Chapter 18

Chapter

Eighteen

Belinda wasnervous to walk into her parents' house. That had never happened before. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me," she said aloud. Then she opened the door and called out her usual from the story of Job. "‘Let's have a feast and celebrate!'"

Her mom came racing from the kitchen into the living area. "Yay! You're back and you won!"

She'd texted them that she won the money and the people she'd been with had been incredible, but not much else.

Hugging her mom tight, she felt her gut lurch. How could this devoted, unselfish mother of hers lie to her? Maybe only her dad knew. But Jagger claimed her mom had been the one who opened the door.

The office door flung open, and her dad grinned at her. "She's here! Congrats!"

"Thanks." She left her mom's arms to hug her dad. He held her tight, his big strong arms around her. Could these arms really have beaten Jagger in a fight? Could her safe spot with her dad be a place of betrayal?

She pulled back and her mom said, "Well, come into the kitchen. I'm sure you're starved after all that travel."

"No. I need to talk to both of you about something. Something serious."

"Oh." They exchanged a look. No guile there—just two people who'd been married a long time wondering what their only daughter needed.

"Can we sit?" She gestured to the couch and love seat.

"Sure." Her dad escorted her mom to the couch.

Belinda sat perpendicular to them on the loveseat. She said a prayer inside, and though her stomach tumbled and her fingers prickled with nerves, she knew she had to do this. For Jagger. She'd chosen to trust him. She had chosen him.

What if her parents wouldn't support her? Agony stirred inside her.

"What's going on, sweetie?" her mom asked.

"Jagger was with me on the reality show this week," she burst out with. The only way through this was head-on. No matter how it hurt.

Both of their eyes widened. Her mom looked like she might be sick. Her dad sat straight as a rod, his hazel eyes unreadable.

"Jagger Lemuel?" her dad clarified.

"Yes." She studied them. Were they going to say anything? Admit to the truth?

"I'm sorry, Belle. That must've been hard," her dad said in a careful, measured tone.

"Hard?" Her voice squeaked. "You have no idea how hard it was to see the love of my life, him thinking I betrayed and cheated on him and me thinking he's a liar and a jerk who would claim my parents …" She couldn't get it out.

For a moment, she didn't want it to be true. She could still love, trust, and choose Jagger even if he'd lied.

Yet she knew. Looking into their faces, she knew. She'd been right to trust Jagger. The man she loved hadn't lied.

"Belle, I'm so sorry," her mom said quietly.

Her dad looked from her mom to her and back again. "Belle," he said quickly. "You have to understand. You have to believe we'd never want to hurt you. As your parents, we only wanted to protect you and do what was best for you."

Fire built inside her. She felt like a volcano about to erupt.

"Best for me?" She leaped to her feet and glared down at them, sitting on the couch together as they had so many times in their interactions. They claimed to love her unconditionally and they'd ruined her life. "How do you claim to know what's best for me? Only our Father above sees the end from the beginning. You don't have that power or right. Jagger is my other half, the only person in this world who truly gets me. Jagger loves my sting and my honey."

They both looked confused at the inside joke, but mostly sick and full of regret. Good. They should be.

"Jagger is right for me. I trust him. I love him. I choose him. Mike was the mistake, and the poor guy didn't deserve to waste years of his life on a woman who could never love him. You manipulated and lied to me, and you broke Jagger's heart and mine. How could you do that to me? You claim to love me. You've always been there for me. How could you?"

Tears ran down her mom's face. For a few beats, her dad looked simply miserable. Then his face crumpled and he looked like he'd shot his own dog. He stood to face her, his hazel eyes full of agony.

"Belle, you're right. I was wrong. So wrong. This isn't on your mama. She begged me to do the right thing and tell you the truth, but … I thought I was right in the beginning, justified my actions by believing it was God's will that Jagger came to visit the exact day you were on a ride with Mike and kissed Mike right in front of us. I believed I was protecting you from a miserable life. You're right. I had no right to manipulate you, Jagger, or Mike. I have no excuse. Years passed and it was easier to keep it buried than to cause you even more pain."

Her own eyes widened at his admission and his humility. As much as she'd always adored her dad, he rarely admitted he was wrong.

