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9. Roark

Life was good. Really good. Better than I could’ve ever expected considering the ever-present threat of pirates hanging over all of our heads. With every shipment we gathered, the weight of the fear of losing our cargo became heavier and heavier.

The crew was more subdued than usual, and I would’ve been too—if I wasn’t so busy being blissfully happy. Sex. Who knew?

It was mind-boggling to me how fun it was to share physical pleasure with someone as exuberant and responsive as my mate.

Several days had passed since Huu-goh and I had officially become mates and though I was still somewhat nervous that I would not be able to give him what he needed, I was also filled with determination.

Because Mala had been right about me.

There wasn’t a single thing that I’d wanted in my life that I had not figured out how to achieve. I’d wanted to chase my father’s dream and touch the stars, and I’d done that. I’d wanted to climb up the ranks, and I’d done that too. I’d wanted to captain the ship that I had called home since I was a young recruit—and here I was, captaining it.

Making Huu-goh happy was the most important mission I’d ever embarked on, and failure was not an option. Which meant…that it was time to stop avoiding my mentor.

Mala gave solid advice when it came to the heart—he was as trustworthy as he was blue—but Ushuu was many moons older than the both of us. He had knowledge about the galaxy and the species that inhabited it so vast that it made my understanding look paltry in comparison.

Perhaps he would know better how to help Huu-goh adjust to our lifestyle?

Perhaps he could give me insights into huu-mans that the pamphlet from A&R had not.

It was lunchtime when I returned to Huu-goh and my rooms.

He was unsurprised to see me, as I often made time in the middle of the day to visit. Some of the antsy-ness that he’d been exhibiting before was creeping back in, though our time spent in bed had slapped somewhat of a bandage on the situation.

If huu-mans were anything like Sahrk’s, sex released chemicals in the brain that oftentimes left people feeling happier, more connected, and settled. After observing Huu-goh for a few blissful days, I inferred—chemicals or not—the intimacy of the act was more than likely the cause of his emotional turnaround, rather than the actual release itself.

If I was being blatantly honest, the idea of allowing Huu-goh outside our rooms terrified me.

Maybe more than it frightened me to take him to the planets we’d visited along our route. There were other resources then. Allies to rely upon. Armies to protect us, should things go sour. Out in space we were on our own entirely—and while I trusted my crew with my life—the only person I trusted with Huu-goh’s was me.

The worst atrocities I’d ever seen had happened on board this very ship when pirates had attacked. And while I knew that we were well-equipped to deal with threats now, that didn’t change the fact that if Huu-goh was out in the hallways he could get auto-locked out of the rooms on board, should we be attacked.

It was a safety mechanism on all Sahrk ships now. To keep the crew safe away from threats. To enable pirates to take what they wanted from the cargo without casualties. Before, when I’d been a youth, such things had not been created. We were peaceful beings. But that didn’t mean we couldn’t fight. In fact, one could argue that our bodies were built for fighting. From our teeth, to our tendrils, down to the bare bones of our society and the way we thrived on physical competition.

Too many casualties, however, had altered the way Sahrks dealt with such things.

I knew better than anyone how dire things could become.

I knew I was over-protective.

I knew that.

But it was so difficult to get my body to do the thing that scared me the most. Especially now that Huu-goh had become my mate officially. The idea of losing him the way that Ushuu had lost his love was crippling. Just thinking about it made my chest grow tight, my hearts sluggish, and my limbs too icy to properly transform.

Still, I could recognize that by locking Huu-goh away I was hurting him too.

And though that didn’t change how scared I was that he could be harmed—by something innocent on board he didn’t understand, or pirates, should they attack our vessel—I couldn’t stomach the thought that I was the one causing him pain.

He was far too curious to be trapped in these rooms—even if the terrified, paranoid part of me whispered that he would be safe here. And that nothing could injure him within these walls.

He deserved better than being attached to a paranoid fool.

