25. Roark

I was frightened when my father died, and I found myself alone. I was frightened when I’d joined the academy and my commanding officer had told me I wouldn’t make it far if I couldn’t learn to speak up. I was frightened the day our ship had taken off and I’d realized this was it. This was my chance . And if I missed it—I’d never get another one.

I was frightened when I picked up Huu-goh. Terrified I wouldn’t know how to care for him when I’d never cared for someone else before.

But nothing…nothing in my life compared to the fear I felt the moment the lights went out and the door to the bridge slammed shut, locking me inside. And though in the past I’d always been grateful for their presence, it was only anger I felt as the safety response that had been programmed into my ship cut me off from my mate.

I had never been more desperate to break through metal.

To bend the laws of physics.

To break the things I held dear—just so I could get to him.

I was at the door in less than a second, claws screeching and scraping, tearing at it in an attempt to get through its surface. Tendrils sprang out, enveloping the hinges, looking for gaps and crevices. Any weakness that would mean I could get out and get to Huu-goh before they took him. There was no doubt in my mind that the pirates were here for the huu-mans.

And while I was concerned about all the cargo on board, nothing compared to the icy terror I felt when I thought of Huu-goh being stolen from me.

“No, no, no, no.” My breathing was erratic, my head spinning. “ No .”

“Captain!” Mala tried to pull me away but I threw him off.

What if Huu-goh was with the humans?

What if he’d been locked outside the rooms?

They’d take him away from me.

“He’s out there—” I slammed my shoulder against the door, pain lancing up my side. “He’s out there—he’s?—”

“ Roark ,” Mala pulled at my shoulder again, and I snapped my teeth at him without thinking. He jolted back, fingers slipping away. The emergency lights flickered on, but the room was still far dimmer than normal. A fact that was hard to even notice as I continued to beat the door into submission.

The stars swam outside the windows, unmoving for now while the ship was stalled in space.

“He’s—” I panted, claws raking down metal.

“I know.”

“He’s out there—” Thud, thud. More pain. More scratching. The damn metal barely gave beneath my fingertips. “He’s out there—he’s-out-there-he’s-out-there-he’s-out-there.”

“Roark.” A second voice. A second set of tendrils crept around my body in an attempt to subdue my frenzy. I fought them as I slammed against the door. By the time a third member of my crew joined in, however, I was lost. They yanked and tugged, their tendrils incapacitating me in a rainbow mass as the three of them dragged me to the cold, metal ground. My chest heaved, limbs icy as I twitched—attempting to get free even though the action was futile.

“He’s out there—” I managed, voice brittle.

“I know,” Mala said softly from above, his spots indigo with sorrow. “But you’re no use to him when you’re like this .”

I didn’t know how to be anything else.

But I needed to be.

I needed to pull myself together.

Needed to be their captain—even though it felt impossible.

I sucked in a breath, the rage and fear bleeding away as my body relaxed.

Each set of tendrils released me bit by bit, all of their faces tentative and nervous. The two cadets that had intervened, took a step back, averting their eyes out of respect as I lay on the ground, pathetic and sore, and heartsick.

“Come sit down,” Mala urged, his tendrils the last to leave as they wrapped around my arms, attempting to pull me up.

“I’m fine,” I assured him quietly when I was standing, ignoring the blood on my claws—my own—I shook off his touch as I made a beeline for the control panel. A cold sort of clarity washed over me. “Show me where they’re boarding.”

It seemed the pirates had managed to latch their ship onto us in such a way that they hadn’t broken the gravity seal. Based on the size of the vessel that had docked, there were thirty of them at the most. I switched to the infrared cameras, anxiously awaiting signs of the luminescent blobs that were our invaders.

“Quiet,” I instructed.

Immediately, the anxious chatter in the room settled into silence. “Turn up the volume.” Thrash, the Sahrk that was sitting at the desk, did as he was told, tapping the button till the buzzing sound of the empty hallways filled the room.

This was torture.

The emergency protocols were meant to make interference impossible. To protect lives over products. But—that only worked when there weren’t people outside the rooms. What if Huu-goh had been with the humans when this went down? He often was at this time. I couldn’t shake the thought once it had taken root.

