Chapter 15

Fifteen

MOUSE

T hankfully, the kitchen stools were padded, and I let out a relieved breath as I sat my bum down. My whole arse was aching dully, and I loved the feeling, even if it was a pain in the arse when I moved. I snickered to myself. It was definitely a pain in the arse.

Daddy was at the other end of the long bench, cutting stuff with his big kitchen knife. I crunched on an apple slice and took a sip of my juice. They were yum, but not as yummy as the two Hobnob biscuits that were sitting out of reach. I contemplated trying to grab them before Daddy spotted me, but I didn't like my chances. That man seemed to know what I was going to do before I even did it.

I stuffed another apple slice into my mouth and hummed, sinking back into my happy space. I moved to grab my pencil and groaned, the ache in my bottom reminding me of my spanking. I didn't think I was going to like getting spanked when I was in my Middle space. It wasn't a fun hurt. It made my heart feel funny, that I had been naughty for Daddy. But it also felt good, in a strange way. Actions had consequences, as I was starting to find, and the way my arse burned was a strong reminder. The dildo of consequence seldom arrived lubed, and it had been shown to me in abundance the last few days.

But those Hobnobs were so damn tempting. I looked at the yoghurt and growled. Didn't want to eat the stinky, sour milk, wanted the chocolate goodness that was only inches away from me.

"Mouse, if you want cane stripes to go with my handprints, then go right ahead and steal the biscuits. Yoghurt first, then sweets." Daddy didn't even look up from where he was cutting.

Fine. I'd eat the stupid, plain yoghurt, but I wouldn't be happy about it. I grabbed the spoon and started to shovel in big mouthfuls of the stuff, not being careful with how I ate it.

Daddy let out a loud sigh. "You have yoghurt in your beard."

"Whoops." I lifted the hem of my T-shirt to wipe my face and caught Daddy's eye. He shook his head.

"Well, you said I have yoghurt in my beard."

"Go to the bathroom and wipe your face," Daddy said, shaking his head again, as if he couldn't believe he was having this conversation with me.

"Can I have my biscuits after I do that?" I slid off the stool and my T-shirt rode up. I maybe did it on purpose, knowing Daddy was watching me.

"You can if you come over here and give me a kiss." Daddy set the knife down and leaned against the counter. I wondered if he knew how flipping hot he looked right now, with the sleeves rolled up on his shirt and all that sexy forearm porn on display.

I moved around the counter slowly. If he was going to make me wait for my Hobnobs, then he could wait a little longer for his kiss.

"Get over here and give me a kiss." Daddy wasn't asking, he was telling—and boy, that did things to my brain. I moved quickly into his open arms and melted a little bit when he kissed me. I'd never been with a guy who was so open with his affections, and I was already becoming addicted to it. I kissed him slowly. He tasted like the chewy caramel he snuck in when he thought I wasn't watching, all sweet and sticky. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to me, kissing him deeper. I couldn't hold back the gasp when Daddy grabbed me, his fingers digging into the tender skin of my arse. I was getting hard again, and there was no hiding it.

"Hmm, thank you, lamb. That was just what I needed." Daddy dropped his hands and stepped back, smirking when he looked down at the noticeable tenting of my T-shirt.

"You're welcome, Daddy. Now I need to go wash my face, and possibly put a cold flannel on my dick." I ducked past Daddy and ran to the downstairs bathroom.

I ran the taps and waited for the water to heat up. The pipes in this bathroom were always slow to get warm. Looking at myself in the mirror, I was taken aback. I was smiling—a real smile, not just the shadow of one I normally wore. The inky thorns were still there, hiding in my brain, but for now they were quiet. I was able to let myself enjoy this moment .

I'd spent so long twisting my need for pain into something dark and ugly, not realising it was twisting me up worse than my guilt over my mum had done. I hadn't expected to enjoy embracing my Middle space, as Daddy called it, but I did. There was no denying it. To let myself feel carefree and happy, to not let ugly adult thoughts and worries intrude, had been amazing. I still felt the edges of it around me.

Maybe today I would just let go and let Daddy take the reins. It seemed to be working so far, even if I'd gotten my butt tanned for being a little shit. "Ugh, hurry up and get warm," I muttered to the water. I wanted to wash my face and beard and then get back to those biscuits. Daddy had better not have eaten them, or I might have to spank his bottom. I snickered as I tried to imagine any scenario where I would get to spank Daddy's arse.

Yeah, that was never going to happen, but a boy could have fantasies.

"Are you daydreaming in here?" Cal's reflection appeared in the bathroom mirror. He was smiling.

