7. Roark

Huu-goh was…more than I ever could’ve expected. And though I was delighted with the course of events that had transpired the night before, even I could recognize that I was out of my depth. Things had shifted between us. And I didn’t know how to react to that.

This was what I’d been hoping for.

But it was also my first time having any sort of feelings for another person. And I was completely in over my head.

The feelings I had been having had only grown stronger after touching him. After the line that I’d drawn between us had been scuffed out entirely by his sweet little hips.

I found myself thinking about him even more now, as I extricated myself from bed and headed into the bathroom to begin my morning ritual—earlier than usual. That alone made me anxious. I rarely, if ever, deviated from my schedule.

But my mind was reeling, and I just?—

I needed answers. Needed to speak to someone, get these feelings out—and figure out a battle plan moving forward.

As I brushed my teeth, a memory surfaced. It’d been one of Huu-goh’s first days on board and I’d been giving him a tour of the rooms, the bathroom included.

After I’d seen his initial excitement I’d taken to showing him every single facet of the room all the way down to the way the nanobots cleaned up when shower water spilled upon the tile, or the automatic dispenser for toothpaste, mouthwash, and soap. All you had to do was press the correct button and the fluid the device expelled would change.

Don’t ask me how it kept itself clean, but I’d never in all my years as captain tasted soap when I was expecting mouthwash.

Huu-goh was fascinated with everything, he pushed every button, he celebrated the steady stream of toothpaste with obvious delight—stuck his finger in it—and licked it with his tiny pink tongue just to test.

“Toothpaasteh!” he had crowed in triumph, waggling his damp finger at me. “Wut the fuhk.”

I’d grinned, and he hadn’t been frightened of my teeth. He never had.

The memory faded as swiftly as it had come.

And my worries came back as my gaze met my own reflection. I tried to make sense of what was going on inside my head so that I could get proper advice. Foam coated my lips as I scrubbed and scrubbed, thoughts spinning.

I was and had always been a traditional Sarhk. Many had teased me for my behaviors in the past, though I’d never let it bother me as their jabs had been good-natured. In all my four decades, I had never been interested in looking at one of the creatures so freely offered on the planets along my route. Never glanced at the pleasure houses. Never entered one.

Sex was for mates.

And I’d never been interested in mating.

Until I’d met Huu-goh.

Huu-goh who was as intriguing as he was delightful. Huu-goh who was not afraid to get angry with me when he was upset despite our size disparity. Huu-goh who was clever and quick on his feet. Huu-goh with his dark eyes, and his pretty orange fur. Huu-goh whose eyes were full of wonder despite the horrors he’d survived.

Huu-goh who was not afraid of me, even though he had every right to be.

He slept just as peacefully now as when I’d left to get ready for the day. As I passed by him on the bed, warmth burst inside my hearts. My mate was a tiny man-shaped ball, the blankets we’d shared bunched around him like a cocoon. The most adorable droning snore escaped him as he slumbered. It was a noise that I’d quickly found I liked. It allowed me to know that he was resting, even when he had been in his bed across the room. It was reassuring.

With a sigh, I left him to continue to sleep, careful to shut the door gently so the sound would not wake him.

I liked to think I was self-sufficient. That I could take care of my own feelings and needs and that I did not need anyone. But that was a lie.

My surface felt icy as I made my way down the hall toward the sparring rooms. I knew Mala would already be there. By the time I arrived most mornings he’d already been exercising for a good few hours. I had no doubt that he’d be surprised to see me so early—but I needed him.

I needed a friend .

And it was early enough we wouldn’t have to worry about the others that occupied the ship interrupting our discussion.

I had a lot of thoughts to work through.

Like the fact that now that I’d touched him once, when Huu-goh was around all I wanted to do was shove my tentacles all over him and watch him hump my leg again. Breathing in through my nose to calm myself, I did my best to force away the tantalizing thoughts.

At first, I’d thought my mate innocent, but I could see now how wrong I’d been.

And how grateful I was that he’d made a move when he did.

I had begun to lose hope that a creature as brilliant as he was would be interested in a beast like me. I was his senior by…too many years. I was jaded in a way that he was not—despite all that had been done to him. And though I’d seen many things during my time traveling the stars, I had never seen anyone as tantalizing as Huu-goh.

He was resilient.

Petulant at times, yes, but I did not begrudge him this. He’d had much taken from him. Everything. Now that he was free it would take many moons for him to feel in control of his life once again—if he ever actually did.

The fact he’d chosen me meant more than he would ever know.

I didn’t want to mess this up.

