Chapter 11

Chapter

Eleven

Darcy enjoyeddinner with the three men. Nick was sending her mixed signals, and she supposed she was doing the same. She found herself letting down her guard with him time and again. How was she supposed to resist a man as kind, accomplished, and intriguing as him being interested in her? If only she knew what was holding him back, what she feared he was hiding from her. She suspected now that her husband had cheated on her their entire marriage and was involved in shady business deals as well. She'd often wondered throughout their four year marriage what Johnny was hiding from her. She never got any answers until all her trust was broken. She couldn't go through that again.

The four of them took their time eating and chatting. Focusing out the windows, Darcy was surprised the sun was almost touching the ocean to the west.

"Aren't we watching the sunset from the hot tub?" Jagger asked, winking at Nick.

"What was that wink about?" she asked.

"Nothing." Jagger jumped to his feet. "You'd better hurry and change out of that pretty dress and into a swimsuit if you want to watch the sunset from the top deck with us."

Pretty dress. You are miles past pretty; you're breathtaking, truly.

Nick's gaze met hers and held it. Then he stood and pulled out her chair. Smiling up at him, she quivered when he took her hand. They all walked together down to the lower level.

"Meet you upstairs?" Darcy asked.

"Yep." Jagger disappeared into his room.

"See ya soon." Hays hurried into his room.

"I'll come walk up with you," Nick offered.

"Thank you."

He held the door, and she walked into her suite. Glancing over her shoulder, she was caught up in his deep-brown gaze, smoldering with heat for her. Her stomach quivered with anticipation. If only they could sit in the hot tub alone.

He stepped back and closed the door. She hurried to slide out of the white dress, hang it up, and put on a fun one-piece floral suit that had enough padding in the chest area it looked like she did have some curves.

A long, gauzy white cover-up hung behind the formal dresses. It tied at the waist and flowed to the floor. Pretty.

She grabbed a beach towel from under the sink and hurried to wait by the door. It was odd to wait without a phone to distract her. With scant free time, she would usually respond to emails or texts, or scroll through social media. What she wouldn't do to Google Nick Jacobs and do a thorough social media investigation.

A rap came on the door. She flung it open.

Nick had a towel flung over his shoulder that did nothing to hide his incredible build. The bronze medallion hung down between his lovely chest muscles. She found herself reaching up and touching just the medallion. She didn't dare touch his smooth skin.

"Is this your family?" she asked.

He wrapped his hand around hers and held it against his chest. Warmth filled her. Looking into her eyes, he had her panting for air from a simple look and touch.

"My birth family," he said quietly.

Darcy's eyes widened. Was he going to open up to her? "You were adopted."

He nodded. "My Papa Pete and Mama Marie are the best. I have seven older brothers and sisters and …" He paused. "I'm going to get in trouble, but I'm ninety percent certain the current count is fifteen nieces and nephews and two on the way." He pulled a face. "I'd better get home to visit."

"Yes, you should." She smiled at him. She'd love to see Nick interact with his nieces and nephews. She'd love to see him interact with her kiddos. Four-year-old Samuel would flip out over a tough man tossing him in the air or playing catch with him.

Nick released her hand and gently touched her locket. She'd forgotten to take it off for the hot tub.

"Is this your family?" he asked.

Unexpected tears sprang to her eyes. "Yes," she admitted. She slid the necklace over her head, undid the clasp, and opened the locket. It was a huge leap of faith to share with him. "That's my mom on the left. She died giving birth to me. And me and my … daughter on the right."

She flickered her gaze to him, expecting a look of shock. He didn't seem surprised, more sympathetic and concerned for her.

"Your daughter …"

"Avalyn," she supplied, even as she knew that wasn't what he was asking. "She was stillborn. I was only two days from my due date. It was late at night, and I realized she hadn't moved for a while. I knew something was wrong. I …" She was talking too fast now and not looking at him, her breath coming out in fast pants. She cleared her throat, hoping she could get the story out without sobbing.

"Darcy." Nick gently guided her into the room and then shut the door behind him.

She stared up at him. What was he doing?