Belinda sank onto the couch, exhausted. She didn't want to fight or yell. She just wanted answers, and she wanted the betrayal and agony of her parents lying to her, keeping her from Jagger, to stop.

Jagger had told her the truth. She'd instinctively known that but had let her anger and pride and defensiveness of her parents override it. At least she'd chosen to trust him before he left.

He'd come for her. Had she been strong enough in her vow to trust and choose him? Did he know how deeply she loved him?

"I yelled at him," she told her parents quietly. "I stood up for you two. I called him a liar over and over." She looked at her dad. "He was mad at you. He loves me and would do anything for me and I kept hurting him, just like I've unknowingly hurt him for the past fourteen years." Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and slid down her cheeks. Agony. All that pain Jagger had gone through, and she'd blamed him. "How could you do this to us?"

It was quiet for a few beats besides her mom sniffling.

"I was so certain it was the right path to keep you from Jagger," her dad said quietly. "You two were fiery and passionate. You were either laughing and dancing or crying and screaming about him."

"I only cried and screamed because I was a teenage girl in love and you two didn't approve of him."

"I can see that," her dad admitted. "I'm so sorry."

He sounded miserable. She wanted him to feel some of the misery she had felt. That Jagger had felt.

Belinda closed her eyes and prayed for him, for his safety, for him to know how much she loved him. She should've been begging his forgiveness and kissing and loving him nonstop during the past week.

"Not really ready for sorry," she admitted to her dad.

"I understand. I hope someday you'll forgive me. Please don't waste a second blaming your mama."

Belinda had always loved how protective her dad was of her mom. She could only nod tightly.

"When Jagger showed up, I was so certain he'd only hurt you and make you cry. I couldn't handle letting my girl marry the wrong man for her." He held up a hand as she made a noise of protest. "In my mind at the time. I prayed for inspiration and set the parameters. Jagger promised me if I could prove you were happier with Mike and you loved Mike and I could beat him at a fist fight, he'd walk away and not contact you again."

It was exactly as Jagger had said.

"We hid in the barn. You and Mike walked in laughing and teasing. I thought you sparkled, but I know now you were only trying with Mike to please us. Mike kissed you and you kissed him back. I thought that was my sign from above. And, of course, to a jealous eighteen-year-old, watching that kiss broke his heart. He was probably certain you'd been cheating on him all summer."

Belinda's stomach turned over, and she gripped her hands together. The tears wouldn't stop. Her compassion and agony for Jagger overwhelmed her. He should've been horrible to her this week. Instead, he'd tried time and again to get through to her and love her. She'd decided to trust him too late. At the airport. She'd reached out for him like someone falling off a cliff and just barely missed him. The pain kept compounding.

Please let him come soon so I can show him all the love we've missed out on in the past fourteen years.

"After you two left, I told him something like he could see how you happy you were. I could see the fury in his eyes. He swung a good hook, but I had sparred with plenty of military guys. I knew what to expect and how to get in a quick shot to stun him. I used all of my strength and weight to knock his head into the barn floor and prayed it would knock him out. It didn't, but at least it dazed him enough I was able to finish the fight." His mouth twisted. "Even though I felt awful and conflicted inside, I believed everything falling into place meant heaven was helping me and approved of you and Mike together. I dragged Jagger to my truck, loaded him up, drove him to his truck, and managed to get him into the back. I left a note that said, ‘You promised.'"

Belinda stared at him, wide-eyed. "You forced Jagger to keep a promise not to contact me, and he was honorable enough to do it. Yet you lied to your only daughter for fourteen years. I've been miserable, longing for him, married to the wrong man, and so lonely. I can't believe you could do that to me."

She was surprised she wasn't yelling at him. She was hurt and exhausted and just wanted Jagger to walk through that door. She'd go wherever he wanted her to. She'd elope with him and someday they'd forgive her parents. But not right now.

"I can't believe it either," her dad admitted. "Watching you cry, knowing you ached for him. It was horrible, but I convinced myself he was worse for you and would only hurt you, that once you got through this hard trial you'd be stronger and happier." He met her gaze. "I was wrong, Belle. So wrong. I know you won't forgive me quickly, and maybe you never will. That's all right. You don't have to. Please know that I love you and I'm terribly sorry. I'll pray for you and Jagger and your happiness. I'll never stop praying for you and loving you, even if you can't stand to be around me any longer."

