Chapter 13

Thirteen

MOUSE

W here did I put them?

My bedroom was organised chaos at the best of times—okay, maybe more chaos than organised—but I swore when I'd bought the books, I'd put them on my desk. Only, they weren't there now. Just a big pile of dirty laundry I forgot to do.

I climbed over my bed and looked down the side closest to the window. Everything ended up down there at some point, including—eww—a manky pair of socks I should have thrown out ages ago. I held the offending socks in my fingers and flung them towards where I thought my bin was.

Maybe the stupid things were under my bed. I hung upside down and tried to peer underneath the bed frame, but only dust bunnies and a suspect pair of boxers looked back at me.

"Dear gods, boy, this room looks like a bomb went off in it." Daddy's voice made me lurch forwards, and only his strong hands on my ankles stopped me from tumbling off the bed.

"It's organised chaos, Daddy. I know where everything is."

Except my bloody colouring books.

I caught sight of the books hiding under an old T-shirt that had fallen down the gap between the bed and wall.

"Wait, Daddy." I snatched the colouring books just as Daddy pulled me back onto the bed.

"I got them!" I held the books up triumphantly. Daddy chuckled behind me.

"Do you know where your pencils are, or is that going to require some more bedroom spelunking?" Daddy asked.

I couldn't hold back the giggle that wanted to come out. Spelunking was such a silly word, but maybe a headlamp and some rope would keep me safe from getting lost in the piles of clothes and stuff that covered my room. I flopped over, careful of my ouchies, and sat up.

Daddy patted the bed next to him. "Come talk to me for a minute, little Mouse."

He had his serious Daddy face on—or that's what I assumed it was. I didn't know for sure and that made me a bit nervous. Had I already messed up again?

"Come here so I can cuddle you while we talk. It's nothing bad, I promise."

I shuffled over, holding my colouring books carefully. I didn't want to bend or ruin them before I got a chance to colour in them. Daddy draped an arm over my shoulders and pulled me against him. I liked this. I liked cuddling with him. I liked doing a lot of things with him to be honest, but right now, cuddling and colouring sounded like the bestest thing ever.

I wiggled around. I was eager to get downstairs and start colouring, and maybe if I was super good, Daddy would let me watch The Hobbit . Well, the first movie at least. I tried to rein in my wiggling butt, but I just wanted to colour.

"Okay, little one, listen to me." Daddy pulled me up into his lap. I couldn't grumble about that. His lap was super comfortable.

"I'm listening, Daddy."

"Good boy. I have to ask you something." Daddy was sounding very serious, even though he was smiling at me.

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, so here's the thing. You know how our Rhys likes his Little space?"

"Yeah, Sy is a good Daddy for him. Rhee is so cute when he's Little, he likes his blocks and his dummy and to play." I loved being around Rhee when he was Little. It was fun and made me feel nice. I smoothed out my colouring books, making sure I didn't bend the pages. I hoped we finished the talk soon. I really wanted to colour and watch TV.

"You're being very good for me, little Mouse, and we can go downstairs and colour in a minute." Daddy pushed my hair back from my face and I giggled when he leaned in and kissed my nose. "Do you think maybe you might be a little bit like Rhys? Maybe not a Little, but I think Middle space is closer to how you're feeling right now. What do you think?"

Daddy gave me a hug as I thought about what he'd just said. It was true that I'd been slipping in and out of this weird headspace since Cal had brought me home from The Pit, but honestly, I'd had times when I coloured alone or just hung out in my room that I'd felt myself slip into this headspace. Not as deeply though, not like now. Now that I had Cal, I felt safe. But maybe he didn't want to be my Daddy when I was like this.

"Sweetheart, I can see your thoughts going a mile a minute. Let me put that brain of yours at ease. I love seeing you like this just as much as I look forwards to getting to play with that sexy maso brat I know is in there. I love getting to know both sides of my beautiful boy."

I didn't know what to say. I rubbed my chest. The feelings I had inside me felt too big to hold in, but I didn't want to frighten him away. So instead of trying to find my words, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tight, whispering, "Thank you," against his throat.