What if he was in the cargo hold? Where there were no doors.

What if they found him?

What if they took him from me?

I will burn the universe down to find him.

Think, Roark. Think.

All is not lost.

This is just speculation.

He could be safe in the labs with Ushuu.

And even if he wasn’t, there were bound to be crew members who were still free. Enough of them and they could intercept the attackers. Sahrks were not violent by nature, but we could still fight. And fight well. A handful of us could easily incapacitate a group of pirates this size. Most species could not hold a candle to our strength and mass.

Just because I was trapped did not mean all the Sahrks aboard were.

Thud, thud.

That sounded like footsteps. Multiple sets, but it was impossible to tell who they were. Friend or foe, as I stared at the infrared screen and tried to discern how large the creatures approaching the camera were. When they passed by, I still had no idea who or what they were.

Down the hallways they went. We chased them on the cameras.

Please be ours, I prayed to the stars above.

To my father, who waited just beyond them.

Let him be safe.

Protect him.

“Can’t believe our luck,” one of the blobs grunted in Common. “Fifteen fucking humans.” It was not the words I had wanted to hear. My prayers were not answered. He rounded a corner with the other two—who I could now assume were pirates—heading deeper into the ship.

“Seventeen,” a smaller, reedier voice corrected.

“You saying I can’t count?” the first voice huffed.

“I’m saying that there’s seventeen,” the second voice responded. “Fifteen from the auction. And two others that weren’t standing in the line-up.”

“What-the-fuck ever, asshole.”

My blood boiled, hands curling into fists. Part of me—irrational as it was—wanted to reach out and smash the computer so I wouldn’t have to hear them anymore.

“I liked the orange one,” a third, whispering tone answered. The sound of it sent a chill racing up my spine, if his words had not. “With the spots.”

“The orange one? I didn’t see an orange one.”

Huu-goh was the only orange-furred human. My stomach churned, and in the reflection on the screen, I could see that my spots were black, black, black.

“He was at the front when they boarded. Do you think his spots change color when he’s…you know…aroused?” the third voice added on, as if his first words had not been enough.

“The fuck should I know?” reedy voice huffed.

“No one cares what you like, Brody,” the first voice interjected. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t growl. If I met Brody, I would force-feed him his own eyeballs and tear his head from his body. He’d deserve it, for having looked at my Huu-goh.

“Boss said we could sample the merchandise if we wanted,” Brody complained. “He said that we?—”

Suddenly, the three spots became six.

They’d rounded a corner and I watched, stricken as the three pirates made garbled, pained sounds, and in quick succession their bodies hit the floor.

“Ay-hteen dow-n, only twehlve more to go!” a chipper voice said in human-speak.

I’d recognize that voice anywhere.

Huu-goh.

What—

What was he doing in the hallway?—

Did Huu-goh just kill three pirates?

“My god, Captain,” Mala said from beside me. I hadn’t realized he’d been there at all, as focused on the pirates as I’d been. “You sure know how to pick them, don’t you?”

“Wha—”

“How are we on few-ehl?” Huu-goh asked the other two blobs. One looked Sahrk-sized, which relieved me. And the other—no doubt, was Briar.

“Ai-vah got six more vai-els,” Briar answered.

“Ruh-n back and get more from Ushuu,” Huu-goh replied. There was command in his voice I’d never heard before. I didn’t understand what they were talking about, but it was clearly something dangerous enough to incapacitate the pirates.

If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed it.

The large Sahrk at Huu-goh’s side abandoned him to accompany Briar to the lab, and I shook as I stared at the single, solitary blob that was my mate. I couldn’t blink for fear he’d disappear. He hummed our song under his breath—totally unaware that I could hear him—and yet somehow…soothing me anyway.

When the Sahrk and huu-man returned, Huu-goh directed them down the hall away from the bodies they’d just created.

He’d picked a good spot to fight back, as this hallway was the longest on the ship and the only direct route to the cargo bay and “the lake” at its deepest levels.

