcy in her small bedroom. As he opened the door, he whispered, "Can I come in?"
"Yes."
She was rocking in a rocking chair. It was dim in the room, lit by a small lamp, but he could see the tears streaking down her face.
Nick hurried to her and dropped to his knees. Clasping her hands with his, he murmured, "Darcy. I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you everything?—"
"Everything, Nick?" Her voice was as sharp as he'd ever heard it. "You didn't tell me anything."
His eyes widened, and he rocked back on his heels.
She yanked her hands free and clenched them in her lap.
"I'm sorry," he started again. "At first, I didn't know how to trust you, and then …"
"Pardon me? You didn't know how to trust me?"
"When I first saw you on the dock and realized you were Trattori's ex, I was dumbfounded. How could I get paired with the ex of the man I was investigating?" He studied her. He wanted to explain and reassure her, but there was so much information. "There's been a lot of speculation about you, whether you knew about Trattori's drug rings, or if you were innocent."
"Seriously?" She looked stunned.
He nodded. "At first I thought this might be my chance to find out the truth, maybe get some information on Trattori that would help me take him down."
She flinched as if he'd slapped her.
"But I quickly realized how innocent and pure you were. I knew you could never have supported Trattori or even known he was a criminal. I knew it." He brought his hand to his heart.
She stared at him and finally nodded.
"Then I fell so hard for you. I was walking this awful tightrope of falling in love with you and knowing I couldn't be involved with a target's ex. Especially a squirrely target like Trattori, who had alluded us for years."
"I'm not an ex," she ground out. "I'm a person. A woman who's fought hard to stand on my own, and you just used me to draw Johnny out?"
"No." Had he? "I know you're a person, Darcy. You're the most important person in my world."
She raised an eyebrow as if she couldn't believe that. He was in such deep trouble. He kept talking, praying she could somehow forgive him. "I was going to work nonstop to bring Trattori down so I could be with you, but I changed the plan with Aiden when you said Trattori provided security guards. I knew instantly that was fishy, but I also knew I had to protect you from his filthy men."
"Johnny's never tried to hurt me before tonight." She lifted her chin.
"You've never challenged the status quo before tonight," he said softly. "You bringing a boyfriend here triggered him, and then Paul and I may have triggered some cameras in the basement before we took them out." He tried to smile.
"You risked my babies," she said stiffly. "Johnny and his men only came here to take you out."
"Trattori risked your babies," he insisted, but his gut churned. If he hadn't come with her to Tecate, and gone on the offensive so quickly, they might have resolved this with a lot less firepower. Thank heavens none of the innocent children had been hurt. Thank heavens she hadn't been hurt.
"I can't." She held up a hand and sprang to her feet, pushing past him.
Nick stood as well.
Rounding on him, she looked like she wanted to yell and beat on him with her fists, but she gritted out instead, "Since my grandpa died, I've never had anyone to trust and love, never had family."
He nodded that he understood, but did he really? His adoptive family had been incredible, and he'd had always had a loving family and happy home, a safe space and his favorite people eagerly awaiting his return. He couldn't imagine the uncertainty and pain she'd been through in her life. Then to be schmoozed into marrying a filthy drug dealer …
"I thought you were the one. The man who could love me, protect me, inspire me, thrill me to the core."
He hoped the same thing.
Darcy shook her head and folded her arms across her chest. "But you're a liar, just like Johnny was. I can't trust you, and any love I thought I had for you is gone. Please leave."
Nick's stomach bottomed out. Her words were filled with pain, and they were the most final and awful words he'd ever heard in his life. He wanted to fight for her, for them, but he had lied to her, or at least kept the truth from her, and she had every reason to not trust him and to not love him.
"Darcy, I'm so sorry."
"Please don't." She backed into a corner and shook her head.
Nick prayed for help, but he had no idea what to do. He didn't have the right to hold her and kiss her and heal her, but he found he had to say, "I had to withhold information from you because of my job and international security. I wish it could've been different. But please know that what I feel for you is genuine and no matter how muddled and messed up it is, I love you."
Her eyes widened, and she put a hand to her lips as if remembering their kisses and their love. He felt a stirring of hope and kept talking.
"I love you, Darcy Saint. You have my heart. There will always be things in my line of work that I will have to keep from you. That doesn't mean I don't trust you and love you, but it is my life and my work. If you can't trust or love me, I understand and I don't blame you. I only pray that you'll know that I'll never stop loving you or praying for you."
Darcy only studied him. She said nothing.
Nick couldn't take it any longer, staring at the woman he loved and knowing she didn't love him, didn't trust him, and he'd broken her heart.
His heart broke as well.
He turned and strode to the door, slipping out of it and hurrying down the hall. He needed to leave, give her some time, pray for a way to show her he loved her.
She let out a heart-wrenching sob. He couldn't leave her like this.
He turned back. She was in the doorframe. He rushed toward her, praying she'd forgive him, praying that sob meant she did love him and her heart was breaking too.
Tears running down her face, Darcy shut the door in his.
His heart shattered into a thousand pieces.