"Water was too cold. Need to wash my face, it's all blotchy."

Callum hummed, stepping into the bathroom and grabbing a flannel. "Getting your butt spanked will do that. Here, let me do it."

I stood still while he ran the washcloth over my face and beard. It felt nice, especially when he started to run his fingers through my beard. Mine wasn't as lush or soft as Cal's.

"Looks like your beard could do with a tidy and trim. How about after dinner you let me wash you and clean you up?" he said, softly touching my beard before smirking. "And then get you all dirty again." He leaned in, nipping at my bottom lip before stepping back. "There, all clean. Those Hobnobs are yours for the taking."

Cal stepped out of the way as I bolted for the kitchen.

Was this how it was going to be between us? Would he take charge of everything in my life now? The idea didn't frighten me like I thought it would.

I settled myself back onto the stool as Cal took up his spot cutting veggies for the stew. The turnips gave me pause. Normally, when there was a veg I didn't like, I could do swaps with Alice, all sneaky-like, when Cal wasn't looking. She liked turnips but hated carrots with a passion, and I happened to like them the way Cal did them, roasted in honey and butter. But tonight, I wouldn't have Alice to sneak the chunks of turnip to.

I reached over and grabbed one of my biscuits and started to nibble on it. "You said earlier you wanted to talk about limits and stuff."

"I did. Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Yeah, if that's okay."

"Course it's okay. Bring your stool closer."

I jumped off the stool and moved it closer to where Cal was working. I hissed as I sat back down. I was certain I'd be feeling the effects of my spanking for a few days. Callum certainly looked pleased with himself.

"So, this thing between us, you said you are an all-in sort of person." I reached over, grabbing the peeler and the potatoes, and started peeling them as we talked. "So, there is definitely an us, and this isn't just a friends with beatings kind of thing? "

"Definitely an us, lamb. And there will be beatings, I can promise you."

I felt the heat rise in my cheeks at his words. "So, we're going to go out on dates and stuff?" I passed the peeled potato over to Cal, who chopped it up and threw it into a large pot.

"Been a long time since I dated anyone, but yeah, I'd like that." Cal flashed me a toothy smile. "Peel and talk. I want to get this stew on before tomorrow."

"I want proper dates, not just going to the pub or the fish and chip shop. Ziggy never took me anyplace nice. Pretty sure he didn't want anyone seeing me with him," I muttered, peeling the potato.

"As I've said before, the man is a fucking idiot. I'll take you anywhere you want, we can even go for a trip into York or Leeds. See a film and have a fancy dinner."

I couldn't hide the smile at what he said. Proper dates? Going out places together as a couple? What the hell had happened to my life? Last night I'd gone to The Pit to try and get my infatuation with Cal beaten out of me. Instead, I'd gotten myself fucked up by Ziggy. But Callum had come in like some bloody denim-wearing Aragorn and saved my stupid arse.

I couldn't believe this was really happening. But my red backside and my fucked up back were proof it was all real.

"How's your back feeling?"

I laughed out loud. The man really could read my damn mind. "Sore, but that salve stuff Doc gave me seems to be helping. It feels like my back is just one big bruise." I passed the second potato over and mulled over what else I wanted to ask .

"We'll put one of those fancy cushions Mum keeps giving me behind your back tonight, to stop you rolling over onto it while you sleep. You're still positive you don't want to talk to Donald about Ziggy?"

"Yeah, he'd argue I agreed to go to the club, and my previous history there would probably not work in my favour."

"I'm sure Donald would find out the truth, lamb. You didn't consent to what Ziggy did to you. He could have damn well killed you if I hadn't gotten there."

I shivered, knowing full well how badly it could have gone. As it was, I would probably have some more ugly scars to add to my collection thanks to my impulsive decision.

"Why'd you come get me?" It was a question I'd wanted to ask last night, but my brain had been too foggy.

"Honestly, when Rhys had finished reading me the riot act and said where you'd gone, all I could think of was that it would be the end of me if something happened to you. I'd been so caught up in my own head about the feelings I had for you that I didn't see how much you were hurting. Rhys was pretty insistent that you needed a Daddy—or more specifically, you needed me to be your Daddy."

I sighed. I couldn't be salty with Rhys for blabbing. He did it for good reasons. But I wasn't going to let him off too easily. "Rhys is so happy with Simon I think he thinks everyone would be much happier if they had someone to look after them. But he's not wrong insofar as I needed you. I'd never thought much beyond how much I liked and respected you, and how you always made my head feel less thorny and more at peace. I hadn't even thought of it in terms of us being in a Daddy/boy kind of thing. Hell, I'd been trying to work out if the way I felt sometimes was really me regressing or just…" I shrugged, not sure how to continue.