My gut squirmed as I entered the sparring room, searching for a familiar blue fin. Mala was where I expected him to be, his tentacles twisted around one of the punching bags, squeezing it till powder popped from the seams.

“Someone’s up early,” Mala teased, turning to look at me, his spots pink with affection. Mine shifted to match as I settled into the spot beside him, claiming a bag of my own to warm up.

“I…” It was difficult to admit what was going on inside my head. But I didn’t have much time—and I was nothing if not efficient. “Huu-goh has decided to take me as a mate.” My fist connected with the punching bag, tendrils exploding out before I retreated and repeated the motion. “I am happy.”

Mala made a sound beside me, slamming into his bag one more time before he grabbed it with one hand to stop it from swinging. “You do not sound happy.”

“I am happy,” I repeated, slamming into the bag again. And again. The harder I hit it, the better I felt. The ache in my limbs was familiar and comforting—as was Mala’s presence. Above us, the lights gleamed as bright as they always did. They bleached the corners of darkness, casting the room in a sterile glow.

“That’s why you’re abusing that poor punching bag?” Mala snarked, as though we didn’t do this every morning—with the same brutal exuberance. “Because you’re happy.”

“Yes.” I sucked in a breath, hitting the bag one last time, before I caught it the same way he had. My limbs felt molten, the iciness of my own fears having faded as I twisted to face him. His eyes flickered, head tilting to the side as his spots turned yellow.

“Tell me what’s really on your mind,” Mala said, stepping away from the bag and beckoning me after him. I trailed after him, for once content to let him call the shots as we headed toward the sparring ring in the center of the room. Back home, many Sahrks wrestled for sport, and out in space was no different. It kept our reflexes quick. And at times like this, when I was indecisive and shaky-footed, it was a comfort to have access to something so familiar.

Mala didn’t push again.

And for twenty minutes I worked my feelings out by throwing him to the mat. Over and over. Thump, thump, thump. He laughed every time I did, but even I could tell he was cutting me slack. Normally he’d be annoyed that I was stronger. He’d be insulting me, trying to get a rise out of me. But today, he was silent.

“I don’t know if I can be what he needs,” I finally admitted. Mala was pinned beneath me, pink and blue melted together as I forced him into the ground. The words hurt to admit as they spilled free. Immediately, my tendrils retreated until our colors were our own again. I offered Mala a hand up. He grunted as he rose to his feet.

“Why would you say that?” he asked, voice quiet and patient.

“I’m…” My own chest was heaving as I scrubbed a hand over my face. I could feel my spots shifting. Probably too fast for him to read them. “I don’t want to fail him.”

“Roark.” Mala’s tentacles looped around my wrist and pulled it from my face. “I’ve known you for a long time.”

I nodded, because he had.

“And I’ve never seen you fail at anything you wanted. Not once.”

That was supposed to be reassuring, I knew that. But I just… “This is different,” I argued, my hearts beating erratically. Mala and I leaned against the ring that surrounded the sparring mats to keep the occupants inside. “I don’t know how to be…what he needs.”

“Sure you do.” Mala settled beside me. “It’s easy.”

I scoffed. “How?”

“You listen,” Mala shrugged a shoulder. I knew he was speaking from experience. His expression was fond as his eyes took on a faraway sheen. Like he was thinking of his own mate back home. His love—his soulmate. “You care.” He twisted to look at me. “And when you mess up, you apologize.”

“You make it sound easy.”

“It is,” Mala replied. “When you love someone—you tend to do those things anyway. Putting in the effort to make them happy is the easiest thing in the world.”

“I don’t know how to love someone.” My hearts thudded. “You know…about my past. I am not like you—I didn’t have…examples to learn from.”

“I get that,” Mala’s tone was gentle. “But you’re smart, Roark. When you became captain you didn’t know how to do that either. And look at you now.” He had been with me as I rose through the ranks. We had had many talks just like this one—though all of those felt less important now. “Best fucking captain The Dreamer has ever had.”

I scoffed, because that was not true. I had known the best captain. And he had died.

I forced those thoughts aside, focusing instead on Huu-goh. Even the thought of him brought me peace. “Huu-goh has been through…more than I think any of us can comprehend,” I added, trying to make sure Mala understood how strong my mate was.

“F’ukYuu is not a…” Mala lowered his voice, glancing around to make sure we were alone so as not to offend the men on board who adored the planet, “very hospitable place. Especially for those of a more gentle nature.”

I thought back on Huu-goh’s smile, all pearly flat teeth. The way he flipped through his journal, chewing his writing instrument to bits, pages and pages of observations decorating every surface. He didn’t seem unhappy. At least…unless he was on the leash. Or when he was…fuck. When he was left alone in the rooms for too long.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded, grateful he understood.