For the next hour, I watched as Huu-goh murdered pirate after pirate in cold blood. One by one, section of the hall by section of the hall. When they ran out of what he called “few-ehl” he’d send the others back for more.

The pirates that had not encountered the little group yet were confused. I could hear their chatter through the speakers. Confused as to why their comrades were not answering when they tried to contact them. But none…not a single pirate stood a chance.

Not when they were pitted against Huu-goh’s brain.

It was silent for a while as Huu-goh and his entourage waited at the entrance to the corridor they’d worked their way down. They’d just felled what I was certain were the last of the pirates.

“That was thih-rty, I theenk,” Huu-goh whispered into the otherwise quiet hallway. “What now?”

My head swam.

“I…cannot believe that just happened,” Mala sounded flabbergasted. He’d been enraptured the entire time. “I…feel like I am dreaming.”

I couldn’t get a single word out, so I didn’t try. I simply continued to stare.

“How do we get the lai-ts back on and the dohrs to open?” Huu-goh asked, turning his attention to the Sahrk beside him.

“We wihll need to detaa-ch the shihp that has bore-ded,” the Sahrk that was with them responded in the same odd tongue the huu-mans favored.

“Kewl.” I didn’t understand why Huu-goh was saying his own last name, but I didn’t try to. He often did that when he was excited. My thoughts were swimming as it was. “Can you do that?” he asked. “Briar wihll come with me to the he-hlm.”

Where was he going?

I could understand most of what he said, but that last word, “he-hlm” was unfamiliar.

“No—” the Sahrk tried to argue. “Briar comes with me?—”

“Dohn’t tehst mai pay-shins,” Huu-goh snapped, and though I did not understand what he’d said, the tone was clear.

The Sahrk did not argue again.

I did not blame him.

Instead, the three blobs separated. The two smallest turning right and heading upward through the hallways as the largest of them turned to the left.

“He’s coming here,” Mala said, staring at the little blips that were Huu-goh and Briar with fascination.

Mala was correct, Huu-goh was on his way here.

There was no denying that.

Despite the darkness, the little blob that was Huu-goh did not falter.

“Follow him.”

Thrash flickered through the cameras as Huu-goh made his way to me. Corridor by corridor. Up, up, up he went.

The lights turned on. The real lights. And as Thrash adjusted the cameras accordingly and I saw my little love hopping down the last corridor, shoving his legs out of a hazmat suit, my hearts beat at what had to be an unhealthy pace.

The door to the helm slid open, and I turned, just in time to see Huu-goh enter the room.

His orange fur was wild all over his head. Puffy and sweaty, there were creases on his face from what—I did not know. Dressed in what he had told me was a “tenk top” with lace around its edges, and the tight pants he’d called “jeens” he was a sight to behold.

“Roark.” He paused just inside the doorway, staring at me for a beat as I stared back.

I could hardly breathe, he was so beautiful. In an odd way this moment reminded me of the day we’d met. Though this time it was my turn to showcase vulnerability.

In a blink, I was across the room.

With no hesitation I smashed Huu-goh into the floor, cushioned by a cocoon of tendrils as I sobbed into his lovely, tiny chest. I had no tears, not like he did, but that did not mean I couldn’t cry. Even if I’d half convinced myself I was not capable.

“Oh my sweet baybee,” Huu-goh stroked over my fin, his tiny hands more soothing than they had any right to be. “I’m okay.”

“Huu-goh.”

His name was the only word I remembered. The only thing that mattered as I held him close. As I shook and shook and shook, and my hearts became whole once again. Right then, I was not a captain. I had no responsibilities. No rules. My discipline was shot.

All I was, was his.

And as I clutched him tight, melting beneath the torrent of tiny huu-man kisses I realized just how lucky that was.

How lucky I was that I had met him.

That he had turned my life around.

That this brilliant, stunning, wonderful man was mine and mine alone.

“I made it okay,” Huu-goh whispered, an echo of the first promise I’d ever given him.

“I love you,” I said. Three words I’d had Ushuu teach me in English the first lesson we’d had. Three words I hadn’t been sure I was equipped to say. Three words that may not have been familiar to me—but I knew would resonate with Huu-goh.