"Cameras," he supplied. "They're all over the ship, but not in the bedrooms. I wouldn't want something personal to be recorded."

"Oh. Thank you."

He wrapped his arm around her and walked her over to the love seat. Sitting side by side, he turned to her. "You knew something was wrong?"

Leaning against the edge of the couch, she tucked her feet under her, spread the dress over her legs, set the towel on the floor, and turned to him. The locket was still in her hand. She set it on the side table. Was she going to share her pain with a man she didn't know if she could trust?

She looked into his deep-brown eyes. How could she not trust him? Every part of him seemed sincere and invested in her. Johnny had originally given her the same impression. Was she setting herself up for a huge crash again?

"I called my husband; he was at a work party." Now she knew he'd probably been with his current mistress, but she wasn't sure how much dirty laundry she wanted to air.

Nick's features tightened.

"I told him I had to go to the hospital and I couldn't wait. He told me to wait; he didn't want me driving in my condition. He promised he was on his way and he'd take me. I didn't want to go alone, but after waiting almost an hour, calling every ten minutes and him promising he was coming, I gave up on him. I climbed in my car and drove myself to the hospital. Avalyn was already gone when I got there."

No heartbeat. No hope.

Tears ran down her face at the memory. She'd been terrified and so alone. Then the long induced labor. Still mostly alone as for thirty-six hours she went through labor and Johnny was out in the hall on phone calls or sleeping in the chair. At least he hadn't left her. He also had never apologized for taking so long that fateful night. The thought she always had to bury was if Avalyn might've survived if she hadn't waited for him. She couldn't let herself be consumed with anger or what-ifs.

Nick's arms came around her and he cradled her against his chest. "I am so sorry, Darcy."

She couldn't even thank him. At his tender touch and words, the tears came more fiercely. A sob rose and then ripped from her throat. Nick held her and let her cry.

She had cried deeply and often in her house by herself after she lost Avalyn, but never while Johnny held her. He'd had a nice graveside service set up for Avalyn and he'd engraved the locket with a photo he must've taken in the hospital after Ava was born, when they let Darcy hold her and say her goodbyes. But he'd never held Darcy while she cried.

She didn't know how much time passed as she cried and cried, cuddled against Nick's warm flesh, never wanting to leave this spot. When her tears finally dried, Nick gently released her. She didn't want to let him go, but she was grateful for the time she'd spent in his arms.

"Thank you," she managed. "That was very healing."

Nick studied her. "You are brave and very strong. To think you suffered a devastating loss and then you chose to help and love other children. Unreal."

She felt unreal as he looked at her. She didn't know how to respond. She could hardly admit she'd spent a month wallowing and then been stunned by the irrefutable proof of her husband cheating and gotten a quick divorce. Then she had spent another month aimlessly searching before she sold everything and packed her car and bravely or stupidly crossed the border.

He didn't seem to expect her to answer, but graciously started asking her more questions about her baby and then that morphed into how she'd lost her mom and grandpa and her dad had deserted her. She told him about her lack of family, and her step-grandmother being so cold. In some ways he could relate, not having blood relations, but he'd had loads of love. Papa Pete and Mama Marie and all his siblings, in-laws, and nieces and nephews fascinated her. She was grateful he'd had a wonderful adoptive family. Her grandpa, her mom's dad, had been the best, but his wife, Mrs. Peterson, had been stiff and cold. When Grandpa died, Darcy hadn't received any love or hugs or kind words. She'd had a house and food and lots of freedom, but she'd craved love and a family and someone who cared if she stayed out too late.

They talked for a long time. He told her more about his family. They'd always treated him like he was theirs, and she loved them for that. The conversation morphed into her homes and her little ones and the hopes and dreams for each of them to find great adoptive families. Some had, but not enough. She told him story after story about impetuous and adorable Samuel, the sweetheart Izzy, and giggly Missy.

"I'd better go and let you get some rest," Nick finally said, standing.

She stood as well. "How long do you think Jagger and Hays waited for us at the hot tub?"

Nick chuckled. "They didn't. They had a plan to not show up and let us be alone."