"Oh, lovely boy, I should be thanking you. This gift you have given me is priceless, and I promise to be the best Daddy I can be, though I can't promise I won't mess up occasionally."

I reached out and grabbed Daddy's bearded cheeks. "I can promise you I will mess up, and be a total brat, and get stroppy. And I will argue with you, but I know you will look after me, even if you have to spank my bum." I winked at him, earning a rough chuckle. I loved that sound.

"I think, little Mouse, you are going to have to learn the difference between a funishment and a punishment. And believe me, lad, if you're naughty enough to earn a spanking, I'll be using my paddle on that cute behind of yours."

I bit my lip, at war with the contradictory feelings going on in my head. Perhaps I would try to be a good boy for a little while. Well, as long as Daddy didn't have too many rules.

"Are you going to have rules for me?" I pulled Daddy's hand into my lap and played with the big lion's head ring he wore.

"Yeah, we are, little Mouse. I think some rules would be good, don't you? And not just while you're in your Middle space."

I focused on Daddy's ring and on the lotus bloom tattoo on the back of his hand. It kind of prickled me that he was right. Rules probably would be a good thing for me. "I suppose. What kind of rules?"

"Well, the first one is no more going to The Pit. That, my lovely boy, is a non-negotiable one. Nobody gets to beat on your sweet arse except for me." Daddy gave me a stern look.

This was one rule I wasn't going to screw up. No more Pit. I had Daddy now, and I hoped he'd help me find a better way of dealing with the bad stuff in my head.

"I'm not a half in kind of man, Mouse. If I tell you I'm your Daddy, then that's what I am. At work we can keep it business as usual, but I do expect you to follow the rules we set, and the same goes for when Alice is home. She doesn't need to know about this side of our relationship, but I'm happy for her to know that you and I are together. I'm not ashamed of that. I want us to be open and honest with each other. No hiding things, especially if we're worried or unsure."

My heart thumped so loudly in my chest I thought Daddy might be able to hear it. He would really be happy to let Alice know?

"What about Simon and Rhys?" I asked, still not taking my eyes off Daddy's hand.

"That's up to you, lamb. I'll admit I don't want to hide something this important to me from Simon, but I understand if you want to wait a while."

I shook my head. I had wanted this—wanted Cal —since I was sixteen years old. I still didn't believe I was good enough to be with him, sure that he would wake up one morning and realise he'd saddled himself with me. But for now, I was going to ride the high that came with Cal being my Daddy.

"No, I want to tell him. We can do it at lunch tomorrow, if you want." Sunday lunch had become a thing for our group. Either we'd meet at the Lion or go to someone's place.

"As long as you're comfortable with it. I was thinking of maybe getting everyone to come here for lunch instead of going to the Lion. That way, if your back starts hurting, we're here and you can rest."

"That sounds good. I can help cook." I finally looked up and smirked when I saw Daddy giving me the side-eye. "What? I can help peel potatoes and stuff."

"True. You can't make too much of a mess doing that."

"You still don't trust me after the microwave cup puddings, do you?"

Daddy hugged me and chuckled deeply. "Lamb, it took me a week to get the chocolate sauce out of the curtains, and the microwave had to be thrown out."

"They were really yummy, though." I smiled at the memory. Okay, the mess had been epic, but the puddings that I'd managed to get right were perfect. Alice said they were the best things she'd ever eaten, and her opinion was the most important when it came to food.

"We're going to be talking about your eating habits, by the way, and your sleep schedule. They're all going to be going on our list."

I felt the angry prickles in my brain. Didn't he think I could look after myself? I wasn't a dumb kid. And besides, I'd been living off pot noodles and cheese slices since I was a kid. I loved that shit.

As if he was reading my mind, Daddy sighed. "Lamb, you skip more meals than you eat, and pot noodles with a slice of pre-packaged cheese stirred through doesn't count."

"What's wrong with cheese slices? Or pot noodles, for that matter?"

"They're more closely related to plastic than cheese, and I have serious doubts about the validity of them being edible," Daddy countered.