Which was why we were going out today. For the first time. And why I’d invited Ushuu to come to lunch with us, even though my hearts would not stop thumping, and taking this step made me feel as though my legs were about to give out.

Huu-goh glanced over my spots, a little frown on his lips. It was so odd to see someone emote without teeth like I possessed, but I found it cute too. The little flaps looked particularly soft and lick-able when they turned down like that.

Seeing his grouchy expression sent a thrill through me as I shut the door behind me and approached. He glanced at my empty limbs, no food to occupy my arms, and the folds of his frown multiplied. It was a comical expression. Downright adorable. There was a nanobot on the bed beside him. They couldn’t climb soft surfaces, so it was obvious that he’d brought it up there. Why? I had no idea.

His little thighs spread, the clothing he wore—Sahrk childrens’ clothing, because I’d had nothing else that would fit him on board—was loose. It draped over his frame, somehow making him appear even tinier than he already was.

My sweet little beast abandoned his nanobot on the table beside the bed and rose to his bare feet.

“Fuhd?” he asked, because he was so goddamn clever he’d already figured out something was different, without me even having to open my mouth at all. We were still space-borne after all, and I hadn’t let him out of the rooms before while we were mid-flight.

Pride lit me up from the inside out.

I had not known what it meant to be alive until the day I met Huu-goh—I realized that now. All my feelings before had been dull. Looking at the world through his eyes made it seem like a brighter, more wonderful place. I noticed things I never had—I appreciated things I’d always taken for granted. My world had been gray before I met him, and now it was technicolor.

And though Huu-goh’s spots were tiny and brown, and the peachy surface of his skin would never be as vivid as my own, he managed to be the most vibrant person in the entire universe.

He made me want to be a better, stronger man.

Because if someone so tiny could be as hardy as he was, then perhaps someone of my size could stand to have a little extra courage.

I unclipped his leash from my belt as I approached him and Huu-goh scowled at me. It was an adorable face. So full of ire it made my blood thrum as I attached the leash to his collar, careful not to nick him with my claws.

My limbs felt icy and it took every ounce of control I had not to forgo this plan entirely and keep him locked up where he was safe.

Eventually, when I was certain that he wouldn’t touch something that could accidentally hurt him, or get lost—because of his endless curiosity—I’d unclip the lead. Until then, this was as far as my comfort zone would allow me to go.

I knew Huu-goh couldn’t understand me, but I tried to soothe him anyway, hoping my tone was enough to get the feeling across. “It is only for now, precious one,” I promised him, stroking over the now connected clasp on his collar. “There are dangerous things aboard, and I fear you would touch something that could harm you.” That was true, but because it wasn’t the whole truth, I added on. “I cannot lose you. I only just found you.”

Huu-goh was not soothed.

He glared at the leash in my hand like it had personally attacked him.

It was only when I brought him to the door and reached for the keypad that he relaxed. As I typed in the code, Huu-goh was silent beside me, watching my every move. Like he was processing what was happening—that, or memorizing the password to the door.

The second thought made my eyes crease in amusement.

Who was I kidding?

No doubt my mate was clever enough he already knew it.

It was simply his loyalty that kept him inside these rooms.

When I gestured for him to go first—a sign of trust, because I knew the leash would be a hard pill for him to swallow—Huu-goh wavered. For a beat he stared out at the empty hallway, his bare feet stuck firmly to the floor.

My hearts thumped and thumped and thumped.

“I cann goh outsiide?” he asked. There was something wary about the way he stood, like he was worried he was misunderstanding the situation and didn’t want to be punished. I had never raised a hand to him, or even truly admonished him—so I knew the behavior stemmed from before we’d met.

A thought that made my incredibly angry.

I wanted to bite the heads off all of the people who had conditioned him to expect such things.