"My new brothers have turned into a pair of matchmakers, eh?"

He chuckled, but then he sobered and cupped her jawline with his palm. "Darcy … you've lumped me in with them as a brother."

Her eyes widened.

"Do you think of me as a brother like Jagger and Hays?"

She swallowed, not sure what to say. "I trust you to take care of me like I always imagined a brother would, but my feelings for you are nothing like I'd feel for a brother."

His lips curved up in a smile and he eased a bit closer. "That's good, because the feelings I have for you are nothing like a brother should have for his sister."

Her heart raced. He leaned down. She wanted him to kiss her, but she found she had to know something first. "Why didn't you kiss me under the waterfall?"

Nick straightened, his brown eyes full of regret. "I've never been so drawn to or impressed with anyone in my life."

That was a great thing, but there was a huge ‘but' coming, she could feel it. "But …"

His hand fell away from her face, and he shook his head. "There are things I can't tell you, Darcy."

Her heart sank. He was hiding things from her. "All the women?"

"Pardon me?" He leaned closer as if he'd heard her wrong.

"You have lots of flings with different women and you can't tell me about that and hurt me?" She folded her arms across her chest for protection.

Nick smirked at her. Smirked. The nerve. Her muscles tightened, and she wished she'd protected her heart better.

"No." Nick chuckled and brushed his hand through the air. "No, Darcy. I've dated, but it's always been casual. I've never fallen in love, never really had the time to become deeply invested in any one woman. There are no other women, Darcy. You are the only woman that's ever touched my heart like this."

"Oh." She blinked at him, seeing him in a new light. Happy bubbles tickled at her stomach and her skin hummed with anticipation for his touch. But then she had to know, had to make certain. She'd been played before. She grabbed his hands tight. "Nick Jacobs, you swear to me that you aren't a player? You won't lie to me about other women and break my heart?"

"Oh, Darcy." He half-laughed and then he groaned. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I am not a player; I can promise you that. I would never want to break your heart."

"But …" Her heart was racing out of control. She was in his arms and it was beautiful, but he was hiding something. Something big. He didn't want to break her heart, but he still might. "The things you can't tell me?"

He nodded. "I don't want to keep anything from you."

"What is it regarding? You promised you won't cheat on me and I'm the only woman in your heart." She flushed with embarrassment. They weren't even together, so he couldn't possibly be cheating on her. "I mean, besides Mama Marie and your sisters and nieces. If we did decide to be together, you know?"

His hands traced across her back, the thin material of her coverup not nearly enough to keep her from feeling how incredible those hands were. Those fingertips and hands could light up her world.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are the most enchanting, desirable, and adorable woman in the entire world?" Nick asked in a deep, appealing tone.

"No." She half-laughed and shook her head.

His brow squiggled, but thankfully he didn't rephrase the question. He had to be wondering if her husband had complimented her. Nick didn't seem to want to know much of anything about her husband.

"Well, it is my honor to tell you, Darcy Saint, that there has never been a woman created to equal you. You are mesmerizing. I'm amazed by the great attitude you have and your generous heart. I'm captivated by your beautiful face and shape. I'm enthralled by every word that comes out of your mouth."

Darcy was stunned. She'd never heard the likes of these compliments. She put both hands on his handsome face, almost squeezing his cheeks. "Nick, swear to me, by all the saints above, you aren't just schmoozing me and charming your way into my life."

He studied her. His dark eyes were sincere. "I hope you think I'm charming, Darcy, but everything I said was honest and heartfelt."

"Oh," she gasped. "Nick, I don't know what to do with you."

He grinned and her stomach hopped happily. "You could start with kissing me."

"I would like that," she admitted. "Very much."

He eased closer.

Darcy slid her hands along his jawline, his neck, and then threaded them into his thick hair. He groaned softly, and it undid her.

She arched up and pressed her lips to his.

Nick smiled against her lips. Then he returned the kiss.

He wrapped her up tight, and he kissed her like she had never been kissed. It was thorough, heated, and full of sparks. Heavenly light, a deep connection to Nick, and a sense of family and home also filled her. Tears pricked at her eyelids again.