I love you was a promise.

A promise that he would have no more lonely birthdays.

He would never feel invisible again.

He would be blissfully, wonderfully happy.

I love you meant I would rely on him when I could. Because we were equals. Because I trusted him. Because I was grateful that he’d given us another chance to have this. That he’d saved himself—when I could not.

I hadn’t known I could love someone. Hadn’t known I had it in me. But I did, and I could. Loving Huu-goh made me a better person. It made my world bright and my future full of possibility. And Mala had been right when he’d given me advice. Because loving Huu-goh was the easiest thing I’d ever done.

It was as natural as breathing.

“I love you,” Huu-goh confessed, the words choked and wet. He was leaking again, but they were happy tears. At least—I thought they were, based on the smile on his face. “I’m so sorry,” he said, smashing a kiss against my jaw. “This was all my fault.”

“No,” I said, because it hadn’t been. “ No .”

“I love you,” Huu-goh said again, and I initiated a deeper kiss. Flicked my tongue along those clever, wonderful lips, seeking entrance to the mouth of the man that had just given me the world.

Behind us, the Sahrks in the room applauded. It was embarrassing, and annoying—and wonderful all the same. Confused at first, I thought they were applauding us, and our kiss—and confessions. Though none of them spoke human-speak so that did not make sense.

But when I twisted a little, tongue still inside Huu-goh’s mouth I realized they were cheering because of something entirely different.

Shaking, I pulled Huu-goh to his feet.

His human friend stood in the back of the room. I spared him a single glance, noting the glassiness of his gaze, before my attention was on Huu-goh once again.

“Come,” I said, slinging him onto my shoulders so that he could see above the bodies that blocked the view.

Huu-goh made a startled sound, like he could not believe his eyes.

“Is that…?”

Which was fair.

The first time I’d seen this sight I, too, had been shocked.

“It is home ,” I told him, my hearts thumping, my tendrils tightly wrapped around his legs. He held my fin in his grip, staring out the giant wall of glass at the front of the helm. Beyond it, the stars glimmered as they always did.

But our planet—our home—stole the show.

Remarkable in its beauty, the pink and green planet swirled between constellations. Far still, a day or so’s journey—but visible.

“Mai god,” Huu-goh said, leaning his cheek on the top of my head and staring out at the world that would be ours in just a few short hours. “It’s beautiful.” The applause continued, cheering echoing through the room—for home, for Huu-goh, for Osheania.

“It is,” I agreed, wishing I could see his face and the view of our planet all at once.

Huu-goh and I stood there for a long time, tucked together like we were one disjointed being, staring as Osheania grew closer and closer and the stars blurred by.

“Home,” Huu-goh echoed, a reverence to his voice that only made me love him even more than I already did.

“ Our home,” I agreed.

Huu-goh and I decided to return to our rooms early. Normally, I’d spend time preparing the ship for landing. And in light of the bodies on board, I should’ve been up for hours organizing where to store them until we could land.

A primal part of me wanted to see the evidence that my Huu-goh was the little beast I’d always known he was.

But…even more than that, I wanted peace. I wanted to feel him in my arms. I wanted to hold him. Wanted to…be with him—the way I’d feared I never would again.

Mala took over for me, shooing me off as Ushuu wandered into the helm—paler than usual, but chipper. Both of them thanked Huu-goh. Mala in our tongue, Ushuu in his—and Huu-goh’s lovely cheeks turned a vibrant, adorable pink as he waved them off, embarrassed, like what he’d done was no big deal at all.

On our way down the hallway, we passed many Sahrks exiting the recently unlocked doorways. It seemed word of Huu-goh’s victory had spread already, and all bowed their heads to him, saluting—as they would me.

“Why are they doing that?” Huu-goh asked after the tenth Sahrk we passed offered him the highest respect.

“It is to thank you,” I responded, hoping he understood. “You are…” I wasn’t sure I knew the right word to describe how they must feel. “You are respect,” I told him, grateful when I found one I hoped…fit.