“I want to make him happy,” I admitted. My voice was rough. “But I have no experience. I am blind in a way I’ve never been before. I don’t know if I’m the kind of person who is capable of being…someone’s partner.”

These were all thoughts I should have had before taking Huu-goh aboard the ship. But there hadn’t been time. I’d always been more of an action-man anyway. And in that moment, there had been no choice but to keep him—how could I have done anything different when I’d asked him if he wanted to stay and he’d said no?

Since then, I’d simply been doing my best.

But I’d been flying blind.

“I think you’re making excuses because you’re scared,” Mala accused, always wiser than I gave him credit for. He had a family back home, a mate and three pups. Though I was older, he had more experience.

“I…” My spots lost their color as I clenched my fists and tried to figure out how to tell Mala what I’d done. “You’re right,” I admitted as visions of Huu-goh’s hips pumping against me assaulted my senses. “But?—”

Mala rolled his eyes. “You annoy me.”

“Fuck you.” Despite my own conflicting emotions, I laughed.

“I don’t know how else to tell you that the only way you’ll fuck this up is by overthinking it.” He jabbed me in the chest with a claw and I snorted, batting his hand away. “You said he wanted you? That he made the choice?”

“Yes.” My pulse thrummed. “And I want to touch him again. But I haven’t even planned the ceremony yet. Isn’t that disrespectful? He deserves to be treated with respect. I’ve never thought about any of this before. It is intimidating. I don’t want to get it wrong.”

“If you want to touch him then touch him,” Mala shrugged.

“It is not so simple.”

“It is.” He stared at me. I stared back. A few beats passed. “Okay,” Mala sighed. “I’m going to tell you something, and you’re going to listen.” I nodded. “And you’re not going to judge me, but you will take this to heart—and to your grave.” He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want it getting around or my mate would kill me, but I do think knowing this will bring you some peace.”

My hearts thudded. I nodded again.

“Yanet and I…” Mala sighed dreamily, leaning against the counter with a grin as he spoke of his mate. “We had a lot of…fun before our ceremony.”

I blinked, shocked.

“ Yanet ?” Yanet was older than me by several years, and far more uptight than anyone I’d ever met. It was nearly impossible to imagine him doing anything of a sexual nature at all. Ugh. That thought was not—no. Just, no.

“He did not let me fuck him with my cocks till the night of our wedding, but…” Mala grinned wickedly. “I had other ways of getting inside him.”

I gagged, and Mala chuckled, amused by my pain.

“Spare me the details, please.” I was not interested in imagining two of my closest friends in such a setting before their mating.

“The point is,” Mala continued. “We were fine. We are fine.” He met my gaze, trying to get his point across. “You were at the wedding. Was it any less special? Did Yanet look like he felt disrespected?”

He wanted a real answer, so I thought seriously before speaking. The truth tasted light on my tongue. “No.”

“Do you think less of Yanet and I now?”

“No.”

“See?” He grinned, slapping me on the shoulder, his tendrils splitting out to give me a playful squeeze. “Everyone moves at their own pace. Whatever feels natural to you both is the right course to take.”

“Right.”

My head was spinning. My hearts were in my throat.

“But…” This was embarrassing. More than a little mortifying to admit. “I don’t know…how to do anything. I mean—” I dropped my tone, grateful once again that we were alone. “How does it even work?”

Of course I knew how it worked. The fundamentals at least.

“He’s not a Sahrk,” I added, spots fuschia in embarrassment when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirrors that lined the rooms. Mala nodded, as if he realized that this was where my true insecurity came from. “What if I can’t please him? What if we’re not…compatible.”

“Were you compatible last night?”

I blinked, head swimming as I thought about Huu-goh again for what felt like the hundredth time that day. I nodded, mouth suddenly dry.

“He’s small, so I’d be careful with his ass,” Mala spoke clinically, and I had to bite back my growl. He was helping me—but it still made me uncomfortable that he was thinking about my mate this way. “Start with a little tendril. Work your way up.” Mala hummed thoughtfully, and I memorized everything he was saying, grateful that I hadn’t had to ask for this even though it was mortifying to get such details from someone I considered a dear friend. “Lubrication will be your best friend.”

I nodded, wishing I had my HoverPad to take notes.

“Try your tongue first. You can lick his cocks?—”

“Cock,” I corrected, then immediately wished I hadn’t.

“Cock,” Mala laughed, shaking his head at me. He sounded vaguely curious, but because he was a good person, did not push. “Lick his cock. Test things out. Go slow—give him plenty of time to tell you when he likes something and when he doesn’t. Pay attention to him. And have fun.”