“Yesh,” I agreed in his own language, making sure to keep my own tone soft. I didn’t know what “cann” or “outsiide” were, but I could connect the dots. Huu-goh watched me, then the doorway, then me again, debating with himself.

“ Reelly ?” he asked, like he did not believe me.

Again, I filled in the blanks.

“Reelly,” I repeated in his tongue, even though I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure I knew what he’d just said.

The cloudiness of his expression faded. Huu-goh stood straighter, his brown eyes bright. And then he did the most endearing—wonderful thing. He began to dance.

A wiggly, happy little squirm—right before he ducked out into the hallway, no fear or shame, just unbridled joy at the opportunity to explore.

This was the right choice.

I melted, following after him dutifully as some of the heat returned to my limbs and I shut the door behind us.

The leash jerked a little as he skipped down the hall, forced to a stop when he reached the end of its length. Huu-goh waited impatiently for me to lock up, feet tapping, eyes bright. I did not let him rush me, though his excitement was frankly adorable. When I returned my attention to my tiny tyrant, he was still wiggling animatedly.

“Fuhd?” Huu-goh asked. Clever darling had already figured out where we were headed. I nodded, and he beamed at me.

“Fuhd,” I agreed in his strange tongue, fumbling with the shape of the word in my mouth. I crossed the distance between us, and Huu-goh trotted along at my side. I did not mind sounding silly if my efforts put that smile on his face. My strides were much longer than his, and he had to jog to keep pace, even though I was going painfully slow.

Huu-goh did not seem to mind. His eyes were wide, taking in the hallway like it was the first time he’d been inside it. We’d been through here countless times on our trips off ship, but I did not begrudge him his newfound wonder.

Slowing down even more, I took a moment to appreciate the hallway as if I was looking through his eyes. Made of slick metal, it was aerodynamic and streamlined. The round doors that lined its walls were spread out further in our wing, as it was where those with higher ranks resided, like myself. The barracks where the majority of the other Sahrks bunked were located near the bottom floors of the ship. They were closer to the indoor pool, Ushuu’s lab, the exercise room, and the cargo hold than we were.

By contrast, the location of my chambers on one of the upper floors made the commute to the helm easier, which I appreciated.

Huu-goh’s fingers skimmed the wall, and I had half a mind to yank his hand back so he wouldn’t accidentally hit some of the hidden buttons along its surface. But none of them were harmful—at least not near my rooms, so I let him have his fun as we made our way through the ship.

I had only ever seen him this happy when I had his tiny dick wrapped in my tongue.

His good mood was contagious.

And pride, unlike anything I’d ever known, made my chest puff up.

I had done this. By pushing through my fears, I had given him this. I was relieved to know that I had managed to make his life better—even if it was such a simple thing. Still, my fears simmered beneath my surface, but they were farther away now as I basked in Huu-goh’s happiness.

I don’t think I’d ever made someone smile like that before.

Uncaring that we would soon have an audience, I mirrored Huu-goh’s joy. My spots were a thrumming, brilliant white as I debated acting on these new feelings—and if such actions would be welcome.

He’s never shied away from your touch.

Why would he now?

Bolstered, I took the leap, swooping an arm around my huu-man and hoisting his lithe body onto my shoulders. Delighted, he giggled the whole way up. His joy chimed like bells as his little feet kicked at my chest. His thighs squeezed my neck, like he was testing its width. I couldn’t help but think about the fact his greedy little cock was pressing right against me.

Huu-goh hardly weighed a thing. My tendrils slithered out to hold him of their own accord, as frightened as I was of him falling to the hard metal floor below. Despite his fragile size, his weight soothed the ache in my chest.

It felt right, having him close.

Even more right, was the fact he trusted me to keep him safe—even high above the ground as he was. Huu-goh’s trust had been hard-won. I never wanted to betray it.

Hesitantly, Huu-goh’s warm hands fanned curiously along my head fin. I nearly missed a step. No one had ever touched me there. It felt…odd. But not bad.