I figured I must have gotten it right because the sound Huu-goh made was positively delightful.

We were halfway to our rooms when Huu-goh seemed to remember something.

“Briar!” he gasped out, holding my fin tight. “Briar. We need to find Briar.”

Rather than argue, I let him take the lead.

Hours passed. The entire crew was on high alert.

But no one found Huu-goh’s new human friend or the Sahrk that had helped him.

As a last ditch effort, Huu-goh and I returned to the helm to search the cameras. They were a live feed, and did not record more than a few hours, so there wasn’t much time to check them. As we sifted through footage with the help of Thrash, Mala sat in my seat and directed the rest of the Sahrks in preparation for landing.

“I thought I told you to go,” Mala laughed when he finally acknowledged us. He spoke in our native tongue, but Huu-goh seemed to understand the tone, because he rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

So far all we’d seen was Briar exiting the helm and disappearing down the halls. It was like he knew exactly where to move so that he could not be seen by the cameras.

“Huu-goh’s friend is missing,” I told Mala. I was unsurprised that he had not heard. Though word had spread, Mala had been focused on the duties I would normally be attending to.

Mala’s spots went yellow and then gray with concern. “Missing?”

Thrash made a startled sound, catching all of our attention.

And the sight I saw when I glanced at the cameras made my blood run cold. “What—” I swore softly in my own tongue. Ushuu approached, frowning at all of us in confusion before his own spots paled and his eyes caught on the image playing on the screen.

“Is that…” Ushuu started.

“Kael.”

I would not forget his face. I could not. Not when it had haunted me for years. My old roommate. The Sahrk that had died first, that day, all those years ago. Only now…his dark gray surface was littered in scars, and he was far older than the last time I’d seen him. It took a lot to cause scarring like that on a Sahrk. But Kael was no normal Sahrk. He was a hybrid. A pod- child like I was, but mixed with aliens not of our planet. His surface texture was unique. Fuzzier.

The playful man I’d once known was unrecognizable.

“He was the one helping us…and I didn’t even notice.” Ushuu sounded horrified, and Mala moved to soothe him before I could. “How is he alive?”

“I do not know,” I replied, numb as I watched as Kael held the door open to the bay. He must’ve hacked into the system somehow—knowledge of its inner workings allowing him to dock against us without triggering alarm.

“There!” Huu-goh’s sweet words in English startled me out of my thoughts as his pale friend entered the screen. Briar glanced both ways, a bag over his shoulder stuffed full. “No,” Huu-goh said softly, wilting at my side as he watched Briar follow the Sahrk through the docking bay and off our vessel. “No,” he repeated, sounding defeated.

I squeezed him close, staring at the screen in shock for a few more minutes as the footage continued to play.

“How long ago was that?” I asked Thrash in my own tongue, soothing my sweet mate as he pressed his face to my chest.

“An hour or so, sir,” Thrash said.

“I’m sorry,” I told Huu-goh, switching back to his native tongue so he could understand. He’d relayed to me most of what had happened but there had been a lot of words I had not understood. Later, I’d ask Ushuu to translate.

Or…

When we reached Osheania—I’d make use of the translators available at the visitor center, though I still planned on surprising Huu-goh with permanent implants as soon as possible. The thought made me giddy—even as it filled me with guilt for being so excited to speak with him again, given the circumstances.

“I’m sorry,” I told Huu-goh again, stroking a hand down his back and nuzzling his head. He sighed, defeated.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, though he pulled away, rising from his seat. He turned to look at me, waiting expectantly. I rose just as quickly as he had, sweeping him into my arms again as we made our way out of the control room and toward the barracks.

Huu-goh and I snuggled for what felt like hours.

We showered together.

We lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, our limbs tangled, our personal stars glimmering above.

And inside, my hearts thumped as one.

One, solid, beautiful beat.

For my mate, for my love, for my little huu-man.

The cleverest being in the entire cosmos. The echo of my own heart.

The man that I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with.

The man who had taught me not to be afraid to embrace the unfamiliar. Because sometimes…the things that were most unknown were also the most wonderful.