Chapter 23

Twenty-Three

MOUSE

D eclan sat in his overstuffed armchair, smiling. The man didn't look anything like the therapists the hospital had sent me to see after the crash. With his thick beard and colourful tattoos, he'd look right at home working at Viking Ink.

It had only just gone eight a.m., but Dec had agreed to an earlier appointment to fit in with my work schedule. It also meant I was in before Rhys started work. I didn't care that he knew I was seeing Dec, but my nerves were frazzled, and I didn't want to snap at Rhys just because I was nervous.

I'd already snapped at Callum this morning, and that had earned me a tally on the punishment list, darn it.

"Hope the coffee's okay. Doc walloped the machine with a book yesterday, and it's been making weird noises ever since."

"You'd be better off just getting one of those pod machines. Less for Doc to get cross with," I answered, taking a sip of the proffered coffee.

"But why spoil mine and Rhys's morning entertainment?" Dec set his own coffee aside and reached for his notebook. "Doc didn't go into specifics when he arranged this appointment for you, but he did allude to something going down after Simon and Rhys's engagement party."

I set my own coffee aside and scooted forward. I'd promised myself and Cal I was going to really try with Dec and give therapy a go. "Yeah. Um, Rhys said you're cool with kink, like, you're not going to judge on any of that stuff?"

Dec smiled and copied my pose, sitting forwards in his seat. "Rhys is right."

I scratched my beard, mulling over how I wanted to start. "I've been going to places and getting people to beat on me," I blurted out. There was no point in beating around the bush.

Dec sat back and frowned. "You're not talking about trained Doms, I take it?"

"Nope, avoided clubs like Crimson for that reason. I wasn't looking to get off, I was looking to be punished." I pulled a loose thread hanging from the torn hole in the knee of my jeans and focused on it, not sure if I wanted to see Dec's expression. "Don't get me wrong, I'm a pain slut through and through, but I looked for guys I knew had no skill and would probably hurt me."

"Did it help?" Dec's voice held no condemnation, only kindness.

"I thought it did, but not really. Daddy—um, I mean Cal—he's helping me find better ways. He also said he wouldn't give me a pain session if he knew it was for the wrong reasons." I sat back and smiled. "Not sure how he'd know, but he said he would, and given the last few days, I'm leaning towards believing him. It's like he has some sneaky sixth sense or some shit."

Dec chuckled, nodding. "Doms like Cal do, I swear."

Dec didn't ask the obvious question.

"We're together, uh, I mean Cal and me. He wants to help me get my head straight, but I mean, that's not why we're together."

"That's good, Mouse. I'm not here to judge who you're dating. But as a friend, I can say you're a good fit for each other."

"Cheers," I laughed. "I've been crushing on him on and off since I was sixteen years old. I thought I was dreaming when he burst into The Pit and decked Ziggy."

I sobered at the memory of that night.

"I need help, Dec. I want to stop hating myself for what happened to Mum. I want to feel like I'm worth Cal's time. I don't want to fuck this up."

"Mouse, you took the first step coming here. I promise I'm going to give you the tools you need." Dec smiled, and I felt a strong sense of relief. I could do this.

" S ee you three back at the café once you've finished. Alice, you listen to Mouse and Rhys."

Alice held my hand tightly, looking excited. "Promise, I'll behave."

"I know, petal. Have fun and don't fill up on sweets." I wasn't sure which one of us Callum was aiming that comment at, but I got the feeling it was all three of us. Standing on my tippy-toes, I kissed Cal's cheek.

Rhys was busy hugging Simon and blushing. I didn't want to know what my brother had whispered to have Rhys blushing that hard. "Have fun, baby bear, and don't fill up on doughnuts."

"As if I would do such a thing," Rhys gasped, giving his best wounded kitten look. Alice and I laughed out loud, dragging him off before he could get in trouble with my brother.

The three of us linked hands crossing the busy road, and Alice decided it was the perfect time to start ribbing me.

"Rhee, guess what?"

"What, munchkin?"

"I caught Dad and Mouse kissing." She giggled, making kissing noises.

"Oh wow, that's pretty cool, isn't it?"

I could have kissed Rhys, he was so damn supportive.

"Yep, and he even promised not to always take Dad's side on stuff," Alice said proudly, leading us towards the doughnut stand.

"You know we'll cop it from Simon and Cal if we pig out on doughnuts," I said, watching Rhys order the largest bag of hot cinnamon doughnuts he could find.