I wasn’t used to anyone touching me at all.

At least…other than Mala when we sparred in the mornings, or Ushuu when he looked to comfort me.

Huu-goh’s touch was tentative, like he was afraid he’d hurt me. It grew more confident as I rumbled a pleased purr to soothe him. In response, his fingers tightened, and he used my fin for balance as my hearts beat an unsteady staccato in my chest.

Could he sense how happy he made me?

Did he understand what the color of my spots meant?

And that they were only white because of him?

Being touched by him was such a simple pleasure, and it shook me to the core.

Only a few crewmates were present when we reached the mess hall that our residence was assigned to. The tall sloping ceilings were high enough to accommodate Huu-goh and I together, as I made my way toward the cooling units to begin preparing our food.

Atop my shoulders, Huu-goh was quiet. Knowing him, he was cataloging the details of everything he saw so he could jot them down in his journal later. It was nearly full. Maybe all the way full—and I made a mental note to buy him a new one at our final stop before heading home.

We were still far away—this was the longest stretch of continuous space travel we’d embarked on since Huu-goh had moved in with me.

“Captain,” Ushuu’s familiar scratchy voice echoed from behind me. I paused, twisting around to greet him. It was impossible for the ice to fill my limbs again when Huu-goh was stroking my fin.

“Ushuu,” I responded, smiling at him fondly. He crossed the distance between us, his spots pink with affection.

Ushuu smiled at me in the way he had since I was a boy. Like even though I was fully grown now and had been manning this ship for over a decade, I was still the fresh-spotted recruit he’d snuck sweets to under the table.

When he called me ‘captain’ it almost felt like an inside joke. Like I was playing dress-up. He was the only person other than Mala who knew where I had come from—and how hard I’d worked to be here.

Instead of feeling humiliated, it always made me warm all over.

Because for just a moment, I could let go of who I’d become and be little Roark again.

Ushuu was the only crewmate left from the original team that had manned The Dreamer when I had first been recruited. I’d been fatherless for far longer than I’d known Ushuu. But if I’d had one still, I would’ve hoped he would be as level-headed and soft-spoken as Ushuu was. His surface was a lovely pale gray, and paired with the white lab coat he insisted on wearing—to set him aside from the crew—it lent him a demure, but odd air.

Most Sahrks did not wear clothing on their upper bodies. In fact, clothing on the lower body was a new invention. It limited our access to our limbs and made transforming difficult if not impossible. Plus, it made our surface struggle to breathe—and that was uncomfortable.

Ushuu somehow managed to defy all logic, however.

“Is this the huu-man?” Ushuu asked in our tongue, clearly delighted as he reached out to grasp Huu-goh’s bare toes. “He is wonderful! I have never seen one up close like this. Look how delightful his little feet are. Five toes! Whatever for?!”

Huu-goh jerked his feet back, his delightful toes wriggling away from Ushuu’s fingers. I growled in warning, tendrils shooting up to wrap protectively around Huu-goh’s legs without conscious thought. He wiggled his toes inside their grasp, and the sensation tickled in a way that had me calming.

“Mine,” I snapped, keeping my voice even, though I was sure my spots betrayed me. Immediately, I regretted the action—as Ushuu’s eyes widened and he glanced between me and Huu-goh again, like he was seeing something that he hadn’t before.

“Apologies,” he replied, tone soft. “It won’t happen again.”

Huu-goh made a soothing sound as he stroked my fin. I purred back at him, taking comfort from his touch. Ushuu was quiet as he began to prepare his own food. Still feeling a bit dazed by my own brash reaction, I turned toward the coolers and began arranging breakfast for Huu-goh and me. My movements were more jerky than normal, but soon enough, his tiny hands on my fin and their gentle stroking accomplished what Huu-goh had set out to do. I was back to my usually unruffled self, pulse no longer thrumming.

I owed Huu-goh an apology.

I should have moved faster.