Nick's lips were warm and tantalizing and pushed away even the happy tears. His strong body overshadowed and thrilled her. This man was built to be loyal to her and protect her. The way he made her feel inside was even better than his kisses.

When he slowed the kiss down, he rested his forehead against hers. "I need to go," he murmured.

"Why?" She held him tighter. She didn't want him to ever go.

He chuckled softly. "It's late, and all I want to do is kiss you all night long."

"Oh, good." She quivered and went hot from head to toe. "I really, really like that plan."

"Darcy." He softly kissed her, but drew back. "You are absolutely irresistible to me. Which means …"

"You're going to kiss me all night long." She grinned and wanted to jump in the air and cheer, but that would displace his arms around her and she'd never do that.

He laughed. "I wish I could. It means I need to resist you." His gaze flitted to the bed and back to her. His eyes were now filled with yearning.

"Oh? Oh … Oh!" She released her grip on him and stepped back, her face flaring with heat, but not from desire—from shock that he wanted all of her, but he was too much of a gentleman to carry her to that bed, and … "Oh," she managed again, touching her fingertips to her lips.

"Thank you for the talk and the kisses and—" Nick broke off and all but darted for the door, yanking it open.

What a man. She'd never seen such self-control and in the face of how much he did want her. It made her happy and leery at the same time. Johnny had continually pushed her to be intimate before marriage and she'd had to repeatedly stop him. Now she wondered if that was one of the reasons he'd rushed their marriage. She was the only woman who'd said no to him.

She rushed after Nick, putting her hand on his arm.

"Darcy, please." His voice was beseeching. "I need to go. Now."

"I know." She pulled her hand back, appreciating how honorable he was. If only her own husband had walked away from the many women he wasn't married to. "I just…Can you tell me …" She swallowed and spit it out. "What is it that pulls you away from me? Emotionally, not your honor of not doing stuff we shouldn't." She grimaced. "What can't you share with me, Nick? What's hiding in your eyes?"

The desire in his eyes morphed into concern. He glanced out in the hallway, at the cameras. She rarely thought about the cameras, but he didn't want them recording anything personal, which she appreciated.

He leaned close to her ear and whispered, "It's with my work, and it's very important to me, my boss, and our fight against … illegal activities. I can't share it with you. I can't share it with anyone outside my organization and Interpol. Maybe someday …" He eased back from whispering in her ear and met her gaze. He was begging her to understand, to not be upset with him.

Darcy was once again stunned by him. Johnny hadn't wanted her involved in Trattori International and refused to share anything about work, always telling her she should be grateful to have an unlimited budget.

She and Nick weren't officially dating and here he was concerned that he couldn't share everything with his work. She knew he was a security operative. It made sense that he had to be highly secretive to keep people safe and stop criminals. What a man. She was half in love with him.

"Oh, Nick." She put her hand to her heart. "I don't blame you for not sharing. When you're ready, know that you can trust me, but I would never want to risk something with one of your jobs. I honor and respect what you do. You're a hero." She beamed up at him.

Nick studied her, but he didn't return the smile. He seemed to be analyzing everything she said and didn't say. Because of his career? Maybe it was extremely hard to trust someone in his line of work. He was probably traveling often for different jobs, and trust took time to build.

That pulled a frown to her lips. She wanted to be with him. She'd lived through a loveless and lonely marriage. She wanted someone she could trust to be there every night. Yet how could she not honor what Nick did? He was a true hero.

"Thank you for … understanding," Nick said, but he didn't look like he understood himself. "Goodnight."

"Night."

Darcy watched him walk down the short hall.

He gave her one last searching look before he disappeared into his room.

She walked back into her room, confused by the odd ending to their time together. She pushed it away. All she wanted to dwell on was the depth of their conversation, their connection, how it felt to be held by him, their kisses.

Sliding out of the cover up and swimsuit and into some comfortable pajamas, she found herself dreaming of her and Nick having a future. They could find a way to carve out time together, her serving her children, him serving and protecting the world, but spending every spare minute in each other's arms.

It was premature and far from realistic, but for tonight … she let herself dream.