"I'd never thought I'd be a Daddy in the sense Sy is. I've always been a Dom and a sadist, but you bring out another side in me. Being with you today and seeing how easily you slip between your adult mindset and your regressed side was amazing and special. That took a lot of trust from you, lamb."

I shrugged and looked at the half-peeled potato in my hand. "It was easy. You were there and I knew you'd keep me safe, even when I was being a brat. I knew you wouldn't hurt me or lose your temper."

"Your trust in me means a lot, but I need to apologise." Cal set the knife down and looked at me, his grey-blue eyes filled with concern.

"Why?"

"Today, I kind of went balls to the wall with you, not stopping to think or talk to you properly about our limits and expectations. I didn't take into consideration what you'd been through last night."

I leaned forward. "Okay, so a couple or three things. One, you didn't force me to do anything. Two, did you happen to think that maybe what we did today was exactly what I needed? We're not living in some dream kink world. This is real life, and sometimes things aren't planned out or perfect. I needed what we did today, and I know that your evil brain is going to come up with some wonderful scenes for me that you are going to think through and plan out, just like I know we're going to be spontaneous sometimes. Heck, did I plan on regressing and wanting to colour? Nope, but I sure as fuck enjoyed it. It's never been easy for me to submit. I told you before, I'm more prone to fighting than submitting easily, but that is also part of the scene for me, and not many Doms get that."

"When did you get so wise? And I want you to fight me. I think the push and pull we naturally have is amazing, and I'll admit I was a little worried when you didn't fight me too hard with the cockwarming."

I tapped the counter with my fingers, eyeing the second Hobnob before grabbing it and breaking a bit off to chew. "Yeah, that was a bit of a shock to me. I wouldn't get too used to it if I were you." I smirked, popping the rest of the biscuit in my mouth and chewing noisily.

"Duly noted," Cal said, raising an eyebrow. "By the way, that's your last sweet treat until after dinner."

I stopped chewing to stare at him. Damn, that was just mean. Didn't the man realise my diet was a steady stream of sugar, caffeine, and the occasional—okay, nightly—bag of crisps? He could try and stop me sneaking a midnight snack, but he couldn't watch me all the time.

Cal snorted loudly, as if he had just heard my thoughts. The man was trying to psych me out, and he wasn't going to win.

But his next words had me forgetting all about my diet.

"I was thinking, with your back still healing I need to be a little creative with some pain play sessions for you. I've got some ideas, but I'd like to know what kind of things you've tried, or want to try."

"Hmm." It had been ages since I'd thought about what I liked versus what would make me hurt. The two were not mutually exclusive, but it had been too long since I'd actually reached any form of subspace. But I knew Cal could get me there. My heart beat faster with excitement. "I love flogging and whips, and the fucked-up shit Ziggy did to me hasn't killed that for me, I hope. I've played with CBT and electro play, but that was ages ago. I really enjoyed it though, both on a physical level and the way it fucked with my head. Wax play is nice. Not super intense for me, but I love the way it makes me feel. I love nipple clamps and restraints, and I want to try more sensation play. Things like knife play—just no blood, I don't think. I love testing my limits, love how it feels when I push past what I think I can take."

"Nice, and all things I love. What about needle play?"

Holy shit .

My dick just got so hard when he said that. "I really want to try that, like, I really want to. I also like being called names, like I'm your slutty boy. But don't call me stupid or anything like that."

Cal walked around the counter and pushed up against my stool, forcing me back against the countertop. He rested his hands on either side of me and smiled wickedly. "So if I called you my perfect little slut, so eager to please your Daddy, how would that make you feel?"

"Um, about ready to come on the spot, honestly. Look down."

Callum smirked and moved his hand from the counter to lift my T-shirt.

"Fucking gorgeous boy." He kissed me fiercely, not giving me a chance to react. He was controlling everything, and I was just along for the ride. It was a fucking trip and I loved it.

Before I could get my breath back, Cal had moved away and was cutting the meat up for the stew.

Goddamn he was good.

"How did you feel regressing? I know that it's something new for you."

"It's different. Like I said, the only times I came close to feeling like that was hanging out with Rhys or when I was playing up in my room. I'd never really thought about it in terms of regression."

"But you enjoyed it?"

"Oh yeah. It's different, but good different. Everything feels softer and calmer. Next time, could I have my Lego and Game Boy? I think that would be fun."