I should’ve anticipated Ushuu’s curiosity. He and Huu-goh were far more alike than I’d realized before that moment. Maybe Ushuu needed a leash of his own. The thought almost made me laugh, but then I sobered—realizing suddenly what a ridiculous idea that was.

To chain Ushuu?

Even if it was to keep him out of trouble.

The double standard felt like a slap to the face and the weight of Huu-goh’s leash around my wrist suddenly felt impossibly heavy. Tomorrow. When I brought him out tomorrow I’d take him without the chain, my own fears be damned.

The thought of that alone made me feel shaky and frightened—but I forced the feeling aside. It would do me no good here. Not now, when we were supposed to be eating. And I was supposed to be showing Huu-goh around the helm, and introducing him to Ushuu for the first time.

When I checked on Huu-goh his eyes were dancing, and the flicker of fear I’d seen inside them had melted away. He observed Ushuu with as much wonder as he’d taken in the hallways and the cafeteria. Dark intelligent eyes flickered with interest as the older Sahrk made his way toward the tables that lined the back hall, his plate of bambuu piled high.

If Huu-goh was not bothered, then I would choose not to be also.

I would follow his lead.

Huu-goh’s leash dangled from my wrist as I finished plating our food and made a beeline for the spot beside Ushuu. I kept my distance for the moment, making sure there was one chair between us so that Huu-goh would not feel intimidated.

Taking a deep breath, I placed both plates on the table and retrieved Huu-goh from his perch on my shoulders. With a gentle nudge, I arranged him on the chair to my left, away from Ushuu, charmed all over again when Huu-goh smiled up at me.

Huu-goh was a small reassuring weight against my side as I diced his food into tiny huu-man-sized bites. When I slid him his plate and a fork, he said his precious “thank yew” again. Charmed like always, I admired how tiny but regal he looked dutifully grabbing the Sahrk-sized fork. It looked huge in his grip, but he didn’t seem to mind, his brow furrowed in determination as he speared a piece of bambuu and brought it to his lips.

Huu-goh’s attention did not remain on the food for long. It was old news. No, his interest was piqued by the space around him. Dark eyes alight with intrigue, he took in his surroundings, gaze flickering from the cooling units that housed the food, to the tall glass cabinets full of snacks and utensils, then to Ushuu.

He wiggled in his seat, feet struggling to tap against the floor as he tested the give of the cushion with obvious delight.

If I asked him what was on his mind, what would he say?

I wished I had the words to do so.

Does he find us as riveting as I find him?

A small smile tugged at his lips. No longer bouncing, he swallowed his food then promptly stabbed a new piece with a happy hum. So happy , and I hadn’t even shown him the best parts of the ship yet. I had no doubt if he found this room delightful he was in for the time of his life when I showed him the sparring room, the pool, and the control room.

Huu-goh finished his food in record time, and when he was done, his feet tap, tap, tapped against the legs of his chair. He looked lovely. He always did. But today especially so. His peachy skin shone radiant, the muscles in his thighs flexing beneath the long hem of his shirt as he shifted in his seat.

His little cock lay hidden, and I tried not to think about it—but that was nearly impossible.

I was learning him, slowly but surely. And I knew that this particular dance of his either meant he was impatient, excited, or he needed to pee.

I tilted my head, eyes narrowed as I chewed my own mouthful, deciding how best to proceed. I hadn’t meant to ignore Ushuu, but was grateful he hadn’t pushed as Huu-goh finished his food. The last thing I wanted was for Huu-goh to get so excited about talking to a new Sahrk that he choked.

“Hi!” Huu-goh chirped, shifting forward in his seat as he stared at Ushuu across the table. Ushuu looked delighted, his spots flickering white as he set his fork down and twisted to greet my little love just as enthusiastically.

“Hi!” Ushuu responded.