"We'll just have to eat them all before we head back, won't we?" Rhys held out the bag, the sweet cinnamon smell drifting up, and there was no way in hell I was saying no.

Picking up Alice, I pointed towards the dodgem cars. " Come on, let's head to the dodgems, then we can head down penny alley and try our luck."

Thirty pounds lighter in cash, and with one giant, pink stuffed elephant that nearly dwarfed Alice in hand, we headed back to meet the guys. It had been an amazing time. Alice was yawning in my arms, clutching a bag of toys she'd won at the ring toss. Rhys was looking a little green around the gills. Anyone would, after eating eight doughnuts in a row.

"Come on, Rhee, if we stop by the shop I can grab you a bottle of water to try and settle that stomach of yours, or Sy's going to take one look and know you ate to many doughnuts again."

"I'm dying, Mouse." Rhys looked at me like a kicked puppy.

"I know, dude. Do you want me to call Simon? He can come and get you." We'd gotten to the bench just down from the shop, and I set Alice down and then helped Rhys sit. He didn't look great. I knew he'd just eaten too much junk food, but it still worried me. I didn't like to see my best friend in pain.

"No, I'll be okay. A drink of water might help." Rhys held his stomach and gave Alice and I a watery smile.

"Okay, wait here. I've got a couple of bottles in the fridge at work." I looked at Alice, who was patting Rhys's hand. "Do you want to stay here with Rhys?"

Alice nodded. "I'll keep an eye on him. We'll be safe. Look." Alice pointed back towards the sideshows and stalls. "Officer Grumpy is there."

I snorted out a laugh. Of course she'd picked up our nickname for poor Donald. Sure enough, he was on the road, directing cars to the parking lot.

"Okay. I'll be quick." I ran the two hundred yards up to the shop. I could see Rhys and Alice in the low light of the sunset.

The front shutters were down on both sides of the shop, and I was going to duck down the side and go through the back door. I had my keys, and it would only take me a few minutes before I'd be back with Alice and Rhys. As I jogged past the front, I slowed down. The narrow shutter that covered the shop's front door was slightly open. Maybe Sy or Cal had popped back.

I lifted the shutter the rest of the way and stepped into the shop. Cal always left a couple of lights on, one by the counter and the other in the studio proper. It smelled rank inside, something that made my eyes water and my nose itch.

It was only because the lights were on that I saw the utter chaos. My latest sketches that Cal had only just hung by the front counter were torn to shreds, the frames they'd been in smashed. The corner of the studio that was mine was in disarray. My stool had been thrown against the wall and my table tipped over, and my gear smashed and thrown around. My gear wasn't the only thing that had been trashed. Both the tattooing chairs had been sliced up, and bottles of ink were sprayed all over the floor.

"What the actual fuck?" I moved deeper into the shop, treading over the spilled ink and whatever else that had also been spilled all over the floor.

"Thought I'd do some redecorating," a familiar voice sneered from the back of the shop .

Ziggy stepped into the light, and man did he look like shit. His nose was still bruised, and he smelled like he'd been on a week-long bender.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Ziggy?"

Ziggy walked further into the room, holding an open bottle of whisky in one hand. "Came to pay you a visit, didn't I. But the place was all shut up tight." Ziggy scratched his head. "Well, except for that rusty, old padlock on the front door. One good smack with a spanner and it broke off easily enough."

I kept the door at my back, ready to bolt should Ziggy make a move towards me. I just hoped Rhys and Alice didn't come to find out what was taking so long.

"Saw you, ya know, with that little prick Rhys and the brat. That who you'd rather spend time with? Fucking losers and children? No wonder you're fucked in the head." Ziggy took another swig and swayed towards me.

"Not a step closer, Zig. I'll call the cops. Doing this is a B&E charge for sure, and you fucking trashed the place. You need to fuck off now, before Simon or Cal find you. Believe me, you would rather be dealing with the coppers than those two." I moved slowly backwards towards the door, my eyes fixed on Ziggy.

"Simon and Cal. Oooh, I'm fucking terrified," Ziggy sneered. "That old prick only got a punch in because I didn't see it coming. Next time, I'll fuck him up."

"Jesus, Zig, who the fuck do you think you are? You're a fucking failed actor who couldn't even land a gig doing ads for Tesco. You're a bully and a drunk and an abusive fuck, and now you're acting like a spoiled child 'cause someone got the better of you." Fear had given way to anger now. For years I'd put up with this dickhead's abuse and let myself believe I didn't deserve any better. But Callum had helped me see I was worth more than that, and I'd be fucked if I was going to let this little prick hurt me or mine again.