"Ugh, fine. I'm willing to negotiate. But I won't give them up entirely." I was going to hold fast. It was a slippery slope. First my pot noodles, then what? Was he going to try and make me eat vegetables every night? I glanced up and sighed.

Darn it, he was going to make me eat veggies.

"We can negotiate. This is why I want us to sit down later and write out a contract of sorts." Daddy looked at me and gave a sad sort of huff. "I've gone and ruined your headspace. See, lamb? You're not the only one who fucks up."

I covered my face, trying to hide my giggle. I didn't know why, but Daddy swearing was kind of funny. "Nothing's ruined, Daddy. We're both learning, right?" I bussed my nose against his, hoping he'd see he hadn't messed up. I was starting to understand how this was for Rhys, how he could slide between the two sides of himself without really thinking. Experiencing this with my own Daddy was super exciting and a little bit scary. "When I talked to Rhys about this stuff, the way he explained it was you just have to go with your gut, what feels right. And that the Daddy's job is to make us yummy food and let us play all night." Daddy's rumbling laughter made me giggle. "Well, I'm sure there are some silly things like rules and stuff, but we don't need to get bogged down with those, right?" I gave Daddy my sweetest smile.

"You, little Mouse, are going to be a handful. You're right, though. There's no set way to be a Daddy, just as there's no set way to be a Little or Middle. We're both going to find out what works best for us, as well as exploring that perfect little masochist side of you."

I shivered at Daddy's words. I could only imagine all the terrible, wonderful things he could do to me—but that wasn't what I wanted right now. Right now, I wanted to colour in my new books and watch The Hobbit .

"Come on, let's get you downstairs. I might even have a box of that microwave popcorn you love."

"Yes!" I gave a fist pump, then kissed Daddy's cheek before hopping off his lap, bouncing on the soles of my feet. "Come on Daddy, hurry up."

"Slow down. The last thing we need is for you to take a tumble. Besides, you need to put some socks on."

My shoulders slumped and I let out a loud groan as I stomped to my dresser and tried to find a clean pair of socks. Luckily my purple, fluffy socks were there. I grabbed them, which was awkward. I was holding my colouring books and pencils, but I didn't want to put them down because they might get lost again.

"Come sit back on the bed and let me put those socks on." Daddy patted the bed and gave me a big smile. "Tomorrow, I think our first job might be tidying up in here a bit, yeah?"

I clutched my books to my chest and nodded. I suppose it did need a tidy. Was Daddy going to make me sleep in my own bed instead of his big, comfy one? I didn't like that idea very much, but I supposed last night I'd slept in Daddy's bed because he'd been worried about me. Daddy tugged on my foot, making me look at him. He had one of my purple socks in his hand and my foot in the other.

"That is a very serious face you have on, young man. What's got you frowning?"

I took a deep breath. Daddy wanted us to be honest with each other, not hide things, even scary feelings. And it was better to know now, before I got my hopes up over silly things.

"Do you want me to sleep in my own bed? I mean, I get it, this is all really new and maybe that's like, moving too fast," I rambled, watching the top of Daddy's head while he bent to roll on my sock.

Daddy picked up my left foot and did the same thing before he looked up. "Lamb, I want you in my bed every fucking night. But if that's too fast for you, I understand."

"No, I want to sleep in your bed. And not just because you have the softest mattress ever, but that is a big bonus," I laughed.

"Then that's settled, you're in my bed. But that doesn't mean you're getting out of cleaning your room. Besides, it would be good for you to have your own space that you can come to when you need to chill out or need a break."

That was sensible, I supposed. There were times when the thorns in my brain got sharp and I said mean things without meaning to. Normally I'd go out on my bike, not really caring where I ended up. I sometimes rode all night until I was too tired to focus on the road and came home to find Cal waiting for me with a coffee and a hug. Thinking on it now, I realised I must have worried him when I did that. There were so many things I was going to have to talk to Daddy about. But not now. I was tired, and sick of tricky, adult thinking.

"Okay, all set to go, little lamb. Let's get you set up on the sofa."