“You’re uhld!” Huu-goh told him—words I didn’t understand. His eyes immediately widened, and he smacked a hand over his mouth like he wished he could take the words back.

Before Huu-goh could say something else, Ushuu said, “yesh. I ehm.”

My mentor looked amused and his spots remained a pale pinkish white as he barked out a laugh. It took me a solid ten seconds to realize that he’d replied both times in Huu-goh’s native tongue. Ushuu glanced at my now-yellow spots, cocking his head to the side.

“You can communicate with him?” I asked, more than a little excited. My hearts thrummed wildly enough in my chest I worried the sound was audible.

“Some,” Ushuu nodded, replying in our language, his lavender eyes soft. “I find their planet fascinating.” Of course he did. Ushuu had always been as explorative as he was intelligent. He retained information unlike anyone I’d ever met. As though every sight he’d ever seen was a photograph and he could revisit it anytime he liked.

It was a skill that had come in handy when he’d had a more active role on board. Nowadays, he was retired for the most part. His linguistic strengths were very rarely utilized—as we all agreed he deserved a chance to focus on the work that most inspired him.

The healing pods and the tech that fueled our flight through space.

I realized belatedly how stupid it had been to avoid him.

It had been an error.

A grievous one.

“Speak to him, please,” I commanded, setting my fork down with a quiet clink. “Please,” I added a second time, because while I was desperate, I didn’t want to be rude. “He has been aboard the ship for over a month now, and I am doing my best—” Admitting weakness was difficult, but I managed for Huu-goh’s sake. “But he is surely under-stimulated. I’m certain he has questions. Things I can’t answer with my limited knowledge of his language.”

“What do you want me to say?” Ushuu asked, his lavender eyes kind, despite the way I’d snapped at him earlier. That was water under the bridge now, and he knew it as well as I did.

I had always been quick to forgive.

What do I want to say?

I racked my brain for answers. The problem wasn’t that I didn’t have any idea what to tell my little huu-man. What plagued me was the fact that I had many questions I wanted to ask. So many things I was desperate to know. So many things I was dying to tell him.

I’d always been a quiet person. Words were used for a purpose. I had found that observing others silently was the fastest way to learn the truth—and used that to my advantage whenever possible. It was something I had always been content with. To be the person who stood stoic and unyielding, a beacon of strength, while others chatted around. The fact that I was not the best at picking the correct words when it came to the heart, certainly helped me come to that conclusion.

When I was younger I struggled even more with communication.

However, I found no lack of words now. And it was only my own practical nature that kept me from blurting out every question I’d ever had so quickly that even Ushuu could not catch them all.

After a moment of quiet deliberation I decided what I wanted most was to know how Huu-goh was fairing on board.

“Ask him how he’s feeling, please.” My pulse fluttered, and my limbs went icy all over again. What if I had read him wrong? What if his wiggles, his tinkling laughter meant he was frightened, rather than excited? What if all that I’d learned about him was backwards?

I couldn’t stomach the thought.

“How ahre youh feehling?” Ushuu asked Huu-goh, carefully annunciating his words, though they fit just as awkwardly between his teeth as they did between mine. I memorized the sound of them as best as I could so that I could later replicate the question.

Meanwhile, I studied Huu-goh expectantly, rigidly awaiting his response.

I was sure my spots were gray with anxiety, the negative emotion playing close to the surface. I didn’t have to wait long. After Huu-goh’s initial reaction—his jaw dropping, his eyes popping wide—he burst into speech so fast I had no way of making sense of the words.

Bless Ushuu, because he did.

After listening intently, and asking Huu-goh to repeat a few things, the older Sahrk turned back to me with a gentle smile. “He says he is happy, but wants to know why we keep feeding him bark.”

He is happy.

He is happy, he is happy, he is happy.

Rigidity melting, I twisted to peer at my huu-man fondly—trying to ignore the fact that Ushuu was watching us with affection of his own. A few wayward tendrils slipped free of the surface of my body to give the back of Huu-goh’s neck a grateful squeeze. He made a pleased sound and glanced up at me through his lashes with a questioning expression.