Belinda couldn't respond to that. She sat there, stunned. Her dad knew how badly she'd hurt and he'd hurt, too. He loved her and wouldn't blame her if she couldn't forgive him. Let alone Jagger forgiving him. She wouldn't blame Jagger if he never could.

She studied this man she'd loved all her life. Her gaze went to her mom, silently crying and begging her not to shut them out of her life.

"It is going to take time to forgive you," she admitted.

A verse in Ephesians came to her. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

She drew a deep breath. Her parents waited, as if sensing her turmoil. It wasn't just about her pain. It was Jagger's pain and loneliness and heartache that made her want to hurt her father like he'd hurt the man she loved.

Please help me forgive him.

Belinda swallowed and said softly, "I think we've all suffered long enough." She drew in a deep breath, and her next words weren't her own, drawn trusting and turning to the Savior all her life. "We can't change the past. I want to forgive you."

Her dad's eyes widened, and then he crumpled and a heart-wrenching sob worked its way out of his throat. Belinda and her mom both startled. She'd never seen her dad cry. It was horrifying.

He pushed off the couch and kneeled in front of her. "Belle, I'm so sorry. That you would try to forgive me and try to end the suffering ... You're incredible. I'm the pastor and you're the one who knows the Savior's true grace."

She bit her lip and studied him. "Don't go getting ahead of yourself. I'm still angry and a long way from forgetting and forgiving."

He nodded.

"But the Savior will help me, help us all to heal. I love you," she said to her dad. She looked at her mom. "And I love you."

"We love you." Her mom cried more earnestly.

"You two have always been there for me. I know I'll be able to forgive you, but do you think Jag ever will? I choose Jagger, but I don't want our family ripped apart. We have to figure out how to make things right with Jagger, because he is my future."

Her dad said, "I love you, Belle and I want to know and love Jagger like you do. Can we pray for him?"

"Yes." That felt right. "But first I need another hug."

Her dad stood and pulled her up. They hugged tightly, and some of the past hurt disappeared. It would take time, but the Savior would help them all heal.

The problem was, Jagger didn't turn to his Savior. How would he heal?

Her mom came at her from the side. Her dad released her so she could hug her mom. They both cried all over each other.

When she pulled back, her dad nodded to her. "I'm relieved the secret is finally out. Now we can move forward and heal."

"It's definitely past time."

They kneeled together. Her dad poured out his heart in prayer for Jagger and each of them to know how they could right the wrongs, forgive and be forgiven. They all cried freely.

When they sat again, he asked, "How can we find Jagger and make this right?"

"He's on a mission. He promised he'd come for me when he's finished. I told him I'd be here waiting for him."

"Okay." Her dad nodded. "We won't stop praying for his safety and his forgiveness and healing. Maybe he'll knock me out this time, make things right."

"He wouldn't hit you." Belinda laughed at the thought. It felt good to laugh, but … "I can't believe you knocked him out. You were the lightweight champion of Kentucky?"

"Guilty."

He was guilty of a lot of things, but too many times of him loving, protecting, and being there for her won out over the anger of him lying. She knew he thought he had heaven's approval and he'd done it to help her, no matter how misguided and heavy-handed it had been.

"Why have you never told me that?"

"Well. ‘Fighting Preacher' sounds intriguing, but it's not really something I wanted my flock to know about me."

"I'm your daughter, not your flock."

"True. I wonder if you'll ever keep anything from your children."

"Never," she vowed fiercely.

He arched an eyebrow. "So you'll tell them about you and Jagger making out at the lake?"

"How did you …"

"One of my guys saw you."

She laughed and shook her head. "Okay, I see your point."

Jagger's face flashed in her mind. She could go for some making out at the lake right now. She'd keep praying he could come to her and be safe and somehow forgive her parents.

Forgiving her parents might be too much to ask, but she knew he loved her.

Yet the awful premonition of something being wrong wouldn't go away.

Please let him and Hays be safe on their mission.

She didn't know what else she could do but pray.

Her faith would get her through. What would help Jagger?