I nodded again, head swimming.

“You can communicate a little, right? I’ve seen it.”

Again, I nodded.

“Use that to your advantage.”

In a daze, I headed back to our shared room, a plate of breakfast in each hand as I imagined what would await me there. As I’d prepared the food, I’d let my mind wander. I’d replayed my conversation with Mala over and over. And been more than a little distracted when Ushuu had greeted me in the hallway on my way out the door of the mess hall. His slightly weathered face had crinkled in curiosity, head tilted to the side—but I didn’t have the extra bandwidth to speak to him after I’d been ignoring him all month.

I felt bad about that, I truly did.

But so much had been going on that I just…didn’t know how to tell him about it.

As I hit the code into the keypad, all thoughts of my mentor and my inadequacies fled. Instead, excitement buzzed beneath my surface. The door swung open a few inches, and I paused, eyes drifting shut as pleasant thoughts plagued me all over again.

Tonight, when Huu-goh got up to his mischief…yes.

Tonight .

I would play with him again.

I would be gentle as Mala suggested. It didn’t matter that I’d never done this before. Or that I’d never wanted to. Because I wanted this with Huu-goh. And clearly, he wanted it too. It was easier to feel relieved now that I’d spoken to Mala candidly about sex.

Apparently all I’d needed was support.

Now my fantasies ran rampant.

My pulse thrummed and I forced back the growl that threatened to erupt at the thought of mounting Huu-goh. I was certain he’d be warmer inside and I couldn’t wait to test that theory. I wanted to see his cock without the pesky cloth hiding it. I wanted to watch his eyes roll back and his tongue curl again.

I wanted to taste the secret skin between his ass cheeks, and lick the succulent sweat from his balls and groin. Inhale him like the treasure he was, till he became my little beast again and took what he wanted from me.

I had never been this aroused in all my life.

My red spots betrayed me, and I couldn’t even bring myself to care as I pushed open the door the rest of the way and my —no, our—bedroom came into focus. I was unsurprised to find Huu-goh awake and waiting patiently in the center of our bed for my return. His skin was flushed, his eyes darker than normal. There was a bulge in his sleep pants, his sweet—singular—dick pressing insistently against the fabric, full and thick, but so much smaller than my own.

“Fuuhd?” he asked, perking up, his tongue flickering out to wet his lower lip.

I nodded in agreement, biting back a groan as Huu-goh shifted to his knees. My cocks pulsed as he crawled across the surface of the mattress toward the edge so he could climb off. I wished I could see the view from behind. See the way his lithe thighs flexed and his ass jiggled.

It was like something ravenous had awoken inside me.

Saliva filled my mouth, a desperate need to fuck making my hands shake as I crossed the distance between us at a glacial pace and handed him his plate.

Don’t scare him, I reprimanded myself.

Tonight you can have him.

If he wants you again.

“Thank yuu,” Huu-goh said. Those were words he repeated a lot. Enough so that I’d managed to figure out what they meant. I nodded, my cocks writhing toward him despite being safely tucked away inside my trousers.

I couldn’t blame them.

I wanted to touch him too.

So badly.

More than I’d ever wanted anything.

I stroked a hand through Huu-goh’s fur as he smiled down at the food. He dug in with gusto. He groaned when he took the first bite, not minding the fact it’d been crushed to a pulp where my bambuu stalk was still whole and crunchy. Thankfully, Huu-goh didn’t complain about the petting or the texture of his food. Lately he’d been snapping a lot more—and I’d been hesitant to touch.

It seemed that barrier was gone too.

Maybe he’d been anxious to admit his feelings for me? And the petting had set him off. It’d been close to what he wanted, but not enough. But then last night had happened—and we’d…yes. We were different now. Close in a way I didn’t think either of us ever had been before.

Things were different.

When we reached Sha’hPihn I would make the necessary calls home for the ceremony. And when we reached my home planet we would become official. I would keep him safe, for all his life. There was no need for distance anymore.

Not now that we were mates.

“Taastehs like cuucumbehr.” Huu-goh took his last bite with a happy sigh. I sat down on the bed, weak-kneed as I watched him, my own plate forgotten in my grip. He had such long, long legs for such a small thing. And such a lovely, tiny waist. And his shoulders! Shoulders that were broad despite the lack of meat on his bones.

My cocks twisted together and I willed them to behave, the heady lust fogging my senses making me light-headed.

Tonight, I told myself.

Tonight, after my duties are complete, I’ll take him.

Tonight his body would be mine.