Probably waiting for answers, my curious little beast.

His dark gaze stroked over my spots like a caress as Huu-goh opened his sweet mouth and spoke again. His words ended on a higher note, something I was beginning to understand meant he was asking a question.

“Now he wants to know why your spots change color,” Ushuu explained after waiting patiently to parse through the foreign words. He blinked and cocked his head at me. “Would you like me to translate?”

I nodded. Distracted by the emotions that danced across Huu-goh’s expressive face. “Our spots are mood indicators,” I explained directly to him, keeping my voice soft. Ushuu translated for me, though it took quite a while for him to find each word. I didn’t mind. It just gave me more time to look at Huu-goh.

Plus, I was grateful this was an option at all. Though part of me felt like an idiot for not seeking it out sooner. I tried not to dwell on that emotion too long. It would only waste my energy when I could be speaking to Huu-goh instead.

We didn’t have long before Ushuu needed to return to work.

Huu-goh nodded very seriously when Ushuu finished speaking. When he turned his attention back to me he searched my gaze. I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, but I hoped he found it.

“The ‘bahrk’ is highly nutritious. You are small and I worry that you were not being properly nourished before you came here,” I added, making sure to answer both of his questions to the best of my ability. “There are healers better equipped to check on you when we reach home, but even then, I am unsure if they will have enough knowledge of your species to be able to tell me what your dietary needs are. So for now, ‘bahrk’ it is.”

He was important to me, therefore his questions were important.

Ushuu relayed my words, and I waited for Huu-goh’s response, unable to take my eyes off of him as he mulled this new information over. His hairy brow furrowed, sweet eyes swirling with emotion like he was remembering something unsavory. The tendril on the back of his neck pulsed to soothe him, and he sighed. The expression cleared, and Huu-goh’s smile returned, eyes blazing with what I hoped was affection as his gaze focused on me once again.

“Whaat doo rehd spahts meen?” he asked in his own language, waiting patiently for Ushuu to translate.

Whatever he said made Ushuu bark in amusement, his eyes creased with mirth. “He wants to know what red spots mean,” he translated.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Mortification burned through my body as I ducked my head, covering my face with one hand in embarrassment. I almost wanted to beg Ushuu not to tell him, because it was more than a little embarrassing to have the man that was practically my father talk to my mate about something so deeply intimate. However, like I’d stated earlier, I found being uncomfortable well worth its pain if my answers benefited Huu-goh—and by extension, our relationship—in the long run.

“Explain,” I said quietly, burning from the inside out as I waited. I peeked through my fingers at Huu-goh as Ushuu spoke, watching his reaction. I had never been more humiliated.

Huu-goh’s grin was wicked as he listened intently. His eyes danced with mischief. It was attractive. So goddamn attractive. Huu-goh glanced over my spots again thoughtfully, before he spoke to Ushuu again. I waited with bated breath to understand what he’d said in response—my dignity be damned.

“He says,” Ushuu barked again, “‘That’s what he thought it meant.”

I snorted through my nose, unable to help myself, and Ushuu joined in, obviously as delighted by Huu-goh as I was. I made a mental note to ask for his help again later. Perhaps I could learn Huu-goh’s language faster if I had a tutor of my own. Additionally, Ushuu might have more resources about huu-mans if his knowledge of their language was any indication. I owed him an apology for avoiding him for so long. Even though a small, immature part of me wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to look him in the eye again.

Thoughts raced through my mind, possibilities twitching just out of reach as I mulled over what to ask Huu-goh next. Time was running out. I had Ushuu’s schedule memorized, just as I had everyone else’s, and I knew his break was coming to an end.

I didn’t want to get this wrong.