I moved towards the shop door, and Ziggy cackled. "If you move one more step, this whole place goes up in flames."

"What the fuck, Ziggy?" I looked around and it finally sunk in. The smell that had been making my nose itch was petrol. The floor and walls were covered in it, and Ziggy was holding a worn Zippo lighter in his hand.

"Was going to try and get that old prick down here and knock him out. And then poof! Bye-bye Viking Ink, and farewell Callum fucking Harris."

"What the fuck has Cal ever done to you?" I yelled. Any sense of calm had fled the building.

"I've been playing second fiddle to that guy since the beginning, you were always pining over the sad old fuck. I never had a chance," Ziggy mumbled, drunkenly swaying as he lurched closer.

"What utter bullshit. You were fucking every available guy from one end of the county to the next. You bullied and hurt me, chipping away at my self-confidence. What, because you loved me? Fuck you. You're just pissed because I had the guts to finally realise I was worth more than what you gave me."

A shadow appeared at the door, and I heard Alice's worried voice.

"Mouse?" Rhys's blond head popped around the door and his eyes went wide. Alice stuck her head around Rhys's waist and let out a shrill scream.

Ziggy lunged, but I'd be damned if I let him touch my friends. Acting on instinct alone, I dove forwards, pulling him down in a rugby tackle Simon would have been proud of.

"Alice, Rhys, go get Grumpy."

Eyes wide in shock, Alice nodded, bolting out of the door. I didn't have long to focus on her before a punch landed on my jaw. Ziggy and I traded blows like two drunks after a Saturday night lock-in. Even munted, Ziggy's punches still packed a wallop. But I wasn't going to let him burn down the shop or threaten my family.

No way in hell.

Dad had Simon and I training at the boxing gym since we were little, and all the playfights I'd instigated over the years with Simon had finally paid off. Zig outweighed me and he was taller, but if I could drop my brother, then I had a chance to overcome Ziggy. A lucky punch to my nose had me blinking, but I focused on quick jabs to his kidneys and stomach, which I knew were his weak spots. It was an ugly scuffle, but I didn't care as long as I could keep him focused on me until Alice and Rhys could get help.

"Why'd he have to turn up at The Pit? You wanted it. You said so yourself. That prick broke my nose." Ziggy swung wide, his feet slipping out from under him, and he landed on the ground with a loud thud.

"Stay the fuck down." I shook my head in annoyance. "You honestly can't see what you did was wrong? What did you think, you were going to beat me bloody then take me home and fuck me? I said no. I withdrew my consent, and you ignored it."

"Fuck that noise. You'd never complained before."

My stomach lurched at the memories of the past. Dec and I were going to have a whole lot of shit to talk about next session.

"Oh, I complained plenty. You don't fucking get it, do you? I didn't just leave you 'cause you're a randy toerag who can't keep his dick to himself. I left you because I realised you're an abusive piece of shit, and I deserve so much better."

"Damn right you do, lamb."

Glancing up I saw Cal and Don standing at the door. Relief coursed through me. Donald was already pulling out those zip tie things they used as cuffs these days and stalking towards Ziggy.

"Sorry 'bout the shop, Daddy. Seems Ziggy wanted to try his hand at redecorating without our permission."

Cal cast a critical glance around the shop, then back at me. His ferocious expression softened as he held his arms out.

"Damage to the shop can be repaired. I just want to know you're okay."

I drew in a shaky breath and collapsed in Cal's arms, the smell of his soap and aftershave synonymous with home and safety.

"I'm okay. What about Alice and Rhys?" I said from within the comfort of Callum's arms.

"Both fine. Simon's with them." Callum touched my cheek and nose, wincing. "Oh, my poor boy."

"I'm okay, Daddy. High pain tolerance, remember?" I snickered.

"Can I take Mouse to be checked over by Doc?" Daddy spoke to Donald, who had passed a cuffed Ziggy to another officer I didn't know.

"I'll need to take a statement from Mitchell but I can wait till after Doc has seen him, he shouldn't be far off.." Donald gave me a compassionate look. "Are you holding up okay? Need a cuppa or something?"

"Suppose a scotch would be out of the question," I mumbled. I knew I had to make a statement, but really, I just wanted to go home.