"It sounds like it's a lovely headspace for you, lamb, and you bet we can get your Lego and Game Boy out next time. We can also have a look at a few more cute pairs of PJs and maybe some fun superhero underwear for you. This is new for me too, and there's no set rule book, but I think if we just go with what feels right for us, we're both going to get a lot out of it."

I hoped so. We weren't even a day into this, and I didn't want to get my hopes up. I'd been burned before, and I didn't think I could take it if this thing between Cal and I crashed and burned. But thinking about that was just begging for trouble, and I wanted to enjoy the here and now.

"I've never really done any age play stuff at the club, and until I started hanging out with Rhys, I didn't really know much about it apart from the fact Littles are fucking adorable." I rested my elbows on the counter and leaned into my hands, watching Cal work.

"Master Roman and Timothy at Crimson are both Daddies, and I've spent some time with them and the Littles they would scene with. And you're right, Littles are adorable. But then, so are feisty Middles." He flashed me a smile.

"Why do you think I'm a Middle? I mean, I think you're right. Stuff I've read and conversations I've had with Rhys kind of make me think that could be me. I'm not into nappies and dummies, and playing with blocks and soft toys is not really my thing. Well, apart from Oscar, but he's my buddy." I chewed on a hangnail as I thought, and caught Callum looking at me.

"We don't chew our nails. Especially at the counter."

I rolled my eyes but the growl from Callum, while sexy, was also very Daddy. I pulled my fingers away from my mouth.

"This is what I think, lamb. You're a masochist, we can both agree on that, and you have a submissive side. But as you said, you've always fought your Doms, made them work for it. But in the end, you got the flogging or domination you wanted."

I nodded. That was pretty accurate.

"But you've also been using it as a form of punishment for your mum's death, and a few other things, I suspect."

I dropped my gaze, suddenly finding the countertop incredibly interesting. He was scarily accurate in summing up my actions over the last few years.

"Hey, I'm not judging you. I'm just explaining what I see. With your Middle space, you get to regress back to an age before all the bad shit happened. But also, you can act out, be a brat, or sit and play video games and watch Lord of the Rings for the millionth time."

" Hobbit ," I interjected, as I started to fiddle with the end of my beard.

I looked up when I heard Callum give an amused huff.

"As I was saying, you can act out or just enjoy yourself and know that I'll be there looking out for you. But I think me being your Daddy extends past when you're in your Middle space."

I watched his nimble fingers as he diced the onions and thought about what he'd said. "What do you mean, exactly?"

"Well, for starters, making sure you eat better meals and sleep, being there to talk to or yell at when your head gets noisy, and helping tame those thorns of yours. While we're on the subject, I will have one rule. I have no problem giving you pain when you ask or if you need it, but I won't do it if I think you're punishing yourself for something that you ought not be blaming yourself for. We'll find ways to work through that, but I won't beat your arse bloody because you feel responsible for your mum's death."

"That's—" I shut my mouth at the stern look Cal gave me.

"It's exactly what you're doing. We don't lie to each other. That is the fastest way for a relationship to crash and burn. I want to trust you, lamb, but you have to trust me too. Trust what I do is right for you."

"I do." I shocked myself with how honest that felt to say. I did trust Cal. But I wasn't sure I trusted myself. "But if I ask you for pain, how will you know why I want it? "

"Lamb, I've been working alongside you at the studio for years now. I can read your body language like a bloody Barbara Cartland novel."

"Who's Barbara Cartland?"

The look Cal gave me sent me off into cackles. "Ask my mum, she'll give you a couple to read. Right now, though, it seems like a sleep should be on the cards. Your eyes look like a damn bloodhound's. You need to have a kip and I need to get this stew finished."

"So, what kind of reward do I get if I do go nap?" Yeah, I was fishing. Spending time in my Middle space had given me a boost, but now I wanted something more, even if I was feeling a little bit tired—which I wasn't going to admit to. Couldn't let Daddy Cal get too smug.

"I'll make you a deal. You have a nap and eat your dinner, and I might have some nasty little clamps that would look gorgeous attached to your balls while I fuck you." Cal's voice dipped lower. "They've got a real bite to them."

Oh, dear god. The blood rushed to my cock so fast it felt like I was going to pass out. I slid off the stool in such a hurry I didn't even notice the sting in my arse, and made for the sitting room. "Going to nap now."

I could hear Cal laughing as I flopped onto the sofa. Oscar was still where I'd left him, so I pulled him against me and curled up, smiling at the seed of hope that had taken root in my heart.