And while I suddenly found myself overwhelmed with the foreign urge to skip work for the day so that I could quiz Ushuu and Huu-goh, the crew deserved better. I had my own duties to attend to, and a tour to take my mate on.

I stared down at Huu-goh, mind spinning.

The smile he gifted me was the loveliest thing I’d ever seen. Prettier than the green skies back home. Prettier than open space. Prettier than the stars that glimmered just outside the hull of the command room where I spent most of my time. Prettier than the constellations my birth-father had pointed out to me in the inky sky above when I was just a boy.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, eyes stinging as I turned to Ushuu for one final time. His communicator buzzed like clockwork, indicating his break was over. I’d taken too long to think. He flashed me an apologetic frown before rising from his seat.

“Duty calls,” Ushuu said in our tongue again. “This was nice. We should do it again now that you’re not avoiding me.”

I nodded, though he was right—and it was relieving that he’d addressed the awkward situation so that I would not have to. He’d always been good at that, at putting me at ease.

“Maybe you can tell me later why exactly that was,” Ushuu added. I nodded, because I would. Along with an apology. And a bottle of his favorite juice—bottles I kept in my room for birthdays and celebrations.

My food still sat mostly untouched on the metal table, but I figured there would be time to eat when he was gone. I nodded, spots coloring fuchsia in embarrassment.

“One last thing,” I murmured, as Ushuu tucked his communicator into his back pocket.

“Anything for you, Captain.” Ushuu’s tone was as easy-going as ever.

“Will you tell Huu-goh that he’s beautiful?” I asked. “And that I’m happy he’s happy.” My hearts wobbled. “And that I hope he knows that he’s safe with me.”

Ushuu nodded. His eyes flickered with affection as he looked at me. “I’ll tell him,” he promised, turning his attention back to Huu-goh to relay my message. Once again, I found myself waiting anxiously for his response. As he listened, Huu-goh’s expression shuttered and grew frighteningly blank for a moment as though he didn’t understand what Ushuu had said—even though it had been in his own language.

I didn’t know what to do with that face.

I didn’t know what it meant.

“Bai bai,” Ushuu waved goodbye to the both of us.

“Bai bai,” Huu-goh replied, echoing the same words.

I watched Ushuu’s white-clad back in a daze as he left the cafeteria and headed down the corridor out of sight. Huu-goh’s face was still blank when I got over my own fear and looked down at him again. Though his expression was unreadable, his eyes were not. They swirled like storms as his lips wobbled.

“Thank yuu,” he said, voice soft. It felt like a century had passed, and my hearts stuttered to life again as I nodded, leaning down to bump our noses together. Surprising me, he moved his hand to cup my jaw. I held still, frightened to even breathe as Huu-goh’s soft, soft lips pressed to the rubbery skin on my snout. I wasn’t sure what he was doing. A kiss, maybe?

It was different than the way we Sahrks kissed, but no less lovely.

I wanted to melt, but instead, I held still—unwilling to move for fear of breaking the moment, or accidentally catching him with my teeth.

“Yuu ahre…soh-sweet.” Huu-goh swallowed, stroking over my jaw as more tendrils slipped free of my surface to cup the back of his hand. They wrapped tight, pulsing rhythmically as they held his hand in place.

I didn’t know what “soh-sweet” meant.

But Huu-goh held me for a long, long time.

He kissed my snout again.

His eyes were warm with affection, that terrifying blankness gone. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that no one had ever called him beautiful before. Or maybe—it was the promise of safety that he had a hard time believing.

I could understand that.

But I knew with surety that I would never let him get hurt. I’d protect him. It felt inherently wrong to do anything else.

Huu-goh’s leash dangled, forgotten between us. As the last minutes of my afternoon break passed I wished desperately—with both my hearts—that we would be alright. That we could be happy, even though we were different. That all it would take was a little more time, and a lot more patience, but one day, we’d make a home with each other.

A home where Huu-goh would always feel beautiful.

A home where he felt safe.

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